I'm not going to say who it is but I'm pretty sure I saw my brothers wife on here. When I went to ask the person if their name was "jane doe" they deleted the pic on their profile. What should I tell my brother ( he is very sensitive and he is about to have a second kid.)

is the account still active?

what were the actions

is she pursuing or advertising for someone

if not why say anything

a lot of people are here just to

have people to talk to

That's a tough one. The fact that she removed her pic says she's more than likely who you think she is. And, the fact that she didn't just come out and tell you she was here for friendship also says that she's looking for something she shouldn't be.

Because they're ready to have another baby isn't reason to keep it from him..but if you DO decide to say that you thought you saw her...expect your brother to be angry at you...out of denial and embarrassment.

THIS IS SO TRUE!AND DO THINK ABOUT THIER RELATIONSHIP AND KIDS FIRST.IF YOU TELL HIM...TRY WITH "UM,I KNOW YOU MIGHT NOT BELIEVE THIS........"

sorry that you have been put into this kind of predicament. Ever thought about maybe contacting the wife, say I saw you, and then tell her that she tells him the truth, or you will. I've done that before, and it works out pretty good. If she goes to him and tells him, it's off of you! Atleast with your brother.

dont be a hater...

I think I will go to her. On and her profile says single, and when the pic were up I asked 3 people if they knew this person and they all said her name.

I disagree with just about everyone here. Do NOT tell him. You don't know the circumstances or the details, and you aren't even sure it was her. The only things to come from you telling him is a broken marriage, kids torn apart by divorce, and hurt feelings all around.

Here are a few scenarios to consider:

- She had no intention of cheating, but just wanted someone to contact her to let her know she's still desirable — something she may not be hearing from your brother much these days.

- She may be looking for friendship only, especially if your brother works long hours or has become emotionally distant recently, and the only conversation she has all day is with a two-year old.

- Perhaps she and your brother were interested in role-playing and this fits into that scene somehow.

- He might know about it and support it, and is their sexuality really something you want to get into with them?

- He may have cheated and she found out, and now she's feeling abandoned and looking for comfort elsewhere.

- Hormones may be driving her crazy (making her feel lonelier than she might otherwise be), and after she has her baby she will be too busy to worry about it and eventually return to "normal."

I'm not saying any of these is necessarily the case. All I'm saying is that you don't know what the situation entails and it's a personal issue between them (regardless of whether he knows about it). It's simply not your place to interfere in such matters.

On a final note, let's assume for a moment that the woman you saw is your sister-in-law and she's looking to cheat on your brother. Women rarely go out of their way to cheat on a whim. There is almost always a deep, underlying problem in their relationship that makes them seek comfort in the arms of another man. It's rarely because sex isn't satisfying at home, either — that's a male-centric concept, but for women it's usually something deeply emotional.

In short, stay out of it. The odds are that your interference will cause more harm than good.

well first off she might just be on here for friends...what was her thread about and i would just lay low and check things out it could be harmlessly innocent...if not be a brother and tell him.

cheating especially in a marriage is never excuseable. So dont lecture on interfering with a relationship. I know something has to be done and that's why I'm going to talk to her. The profile I read in no way shows any of the innocents you are concearned over and is a married woman that has kids acting sexually interested in someone other than her husband.

Ty all for your input, I'll message her again tonite and I do thinks thats what's best.

you may also consider using this to your advantage...she may be very greatful for you to keep it under your hat, if you know what i mean...lol

You're disgusting

if she was just on here to have fun and enjoy the forums that is one thing, but what did her profile say she was seeking? that makes all the difference. if she was seeking men for other than friends, out of respect and loyalty i would have to tell my brother.

I wouldn't say anything to him. You don't know the facts for sure, you can only speculate that it was her. It could have been someone using her pics, and you caught them, so they took them down. It could have been her looking for something, but you don't know that.


I say leave it alone until you know for sure.

It sounds as if you're pretty set what you're going to do anyway. Doesn't sound like you need advice. Seems like you're looking to validate what you intended on doing anyway. I could be wrong.

If it were my wife, I'd want to know. HOWEVER, maybe discussing it with her and finding out her true intentions might be best. You can either tell him OR she can. If it appeared to you that she was "flirting" or making herself "available"...then you have grounds to pursue the asking. It is your brother. Think about this too. If it were HIM doing it, would you ask him, or tell HER about it? Do what's fair for both.

She knows you're "on to her", so my best inclination tells me, he'll find out about this long before you say anything. Just a guess.

wow this is like a movie.. umm, might sound messed up but can ya keep us updated.. this is very interesting.

i guess you should have played detective rather than been confrontational

there are quite a few of us on here that are NOT looking for a mate...or a date...or anything other than to "just say hi".

unless she's trying to have an emotional relationship with someone (and maybe not even then), i'd keep my mouth shut. you really can't tell WHAT their dynamic is...and she might be just playing out some fantasy. there's a big difference between THINKING of cheating and actually doing so.

what this might mean, however...is that they are having some problems that need to be addressed. be ready to support your brother and lend an ear, should he need one.

You ask what you should do, but then disregard advice that might actually be helpful — as opposed to many of the "punish her for her sins" responses. You merely came here looking for validation that telling your brother is the right thing to do, regardless of the consequences, under the pretense that you are concerned for his emotional well-being and the future of his family: "What should I tell my brother ( he is very sensitive and he is about to have a second kid.)"

Lulu is right, that you can't know what's going on except through your limited perspective which may have given you a false impression of the situation. If you really think that I'm lecturing on the ethics of non-involvement, then you've missed the point entirely — but now I _am_ lecturing. You are dealing with the lives of real people about matters you aren't qualified to assess in a manner you aren't justified in executing, and your own need to exert power in the lives of others is appalling. You don't want to help them; you want to hurt her — and apparently without regard for what will happen to their marriage or their children. Further, I'm not condoning cheating — within or without a marriage — and if she's having an extramarital affair then she is quite possibly undermining her relationship. However, if you take it upon yourself to actively destroy their marriage and split up their family, you are much worse than she is.

If you present her with an ultimatum (that either she tells him or you will), you will most likely be forcing a divorce — which may happen regardless, but none of us knows that. If you truly believe yourself to be judge, jury, and executioner in this situation, nothing I say or anyone else says will change your mind. If, however, you want solid advice and care about your family as you claimed in your original post, you will let them deal with it in their own way and in their own time without outside involvement. Those of us who have seen relationships destroyed, as well as those healed, after an infidelity can tell you that outside interference always causes more problems than it solves. Relationships that recover generally do so when they work through their problems (not just sexual infidelity) in their own way, and seek help of their own accord.

This is the last I have to say on the subject. I'm really not looking to argue with you or engage in a pïssing match, and I suspect you will end up doing whatever you want regardless. But this isn't the same as asking for advice about whether to pursue your high school sweetheart or how to handle forgetting your girlfriend's birthday. This is a much more serious situation with more serious repercussions than the _possibility_ of infidelity. I genuinely hope for the best for your brother and his family, and to that end I truly hope you reconsider your intended action.