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| Topic: Single mothers | |
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At first I thought single motherhood was a failure of some sort to keep important relationships. But now, having thought about it more, if women can provide for their own children and prefer to stand on their own, that seems more as a triumph.
Women who just never got married but kept good relations with people that admired and had their life goals set an on other things than just a relationship itself. From a natural selection standpoint, it seems better if the economic security of a family pair does not interfere with selection, but that be achieved separately. Community could be there for EVERYONE. I usually become more accepting as I get to know the world more. What are your thoughts? |
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I don't see being a single mother as heroism or anything. Most of the time it's selfishness, putting ones wants above their child's needs. Not to say that there are not situations in which single parenting is necessary, such as death, or abuse, but most of the ones I see are just selfishness and self centeredness. Your happiness is not even secondary once you have children and if your children are not the number one priority, you're a bad parent.
Then again, it's easy for me to devalue happiness. I don't put much if any weight into emotions and feelings, I see them more as obstacles to progression and survival. I tend to put logic above emotion and feelings. I've dated mothers before I had children. I don't want any more children, so I'm not really as open to dating a mother as I was before. I wouldn't expect a non mother to accept my children as their own or take on a stepmother role, so I'm not inclined to dating a woman who hasn't had children either. I'm good with raising my children on my own. I just hope I'm not too much of an a-hole so that when they put me in a retirement home, it's a nice one. |
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I don't think being a single mother is about preferring it that way. If your talking about women who got the child when single, and not a mother with kids after divorce, they often desire a child so much but they cannot find the right partner to have them with so they decide to do it alone.
A tough choice, especially since you cannot fathom what it's like to have and raise children until you have 'em. There's also women who get pregnant and the guy does a runner, leaving the mother pregnant and having to decide whether to keep the child or not. I know one, my daughter's age, who had that happen to her. She kept the child but it's not easy. Financially struggling, also struggling with time, and there's no one to help you out like when you have the father there too. In this case the father does nothing, doesn't pay anything etc. etc. She said the worst thing is you have no one to share the good and funny stories with. Sure there's grandparents but they don't know and see the child the way a parent does. So even in that sense it's a lonely road and she'd much preferred it differently: with the father of her child. I myself have been a single mother after divorce. And hell, that was NOT what I preferred at all! My ex did help out financially and had the kids every other weekend. And selfish? Excusez moi!? I made the decision in my children's interest, especially my son's. And even if there's no such reason, if parents do not love each other anymore the way they should it's much healthier for the kids if they split up. Living in a home with a very ill vibe, parents maybe arguing and simply not being happy is one of the worst things you can do to your children. In that sense deciding to divorce is the best thing you can do for them. it brings back peace and happiness in the home, of course after a period grieving and of getting used to the new situation. But children adept quickly. Not, however, to living in a stressful situation with 2 parents who come to dislike or hate one another. |
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well i see that everyone is overlooking the fact that there are single dads out there to, although i dont see it as a single parent as much as i see it as a small family. weather your a single parent or in a relationship its always about the happiness and welfare of the kids. And as much as i hate to separate the difference between single dad or single mom society has yet to recognize the fact that there are more men being single fathers now.
Also i found it harder to find as much support for single fathers as there is for single mothers. and social workers scrutinize fathers more, Society as a whole needs to recognize the fact there are fathers that take that role seriously, And i know this first hand after many years of no help or being looked at like i didnt deserve. Im not a biased person but single dads have alot more to overcome then single women. just my opinion |
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I don't think being a single mother is about preferring it that way. If your talking about women who got the child when single, and not a mother with kids after divorce, they often desire a child so much but they cannot find the right partner to have them with so they decide to do it alone. A tough choice, especially since you cannot fathom what it's like to have and raise children until you have 'em. There's also women who get pregnant and the guy does a runner, leaving the mother pregnant and having to decide whether to keep the child or not. I know one, my daughter's age, who had that happen to her. She kept the child but it's not easy. Financially struggling, also struggling with time, and there's no one to help you out like when you have the father there too. In this case the father does nothing, doesn't pay anything etc. etc. She said the worst thing is you have no one to share the good and funny stories with. Sure there's grandparents but they don't know and see the child the way a parent does. So even in that sense it's a lonely road and she'd much preferred it differently: with the father of her child. I myself have been a single mother after divorce. And hell, that was NOT what I preferred at all! My ex did help out financially and had the kids every other weekend. And selfish? Excusez moi!? I made the decision in my children's interest, especially my son's. And even if there's no such reason, if parents do not love each other anymore the way they should it's much healthier for the kids if they split up. Living in a home with a very ill vibe, parents maybe arguing and simply not being happy is one of the worst things you can do to your children. In that sense deciding to divorce is the best thing you can do for them. it brings back peace and happiness in the home, of course after a period grieving and of getting used to the new situation. But children adept quickly. Not, however, to living in a stressful situation with 2 parents who come to dislike or hate one another. That makes so much sense. Yes, I agree it is better for a parenting to be deliberate. Does not matter how it’s done as long as it’s done right. |
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well i see that everyone is overlooking the fact that there are single dads out there to, although i dont see it as a single parent as much as i see it as a small family. weather your a single parent or in a relationship its always about the happiness and welfare of the kids. And as much as i hate to separate the difference between single dad or single mom society has yet to recognize the fact that there are more men being single fathers now. Also i found it harder to find as much support for single fathers as there is for single mothers. and social workers scrutinize fathers more, Society as a whole needs to recognize the fact there are fathers that take that role seriously, And i know this first hand after many years of no help or being looked at like i didnt deserve. Im not a biased person but single dads have alot more to overcome then single women. just my opinion That is a very good point. Fathers taking on kids as dependents, as I see you are talking about. |
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Flying on ones own like an eagle is a strong way to be.
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it is definitely wrong for a dude to start a relationship with a woman and then leave them as a mother with kids.
If a woman wants to have kids but not any relationship that can be found, I think there is nothing wrong with that. That’s what I was talking about when I said that’s a strong way to be. If there is a relationship that then fails, that seems like something that never ought to happen and would be a social failure of both parents, the community, and anyone else connected for that matter. |
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it is definitely wrong for a dude to start a relationship with a woman and then leave them as a mother with kids. If a woman wants to have kids but not any relationship that can be found, I think there is nothing wrong with that. That’s what I was talking about when I said that’s a strong way to be. If there is a relationship that then fails, that seems like something that never ought to happen and would be a social failure of both parents, the community, and anyone else connected for that matter. Ah, I wasn't sure what scenario you were getting at. And yes, it can be a strong way to be provided you can handle it and succeed well at doing it all by yourself, without a partner. But like I said, you really have no idea what it's like to have kids and raise 'em until you got them. And even when they're a wee bit older or adults even, you still at times are fumbling in the dark. There's no manual, no one can prepare you for it, reading about it can't either. It's learning, falling flat on your face, getting up again and continuing on. Some do well on their own of course. I know a few, one also left pregnant by the man. Not sure if he pays anything, but he's never been there. She had a tough job, and a very fiery kid, so she hasn't had it easy. |
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If a woman wants to have kids but not any relationship that can be found, I think there is nothing wrong with that. That’s what I was talking about when I said that’s a strong way to be. A woman that chooses to be a single parent like that is a horrible parent, selfish and self centered. |
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I think if she wants to and can do it on her own she is a noble person.
As for other scenarios, making relationships work is a good thing but that is easier said than done, and there are many different circumstances (tornadoes, etc), and no good comes from judging people in those situations. |
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So you find it noble for a woman to deny the father any involvement in raising his child? What do you mean by choosing to be a single mother?
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Like, never getting a mutual relationship to begin with but getting it on with a PhD of physics who owns a company in New York, and then farming on her own in a beautiful area and being connected with a small town where people form deep relationships with each other as friends and involved citizens.
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I'm still not sure what you mean, but I think you're saying you find it noble for a woman to raise a child on her own by choice if it's a mutual choice? Is that what you mean?
Parents are supposed to care for their children. It's what we do. I don't find anything extraordinary about it. |
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Something many never consider is the fact life is not scripted.
Stuff happens. Attitudes change. Conditions change. Life has a way of throwing curve balls. You either adapt or die. In the case of single parenting, you either adapt or people you love die. Expectations get in the way of many things. Our expectations are blind to the path others walk. Assuming single parents plan to be single parents is delusional based on your assumptions, not the reality of that persons life path. You can't know the reason why someone is a single parent unless you have experienced what they have experienced. Walked their path in life. In my opinion, the best way to consider a single parent is to accept them as the person they are right now. Whether you approve of their life decisions or not is a moot point unless you plan to take an active role in how their life path unfolds. Realizing their expectations for their life and the life of their child/children may not be in alignment with yours. Granted, there are people who should never be parents, whether single or not. If a child is abused on purpose, willfully, those children should be removed but a child which has little or a single parent family which struggles with life does not necessarily mean they are abused or it is intentional. |
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well i see that everyone is overlooking the fact that there are single dads out there to, although i dont see it as a single parent as much as i see it as a small family. weather your a single parent or in a relationship its always about the happiness and welfare of the kids. And as much as i hate to separate the difference between single dad or single mom society has yet to recognize the fact that there are more men being single fathers now. Also i found it harder to find as much support for single fathers as there is for single mothers. and social workers scrutinize fathers more, Society as a whole needs to recognize the fact there are fathers that take that role seriously, And i know this first hand after many years of no help or being looked at like i didnt deserve. Im not a biased person but single dads have alot more to overcome then single women. just my opinion I agree |
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A woman that chooses to be a single parent like that is a horrible parent, selfish and self centered. Are you Okay? Did someone not love you? Lol! I can see why. How can a single mother's selfish? Is that our decision to be single mother at the early age? How about the one's who got pregnant because of abuse? or rape? Don't be such a dick person to us single mothers. |
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I'm still not sure what you mean, but I think you're saying you find it noble for a woman to raise a child on her own by choice if it's a mutual choice? Is that what you mean? Parents are supposed to care for their children. It's what we do. I don't find anything extraordinary about it. You know. You need someone who's good at their work. You don't know what you're talking about. You OK? I think not. How can you point out that, it's our fault to be in this situation. YOU DON'T KNOW US, YOU DON'T KNOW THE STORY BEHIND EVERY SINGLE MOTHERS. |
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I'm still not sure what you mean, but I think you're saying you find it noble for a woman to raise a child on her own by choice if it's a mutual choice? Is that what you mean? Parents are supposed to care for their children. It's what we do. I don't find anything extraordinary about it. You know. You need someone who's good at their work. You don't know what you're talking about. You OK? I think not. How can you point out that, it's our fault to be in this situation. YOU DON'T KNOW US, YOU DON'T KNOW THE STORY BEHIND EVERY SINGLE MOTHERS. Can YOU point out where I stated it was your fault for being a single mother? |
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Can YOU point out where I stated it was your fault for being a single mother? You're LITERALLY saying it dude. 🤷 |
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