Iceprinces......
Just a thought....
But maybe you should ACTUALLY READ AND COMPREHEND my posts before commenting on them.

Did I or did I not mention there are reasons to End a marriage which included abuse.

And by the way....I don't believe the topic had anything to do with children...how did that sneak into the discussion folks?

The subject was posted based on Married (and separated is still technically and ethically STILL considered Married) verses actually SINGLE. Thank you!!!!!

By the way 9 cornerpocket!!!!

Thanks for bringing up the topic...
a very worthy topic for discussion either pro or con. Kudos

gam only comment made in reference to you was that i was divorced and had been for some time that was in reference to your assumption that you knew who was and wasn't dicorced/seperated figured i'd let you know if you were right.


personally i could really care less if you approve of my reasons for divorce that wasn't in reference to you mayby you should read adn comprehend if i'm referingto you i mention you by name as i did so when i was REFERENCING you.

as for children read back he brought them into the subjsct darling.

BTW your welcome

ok....im gonna stay away from this topic...too much hostility in this room...but i will say that (and this is only my opinion)

if you are separated with no intentions of getting back together and rekindling your marriage, then no, its not cheating.

if you are married, you are just that...and should be content with what you have at home. the grass isnt always greener on the other side!

Ignorance is not an excuse, but in this situation it certainly does apply. what do you think you wake up in the morning and go to the courthouse and get a divorce.

In New York and many other states it takes at least 2 to 3 yrs to get a contested divorce.

this might need clarification

contested = one party not agreeing with the other parties terms of the divorce

contested does not mean one of the parties doesnt want a divorce

By the way, once you file your papers for a divorce from that day on, you are legally seperated and that my friend is as good as a divorce, just the terms of the cdivorce are still in the precedings

Sorry Gems but In New york once you file for divorce from that day on you are legally seperated and no longer have any responsibilty for the other parties life. The only responsibilty you have is monetary support issues in which is a pretty much status quo situation. Ex. my income was the only income in the house hold, so i had to keep paying house bills as before and that was all I paid, because that covered approx the same amount The judge set for child support,which is a fixed pertcentage of your income.

With being "seperated", there's usually a very good chance that the two parties will work things out. What if I started dating a seperated woman, really fell hard for her, only to have a few weeks later, have her tell me that "Mr. Wonderful" and herself have worked things out. And yes, this actually happened to me. Talk about hurting!

It's not that simple. I've been separated for years and haven't done the divorce (though the process has been started) mainly because of the financial hardship it would place both my spouse and me in. I don't really see the point of divorce at this point as neither of us are planning to re-marry anytime soon or ever. Being legally married but not "together" affords me and my children more protection than divorce would.

Although, as I have previously stated, I am not yet divorced, my children and I are so far (financially) from where we were it isn't even funny. Divorce would make the situation much worse.

My point is, that she did not cheat though. She was separated. Yes, there is more of a chance things could get worked out, but you were aware that the divorce was not finalized when you were together, right? So, those consequenses on that relationship had to have roamed through your mind. She should have fully briefed you on the situation at hand. You knew she was only separated but continued the relationship. I'm sorry to hear she decided to work it out and give you the slip, but who's to say that if the divorce was finalized and he came back asking for a second chance she wouldn't have taken it just as easily? Break ups are a matter of the heart, not a peice of paper. Therefore, I will stay with my opinion that Separated is NOT cheating.

JellyBean ,

Hey, just wanted to say that I never said that YOU said dating while seperated is cheating. I agree with you--it's not.

I'm just saying that dating someone who's seperated is riskier and has more pitfalls involved than dating someone who's divorced.

Now, where's those Irish Drinking Songs?

it's okay Knox. everyone is entitled to their oppinion, but i felt that ppl were getting off the mark and taking what i said out of context, not grasping what i was saying fully, so i used your post to reiterate.


ever heard, Drink and Fight by Dropkick Murphys?

simple answer dont get married in the first place its jst a legal piece of paper that now a days causes the common man far to many problems and u can have a good relationship without those

My personal opinion, and that is all it is, so don't anyone jump down my throat for saying it.

I personally will not date someone who does not have the divorce papers finalized. With most divorces come drama. I try to avoid drama in my life, there for I stay away. My best friend is in the process of divorce, and is dating someone in the process also. I see nothing wrong with that, FOR THEM. I just choose to stay away myself.

I don't think any of you are right or wrong here. I just think no one can accept that people have their own opinions and are entitled to have them.

People are getting upset here, and there is no reason for it.

I would think this where someone is emotionally would
be more important than what the paperwork says.

If you are over the person emotionally it does not
matter what the legal status is.

GAMS has it right.


That puts me in the middle of a muddy puddle too.

One that I should not be laying in and making snow angels as though I have nothing better to do.

I all too often forget that my marriage that ended a violent and turbulent periodd of my life is still on the books some 13 years after the split.

I must file a "final entry of Judgement"

But I haven't and neither has she, even though she remarried 5 years later.

The final entry requires a child support order and amended visitation rights burdening my ex.

Her burden, not mine.

But I have custody. Full and complete with autonomy and am doing a great job of raising our son !!!!!!!!!!!

I forget that when I forget her.

From time to time, I bring this up and warn her that the child support issue will mess her up.

I ask her to prepare the way for being positioned to accomodate that order by the court and allow me to move forward with myself.

Sticky wicket, that.

And it takes this thread and Gam's comments to remind me of the

problem.


IRONY.......PURE IRONY.........

in TOTALLY agree.

AMEN

I have told many here that I will not date or think of anything with SOMEONE MARRIED, even if THEY have FILED for a divorce, THEY OUR STILL TOGETHER..

And I will NEVER be the ONE that the husband could SAY, that I STOLED HER FROM HIM!!!

IM NEVER GOING TO BE ""ANY"" LADIES "REASON" FOR HER TO LEAVE,,.
Because, I "WON'T let myself EVER GO THERE!!!!
SIMPLE....

When "YOU" have lost a love to ANOTHER,,,,,
YOU DON'T EVER WANT TO BE THAT "OTHER"....