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| Topic: Abusive Relationships | |
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Abuse can also be verbal or emotional. It is not always physical. Sometimes verbal and emotional abuse can almost be as bad or worse than physical abuse! This can be harmful to you throughout life and can require therapy to help you. The womens' movement taught us just that; that someone telling another for example, they're worthless over the years CAN have a critical effect on their self-esteem. I respectfully believe all of that is a ploy for the therapist profession. I do believe every event has an effect on us and our self esteem. I do not believe that all negative impacts are therefore 'abuse'. Have you ever been in an abusive relationship in any capacity ms harmony? what OTHERS had called, yes. Not what I would call. Just some bad times and good times that hurt me and also made me stronger. Interesting way to look at it ...well good think it didn’t affect you I guess 🤷♀️My abuser once classified the abuse I endured just “bad times” I always thought that was an interesting way to look at it or like when he pushed me into a wall he would say I didn’t push you that hard you “lost your balance” or when he choked me and I had bruises on my neck he would say I didn’t squeeze you that hard you just “bruise easy” or when he slammed me onto the concrete and gave me a concussion he just “barely grabbed my sweater “ I guess everyone has there on way of looking at things very true. I definitely would have viewed such violence as being choked or head slammed in concrete as abuse when it happened, and not after. I'm glad you survived such extreme violence. Words between adults, on the other hand, to me, are a matter of people being *****, more than adults being 'abused' by other adults. Thank you for your kind words I think it’s still a challenge everyday and definitely a lot of unresolved remnants still remain...well as river stated I believe it didn’t start out that way physical I mean ...it started out as words,financial bullying isolation lots of preparation goes into it...I had a successful marriage prior to this relationship and had never been with anyone abusive prior it is a slow progression that you don’t see coming and I think unless someone has been through it they can’t begin to really understand it...when I was married and younger I was very judgmental when it came to this issue I remember saying I’m such a strong intelligent woman I would never allow that I would recognize and see the warning signs but I was very wrong and very naive in my thinking I still had a lot to learn about life I no longer pretend to know anything at this point because I feel unless it is something I know first hand or experienced anything else is speculation and opinion I feel very sorry for having judged those women such a long time ago and I definitely have a different outlook and perspective on things of this matter...wow sorry I think this is the most long winded I’ve ever been on the forums I will try not to do that again  🤦♀️
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lol ... feel free.
I do think that perception is reality in terms of our individual journey in life. I may have a bit of a bias against therapy industry because they seem to make money out of convincing people of all the ways they are 'victims', instead of convincing people of all the ways they have choice and power in terms of how they experience their personal relationships. 
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lol ... feel free. I do think that perception is reality in terms of our individual journey in life. I may have a bit of a bias against therapy industry because they seem to make money out of convincing people of all the ways they are 'victims', instead of convincing people of all the ways they have choice and power in terms of how they experience their personal relationships. I can respect that and even agree to a degree on that 
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lol ... feel free. I do think that perception is reality in terms of our individual journey in life. I may have a bit of a bias against therapy industry because they seem to make money out of convincing people of all the ways they are 'victims', instead of convincing people of all the ways they have choice and power in terms of how they experience their personal relationships. I can respect that and even agree to a degree on that
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lol ... feel free. I do think that perception is reality in terms of our individual journey in life. I may have a bit of a bias against therapy industry because they seem to make money out of convincing people of all the ways they are 'victims', instead of convincing people of all the ways they have choice and power in terms of how they experience their personal relationships. I can respect that and even agree to a degree on that It was nice chatting with you I don’t think we’ve ever had any interactions 
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lol ... feel free. I do think that perception is reality in terms of our individual journey in life. I may have a bit of a bias against therapy industry because they seem to make money out of convincing people of all the ways they are 'victims', instead of convincing people of all the ways they have choice and power in terms of how they experience their personal relationships. I can respect that and even agree to a degree on that It was nice chatting with you I don’t think we’ve ever had any interactions and now we have 
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Edited by
I_love_bluegrass
on
Thu 02/21/19 01:07 PM
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My mom was a narcissitic, emotionally and mentally abusive person...who was *also* neglectful when I was a small child..(read up on CEN..Childhood Emotional Neglect)..
It left scars on me, and...a child has no "choice and power in terms of how they experience their personal relationships." Luckily, it *did* leave me with the abilty to recognize such behavior in anyone I meet, and avoid associating with them. |
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My mom was a narcissitic, emotionally and mentally abusive person...who was *also* neglectful when I was a small child..(read up on CEN..Childhood Emotional Neglect).. It left scars on me, and...a child has no "choice and power in terms of how they experience their personal relationships." Luckily, it *did* leave me with the abilty to recognize such behavior in anyone I meet, and avoid associating with them. I’m so sorry you went thru that bluegrass  probably a learned behavior from her parents...I’m glad it did teach you to recognize future people you let in your life I think for me it has as well so something positive to come from something so negative but still...the scars are there....hugs
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Thu 02/21/19 01:35 PM
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You. Can tell abuse when you're actually in a relationship. Oftentimes dating it is covered up. Anything that is non respectable to your mate is a form of abuse. More extreme case would be hitting, slapping, choking, all types of Physical harm.
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My mom was a narcissitic, emotionally and mentally abusive person...who was *also* neglectful when I was a small child..(read up on CEN..Childhood Emotional Neglect).. It left scars on me, and...a child has no "choice and power in terms of how they experience their personal relationships." Luckily, it *did* leave me with the abilty to recognize such behavior in anyone I meet, and avoid associating with them. I’m so sorry you went thru that bluegrass probably a learned behavior from her parents...I’m glad it did teach you to recognize future people you let in your life I think for me it has as well so something positive to come from something so negative but still...the scars are there....hugs Nope. Her sister..my aunt? One of the best people you will ever meet.. Even SHE said "there's something wrong with Martha" (my mom) So, who knows....my mom was just a bad egg.. |
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You. Can tell abuse when you're actually in a relationship. Oftentimes dating it is covered up. Anything that is non respectable to your mate is a form of abuse. More extreme case would be hitting, slapping, choking, all types of Physical harm. There'sa thing called "gaslighting".. I have run across a few individuals that do that..and cut off all contact with them once I notice it.. |
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Abuse can also be verbal or emotional. It is not always physical. Sometimes verbal and emotional abuse can almost be as bad or worse than physical abuse! This can be harmful to you throughout life and can require therapy to help you. Is IS as bad as physical. There's verbal, financial, sexual, emotional, psychological, physical. I may be forgetting some. I've had them all in one package from 1 person. It's a miracle I'm still sane, and a miracle I'm still alive. I went to bed for at least a year, not knowing for sure if I'd wake up again. Exactly! The nonphysical tends to be less obvious and cause one to loose their senses very slowly. It's usually more gradual and the perpetrator is often really nice in between and has a way of manipulating things to make you think it's all in your head or that you some how caused it. I too have had all of it in one package, though most of my relationships were more the nonphysical kind of abuse... I seemed to have attracted quite a few in my life. My father was all of the above, except sexual.... it happens in families as well as relationships. That was one of my reasons for leaving Florida. The abuser will not stop unless he is stopped and without counseling they are likely to abuse the next person. Having been abused, without counseling and support from healthy women I probably wouldn't be sane either. That's one thing that scares me about getting back out and dating. I have healed quite a bit and have grown a lot, but the thought of attracting the same kind of man is a little scary. I was only afraid of attracting another effing narcissist, esp when I found out how many there are. At first I thought it was rare, but quickly learnt it's almost rule to encounter one, not exception. I did, however, also quickly find out I had developed antennae that would go off whenever I was in the vicinity of one. I get an allergic reaction, haha. I can't stand them, instant dislike at first sight. Even when everyone else or their partner feel they're great, I'm like 'puuuuke!!' I cannot stand them around me. Once I realized that, I wasn't afraid to attract another one. Also the fact that I have grown so much since I left him. I doubt I'd attract one, I think I'm too strong now. The same will likely go for you. |
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You. Can tell abuse when you're actually in a relationship. Oftentimes dating it is covered up. Anything that is non respectable to your mate is a form of abuse. More extreme case would be hitting, slapping, choking, all types of Physical harm. There'sa thing called "gaslighting".. I have run across a few individuals that do that..and cut off all contact with them once I notice it.. I heard about that term ... Well, it is not easy to come to terms and speak out, if you are a guy and victim to all kinds of abuse by your wife. Still I managed |
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Yep, been there done that!! Finally got my daughter away from her abusive drunk mother as well!!! If you even think someone has a temper, best to leave right away!!
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Abuse can also be verbal or emotional. It is not always physical. Sometimes verbal and emotional abuse can almost be as bad or worse than physical abuse! This can be harmful to you throughout life and can require therapy to help you. Is IS as bad as physical. There's verbal, financial, sexual, emotional, psychological, physical. I may be forgetting some. I've had them all in one package from 1 person. It's a miracle I'm still sane, and a miracle I'm still alive. I went to bed for at least a year, not knowing for sure if I'd wake up again. Exactly! The nonphysical tends to be less obvious and cause one to loose their senses very slowly. It's usually more gradual and the perpetrator is often really nice in between and has a way of manipulating things to make you think it's all in your head or that you some how caused it. I too have had all of it in one package, though most of my relationships were more the nonphysical kind of abuse... I seemed to have attracted quite a few in my life. My father was all of the above, except sexual.... it happens in families as well as relationships. That was one of my reasons for leaving Florida. The abuser will not stop unless he is stopped and without counseling they are likely to abuse the next person. Having been abused, without counseling and support from healthy women I probably wouldn't be sane either. That's one thing that scares me about getting back out and dating. I have healed quite a bit and have grown a lot, but the thought of attracting the same kind of man is a little scary. I was only afraid of attracting another effing narcissist, esp when I found out how many there are. At first I thought it was rare, but quickly learnt it's almost rule to encounter one, not exception. I did, however, also quickly find out I had developed antennae that would go off whenever I was in the vicinity of one. I get an allergic reaction, haha. I can't stand them, instant dislike at first sight. Even when everyone else or their partner feel they're great, I'm like 'puuuuke!!' I cannot stand them around me. Once I realized that, I wasn't afraid to attract another one. Also the fact that I have grown so much since I left him. I doubt I'd attract one, I think I'm too strong now. The same will likely go for you. That's nice that you have that. I'm still learning to discern if what I'm sensing is from coming from the actual person... a red flag sign, or from feelings that maybe are unresolved from the past. Basically I just need to start trusting my gut more because I have a feeling when I sense something it's coming from the present. If someone triggers something from my past, then there's a reason for that so I need quit telling myself it's old stuff. It's my inner tuition saying stay away from him or you're going to get more of the same. Not sure if that makes sense? |
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My mom was a narcissitic, emotionally and mentally abusive person...who was *also* neglectful when I was a small child..(read up on CEN..Childhood Emotional Neglect).. It left scars on me, and...a child has no "choice and power in terms of how they experience their personal relationships." Luckily, it *did* leave me with the abilty to recognize such behavior in anyone I meet, and avoid associating with them. I agree that children have no choice or power. I was referring only to adults in adult relationships.
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abuse has many forms from emotional physical one should never be in fear in any way shape form from there partner and a man that hits a woman is a coward in every shape and form who needs a good ***-kicking and his hands broken period
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Yep, been there done that!! Finally got my daughter away from her abusive drunk mother as well!!! If you even think someone has a temper, best to leave right away!! My ex was violent towards her son as well. I applied for guardianship, but it was refused, coz the current guardians did not agree 
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Is it possible not to realize abuse until after a relationship has ended? Based on you using the term "realize," then sure. Happens all the time. What exactly counts as abuse? Whatever you want to count as abuse, unless you are using it as a legal term for a legal purpose. Then it depends on your state, the lawyers, and judge involved. |
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It is important to note that abuse isn't just by men directed at women or children but is also by women directed at men and children. Society has a hard time accepting that because men are generally physically stronger than women. Abuse can take many forms other than physical attacks on another person!
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