I was on another dating site and I ask this question to a woman I was trading letters with. This was around 20th or so letter when I asked. I don't know what she wrote to trigger me. Could've been when I realized she was wasting my time and money because she wanted attention.
Once upon a time I was a published writer and stopped back in 1994. So with such things it's not what you've wrote but what you're being paid to write at this moment. Nowadays most all entertainment is trash because it's based on the formula of Jokes and Drama not Comedy (white face) and Tragedy (black face) when actors wore masks to show what part they play in the performance. When I got a full scholarship as a poet to a school for the arts they weren't even concern about the loose. probably why I beat out 500 applicants who had better grades than me (B+ student) without any troubles using what I thought was my least well craft poems. I taught myself to write based on the old ways of the "Craft".
"Well, let's get to the point already", you might be thinking. Reality is boring. This is a fundamental fact. Oir procept of this sameness being less boring is how we choose to live. A large amount of people think the Drama in movies is real romance. So they never have any in their life. This confuses Love and Passion.
Reality is boring. Or a better way of saying it, "The sameness of life is boring". Real romance can only be had between two people who love each other. It falls on masculine to do the gestures for feminine. This ism't just for her but him as well. One of these best gestures is for masculine to kiss feminine on the check after a crappy day. It reminds him of positive things in his life (mainly her) and she is reminded that he loves her. It's just when the mood hits you and not all the time as some say to do.
Some of those on the masculine side of the spectrum get bent out of shape that they have to do such things and on the feminine side they're owed such things. You can't truly love someone if you don't get beyond yourself.
This is up to you, the Reader, to decide for yourself to take the word of a "once was" poet or not.

Romance can be so much more than the boundaries put on it by man I believe, how-ever, I could be wrong, as I am happily "wrong"... even if your passion doesn't romance you back, your thoughts and longing are still passionate and strong. To truly have passion for life and experiences is more than most will ever realize.

Yes, we can make our men and our women, the gods that we love, hopelessly, helplessly, to ridiculous desire and passion, enough to move mountains literally, launch ships with just the curve of their face in mind, and the bust on the bow, or at minimum, build a huge castle (out of legos of-course), but travelling on the sea for years or wandering the deserts, will make you long for the other to the point of tears when you reach the beach for either destination.

I still long for just outside of windswept Dakhla, Sahara Occidental, where eventually I will stay for the end days of this body, or drown at sea, trying to sail and row there. Either one is fine, as I have become comfortable with either conclusion... The sea, beach, and desert are my loves now... I don't expect any other creature to understand this, and they do give back.... you just have to see those gifts unfold and recognize them when they appear. Those sands will cradle me once again while I sleep, and wander.

The Readers.
With their own frames of reference.

If it's an either/or question then it would depend on how well the writer knows the reader(s) vs. how well the reader understands themselves as well as what the writer is trying to say.

Unless either are based off something from the internet.
Then neither.

beautiful put there is beauty in everthing about 98% of people never leave there little box to truly see all the beauty that's surrounds them everyday they forget that as child the world was full of wonder only a few keep that sense of wonder

My humble opinion is that your own definition of romance is determined by what you feel, the writer can provide words to inspire thoughts and feeling but I feel the reader adds as always, their own twist through imagination as the writers words spark the fire. it's like reading a book before seeing the film, your imagination always differs I think to another's view or way of thinking. A good author fills your mind and soul, how you then Express and translate that yourself may turn out so different to the written word.

the artist passion fills our souls

Neither.

The persons actually living and experiencing
romance, know it better.

Ell I don't know. But I do know a poet who once wrote, "brevity is the soul of wit".

Both, and with that agree with Peter_M.
When I went through rounds of editing as a author I learnt that you should indeed paint the picture but not fill in too many details as then the reader cannot fill them in with their own imagination, and then the reader won't enjoy it as much either.
So as an author you need to be able to know and feel romance and love, be able to convey that through your words, but also leave room for personal interpretation.
I found that difficult at times as I so wanted to paint the image I saw, haha.

Anywho, as a reader you also need to be able to feel, know, sense romance otherwise you likely wouldn't even read the book as you then cannot take it in.

Space cadet, Peter M, Crystal. I couldn't agree more with your views on this.

And movies have suffered the same fate as writing.

And have become increasingly formulaic.

I read about a book every week, sometimes 2.. have done for many years.

I think that an author knows as much and as little about love as the reader.
And attempts to put it into words.

And sitting watching a sunset for half an hour with your love feels great but doesn't come out in words very well, unless spiced up for the reader.
He/she is further constrained by literary devices that are popular at the time. if he/she wants to sell many books.

agreed

That's why it's best to keep things vague enough for people to intrepid as they will. A practitioner of the "Craft" is first and foremost to entertain his/her audience with something meaningful to them.

"Make the girl cry with joy and the boys want to run out to fight dragons".

For a lack of a better term, "It's your ego getting in the way of yourself". You only go into details when it's important to the story. An example would be:

The killer held a .38 snub-nosed revolver in his hand.

You allow the reader to fill in the details of the pistol. It's a common one so they've most likely seen it in a tv show before. You don't need to describe all the ins and outs. Only if there's something important like it has the spirit of Bugsy McKane the Mass Murderer. Now details about the pistol matter and can create intresting moments.

You asked me if I loved you but what can I say?
Love poems have been scribed almost the stars by sages of long past
All I'd be saying is a prefabricated copy of the same

The poem goes on which I don't fully remember any longer. It was the last poem I had published. The truth is love for someone is only in the hearts of those who feel it and is not seen. As a poet you strive to create words in a structured way so others who aren't good with words can say to another that describes what they're feeling.

That's why a writer must live and describe life as he/she does. This can be a major pit-trap for writers. That's why if you read biographies and other stories about them you'll find that they've fallen into one.