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| Topic: I am ashamed of myself...... | |
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See just by u asking for that glass of water is trying to do things to make him feel needed. That is what i am talking about BABY STEPS....You can do it
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(((madam)))  Sounds like you have found a great guy for you. All of us have fears how we approach and handle that fear helps define us. From what I have read your walls are coming down brick by brick. I believe a person's actions more than their words. And if his actions are matching his words, grab on and jump into the deep end of life, it is great out here. Also take it day by day. Don't plan too much a head. Don't be that hard on yourself. Here is saying that is great: Relinquish the need to change others......Real love is accepting other people the way they are without trying to change them. (((mtn))) you are so awesome! you have such a great way of putting things too! xoxoxoxoxoxoxo 
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For my friends I am always there for them. You will be fine and like the poster above said... Baby Steps. I look forward in seeing you in the deep end.
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See just by u asking for that glass of water is trying to do things to make him feel needed. That is what i am talking about BABY STEPS....You can do it im trying...i feel like a fool, you would think at 38 years old i would know how to control myself, my actions and words. sometimes i will ask him to help with the laundry or something and he gets actually excited that i asked him! its unreal. he finally made me let him do the dishes after dinner, he says its only fair since i cooked. i do have a problem with his addiction to his video game online. he spends ALOT of time on that and we talk about it alot, but it doesnt seem to get better. for the last 6 weeks i was going to bed alone everynight while he was up til almost dawn playing...he finally started coming in and laying down with me to hold me until i fall asleep then he gets back up. that is probably the biggest problem i have with him. he really is a great guy...i wish i could tell him this and how i feel. its there, on the tip of my tongue, when i look into his eyes I FREEZE! |
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While I don't go about taking people apart, I DO find that I have put up a number of walls that very few people have been able to circumvent. It's mostly due to a fear of intimacy on my part- I often get afraid when showing affection, probably because I think I'm showing some sort of perceived weakness. People have often complained about my not showing any "feelings" toward them and stuff- it's not because I don't like them, but rather because I'm afraid to. I probably need to see a therapist about that, huh.  I concur with this on the fear of intimacy. However, my problem is compounded by a fear of rejection, so, when deeper feelings start to appear on my part, I try to disappear to protect myself. I am never a butt to the lady in person, I just try to avoid her so she cannot "reject" me. Therapy would help me only if it was a "little lead in the left ear"
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Hang in there madam, love ya babe, know what you mean about walls, mine is a hard shelled bunker, just beginning to peek out of it. Best wishes to both of you.
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For my friends I am always there for them. You will be fine and like the poster above said... Baby Steps. I look forward in seeing you in the deep end. if i start to drown im counting on ya to grab me! haha 
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deb and merle i love you both so much....you two know a great deal of my ups and downs and where ive been. you truly understand what im saying and have been there holding my hand while i walk this walk with jeff. i love you both! xoxoxox I love you too and I am proud to be your friend and confidante. You are an amazing woman and more of us should and wish we were like you, I know I do |
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Hang in there madam, love ya babe, know what you mean about walls, mine is a hard shelled bunker, just beginning to peek out of it. Best wishes to both of you. (((tom))) you know i love you madly and i think good things are going to happen for you pumpkin butt! you have always been there for me too! i have so many special people on here it is sometimes overwelming. knowing i have you all to come to in times like these just makes me feel so secure and safe. i love you all for that! xoxoxoxo |
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deb and merle i love you both so much....you two know a great deal of my ups and downs and where ive been. you truly understand what im saying and have been there holding my hand while i walk this walk with jeff. i love you both! xoxoxox We love you to sweet woman......I am truly honored to call you and merle my sisters....you both truly are. And I am honored to have you as part of my life and kitt's as well. You two have touched me |
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For my friends I am always there for them. You will be fine and like the poster above said... Baby Steps. I look forward in seeing you in the deep end. if i start to drown im counting on ya to grab me! haha I will be there if you need me, in the meantime we do have water wings if you like. 
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While I don't go about taking people apart, I DO find that I have put up a number of walls that very few people have been able to circumvent. It's mostly due to a fear of intimacy on my part- I often get afraid when showing affection, probably because I think I'm showing some sort of perceived weakness. People have often complained about my not showing any "feelings" toward them and stuff- it's not because I don't like them, but rather because I'm afraid to. I probably need to see a therapist about that, huh. I concur with this on the fear of intimacy. However, my problem is compounded by a fear of rejection, so, when deeper feelings start to appear on my part, I try to disappear to protect myself. I am never a butt to the lady in person, I just try to avoid her so she cannot "reject" me. Therapy would help me only if it was a "little lead in the left ear" he said that he is afraid of rejection or putting himself out there and being hurt too. and even then he tries and im an ASSHOLE ASSHOLE....ive been way to hard on this guy. why do i have a sneaking suspicion that deb will make him read this? hahahaha she is a sneaky little devil haha. bless her heart, she has been playing counselor to us both. jeff really trusts her too! he thinks i have some wonderful friends on here and he is right. |
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For my friends I am always there for them. You will be fine and like the poster above said... Baby Steps. I look forward in seeing you in the deep end. And this man is one I am proud to have as a friend as well, someone who knows what friendship really is Love you too doll
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deb and merle i love you both so much....you two know a great deal of my ups and downs and where ive been. you truly understand what im saying and have been there holding my hand while i walk this walk with jeff. i love you both! xoxoxox I love you too and I am proud to be your friend and confidante. You are an amazing woman and more of us should and wish we were like you, I know I do merle, you are one of the most wonderful and strong women i know. funny, i wish i were more like you babe!
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For my friends I am always there for them. You will be fine and like the poster above said... Baby Steps. I look forward in seeing you in the deep end. if i start to drown im counting on ya to grab me! haha I will be there if you need me, in the meantime we do have water wings if you like. not a bad idea
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By u lettin him do things for u he is now wanting to come to bed and at least lay with u. He is taking steps too....The only way that u can truely make things continually grow is by communication....Talk to him if u can't try writing it down first for yourself then maybe give it too him. Once he can see it then maybe it will be easier for u to say it...
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For my friends I am always there for them. You will be fine and like the poster above said... Baby Steps. I look forward in seeing you in the deep end. And this man is one I am proud to have as a friend as well, someone who knows what friendship really is Love you too doll Making me  (((bad girl))
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Damn that is a first but thank you I feel honored that you would say that
***curtseys for madam and hands her a flower and gives her a hug*** deb and merle i love you both so much....you two know a great deal of my ups and downs and where ive been. you truly understand what im saying and have been there holding my hand while i walk this walk with jeff. i love you both! xoxoxox I love you too and I am proud to be your friend and confidante. You are an amazing woman and more of us should and wish we were like you, I know I do merle, you are one of the most wonderful and strong women i know. funny, i wish i were more like you babe! |
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Aw I love you and I mean everything I say you are an amazing friend and man
For my friends I am always there for them. You will be fine and like the poster above said... Baby Steps. I look forward in seeing you in the deep end. And this man is one I am proud to have as a friend as well, someone who knows what friendship really is Love you too doll Making me (((bad girl)) |
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writing it down first for yourself then maybe give it too him. Once he can see it then maybe it will be easier for u to say it... I concur. It means a whole lot more if you take the time to write, rather than just pay lip servic. Then, you have to be willing to discuss it with him. Your written words are something that you have to "own" and often give you a deeper understanding of yourself. imao |
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