Human relationships have a "life span". Hence a terminated relationship is not necessarily a failed relationship. It is not the length of time that decides the success or failure. It's the manner in which our minutes beat that matters.

Is that something like giving your partner a sell by date?

I'll concur with that. Social and cultural conditioning dictates that you see it as a failure.

So glad I got divorced. After 25 years. People change, or sometimes not enough.

We've only got this life we're living.

Is staying in an unhappy or non fulfilling relationship for most of this life, really to be considered a success, and change a failure?

@just No I'd not use figure of speech here. What I'm trying to get at is, everything that breathes and lives has a lifetime. Relationships are very much animate. Hence logically just as it didn't always exist it won't always exist. I know I have picked on a very sensitive subject. Also a taboo in some parts of the world. But then it's a hypocritical society!

I don't see what's sensitive about the subject.
I don't see any relationship as failed, not even the really bad ones, and yes, I have had one for 10 yrs.
But I got a 'the glass is half full' attitude in life. I look at what I've learnt, what my contribution was for things going wrong, course-correct if need be. And a 'contribution' can be as much as staying past the sell-by date out of fear.
Many then blame the other, which is ridiculous.

Again, I don't see failure. Relationships end for a reason, and that will almost always be in our own benefit, once we have healed. And there are always gems to be found, even in a crap relationship. You just got to open your eyes to see them.

The problem is that I don’t think most people enter into a relationship thinking it will
end one day. The love is new and grand and forever it shall be. If it ends, whether
you say it ended or it failed, you’re speaking to the relationship, not the people being
failures. Sounds like semantics to me.

Yes, when we venture on anything new in life, in this case a relationship, our minds are filled with good thoughts, the happily ever after kind. It's obvious. There are two aspects to this. We too often forget that we are two different individuals, unique in our own ways, who have ventured out to build up a companionship that will share both physical and mental space. Herein comes the second aspect. This sharing of space needs conscious participation. Romanticism alone isn't enough. What helps is constant communication and the courage to face our differences.

There are now "Uncontested", quick divorces in the UK. When both parties agree to a divorce and the settlement. So it appears that some agree relationships do have a "life span", it ended because it ended, no faults found it was in perfect working order and then it just expired. Sorry, I don't buy it, it's all an excuse for either one or both in the relationship to walk away, maybe for no other reason other than complete boredom, but there is always a reason why. A marriage either works or it fails, it just doesn't have a "life span" an expiry date, in my opinion.

Learning experiences.

In the beginning, I'll ask, "why are you here?"


At the end, I ask, "why are you still here?"

From a personal reflection I can tell you I have had many phases in my life.
Who I was as a child, ended.
Who I was as a teenager, ended
Who I was as a single young adult, ended.
Who I was as a husband/father, ended.
Who I am as a single father of adult children is different than who I was when I raised my children to become adults.
Who I am as a single divorced man is different than who I was as a single adult man.
Who I am with a girlfriend is different than who I was with a wife.

The person I am today is nothing like the person I was a few decades ago.
I've grown wiser thru my life experiences and the lessons life taught.
Things which were very important to me in the past, no longer matter as much.
Things in the past which I cared little about now matter more.

I'm different.
One could assess these changes as lifespans.

In relationships, we change over time. Some call these paradigm shifts in being as 'phases' but one could call them 'lifespans'.
Relationships are never stagnant.
Just as everything in a dynamic, chaotic Universe, unpredictable change constantly occurs.
To assume a relationship will remain as it was at the start is unnatural.
The Universe which surrounds you gives testament to the nature of things.

There are three entities in each relationship.
Yourself
Your partner
The relationship

Each of those entities constantly change, sometimes in very unpredictable and chaotic ways.
When the ties of the relationship are strong, it grows stronger with these changes.
When those ties are weak, the relationship ends (dies).

Many times its not a sign of success or failure but more a change which is or isn't working in favor of one or more of the entities which make up the relationship.

Failure requires blame.
When one's mind is set on the negative, we tend to focus on negatives.
We seek to blame someone, usually one of the three entities in the relationship.

If we are aware relationships, like everything else in life, changes constantly, we can focus on steering those changes in favor of the relationship.
When the changes are no longer favorable to the relationship, the end can be viewed as beneficial.
In a positive mind set, blame is not the focus and we become more than we were from that relationship.

If you enter into and maintain a relationship with someone you must have believed it was beneficial and pleasant at one time or another.
What does it say about you if you only see your partner as bad?

Granted, perpetual liars and betrayers are a mistake but even in those instances one can gain positive wisdom from the experience.

The trick is to choose wisely from the start.