First, chasing another person is generally a waste of time, energy, and money. It should not be necessary to chase someone if both sides are honest with who they are and what they want. In simple terms, one person indicates an interest in another; that other person either responds positively or negatively (no response = negative response) and the chase is over. The only part of the chase that is valid is putting yourself in a position or situation where that other person can indicate an interest. We can do that by a profile on a dating/social website or by putting ourselves in a public social setting where others will see us.

Even though she had used the words chasing, I understood it as how a guy feels if the woman approaches him or pursues him since guys have always been known as the hunters. I didn't think she meant actual chasing, maybe I'm wrong.

Maybe I'm getting it mixed up with her other thread.

In my opinion, woman is loving, caring and selfless human. She has much more potential than that is obvious from her dealing of matters. I would if given chance to interact fully respect her, value her choices and decisions and stand with her in bitter sweet times

Not sure if this applies to anyone but the observation and selection process provides a certain number of stopping indicators.
If we are thinking clearly and using sound judgement we can stop before we enter into that commitment stage where people get hurt. People including ourselves.

I've gotten lost many times in my emotional roller coaster and it usually doesn't turn out well, even if at the time I think it did.
It just depends how long my delusion lasts before my brain says, "Hey, Wait a minute".

The way I get control of it is to set personal indicators that tell me to stop pursuing this woman. I also have indicators that tell me to continue my efforts. Knowing these indicators beforehand helps me avoid the emotional blindness that gets me into relationships that are caustic.
By the time I am emotionally vested I know what I need to know about her. I still choose poorly but its not as often as the past.

Miss Blank Profile automatically makes me pass on that woman. A woman that will not communicate openly with me is another pass. Any hint of drug or alcohol abuse is another automatic pass. I don't feel those women are worth the time to invest emotionally with them.

The way I see it...There might be 1,000 potential women that match with me in some way or another. Of that 1,000 I can rule out 900 from what they write (or don't write) in their profiles. Of the 100 remaining maybe 20 will respond to me or contact me sincerely. Of those 20 women with potential for a match, 15-18 will lie to me about something once we meet. This leaves a handful of actual women worth investing my efforts to get to know personally and of that handful I am only looking for ONE.
So, basically, its a process of elimination based on logical comparison.

Just because a woman may contact me doesn't mean she is immediately qualified. Most of those contacts are not genuine, they get an immediate pass. I don't bother replying because they do not meet my preferences so there is no misunderstanding of my intentions. I'm not being rude, I'm just selecting the best method of elimination/qualification based on my preferences.

We are in the 21st Century, and women should feel free to contact men, but my guess is that most women do not want to. The idea that most men run away when contacted by women is a fallacy in my opinion, promoted by some women. as an excuse for not wanting to chase men.

Thanks lil, no I didn't mean actually hunting them down and chasing them with a lasso, lol

And yes, I was tying it into my other thread. I'm heard many men say they are tired of doing the "chasing" it's the woman's turn. That's mostly why I used that particular word. It's interesting how well it's accepted when men use certain words, but if a woman uses it, it suddenly takes on a whole new meaning and gets turned into something wrong... according to some that is.

some peeps just can't help but focus on the minutia of word choice especially to obscure the gist of the topic

Process of elimination... that's a good approach and helps narrow down the one you would truly like to be with. I think by doing that you get more and more in touch with what characteristics you're looking for in another as well.

Last night I went out with the ladies to a night club kind of atmosphere. One of the bakers at the Y was singing and we wanting to go support him. Two of us ladies are single and interested in dating again. My married lady friend was joking and said I should go sit up at the bar... that was the only place where it looked like there might be a single man.

I don't drink... so going and sitting at the bar I would end up meeting a man who does drink, possibly in excess. I don't mind if a man has one or two beers after work... but don't want to be with someone who drinks all the time. So men sitting at the bar for an hour or two or three are not a good choice for me.

Thanks Tom

Maybe! There might be some truth to that. I don't entirely agree though Duttoner. As much as I think it should be okay, it feels weird and like I'm going against nature... that would be the primal instincts taking over.

Perhaps it's the same with other women, but they don't understand why they have that feeling so use other reasons as an excuse?

Choice is pair of understanding...just lost the second article of the pair somewhere else....finding here
Anyone from Pakistan here ?

It's a great thread River
It's been a enlightening and interesting read!

I'm patiently waiting for the follow-up thread in creative use of duct tape and rope tying to keep them

Well I gotta find and catch me da man first KitKat




Thanks

Now, ladies.....think about this....

If some guy had said, in reference to *women*:
"duct tape and rope tying to keep them"

Some of you would have raised the roof....
(even if the guy had meant it in jest...)


Yes, i have a sense of humor..but I just wanted to point out if a *guy* had said it...would it still be "funny"?

As long as it was said in a joking manner... Yes

Sorry for being River

Nope. !

I wouldnt. At least you would know she was interested and not wanting an itunes card. If its offline, thats fine also as long asthere is an mutual attraction

I think it is something that will change in the future. There was a time when young single women would want a chaperone when in company of young men to ensure propriety, it is unheard of nowadays. What was once considered as normal in courtship for single women, a chaperone, is no longer wanted, times change. Women will begin to chase men and it will become the normal, it is already happening over the Internet to some extent.

I don't think it's primal instincts at all. It's a conditioned response like Pavlov's dogs.

The vast majority of us in the U.S. have been raised to think that the man should be the proactive one, not the woman.

Meanwhile, the woman was raised to play "hard to get" to ensure that the man was sincere, and not some creep or mound of anger.

Then along comes feminism, challenging what we were taught about gender roles.

It creates some confusion, mostly among the men because of the radicals who constantly man-bash.

We are fed an awful lot of B.S. in our lives. Just look at the prank Payless Shoes just pulled. Those people who bought the shoes at outrageous prices without doing their homework were just following their conditioning as fashionistas.

Watch how many people now fail to stop for STOP signs. We know it's wrong not to stop, but we roll through the sign anyway, right? The first several times we do it, we feel odd about it. Guilty, even. But then we get over it. It becomes second nature.

It's all how we are conditioned by the B.S. we are constantly bombarded with. Eventually we accept the B.S. because we want to blend in. We do it to protect ourselves, even if it's not logical. So when we break from that conditioning, step out from the crowd again, we feel exposed and vulnerable, suddenly outside of the safety of our comfort zone.

The problem is that you can't get noticed when you're huddling inside the crowd. You have to make yourself stand out. You have to separate yourself from the crowd so you can be seen.

The risk that comes with that is that some people may be harsh or negative. That's normal. It's not just in dating. It's in everything. It's why we want to blend in with the crowd in the first place, whether it's driving a car, shopping for clothes, or our job at work.

So it's all just mental conditioning. Nothing primal about it.