I just cant understand how parents can allowing children to dictate what happens/goes on in the parents house?

I broke up with a man because he couldn't control his kids... he wanted to move in together, and I said how can we parent in the same house.... he was a doormat, and I am fairly strict... my daughter would have been cinderella..... (does kinda look like her too)

you can unconditionally love someone without letting them walk all over you too. I can love you....from over there. The most important kind of love is teaching your children how to be selfsufficient. Look at mama birds...when it is time, they push their young out of the nest to sink or swim. Maybe what is really wrong with society is not "motherly" or "fatherly" love, but this "sentimental" love.... We need to stop being aids and crutches to our children and start actually being parents.

you can unconditionally love someone without letting them walk all over you too. I can love you....from over there. The most important kind of love is teaching your children how to be selfsufficient. Look at mama birds...when it is time, they push their young out of the nest to sink or swim. Maybe what is really wrong with society is not "motherly" or "fatherly" love, but this "sentimental" love.... We need to stop being aids and crutches to our children and start actually being parents.

quit stocking the frige put things only u like in there no cigs either

dont understand how parents relinquish their roles as parents???
too busy trying to be their friends?

I'll be damned if in my house things dont go/arent done as I want.

I used to think that way, "when it is time, push them out of the nest to either sink or swim". I tried that, two son's sunk, I took them back in.

Nature is a good teacher, but what is it really teaching us? On the surface, it sounds good. However, birds and people don't really relate to each other. Birds don't celebrate birthdays, holidays, and relationships. When you fly away, your gone. Baby birds get eaten by cats and attacked by other birds unless they survive long enough to learn to take care of themselves. I do believe there will come a time when forcing them out of the nest is the right choice, but I think we need to be very careful in determining that time. It can't be based on chronological maturity alone. We have to consider emotional maturity as well. If we aren't able to maintain peace in the home, then there really isn't any alternative either.

My 21 year old son is begging me to kick him out again by using childish behavior. He does not have a job and refuses to contribute anything to the home. This has earned him very little adult freedom and no luxury at all. He's trying to use the same games he played when mom was in the home. Daddy-oh don't play simple checkers though and he's having a hard time adapting to the game strategies and difficulty of play without having his mom disrupting the game for him, although she is doing it from a distance now. His current move is to irritate me enough to kick his a$$ out so mom and nanny will take him in and nurture him, pay for his stuff, and treat him like the child he is so used to being. If I kick him out of the nest, these cats will eat his independence and he won't learn to fly well enough on his own. Even at 21, he isn't emotionally mature enough to fly on his own because of all the pampering he received earlier on. He doesn't need more of the same.

So, I'm keeping him at home and trying to teach him that independence means you make your own choices while dependence means other people choose for you. I'm demonstrating to him what cooperation get's him and what the lack of cooperation takes away. I'm being frank with him too, letting him know he can learn to be a free man by living with me until he learns to fly, or he can have someone fly for him. His choice. If I make that choice for him by kicking him out, I'm not allowing him to make independent decisions. Given the choices, I'm sure he'll leave on his own pretty soon.

What I'm not doing is his dishes, cleaning, laundry, giving him money, or even buying him food. He lives by my rules while he's in my home. He's not a happy camper yet, but this is the result of HIS choices.

I think you are the smartest one on here. I totally agree with you, the rest of them just want to get rid of them and say hell with them. I think everyone just wants to kick the kids out so they can live their lives...it just don't work that way! IF you don't get YOUR children situated in life, how can your life be good? Those are your children and you are the one that taught them the keys and tools, so maybe some of our children need a little more teaching. I totally disagree about kicking your kids out when they hit 18 or even 19...yes you are right, they are "legally adults," BUT some kids take longer to really "get it."

Unsure - Thats whats great about sharing opinions. I am rebutting your last comment for myself and only for myself:
I do not nor do I have to resort to the tactics of kicking my daughter out. I am soo proud of the job I did raising her that this is not a problem. I instilled a great work ethic, responsibility and good old fashioned common sense. She very well knows for every action there is a consequence or a reward.

I expressed concern and total disbelief that parents allow this to get to this point. Losing control of their homes and children, I personally find weird. Guess it has to do w/the way I was brought up, so while I may not agree, I do agree to disagree.