I find a nice smile and an ability to carry on an interesting conversation helps a person appear more attractive to me.

fk a bunch of shaving.
I don't require my gf to shave and she doesn't require me to shave.
I shave when I feel like it.
She shaves when she feels like it.

I go thru periods where I don't shave but I take regural showers and comb.
I only shave when it strikes MY fancy.
I also only get 1 haircut per year.
Mostly in the spring because long hair gets hot where I live.
Last year, I didn't get a haircut.
Didn't feel like it.
But, my hair is clean and brushed.
She likes the way I look.

Hell, even before I met her I didn't shave for my photos I post.
When you look at my profile, that is me. Period.
I include photos of me with different looks only so a potential interest can see all the different ways I present myself.

Long hair or not, shaved or not, she can see what I look like being me.
If I were to 'dress up' for my pictures and proclaim things that don't show myself as I am, I feel I am lying and no relationship can flourish when its based on lies.

Basically, take me as I am or don't take me.
I'm not going to pretend to be something I'm not just so you will like me.
I'm amazing just as I am.

that comment would be ...beauty being in the eye of the beholder.

its a social trend these days to have a nicely combed beard and messed up hair.
so the "nicely" made up women who are getting nothing are simply painted and ugly?
haha

come on...live a little. what's really goin on?!

yes indeed!

I wish women would learn to lose some weight before they took a profile shot.
sheesh I thought I needed to work out more.

nope. if they'd learn to stop judging men and women so harshly maybe there wouldn't be such a need for so many foolish rules.

Well said Blondey.

When I first joined the forums a couple years ago I thought those who made looks a priority as shallow. Looking back, I was insecure about my looks. I felt threatened by women like you and a couple others that are drop dead gorgeous, least in my eyes, and I felt I was rather plain in the looks department.

As time went on I realized why I was so uncomfortable with other's making statements about the kind of man they wanted, especially those that including physical characteristics. I was afraid to say I wanted a man who looks good because I thought it would be shallow to do so. But in reality, that was and is important to me. I wouldn't be attracted to a man who was grossly obese or had other characteristics that were a major turn off to me. Maybe as I got to know the person they would become more attractive, but not initially. My insecurities and feelings of unworthiness prevented me from clearly defining the kind of man I'd like to meet.

It's not my business what others think is beautiful or important in the priority department, it only matters what's important to me and whether I'm confident enough to admit it.

Both looks and personality are important to me, initially and throughout the relationship. If I meet someone who is attractive to me and treats me well in the beginning but becomes grossly obese and non-attentive a couple years down the road, it will definitely effect how I feel about him.

Why should they?
If they aren't to your taste, why does how they look bother you?
Plenty of skinny women out there for you to pick from...

Telling a woman "If you;d lose some weight, i'd date you" is one of the most insulting things to say..
It's like "you're not good enough as you are for me..change this or that, and we'll see..."

No darlin'..how about you f*** off with that nonsense.

That's like telling a guy..
Well, darlin'...I'd date you if your d*** was bigger...maybe you would work on that and get back to me..."

I have been skinny, and I have been chunky...I am the same person inside..personality, interests, ideology, a caring and comnpassionate person regardless of my outer shell...

I am not interested in doing a makeover to suit some random guy, nor am I interested in living in fear for the rest of my life that if I gain 10lbs or whatever he'll leave.
No thanks.

THIS.

I'd rather see someone as they normally are, when they go to work, or just hanging out..than a bunch of pics of them all "gussied up"...

After all..the majority of the time I would be spending with them aside from special occasions that's how they're gonna look like, eh?

Attractiveness, not just beauty, in a potential partner is a personal thing. We all have our preferences and many of us think those preferences others have are ridiculous yet they are their preferences. We need to remember that while our preferences are important to us, they also will determine if we ever again find someone to be part of our life. The more rigid we are in our preferences, the less likely we are to find someone.

As the saying goes beauty is in the eye of the beholder...but. you also want what you want... or at least think what you want is what you want or need
That tends to change sometimes daily..

Yes it's hard to find somebody that has the right amount of personality and the right physical appearance... all wrapped up in a nice neat little package.... and we also sometimes have to look at ourselves...

Physical attractiveness is a key factor in looking for a relationship a partner...yes

But keeping your expectations to a realistic level is important as well....

That is if you're not attractive physically fit well built... then you should not really expect to find a partner that is attractive physically fit and well-built... not saying that it's not possible... I'm just saying we have to look at ourselves and be realistic..

We can all fall into the Trap of judging a book by its cover.... I've dated attractive fit beautiful women.. but their personality was lacking...
I've dated women that have a look about them that I find attractive ..Something about their face that draws me in ..and also had a great personality... but their bodies might not have been in the best physical shape.. and in those relationships
I find myself thinking ,.she's really nice and everything .. great personality kind considerate . Funny smart ...but I just wish her body was a little more to what I like.. (athletic).. and I'm guilty of letting that get in the way of me really embracing the relationship.. full heartedly.... at the end of the day somebody once told me ...if you can have at least 80% of what you like in the other person.. that's better than spending 100% of your time being alone looking for somebody that is 100% perfect..

Yes, I agree...
But, if you are going to always (essentially) have on foot out the door in case the 100% person comes along...I'd rather you not bother with me in the first place.

I occasionally watch the "My 600lb Life" show late late at night when nothing else is on...
I have seen some good looking guys with larger woman...and I have seen beautiful women with the large guys....

So, things do happen.... :-)

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Thanks for your comments! This Thread. Is getting very Interesting !

Tom. If that is you, that IS the way you should represent yourself.

I Agree !

A 70 year old and a 20 year old in most cases do have different ideas of what is attractive or acceptable to them.

As a 50 and 60 year old I was slim. As one gets older losing weight is much harder. At 40-50, I was skinny but thought I was fat.
As far as being secure and confident, I find I am very secure and confident. My body may not be perfect and I have some wrinkles, but I am comfortable in almost all situations and can carry on a conversation with anybody. I just replaced my main photo. This one was taken 3 days before Christmas, 2018.

I hope we can all accept that often times with age comes a few extra pounds. Men tend to carry it inside their bodies while women on the outside. The key words here are "a few extra". While an extra 20 could be described as a few, 50 are not and especially not if you are short. This also where those full body shot pictures come in; somehow a lot of people are not willing to post one especially dressed so you can judge their physical size.

So many different terms are interchanged. The idea of 'beauty' and being 'attractive' are not necessarily synonymous. I think most people think of beauty in a purely asthetic(physical) context, usually conditioned and influenced by social expectations and media imagery. That is shallow IF it is the beginning and end and exclusive context in which a person can see beauty or be attracted.

It is not shallow if it is only potentially One of many things that a person can see beauty in or be attracted to.

Purely asthetically, we probably all have a 'type'. BUt I have learned in my life that that asthetic type is not, for me, the only thing that can attract me.

for instance, this guy here is not asthetically my 'type' that I would be attracted to



his name is Adrien Brody and he is an actor. But, there is something about the way he CARRIES himself, what people sometimes call 'swag', and intelligence when he speaks, that makes him VERY attractive to me.


on the other hand, this guy would definitely, asthetically, be one of my 'types' ( i have more than one asthetic type as well)



his name is Shemar Moore and he is also an actor. But there is something about how he seems to be so immature and self absorbed, that makes him very UNATTRACTIVE to me.


So. I think when people say they have a 'type', it depends on if they are talking about the physical only and whether they are stuck on just the physical, or if it is only one of many things, including non physical, that makes someone their 'type'.

To me, the former is 'shallow'.

That is why I posted some pictures that showed more of my body because I did not want to misrepresent myself. My pictures pretty much show the real me as best as a picture can tell. I would not want to be embarrassed to meet someone and them find I was not what they were expecting.