marie, i would if there any way i could do it, but there isn't.....besides the pain is taking my mind off the crap going on around here.....


had a really crappy day yesterday thanks to the ***** i have for a stepmom....here's what happened:

my dad cooked a turkey with the usual thanksgiving side dishes yesterday. well everybody's ate and it's time to do the dishes (and unfortunately it is my turn), seeing as just about ALL the dishes in the house were dirty, i cleaned up the dishes in the kitchen area first. i finished those up and was about to take a break and eat a piece of sweet potatoe pie when all of a sudden my stepmom asked in a nasty tone who was washing dishes. i answered i was, but seeing as how i just got half of them done i was gonna take a little break (hey i was entitled, seeing as how my back was already killing me, not to mention my head from the tooth and my stepsister's youngest daughter screaming in my ear everytime tears came to my eyes from my tooth). stepmom muttered something under her breath, talking to my dad and she was expecting him to be able to hear her without his hearing aids....which is stupid of her to do because she knows damn well he's nearly legally deaf. when i heard my stepmom muttering under her breath, i got upset because **** like that tears my nerves up (all thanks to the ex). so she's pissed because i'm washing dishes.......i said to myself possibly loud enough for her to hear, "**** this gd ****, i guess i can't take a ****in break even though noone even offered to ****in help" and put my plate i got down to eat the pie and put it up. My dad, meantime, is paying close attention to her and trying to figure out what she said and he made the fatal mistake of asking her what she said. After doing that she just "ups" and leaves (she didn't actually get up seeing as how she uses her wheelchair and won't get up for ****). Stepsister looks at me as if she couldn't believe what she just saw and asked me if her mom had been like for the past few days. I said yeah, and i told her about some of the other things.....like my stepmom jumping on me because my nerves are bad (she told me that i had a ****ty attitude and that i was driving everyone crazy). that right there kind of pissed my stepsister off with my stepmom because i started crying thinking about it and all. it's true i have been a little ill (okay, i've been as ill as a wet hen), but damn, what does one expect when you don't get any sleep for nearly five days in a row (because everytime you were nearly asleep your tooth would starting bad enough you wanted to scream and by the time you FINALLY fall asleep dad woke me up for breakfast). My stepmom told my stepsister, and i quote, "well every time we start talking talking and one of us gets a little loud, she" (talking about me), "runs to her room and that's getting on EVERYONE ELSE'S nerves". that upset me so bad i ended up saying, "what the **** do you expect when you're as ****ed up in the head as i am! i can't take a lot of screaming and yelling and i told you this from the beginning when y'all came to pick me up" my stepsister just looked at her mom like she wanted to kill her....my stepsister didn't know how i really felt about myself most of the time when someone jumps on me because i seem a little ill or upset. my stepsister told my stepmom she needed to remember that i have bad nerves yeah, i might be ill as a snake, but that was to be expected when you are out of medicine (yes honey i'm out of medicine for the next couple of weeks or until the meds get here) and stepsister also told her that she needed to remember that my dad can't hear very well. it's not like my stepmom doesn't know what the hell i go through with the mood swings....she admits that she is bipolar too.....she won't take medication for it but is trigger happy when it comes to subject of possibly having my dad committed (he's driving us batty with the violent mood swings and now also wants to keep one his shotguns in the bedroom). which isn't the best idea he's had considering he has vietnam style PTSD............and stepmom's scared to death of him....i am too since he threw a bottle full of water at me a couple of weeks ago.

Thought id give a update. i got a phone call today from a company about having a phone interview. basically what I'd be doing at the job i was scared about but they are a bigger company so i wont get scared away. i believe its a full time position (their gonna send me the info on it soon) and hopefully it might be the start of something..

im kinda lonely a lot still but im trying to be positive but its very scary

Thought id give a update. i got a phone call today from a company about having a phone interview. basically what I'd be doing at the job i was scared about but they are a bigger company so i wont get scared away. i believe its a full time position (their gonna send me the info on it soon) and hopefully it might be the start of something..

im kinda lonely a lot still but im trying to be positive but its very scary

Good luck Jeff.........got an update on the drama here at home........stepmom made a huge deal and told my dad she was leaving and going to the homeless shelter........she tried to call my stepsister yesterday to see if she would come by and get her, but my stepsister wasn't home........stepsister called back after we all talked everything out and my stepmom asked her if there was a homeless shelter in town............well later last night my stepsister came out with her two girls and as soon as she walked in the door said, "do you still want to go to the shelter?" since the girls didn't know about this until then, they started asking my stepmom why she wanted to leave............my stepsister talked my stepmom out of it for now.....but this crap my stepmom pulls really upsets my dad and it makes him feel two inches tall.........let alone how it makes me feel because, as my stepsister put it, "the outsider"..........so i guess that means she doesn't feel like i am part of the family, just like always..........

i almost did it last night. I fukcing tried but i got scared and called my parents and they drove me to the ER. They had to pump out my stomach after i drank a whole bottle of nyquil and half a bottle of bleach.

Hey y'all.....guess what? I had a dr appt today and i told my nurse practicioner about how my teeth were bothering me really bad.....they took a good look and lo and behold, she wrote me a script for amoxycillin....and I didn't even know it, but they have a contract with one of the dentists around here where they send referrals to.........i'll finally be seeing a dentist sometime next month........my blood pressure was pretty high and has been since christmas so they put me on meds for that too...................i'm just ecstatic that i'm gonna get my teeth fixed!