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Topic:
England v Scotland
Edited by
uk1971
on
Thu 05/30/13 10:05 PM
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How the Scots Invented the Modern World: The True Story of How Western Europe's Poorest Nation Created Our World & Everything in It, by: Arthur Herman Keeping it real..........:-) Hey! Are you trying to make Englishmen jealous of Scotsmen . . . English jealous of Scotland? Why on earth would we be jealous? The only good thing that came out of Scotland was Whisky. And even THAT is in many cases overrated and a let down.  |
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Plop
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Topic:
Take the 2nd letter - part 7
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Electric
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Topic:
England v Scotland
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Back to the theme of this 'Joke and Humour' Thread.....
How was the Grand Canyon formed? A Scotsman lost a halfpenny down a rabbit hole What's big, Scottish and depressing? Scotland! 200 quid for a UEFA Cup ticket 120 quid for a train ticket to Manchester 60 quid for overnight accommodation The look on Scottish football fans fans when they realise that Scottish football is still sh it. PRICELESS!!!   |
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Edited by
uk1971
on
Sat 05/25/13 05:57 AM
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10. "I don't have a profile pic because I don't want hassle from freaks."
Erm. Decent guys won't contact you if you don't have an actual pic of yourself anyway. THEY may think that you are either hiding something, or that YOU are the freak. IF you can send pics by private email, then there is nothing stopping you from uploading one or more to your profile. Suggestive or overly sexy pics will in most cases also attract the freaks,predators and weirdos. 9. "I am NOT a ticket for you to come here" You don't say? THAT works both ways. I'm not paying for you to come here either. If you are seriously looking for someone, then search your country of residence. UNLESS of course, money is no problem. LOL 8. "I'm just looking for friends" If you are in a relationship/married/ just looking for friends, WTF are you doing on a 'DATING SITE' in the first place? 7. "Add me to your friend list" If HE has a profile pic, make sure you actually have a pic of 'yourself' also. Some guys have fantasies of a 'Cameron Diaz' lookalike. Looking like Jackie Stallone isn't exactly going to endear you to him. 6. "I'm only interested in contacts between the ages of........ YOU viewed me and sent me a friend request. We may be so far outside your age requirements that it's like Clint Eastwood going out with Leona Lewis or Justin Bieber dating Meryl Streep. 5. "I don't reply to winks" Really?!!! Most guys send winks because they know most women have a preference. Why send a message that won't get responded to. 4."I'm not on here looking for love" Ultimately we all want and look for love, when will we and where we find it that's something different. 3."Don't reply to me if..........." Sorry that's probably who's going to reply to you the most. Unfortunately there are people on here who get off on that type of stuff. Don't get mad. it's just one of the downfalls of online dating. 2."I hate liars and cheaters" And who loves them??????? 1."I don't have time for games" Please ladies, PLEASE Stop Posting That! Do you think any man that plays games is gonna listen??? Do you think he's gonna say "Wow it says she don't play games so I better not". Please..... if you're a woman whose been played by these so called 'games', then you know what to look for. 
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Topic:
Terror in London
Edited by
uk1971
on
Thu 05/23/13 05:02 AM
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so ur saying that the boston bombing was islamic? it was by ur guys who caused the boston bombing. ****ing toerags blaming it on islamic people Erm- The animals who committed this disgusting cowardly attack were heard shouting ALLAH AKBAR I know of NO Christian, Buddhist, Hindu or other religion apart from Islam who utter those words.  
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Topic:
Terror in London
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Off duty soldier murdered in attempted beheading by Islamic terrorists for wearing a 'Help the Heroes' tshirt.
http://news.sky.com/story/1094380/woolwich-soldier-dead-after-terror-attack You live in a country that is not YOUR home country? You abide by and live by the laws of the land! If you are not happy, then return to the country from whence you originate and propagate your hatred and violence on your own people. Deportation? CERTAINLY! If one believes in their religion, go or be sent back to the country they originally come from where that religion is most popular... Imprisonment? CERTAINLY......On a remote island, as far away from normal human inhabitants as possible with no chance of parole, escape or reward and be left there to rot!! But THAT is just my opinion. Apparently the two attackers were shot and are now in hospital. Ship the animals out with their wounds and let them fend for themselves!!!!!! 
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Topic:
England v Scotland
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Englishmen don't need to compete against Scotsmen.
We have Nothing to prove. We don't need to brag or harp on about it. We ARE better. PERIOD!!! |
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Topic:
Sorry Boss
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Dear Boss,
I could not go to the office today because of an unfortunate accident I had when I fell onto the floor at a recent function. The medical report indicates that I cannot walk well for a few days and that it will take time to be in shape again. Please find in the attachment, copy of my X-ray taken last night. Thanks! Yours truly, humble employee. PS. It's still hurting a little   |
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Topic:
England v Scotland
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[Courtesy of Mingle2 member HUST91]  TYPICAL. Scottish. Violence is their only solution to almost every confrontation.  Typical Englishman. Doesn't know the difference between Scotsmen and a group of Scandinavians. In the above cartoon, the three guys on the right represent Denmark, Sweden and Norway, and they are wearing Viking helmets. Of course I know the difference between Scandinavians and Scots. ONLY A Scot would be too cowardly to post an actual pic of a Scotsman posting such childish drivel.!!!!! No score update required. It's not contest anyway. |
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Ailments
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Topic:
Take the 2nd letter - part 7
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Nuclear
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Topic:
hehehe
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Hear about the gay cowboy?
Rode into town and shot up the sheriff"
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Edited by
uk1971
on
Fri 05/17/13 01:26 AM
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A friend had just married and was on honeymoon.
I was looking after his pet cockatiel and going to his house every other day to clean, feed and water it. Foolishly, he had left his house keys with me for this purpose  In the days before he returned I, and several other close friends and colleagues inflated dozens of kids party balloons and filled every room of his house with them. EVERY room was filled wall to wall and from floor to ceiling! As each room was filled we locked the door and placed the key in a random balloon, As they was not due home until the early hours of the morning after the 'Honeymoon'  long flight and car journey, we knew they would be tired. SO we put the key to the bedroom in the very first balloon of the first room we had filled, (The final room they would gain access to). In the bathroom we also randomly filled balloons with water. Oh AND a key to a room. We must have spent around €3000 at least on balloons. That's a LOT of balloons LOL (Worth it) On their return, because of the late hour, (2.45am approximately) they retrieved the house key from their letter box. The language emanating from the house on their initial door opening deteriorated from simple cursing to the vilest obscenities one can imagine. Banging (Ooops.....Popping) could be heard for at least two hours as they searched for the various room keys. As the bedroom key was the last to be found, (In the utility room at the back of the house), needless to say, the banging went on for some considerable time. PLUS the final insult of the bedroom key being first wrapped safely in a condom, and THEN in a balloon was the final act in the prank. RESULT? One hell of a funny look from the garbage collector when they collected five bags of deflated rubber balloons. Needless to say, neither I or any colleagues been asked to house sit since. STILL waiting for recriminatory reactions. lol
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Topic:
England v Scotland
Edited by
uk1971
on
Fri 05/17/13 12:44 AM
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[Courtesy of Mingle2 member HUST91] TYPICAL. Scottish. Violence is their only solution to almost every confrontation.
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Topic:
England v Scotland
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SCOTLAND
Where the men are men and the sheep look nervous. 
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Topic:
England v Scotland
Edited by
uk1971
on
Thu 05/09/13 02:40 AM
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NEVER EVER expect a Scotsman to offer to buy you a drink
I USED to live 2 miles from the Scottish border, and knew a Scots guy who actually had a combination padlock on his wallet. (Shame Hadrians wall wasn't preserved and built 30 feet higher) On arrival at Glasgow airport, the passengers recieved the following announcement. 'Ladies an Gentleman, we have landed at Glasgow Airport. Passengers are reminded to set their watches back 25 years!!!!' To TawtStrat. The gag about the fresh fruit breakfast first surfaced in the early 1980s in a show by the English comedian Jasper Carrot when he was heckled by a Scottish audience member. |
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Topic:
England v Scotland
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Why are they putting Englishmen at the bottom of the ocean? They found out that deep down, they’re really not so bad. Do I detect a disgruntled Scotsman? 
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Topic:
England v Scotland
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An English guy is having a continental breakfast (coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam)when a Scotsman, chewing gum, sits down next to him.
The Englishman ignores the Scot who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Scot "You English folk eat the whole bread?" English guy (in a bad mood): "Of course." Scot: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't.In Scotland, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to England." The 'Jock' has a smirk on his face. The Englishman listens in silence. The Scot persists: "D'ya eat jam with the bread?" Englishman: "Of course." Jock (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling): "We don't. In Scotland we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and left-overs in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to England." The English guy wipes his lips with his napkin, then asks: "Do you have sex in Scotland?" Scotsman: "Why of course we do", the Jock says with a big smirk. Englishman: "And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?" Scotsman: "We throw them away, of course." Englishman: "We don't. In England, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to Scotland."
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