None one is perfect. We are all flawed.
There is no perfect relationship. They are hard work and continually need attention.

So in the beginning of a relationship, if a red flag appears we need to speak up and address the issue. But if it keeps happening, that is a different situation.

I've dated a woman 4 times. I always take her to a nice restaurant and I pay for everything. On our last date, the waiter gave me the bill. It was $50.00. I gave him my credit card. I got up from the table to go to the restaurant. In the corner of my eye, I saw my date run to the waiter. I thought that was weird.

When I got back, the bill was paid but it was $70.00. I waved the waiter over to complain. But my date interrupted me and said she ordered a take-out meal for her landlord. I told her this wasn't right. She defiantly said, "Why Not!!?" I told her she shouldn't treat people this way, sneaking around.. She then interrupted me and said she would pay for it. I accepted her money.

My friend said this is a huge red flag and should end the relationship. But don't you think all relationships have red flags in the beginning?

she tried to do it behind ur back without telling u 100 percent yes

@Rpbrampton

Yes, you are right. She did it behind my back without telling me. Huge red flag.

But I pointed it out and the situation was resolved. She has only been in the country for less than one year. She is from China. Maybe in her culture, this behavior is more acceptable.

In any case, I'm hoping it's been resolved.

Yes it's a red flag for sure...

The take out wasn't even for herself it was for her landlord?

You would think a landlord has enough cash, what with renting the property out...

So for me, that's a double red flag, and she only paid for it because you pulled her up...

What if you said nothing, and why didn't she pay for it herself? And what if it $200 or $2000? Would you be so quick to turn a blind eye to it?

i dont know what culture allows to go behind a mans back and charge extra on his credit card lmao.

@Jaan Doh

"The take out wasn't even for herself it was for her landlord. You would think a landlord has enough cash, what with renting the property out.."

Her landlord, who is from the same city she is from (China) gave her a huge discount on rent.

"What if you said nothing, and why didn't she pay for it herself?"

That's why I posted the question, "Do You Believe Most Relationships Have Red Flags In The Beginning?"
Maybe in her culture, her actions would be more acceptable.

If we ended every relationship where "crap" happens, then no one would be in a relationship, right?

I've never experienced that, but it would be a red flag for me. The girls I've fallen for/dated tend to feel awkward about me offering to pay, but I always insist unless we're just friends.

And when I've been dating a girl where I pay for the dates, I've noticed the girls I like tend to offer cheap alternatives since they say they don't want me to have to spend too much. But when times are good like they are now and I enjoy her company, I usually opt for the more expensive option. Nothing too crazy.

Just as an example, I was hanging out with a girl, and we were talking about places to go eat and get a drink. She first suggested this fancy restaurant with an ocean view, but then she suggested a dive bar by the beach, which would be much cheaper obviously.

She spent so much time getting ready and was dressed up, so I took her to the more fancy place since it also sounded like a better place to spend time with just her and talk to her.

We only had one drink each and split the meat and cheese board, so the total bill was something like $75 plus tip, which was not bad at all, IMO.

I like taking girls to dive places too since they can be fun. But if a girl takes the time to dress up and make herself look nice, I like to treat her to something nice at least once in a while.

Seems simple, she is a thief.
Taking from you to give someone else a gift?

That red flag is hiding a corrupted spirit.

@soufiehere
But I pointed it out to her and the situation was resolved. Even Elvis said that everyone deserves a second chance.

Do you agree?

Wait, what, a girl secretly runs up the bill on your card, "for her landlord", and you think, "oh well, all relationships have some red flags in the beginning"????

I've known certified hookers who are more honest than that.

Are you that desperate for company?

She tried to take advantage of you. And she will continue to do so.

This will only end badly, for you.

No.
That is the point of a red flag, it gives a subtle
(or not so subtle) hint of what is to come.

I think dishonesty runs a consistent course.

Ignore at your own risk.

All the more reason for her to give him a doggy bag with a take out with her own money, given that she's had a huge discount from him..





I'm sorry to say but that is the definition of a red flag to me

When you want to give a gift to someone, it should be with your own money, what's the point of a gift bought with someone else's hard earned dollars?









You know, I've been there David, I chatted with a woman for months, helped her financially and even went to the airport to meet her, with flowers and chocolates (bought with my own money lol)... And guess what? She was a no show...

Now several years on, I give Thanks to God for lifting the veils off my eyes which were clouding up my vision of her and clouding up my mind too...

The obvious answer is for you to cool off for some days, or weeks... And see if she calls phones texts you and offers to take you out for a date, where she offers to treat you for the love you shined upon her...


And I don't know if you have read this thread...
https://mingle2.com/topic/635236
But your situation could resonate with the situation described there..

Above all... Good Luck 🤞

@soufiehere

I understand what you are saying. But with that belief, we shouldn't give people who got out of prison a chance either. They've committed much worse crimes and they have a "corrupted spirit." They weren't rehabilitated, they just spent time in there.

@Jaan Doh

You make a lot of good points.

oh dear that's not good walk away now that's a a huge red flag that she is more concerned about money and her landlord than you

I used to live in China for a few years. Chinese ladies have an impression that Western men have a lot of money. So she may have thought it wouldn't matter to you? But still, I can't picture of the Chinese ladies I knew doing that. It seems rude. I would file it away, give her another chance if you really like her. But if you see any other instances where she tries to take advantage of you, I'd bail.

Thank you David

Most times people say....
You idiot you're wrong again 🤣

What if you did not notice
.. was she going to tell you she did that. No. Which means she wanted to steal. The good thing is you are and you have forgiven her

What if you did not notice
.. was she going to tell you she did that. No. Which means she wanted to steal. The good thing is you are and you have forgiven her

I'd run and that's coming from someone that is just learning red flags. It's just not right and if she does this on the first date, what will she do in a relationship? Suck you dry is my guess.

If I paid for dinner and you did this, I probably wouldn't say anything, but like f would you get a second date.

The guy I was dating knew I needed an air conditioner and said he had one to give me if I traded a few months of sexual favours as payment. I really thought he was joking and laughed it off. It got worse to the point where he went into my phone one night when I was sleeping deactivated me from here took everyone off my Facebook profile, wrote all mine on my wall, messaged men on here and on my bf account, changed my country, took down all my profile pictures, added himself in relationship with me and my friends were texting to ask if I was okay.

I think he was a narcissist, but I still have trouble identifying what exactly that is.

The reason I'm telling you this is the red flags were there, I was just lonely and trust me the stress you will go through it’s better to avoid all this for your peace of mind.

You will meet the right person.