I just hope while everyone is debateing about who should have done or not done what that someone is seeing the necessity to take this young woman to a obgyn so that she can be given adequate care, birth control, and if she wants it counseling. The likely hood that she could have been exposed to much more serious problems than embarrassment or disrespect seems to be over looked. Since many STD's can cause sterility and or cervical cancer it is important that everyone start dealing with the reality that a 16 year old is sexually active with very little responsibility.

Exactly right Lily. And might I add, that yes you can, and should talk about abstinance as an option, but keep in mind that your child is going to choose for him or herself, no matter what.
and for those of us that do "provide" condoms, it is not condoning sex, it is helping to make sure that the young adult knows and feels they can come to us about anything no matter what. Also, believe it or not, as simple as a condom is to use, most young adults (men AND women alike) do not know or understand how to use it (look for a topic I am about to start concerning this very thing). For that matter a good amount of men and women dot know how to properly use a condom. By allowing access to condoms you allow the child to become comfortable with there usage and to learn how to use it properly. And lets face facts, if someone (adult or child) is not comfortable with something they are not going to do it/use it; are they?

parents can not stop their kids from having sex, the only thing you can do is teach them how to be safe about it. after that, they are on their own.

True and not true. You are right that you can not prevent it from happening, and that you have to teach them to be as safe as possible. however, they are not on their own after that, or at least they shouldn't be. As a parent you NEED to be available for them to talk to for the rest of your life, even after yo have taught them everything you can. They need to know that they can come to you at any time with questions and concerns and know that you will respect them and do what you can to answer or help them as needed.

Sixteen (give or take a year or so) is a tough age for a parent. It's the time when parents needs to focus on switching from a "Manager" of their child's life, to a "Consultant". Until this time, you can dictate a lot to them, however as they get older they come to the age of independence and will not obey your every command. In fact, they will sometimes do just the opposite to feel they have made their own decision.

As a parent, it is our ultimate goal to bring them to a place where they are no longer dependent on their parents. It's funny, from the moment our child is born, we begin teaching them how to live without us. Teach them to be independent, to make their own right decisions.

So, with that in mind, I guess the best we can do is begin communicating these adult things with them early instead of waiting until something has already happened. Don't fool yourself, they're looking into this stuff at the age of 10! We typically don't start talking about it for another 5 years! Let them know, that yes there are these parts that fit together, it feels better than anything you can compare it to, you'll find yourself in situations where passion burns, you'll want it without even thinking, etc.

In Managing them, you won't allow them to be in a position to be exposed to this temptation. No dating, no boys/girls over, yadda yadda. While Managing them, be open with them and take the time to teach them why they aren't allowed to do such and such. Teach them how to manage themselves early so that when it's time to be their Consultant, you can give them advise that they'll already understand, instead of the weak, "Just say no". Teach them how to avoid those situations, to discipline themselves, and what to do to escape if they stumble into something.

This reminds me of when I was 17, still a virgin. My girlfriend and I were alone, things were getting really heated for both of us. When it was just about to get past the point of no return, she excused herself to go to the bathroom. When she came back, she was quite cooled down. Even though I wasn't, I decided to change the situation and we went outside. Nothing ever happened between us.

Anyway, good luck with your teens!

They are of legal consenting age in the state I live in..


and it's 17 where she is...

Some people live on "not my kids" island..

I myself was 16 for a whole year this one time....and my mom...bless her soul, would tell you if she could it was more like I was 16 from the time I was 13-15...and I was 23 from the time I was 16-23....

That makes sense. I can relate.

my son is 7 going on forty.my 23 yr old well lets just say she's trying

16 is the age of consent here, and not many wait that long.

Some of you seem to have forgotten how you were as teenagers, or maybe it is only the exceptionally good children who read this thread.

I know that island...De Nile runs right threw it...

Exactly. This young lady needs to be seen by a Dr and be sure she is okay then get that shot to protect her fron that virus that causes cervical cancer. Then birth control of some kind. She is active and needs to be protected. It is the job of the mother to make sure that is done.

It is too late to complain about it. Even if she is of age...he is of the age that makes it rape in many states. What about that poor boy that was in jail for so long for having oral sex with a girl of her legal age? He was older than her?

Anyway...what is done is done. PROTECT HER NOW!! Do not be silly enough to think it isn't going to happen again. It will. It WILL. IT WILL.

Kat

Just learn a lesson and put that girl on the pill or you will have a grandchild on the way. nature is hard to fight Dad remember how you were at that age?????? As for the scum bag BF I would have her brother (if she has any have a chat w/him in private(if you are catching my drift. Thats how we handle these kinds of situations in the south.

Mom u mentioned earlier that she doesn't like the boys in her school, so I will assume that u are not worried about her getting involved with one of them . U must know teenagers are very fickled and wishy washy they will change their likes and dislikes in an instant.

Yes and by all means she needs to be introduced to birth control but along with that she needs to be introduced to the reality of contracting HIV/AIDS.

Maybe you can have her volunteer in a hospital and work in the unit that may specifically deal with this population. Not only should she use a contraceptive,she must make condoms her very best friend. I will never encourage teenage sex or sex before marriage but it happens, so the best weapon in her case is complete knowledge about all things that will have a direct affect on her life....Sometimes teenagers tend to think "NOT ME" it won't happen to me....she need to know YES IT CAN AND WILL!!!!!!

Good Luck and God Bless

My objection is with the 21 yr old guy. I think he took advantage & if the state has the 4 yr age diff. law. He should be charged & made to answer for this matter. Regardless of the age of consent.

Just my opinion.

I don't understand something here ..it takes two to tango .. what were all these people doing at that agee ?? I think that you and your daughter need to have a serious talk...and she may be hurting over this guy .. not to mention posting her sex life on the internet could be in bad form..If my dad whom I loved and trusted and adored was talking about my sex life on the internet with strangers i would feel so betrayed..

and what does that do teach the girl to behave in a repsonsible and mature manner? All it does is teach ehr ashe can do what she wants and when she makes a bad decision (the choice to have sex was mutual) then she can have the boyfriend beat up or arrested and she goes on with life.

so true rhon... people always seem to forget that it takes two to say yes. That is one reason I do not like the term statutory RAPE, because by definition rape occurs without the consent of the other person. In the case of minors, maybe they can not legally consent, but they can still say yes, and thus it is not against their will.