Community > Dating & Relationships

Topic: Help me please...
oldsage Joined Thu 09/14/06 Posts: 18043	Mon 02/25/08 07:11 AM
Totally understand your reasoning. I say this guy has agenda's that don't wotk for a healthy relationship. Why did you guys split, before?

pkh Joined Sat 05/26/07 Posts: 14961	Mon 02/25/08 07:11 AM
Mary I can't belive it,you are a good person and for him to that was wrong.

smiless Joined Wed 09/26/07 Posts: 13765	Mon 02/25/08 07:11 AM
In the long run you will have to make the decision. Some say whatever your inner gut says is usually the right answer. What does your inner gut say? cheers

mry Joined Thu 08/23/07 Posts: 8401	Mon 02/25/08 07:12 AM
I agree I should not have done it...but in my own defense I really just wanted to wait a bit until I could see if my x was really serious. I don't blame you at all. I'm sure you both have trust issues with each other. (there's a reason you broke up in the first place) If it was me... I probably wouldn't have cut off the emailing either until I more sure of the relationship. Yeah, thats my point, don't I get just a little time to decide whats right for me? See how thinks go? Its not like I went out on dates behind his back. The emailing guy really felt like my friend.

mry Joined Thu 08/23/07 Posts: 8401	Mon 02/25/08 07:14 AM
Totally understand your reasoning. I say this guy has agenda's that don't wotk for a healthy relationship. Why did you guys split, before? He works out of town, and one day he just emailed me and said he was not ready for a relationship.

Jill298 Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 16316	Mon 02/25/08 07:14 AM
I agree I should not have done it...but in my own defense I really just wanted to wait a bit until I could see if my x was really serious. I don't blame you at all. I'm sure you both have trust issues with each other. (there's a reason you broke up in the first place) If it was me... I probably wouldn't have cut off the emailing either until I more sure of the relationship. Yeah, thats my point, don't I get just a little time to decide whats right for me? See how thinks go? Its not like I went out on dates behind his back. The emailing guy really felt like my friend. If you don't completely trust your ex tho... why accept another exclusive relationship with him? Talk to him and tell him you'r not ready for that with him?

FireFairyGirl Joined Tue 12/11/07 Posts: 2450	Mon 02/25/08 07:14 AM
i would Redump the EX change your password get back in touch with the other guy and see what happens.. that's just my opinion

shoes4rhon Joined Sat 02/02/08 Posts: 3411	Mon 02/25/08 07:14 AM
I agree I should not have done it...but in my own defense I really just wanted to wait a bit until I could see if my x was really serious. I don't blame you at all. I'm sure you both have trust issues with each other. (there's a reason you broke up in the first place) If it was me... I probably wouldn't have cut off the emailing either until I more sure of the relationship. Yeah, thats my point, don't I get just a little time to decide whats right for me? See how thinks go? Its not like I went out on dates behind his back. The emailing guy really felt like my friend. So if her was your friend why couldn't you be honest about it in the first place ??

cosmicgypsy Joined Sat 01/26/08 Posts: 193	Mon 02/25/08 07:16 AM
Him lurking in your emails is a violation of your private space, imo. It could be a sign of him being insecure in your relationship. Were there issues of infidelity in the relationship before? If so were they his or yours? If your email buddy and you are just friends and the content of the emails is innocent then his insecurity is a problem. If the content is of an intimate nature then his insecurity is warrented. Given the above two scenarios, put yourself in his shoes...how would you feel if you knew he was intimately carrying on with another woman via email? If that's not the case, then seek out what condition it is of his that makes him check out your emails. If it's not the case then you have a problem. I personally wouldn't take kindly to a mate not trusting me if I gave him no reason to be distrustful. I'd be discernably rethinking the relationship.

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Mon 02/25/08 07:17 AM
you are truly entitled to how you feel, doesnt make you right or wrong. In my own opinion, I think you were both wrong, you for doing things you wouldnt want done to you (behind his back) communicating with a potential "friend", and he is also wrong for snooping. Two wrong dont make a right jmo

mry Joined Thu 08/23/07 Posts: 8401	Mon 02/25/08 07:17 AM
I agree I should not have done it...but in my own defense I really just wanted to wait a bit until I could see if my x was really serious. I don't blame you at all. I'm sure you both have trust issues with each other. (there's a reason you broke up in the first place) If it was me... I probably wouldn't have cut off the emailing either until I more sure of the relationship. Yeah, thats my point, don't I get just a little time to decide whats right for me? See how thinks go? Its not like I went out on dates behind his back. The emailing guy really felt like my friend. So if her was your friend why couldn't you be honest about it in the first place ?? Actually all of this has just happened...he has been out of town for the last week and knows nothing of it yet. I will tell him, but I am a little afraid to because I keep thinking whatever I write may be seen by my x. I have changed my password, so I hope he can't get in.

oldsage Joined Thu 09/14/06 Posts: 18043	Mon 02/25/08 07:18 AM
So what changed, that he is now (supposedly) ready for a relationship?

darkowl1 Joined Sat 01/12/08 Posts: 13060	Mon 02/25/08 07:18 AM
your ex is a since i can't say d!ck, PENIS!!!!

touchybear Joined Wed 12/05/07 Posts: 305	Mon 02/25/08 07:18 AM
trust is an issue...and you have a right to be upset at him for snooping...but......trust.......hiding something like that in a relationship is dis honest also....so trust on both sides....and if the person you are emailing is that important to where you hide him....then maybe you should of not stepped back in with your ex.....relatinships are all about communication... honesty....trust...and acceptacnce...it dont sound like there was iether on any ones part....

Jill298 Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 16316	Mon 02/25/08 07:18 AM
Him lurking in your emails is a violation of your private space, imo. It could be a sign of him being insecure in your relationship. Were there issues of infidelity in the relationship before? If so were they his or yours? If your email buddy and you are just friends and the content of the emails is innocent then his insecurity is a problem. If the content is of an intimate nature then his insecurity is warrented. Given the above two scenarios, put yourself in his shoes...how would you feel if you knew he was intimately carrying on with another woman via email? If that's not the case, then seek out what condition it is of his that makes him check out your emails. If it's not the case then you have a problem. I personally wouldn't take kindly to a mate not trusting me if I gave him no reason to be distrustful. I'd be discernably rethinking the relationship. the key there is if "you didn't give a reason to not trust you" If my bf gave me a reason to not trust him, I would probably do what I needed to do to find out if he was cheating. Then if i was correct- I would leave the relationship, wouldn't matter if he was mad that I "snooped" or not.

mry Joined Thu 08/23/07 Posts: 8401	Mon 02/25/08 07:19 AM
you are truly entitled to how you feel, doesnt make you right or wrong. In my own opinion, I think you were both wrong, you for doing things you wouldnt want done to you (behind his back) communicating with a potential "friend", and he is also wrong for snooping. Two wrong dont make a right jmo I have to agree!

franshade Joined Tue 07/24/07 Posts: 24704	Mon 02/25/08 07:19 AM
your ex is a since i can't say d!ck, PENIS!!!! roflmao just saw previous thread

Jill298 Joined Fri 11/09/07 Posts: 16316	Mon 02/25/08 07:20 AM
I agree I should not have done it...but in my own defense I really just wanted to wait a bit until I could see if my x was really serious. I don't blame you at all. I'm sure you both have trust issues with each other. (there's a reason you broke up in the first place) If it was me... I probably wouldn't have cut off the emailing either until I more sure of the relationship. Yeah, thats my point, don't I get just a little time to decide whats right for me? See how thinks go? Its not like I went out on dates behind his back. The emailing guy really felt like my friend. So if her was your friend why couldn't you be honest about it in the first place ?? Actually all of this has just happened...he has been out of town for the last week and knows nothing of it yet. I will tell him, but I am a little afraid to because I keep thinking whatever I write may be seen by my x. I have changed my password, so I hope he can't get in. basically hon you took a gamble... and you lost this round.

mry Joined Thu 08/23/07 Posts: 8401	Mon 02/25/08 07:21 AM
Sometimes when we start new relationships there is someone elsc we have been seeing. Do we have to declair this out loud or just pick the right one at the right time? Usually one fades out of the picture.

oldsage Joined Thu 09/14/06 Posts: 18043	Mon 02/25/08 07:22 AM
If the conversations with e-mail friend; were just that, then I see no foul & no threat to a relationship. If it was more than friends, then different story. Mry knows the truth & will figure out what is right.