100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: I am ashamed of myself...... | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
you just don't get it ..calling him an ass was part of the wall - I do the same thing. Anybody gets too close I start finding things wrong.. a lot of people do it - because we are scared to death of opening up and getting hurt. so if you are "scare to open up and get hurt" then why do it? im sick of living inside this shell. its a miserable existence and im starting to wonder how many "good" people have i pushed away out of my stupid fears. i am in no way saying my behavior is right...i dont think it is, i am trying to figure out how to overcome it and change it. it would be like lets say you and i were talking and you started to care about me and you are a really awesome guy with his self together but i start to pick you apart and decide that you are just an asshole because of my own past and fears. could i be missing out on something great and special? of course i could. is that fair to you? of course not! i am on here admitting my own faults and fears. but does that mean that i do not deserve to be in ANY type of relationship with ANYONE? of course not. i have a daughter whom i adore and love with every ounce in me. i have friends that i love and i am loyal to. its that certain piece of my heart that i am afraid to let go of. i really do appreciate open and honest answers and opinions. so what i had to say had nothing to do with what you said. i think you misunderstood what i meant about him being an ass. he really isnt...well sometimes hahaha but who isnt. 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
One must feel whole within themself, for themself, by themself in order to have the best chance at making the next meaningful relationship whole... The empty voids are not of the next one, they are of the last one, and must be addressed as such, to avoid the carry-on baggage. The severity of which can determine the success or failure of the next, without just cause... There are two sides to every story, and then there is the truth... "What contribution did I have in the failure of the last relationship?" This would not be a negative contemplation, by any measure regarding one's readiness for a meaningful relationship. It shows consideration towards who and what is next for one to understand and be held self-accountable for what is so applicable in the last. It is called consideration, and accountability... No rights... no wrongs... just my opinion...  i agree. there is always 3 sides to every story. there is mine, yours and the truth that lies somewhere in the middle. i am here admitting my faults. he has some yes, we all do as i have stated before. im not looking for perfection, that is rediculous. this is my behavior that i need to stop! i am also creating insecurities in the other person who is trying to be there for me as i shove them further away. he and i talked ALOT last few days...we are working on it. my heart is a lot lighter just being able to come here and get it off my chest and talk about these fears adn hear input. i thank you all for your concerns, help, advice, suggestions, support, etc.... 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
in your comments, not once did you degrade me or offend me... what? ....how rude oh honey...if you plan to degrade me you better be pulling my hair while you do it...lmao oops did i say that outloud? hahaha im kiddin ya darlin...just my sick sense of humor 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
it would be like lets say you and i were talking and you started to care about me and you are a really awesome guy with his self together but i start to pick you apart and decide that you are just an asshole because of my own past and fears. well you probably be right that I'm am an asshole ..but if you wanted to be with me you would and if you didn't or wasn't ready to be with me then that is why the walls come up ..it doesn't necessarily mean you are living a miserable existence but perhaps wanting on the right existence or until you are ready to make such a committment i think you misunderstood what i meant about him being an ass. he really isnt...well sometimes hahaha but who isnt. believe me the amount of times I been called an ass I understood |
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
Jeanniebean
on
Mon 03/17/08 06:58 PM
|
|
There is only one thing that can solve your problems and mend your heart and relationship.
Unconditional Love. Unconditional love does not care about their own pain. They care about the other person, no matter what. You can change. You can decide that you don't want to live like that anymore, and you can change. I know this from my own experience of mind numbing fear of rejection. I felt this fear at a young age to the point of not wanting to even live at times. I decided I could not live like that, so since suicide was out of the question (because I value life) I realized the only alternative was to change. It is a change of attitude. To find the courage to face life and all of the pain that comes with it, simply because I had to in order to live and be happy. Stop thinking so much of your own pain and realize that everyone goes through this sort of pain and fear. It takes courage to face and overcome your fears. You just have to decide to do it. If you don't you will spend your life in mind numbing fear. That is no way to live. Think of others, not yourself. If I came off as cruel it is because I saw you as a crybaby wanting sympathy for a problem that is not unique to you. Some people never get past the fear and live with it their entire lives. You don't want to do that. Don't be afraid to get hurt. Getting hurt is part of it. I have been hurt and broken hearted more than once. You always recover. Face life, because life is good. JB |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
while i appreciate your words of advice and you sharing your own experiences with me, if you knew me at all, you would know that i am far from a cry baby seeking a pity party....far from it! but thank you non the less.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I understand too well about this. Last time I gave it all, the person not only ended up having a false character, (walked the walk, talked the talk, but didn't really have it), anything sensitive that I confided in him became ammunition to mow me down emotionally & spiritually. He looked and sounded real, but just wasn't.
I put up such barriers from fear of being duped again and traumatized. I try not to, but it happens still. It's not a pity party. It's misguided self-preservation tactic being inadvertently passed forward. Yet, I don't want a mate to be a therapist instead of a mate, so I have just backed out of the whole thing for years. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
in your comments, not once did you degrade me or offend me... what? ....how rude oh honey...if you plan to degrade me you better be pulling my hair while you do it...lmao oops did i say that outloud? hahaha im kiddin ya darlin...just my sick sense of humor   Here, here, my darlin madam
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
There is only one thing that can solve your problems and mend your heart and relationship. Unconditional Love. Unconditional love does not care about their own pain. They care about the other person, no matter what. You can change. You can decide that you don't want to live like that anymore, and you can change. I know this from my own experience of mind numbing fear of rejection. I felt this fear at a young age to the point of not wanting to even live at times. I decided I could not live like that, so since suicide was out of the question (because I value life) I realized the only alternative was to change. It is a change of attitude. To find the courage to face life and all of the pain that comes with it, simply because I had to in order to live and be happy. Stop thinking so much of your own pain and realize that everyone goes through this sort of pain and fear. It takes courage to face and overcome your fears. You just have to decide to do it. If you don't you will spend your life in mind numbing fear. That is no way to live. Think of others, not yourself. If I came off as cruel it is because I saw you as a crybaby wanting sympathy for a problem that is not unique to you. Some people never get past the fear and live with it their entire lives. You don't want to do that. Don't be afraid to get hurt. Getting hurt is part of it. I have been hurt and broken hearted more than once. You always recover. Face life, because life is good. JB
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I understand too well about this. Last time I gave it all, the person not only ended up having a false character, (walked the walk, talked the talk, but didn't really have it), anything sensitive that I confided in him became ammunition to mow me down emotionally & spiritually. He looked and sounded real, but just wasn't. I put up such barriers from fear of being duped again and traumatized. I try not to, but it happens still. It's not a pity party. It's misguided self-preservation tactic being inadvertently passed forward. Yet, I don't want a mate to be a therapist instead of a mate, so I have just backed out of the whole thing for years.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Madam,  when you read this and it will make my day 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
oh honey...if you plan to degrade me you better be pulling my hair while you do it...lmao oops did i say that outloud? hahaha im kiddin ya darlin...just my sick sense of humor yep madamx I know your kidding besides I'm not into all that hair pulling stuff ...I can't even bring myself to give a spanky spanky on a woman's tushy tushy yet |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mornin madam, you around, just wanted to say hello.
listening to some tunes, Dr Hook, singin baby you hit me, and I'll hit yoou, cause we're freakin at the freakers ball
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
oh honey...if you plan to degrade me you better be pulling my hair while you do it...lmao oops did i say that outloud? hahaha im kiddin ya darlin...just my sick sense of humor yep madamx I know your kidding besides I'm not into all that hair pulling stuff ...I can't even bring myself to give a spanky spanky on a woman's tushy tushy yet oh darlin....must try it sometime
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mornin madam, you around, just wanted to say hello. listening to some tunes, Dr Hook, singin baby you hit me, and I'll hit yoou, cause we're freakin at the freakers ball you always make me smile sugar britches 
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
oh honey...if you plan to degrade me you better be pulling my hair while you do it...lmao oops did i say that outloud? hahaha im kiddin ya darlin...just my sick sense of humor yep madamx I know your kidding besides I'm not into all that hair pulling stuff ...I can't even bring myself to give a spanky spanky on a woman's tushy tushy yet what good are you, then? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
what good are you, then? ...er..."hikerchick" wasn't you just crying crocodile tears on the previous page about how your walls comes up in a relationship because you are "so scared to death" about opening up and being hurt but yet you now make an indication that you want someone to pull your hair while they spanky spanky your tushy tushy ........geez you women |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
what good are you, then? ...er..."hikerchick" wasn't you just crying crocodile tears on the previous page about how your walls comes up in a relationship because you are "so scared to death" about opening up and being hurt but yet you now make an indication that you want someone to pull your hair while they spanky spanky your tushy tushy ........geez you women dude if you want to hang around with females get used to it. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
dude if you want to hang around with females get used to it. oh I see what you are saying...so hang around the females that have walls up so that way you can just have sex with them but don't have to worry about the committment ..thanks hikerchick you're a buddy and a pal |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
dude if you want to hang around with females get used to it. oh I see what you are saying...so hang around the females that have walls up so that way you can just have sex with them but don't have to worry about the committment ..thanks hikerchick you're a buddy and a pal no - what I am saying is that I can joke around about anything.. being real is more difficult - you can get seriously wounded. |
|
|
|
|
