def: prejudice in favor of or against one thing, person, or group compared with another, usually in a way considered to be unfair.

We all have our biases and they are mostly based on our personal life experiences. They affect our judgement of others and their worthiness. In terms of dating, most are age, race, and gender based but also include height and weight. Often times we make assumptions based on a picture or a few words in a profile or message based on our biases.

What helps you identify your biases and how do you move beyond those biases that effect your willingness to date someone?

truth be told, we are attracted to what we are attracted to

whether its physical, mental, emotionally , it differs from one person to another.

you cant be with someone if youre not attracted to them in whatever way, not even someone claiming to be a sapiophile .

I don't date guys my age who live with their parents. I've broken my rule before. The b.s. about taking care of their parents never turns out to be the real reason. I've learned to stick to my rules.

While that may be true 90% of the time, you might be missing the one you are really looking for among the other 10%.

I really don't care to date someone the same height or shorter. I did push past that twice though....

How did it work out?
I did not like the feeling of looking down on a man. It made me feel slightly amazon-ish and large.

So going forward unfortunately, I take this into consideration, just to save feeling awkward.

Why would I want to move beyond those biases?

You said "and they are mostly based on our personal life experiences..."

Based on what you believe biases to be and how they are formed, what you are basically asking is "you've spent your entire life learning the shortcuts that work best for you, how do you stop behaving in ways that are absolutely normal, accepted, and what you've judged are in your own best interest, to behave in arbitrary ways that may or may not be in your own best interest, possibly having forcing yourself to absolutely throw away your past life experience to keep it from affecting the arbitrary behavior you think may lead to something else."

Other than that:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3073696/

Good luck with that.


And they might not.
And in identifying and possibly getting rid of/avoiding applying the learned biases, they may be throwing away their ability to more easily navigate or "weed through" the 90% for the sake of possibly finding a single individual among a smaller population which they may have no experience with, their bias having them avoiding that population previously.

IOW "I've been training to spot a needle in a haystack. I know, I'm going to start looking for a bead or something in a sack of birdseed or something, maybe that bead or whatever will bring me happiness."

Other than that, all you're doing by getting rid of any prior biases is simply learning new ones.

I and my dad live together. He's 84. He gets around really good. But he's deaf amongst other things. Me, the way I look at it, that's my dad. He may not need me around for some things. But he needs me a lot for other things. If some woman doesn't want to date me because I and my dad live together, That fine with me.

Because, the way I look at it, one day he will not be here at all. And my conscience is clear. I didn't boot him out or leave myself just so some woman "might" date me. Women come and go like the wind. There is a blue million of them. But you only have one mother and one dad. And when they are gone, they are gone forever. Women are replaceable.

It's nothing to do with being biased when you don't want to date and be with someone based on age, race, height, weight.
It's knowing what works for you and what doesn't.

What am I going to do about it? Nothing.

Now if it's about "I don't want anyone with glasses because XZY." that's different.
What am I going to do about it? Still nothing. I prefer a partner without glasses. But if my soulmate would happen to have glasses I'm quite sure he'd charm his way in and I'd fall for him regardless as he'd be the right person for me. Then they aren't an obstacle for love.

So you're now telling people to date others from a specific group, even when they know in their heart they're not right, just because their significant other COULD be among a mere 10% of this group?
LOL.
Sorry. But that's a waste of time.
Ye of little faith! I think the Universe will bring your significant other in a clear way, meaning, without having to date mostly the wrong people for you.
That's like going through 10 haystacks even though you know your 'needle' is in the very last haystack. Why would one do that?

When you know dating someone who is living with their mother cannot offer you the things you need in order to be happy and fulfilled, why would you date them?
That is called "settling for less".
You shouldn't be dating to downgrade with what you need in life. Dating and being with someone should ADD value to your life. Not take away from it.

I have a baseline expectation that the person not be likely to add stress or problems to my own life, like having problems with drinking or drugs or vulgarity, or having poor family relationships, or having no Faith in God, or lack of compassion and empathy ... those baseline expectations are non negotiable, but they are completely under the control of the other individual and how they CHOOSE to live.


beyond those baseline expectations though, I try to look at the world in a 'balanced' lens. I understand I have bias or preference for certain things over others BUT I also understand how complex each person is and that though they may not tick the box for SOME preferences, doesnt mean they dont tick the box for ANY preference. and as long as at least a couple boxes are ticked, there is always potential.

For instance. I prefer taller men, but I dated a shorter guy because he ticked the box for OTHER preferences, like wit, sense of humor, style, positive attitude ... et cetera

When I was younger, I had a stronger preference for black men (now I have no racial preference), mostly because it was the comfort zone of what I knew and because of the cultural stereotypes that led my mind to make certain blanket assessments of anyone in other groups just because they were in the group. I didnt like thin lips or pale skin, so I thought I didn't care much for white guys. But imagine when I opened my eyes outside of the box and saw that not only can white guys not all be pale or have thin lips, some who did could still pretty much nail other things I was attracted to like style and swagger.

I also prefer the easy going but suited up type, who understands English, and can hob nob with anyone. But the love of my life was from the 'hood' , spoke much more slang, and really could not relate much to others outside the hood (he also found other boxes to tick with me, sense I wasnt from the hood either). He ticked other boxes like integrity, family relationship and priority, sense of humor, resilience and strength.


so I think any bias can be unlearned, when people are motivated to view individuals in a broader lens than any one feature or categories based on a few features, but I think people do not often have the motivation to do so.

This makes my point. If a parent is sick enough that they can't be left alone, then the caregiver wouldn't have time to date anyway.
You make a point that you aren't looking for anything serious. No woman wants to compete with mom or dad. It's clear that dating you would be for your needs only then it's back to the comforts provided by your parent.
Once I had a guy tell me he was going with his parents to pick out a new mattress. I felt like I was talking to someone younger than my grown kids.

I wasn't suggesting who anyone should date. I was trying to point out that we often cross somebody off based on our bias without looking at the whole person to see if there are values there we are looking for.

You are honest, which is refreshing. Many woman don't say that but think that.

women don't like to date short guys. I don't blame them. I wouldn't date a woman taller then me.. just wouldn't feel right

Short guys have it tough. and if they are short, bald and fat.. well.. they best be buying a blow up gal.

It all boils down to attraction, romantically or sexually,we are attracted to what we are attracted to .

Your statement isn't exactly true. I don't know about other men, but I come and go as I please. I always have. I choose to let him stay with me. I date when I want too. My dad isn't an old man sitting in a rocker waiting for death to come and get him. He's deaf and uneducated. And that's about the extent of it.

And you're right, I'm not looking for anything serious. I've already pointed that out in another thread. But my dad has nothing to do with it. It was a personal decision based on the type of women I meet most of the time that only want a man for whatever he can give her.

I lost everything once and took me years to get it back. I'll never let another woman take from me what it took my hard work to get. So, my dad has nothing to do with it. So far, not one woman that I've ever dated had to compete with my dad. Not one.

If I ever come across a woman that wants me for me, instead of what I have, she most certainly will not have to compete with my dad. Any man worth his salt usually has a backup plan. But, with the way a lot of today's women are, I don't look to have to use it.


Are you the type that would kick your mom or dad to the curb for some man?

I think we’re all social anthropologists to a certain extent.

I am attracted to the same type men now, as when I was younger, only difference is older men now.

Maybe that was/is a problem but I am attracted to whom I am attracted to.

No biases to race. Just character and I. Can't stand cheap men.

It all comes down to personal preference and what you like and don't. There is no right or wrong

Awhile go there was a thread on " would you date outside your race" I said no.. I was called a racist by a few people here! Lol.. A racist because I prefer white women... because.. well.. I'm white.. so I like that... And I was labeled a racist.........

mmm, I think thats oversimplifying. a preference is about who you WILL go out with, not about who you WONT.

I PREFER taller men, doesnt mean I WOULDNT date a shorter guy. If race alone is keeping someone out of the running, ..... well...