THAT'S what she said!

So, one year I found some mini bottles of Mt Dew (Lil Chubs) and came home early from work on Valentine's Day and arranged a huge Lil Chubs heart on the dining room table for her with a Pepsi (lil Chub) arrow thru it.
When she came home from work and saw it she started to cry.
I was confounded?
Come to find out the gesture hit her right in the heart and the tears were her expression of overwhelming happiness that I knew her so well.
She took pictures, called her mom, told her friends and made a big deal of it but I thought it was pretty corny. Her reaction far exceeded the reaction I anticipated, I figured she would just chuckle a bit.

If they're chasing after me and they are attractive, single, attracted to me, and not chasing after me in a way that scares me and I understand it to be chasing after me for a romantic rather than platonic relationship, then I feel it's wonderful.


IME many times when women chased me they were doing it wrong or for the wrong reasons.
Many times they chased me in a way where they acted like they knew what I wanted and tried to be who they thought I wanted them to be, based on stereotypes they had of men in general.
Or they have chased me offering me that which they really want, transferring their desires onto me.

Sometimes they were chasing me because they wanted something from me.
It was a means of manipulating a response from me for their own selfish reasons. They didn't want me, they just wanted a relationship, sex, money, security. A change. They just wanted to be desired. They wanted a younger trophy, to feel young. They chased me hard because they expected me to reciprocate in an escalating way, where they gain more than they give.


Men and women are hunters. They have different specialties.
Women discern among colors better than men, a woman's ability to smell (olfactory) is better than men's, men have better distance and movement vision.

To say (albeit not in the OP) "male hunter/female gatherer" is kind of a misnomer.
At best men are better at hunting moving objects over distances, women hunt relatively static camouflaged objects nearby.

Both men and women can be nurturing, just as much as each other.

They aren't really more nurturing or compassionate than men, that is a stereotype, a false belief.

They feel the same, they just respond differently to those feelings.
Some of the response is trained by culture/society, some is based on biology.


That's just insecure controlling and possibly lazy men.
Men that have been trained to be consumers.
People want options so they can make choices, preferably with as few consequences and responsibility as possible.

Ask anyone if they'd rather be the salesman that needs money, or the consumer that has the money, and I'll bet you the vast majority will want to be the latter, regardless of gender.
Those roles are defined by society/culture and its momentum. Not biology.


Depends on who she was and how she was pursuing me. What she was communicating by her pursuit.


Women "chasing" men for mating is just as natural as men "chasing" women.
Men and women are just trained for it to seem unnatural one way or the other.
Kind of like peeing in public.
It's not biology/gender that makes you feel more weird standing/sitting on a street corner peeing when compared to peeing in your bathroom at home.

This is a pretty good topic. Now granted I didn't read all the responses - so please don't burn me if I am repeating any - I have always been very bad at reading signals from women. I have missed many opportunities to date because of this. But putting out signals and chasing after someone are two different things. I like to / have to, be hit over the head for me to acknowledge that someone is interested, but after that, (if the feeling is mutual) I kinda like to be in control of that part. But the constant chasing a man or woman reeks of desperation and unflattering.

Thanks for your comments Richie.

I more meant "pursued" rather than chasing. I guess it's a matter of perception as to how we see different words and what they mean to us. Definitely chasing/pursuing someone constantly especially if the recipient doesn't show any desire to be pursued by that person can reek of desperation and lean more towards stalking.

My meaning was more the ordinary/average kind of thing we do to get that first date from someone.

What you described is more of the kind the response I was looking for. You're okay with the woman letting you know if she is interested but then you prefer to take the reigns and set up the first dates... am I correct?

Based on what I'm learning from this thread and my "Initiating 101" thread, the women are the ones that initiate and men are the follow uppers, lol. And men seem to need a more clear and direct sign that we are interested rather than the subtle hints we often use.

I believe that's simply a matter of speaking the language that men understand instead of expecting them to understand our language?

Get your lasso and be quick on your feet

I'm ready JBH... Let's go!

WOOHOO! A partner in crime

Be careful what you rope. You might get dragged around instead.

That rope is too short to reach over to me

True

Is masculinity only measured by who chasing whom? I guess it's not. I see my self as masculine man, but I'm hopeless when it comes to women...

:)

Here in Norway dating often start with flirting first. Because many dates happen between colegues and friends of friends. Not so often strangers. Online dating is of course different. Then one has to ask the other for a date.

My self is hopeless when it comes to flirting. You have to have a big sign around your neck before I understand what you're after. Sometimes I ask my self how I ever could become a father

Unfortunately I have several storys of flirting that went the wrong way..

I work at an office where about 55 out of 70 employees are women. Many unmarried and good looking. Every year, sometime before christmas we use to have a christmas party. Lots of food and beverages. A good circumstance to flirt.

This story happened two years ago. As the evening went by, the beer and wines got to our heads. Some of the women went on the dancefloor. As Norwegians can appear shy and inwards, that tends to disappear as dew in the sun when we're drinking.

Among the women dancing there was a beautiful woman which would have no problems getting any man. She danced by her self. No other men on the floor. She and I had worked toghether a few years and worked in the same team. So we knew eachother quite well professionally. We also had several common interests and I always enjoyed chatting with her. I think she enjoyed the same.

The tables around the dancefloor was arranged in a horse shoe formation. I sat at the end with my back to the dancefloor and I had to twist around to watch them dancing. I was sipping to a drink when someone tapped on my shoulder. There she was. Tall, blond and beautiful and asking _me_ for a dance.

Every other man would accepted that in a heartbeat, even those with only one leg and one arm. But me? Noo, I answered "Uh.. I'm sorry, I don't dance."

I regret that to this day. Not that I think or hoped that would led to more than a dance anyway. But I regret that I put her in a state of embarassement being rejected like that. No wonder why I'm single...

What you described is more of the kind the response I was looking for. You're okay with the woman letting you know if she is interested but then you prefer to take the reigns and set up the first dates... am I correct?

Based on what I'm learning from this thread and my "Initiating 101" thread, the women are the ones that initiate and men are the follow uppers, lol. And men seem to need a more clear and direct sign that we are interested rather than the subtle hints we often use.

I believe that's simply a matter of speaking the language that men understand instead of expecting them to understand our language?



You are correct, Men and women speak different languages. Usually women really have to get my attention in order for me to notice that they are interested (like asking me out) - ( of course I am speaking for myself - I cant say that other men aren't more sensitive to it, but the more I talk to other men - we are all kinda in the same boat- so to speak). The little glances and looks that women give men just aren't enough. I can NEVER figure out if they are just looking or actually trying to get my attention - it really has to be more than that. The little things that women do to get mens attention are generally not strong or pointed enough to get the proper response that women are looking for. When it comes to relationships, men are just not that intuitive, it just not our arena.

Well hopefully you took dancing lessons after that so when the next woman asks you, you can say yes!

Thanks for sharing.

Thank you, I will keep that in mind... Next time I see a man I'm attracted to and would like him to ask me on a date, I'll be a little more forward in letting him know I'm interested.

This is probably too forward?... "I'd like to go on a date with you, and will, just as soon as you ask me"

I think the ego gets in the way a lot. Women want to feel like the man will take the initiative and like it was their idea. If we have to tell you we want to date you it kind of takes away that "oh so wonderful feeling" that makes us feel special and wanted.

But what I'm hearing is that men need us to tell them, or at least give them a little or more blatant nudge so that they can feel confident that we will say yes?

Setting the ego aside, I don't have a problem with that. And it could be fun to casually suggest he take me out on a date... and if he is still clueless, I'll just trip him as he passes by

Just kidding

Some men, maybe more than some, have been shot down so many times they need to feel somewhat confident that if they ask you, the answer will be yes. And yes, most men don't speak "subtle" very well, that is a women's language.

I agree, and it's understandable that some would want to feel more confident.

Thanks for your comment oldkid

Don't forget: Women aren't the only ones who like to feel special.

Think of how a woman feels when approached by any given guy. A man likely feels the same way when approached by any given woman.

There are lots of ways to make someone feel special. But there is only one chance to make a good first impression.

Some men like strong, independent women. Making the first move makes a strong first impression in that regard.

Making the first move on a man doesn't work. They think it's all about sex.