What if you fall in love to someone but you know that someone has another love.. you're wishing however that one day he might forget that someone and love you back. Then suddenly while waiting you get tired. You accepted the fact that maybe you will just remain friends and will never be more than that. You've decided to let go and focus on someone else. Then you met someone unexpectedly. Someone who help you to be a better person. Someone who showed so much care and concern. After meeting him a lot has changed to you. Then the one that you loved first comeback and says that he loves you even before. He's just afraid to tell that because he's afraid to hurt you. Somehow you still have feelings for him but you are falling to someone already. Who will you choose? Your past or your present?

just based on what you wrote and not reading anymore into it. if it was me i would stick with the new friend. but only you know the whole story so good luck

I agree with eric ... you said the new one appropriates you and even makes you feel better about yourself and can grow with ... that is a relationship to have ... with someone ... both supporting each other ... that is a goal to have with a relationship and sounds like the better of the two ... don't fall back into a stuck relationship ...

but only you can decide who helps you... or brings you down ... and what kind of life you want ...

I've been wondering about that. With some exes is it crystal clear you never want them back, with some it can be more nuanced.

I think it depends on the reason you split up and if that reason has now truly been resolved.
I also think it is imperative to be totally honest with yourself and have a good look at why you'd even consider taken him back though. Is it an ego thing that you aren't really aware of but is still controlling you from the backseat? I do feel this is often the case, although one would be inclined to deny that.

For instance, you say you have grown and become a better person.
Who said you weren't a good person to begin with? That ex? If he ended it because you felt you weren't good enough, then that part of the ego may be telling you now that you should go back to him because now you are good enough. But that is a very weak and faulty reason.
So do some real soul searching as to why you are considering taking him back. And do not underestimate ego issues in this. If you feel resistance when reading this, you can almost be 100% certain it IS an ego issue...

Maybe an open conversation with your ex is called for, not to get back together per say, but for you to be able to tie up loose ends and become able to now commit fully to this new man.
Somehow I get a sense that you cannot fully open your heart to this new man because of these loose ends with the ex. That does NOT however mean you have to go back to ex. It means you have to clean up the garbage so you can (finally) move on.

Remember, this new man accepted you as you are. That is precious!

I dont really like to be an afterthought. I dont think I would abandon my present for my past. If my present has an open spot, I might consider it though.

This is like a Christmas Carol

Bah Humbug, go with ghost of the present

it is not unusual to glorify the "past", forgetting/ignoring/discounting the realities that made it the past...that is, until you re-unite and then one day (after a cold splash of water from the memory pool) say to yourself "uh oh", this is why it didn't work the first time...

I agree with Eric. Please sister let the past go, well you know them better

Maybe date them both, but inform them first that you need to do this because you have to make the difficult decision on who will win your heart, so they know you are not two timing on them. They both should agree to this by you setting a time frame involving 5 or 6 dates with each of them, this should help in you deciding which one you prefer, the old friend you never got to date, or the newbie. Good luck with whatever you decide to do, but don't miss out you could regret it.

I also agree with Eric on this one.
Good luck!

Just a small suggestion for sorting things out:

consider the possibility that the only reason why you are considering the one from the past, is that you don't want to declare that all the love you felt before, was meaningless. Kind of like, that you think you HAVE to go for the one from your past, to prove that what you USED TO FEEL, was real.

You don't.

Thanks all for the advice and for the response much appreciated...

Both are just my friend. Both are from another country. Both are nice too but the the past is now courting. He said he loves me and he don't wanna lose me. The present, he's not courting (still in the search mode) but I met him already in real and he's investing so much time to know me. He knows lots of things about my past experiences and almost everyday I am receiving a message from him. He knew that I was bullied (because of that I had a low self esteem before). Things became ok because of his help and also because of encouraging words. He said he wants my happiness. He reminded me of my worth... I know for him I am special and people said that even if he's not courting he likes me.


Thanks all again God bless!

If the past is now courting, let him go unless he is courting you. Courting another person and still telling you his feeling is confusing, if you focus on such you will endup regretting your life. Please give chance to the available one who helps you and knows your worth. Pray that God should guide you.

Humm not sure if I'm getting this right or not..

So you have not meet the guy from the past that you thought you was in love with??? Is that true?

Both live in different Countries even.. One has made the effort to come see you the one in the (Present) that is.. He is the one that has taken the time to get to know you.. But if he is still looking then he does not feel you are the one.. So that is confusing unless he does not believe in long distance relationships which can be hard on a person..

Really without the whole story it is hard to say what to do one must follow their heart not what others tell them to do or there will always be what if's... Just make sure you follow your true heart and not just first instinct.

If this is so then the past was never the past for unless you have meet them in person then it is hard to call them the past..

There is a song with words that go like this...."If you can't be with the one you love, love the one you're with."

Sounds like a soap opera!

Not really insecure.. Just can't decide before because I have feelings from that past but I weighed things. I told the one from the past to let it remain that way.. to let us just remain friends... the other one, I am just enjoying the moment. But I don't know where it will go, perhaps we'll remain friends.

Great song.. but I hope that's easy. Anyway thanks and God bless!

Yep and sometimes episodes in soap opera can happen in real. Sometimes soap opera were based on real life too.

Wanna tell the whole story but it's long. Thanks for the advice