Have you stopped putting a real effort into finding a life partner..?.. that is you no longer put a real effort into it anymore..
You don't go out to the bars are the pick up clubs.. you don't join any of those dating sites.. you've just resigned yourself to the fact that.. if somebody comes along great !!..if not oh well... and by doing this do you think.. that then the universe closes the door on sending any when your way..

Because you're no longer actively looking for someone... as a single person do you think this is a good approach.?... being happy alone.. not really needing anyone in your life... do you think that closes you off to the possibility of actually meeting someone.... or have you simply just given up... on meeting mr. Or mrs. Perfect.. partner for you.?

Yeah, when I was A LOT younger I used to believe that if I didn't get laid by the weekend I would literally die. Now, all that "life partner" and "soul mate" stuff is just words, although I wouldn't mind someone who looks good in a French maid outfit stopping by and doing a little "dusting" now and then .

You can do that and expect the Universe to deliver that partner after all ONLY if you are on a happy, positive vibration with life. In a way you do send out that you want a partner and relationship and how you want it to be, then you let it go completely and trust that the Universe will deliver.
And it will, but only if you are truly happy and positive and enjoying life.
IF not, you aren't on the right vibration to receive that partner and relationship, in other words: the Universe can't bring it to you.

What could happen if you are not on a great vibration, yet secretly still crave a relationship, is that the Universe will bring you someone who's a match to that shite vibration, and not to what you really want. So then you end up in another unhappy relationship and get disappointed yet again.

If you truly don't want a relationship anymore, then you wouldn't have to do anything at all, because you automatically send that out into the Cosmos.
But I doubt anyone truly feels that way. Most will think they close the door out of anger, fear, bitterness, hurt and so on. Which means they will likely eventually attract someone to confirm those limiting beliefs. Or end up meeting people that irritate the crap out of you, like needy and clingy people, or control freaks, or depressed ones, or commitment phobes, players and so on.

So yes, you can close the door. Better question would be: Why would you want to? And do you really really want to?
Or are you just afraid to be left behind, to get hurt again, and give up from that vibe?

Another question: What would make you truly happy? Find answer to that, and go for it!

Oh, and as for me:
No, I have not given up nor will I ever. I work out what the lesson of a 'failed' relationship was, learn from it, and move on. I do not want to be alone in life, I want to share it with a partner.
Never for one second did it cross my mind to give up on it, not even when or directly after he told me he wanted to break up.
As a matter of fact the one thing that went through me, even when still having that breakup conversation with him, was "I will find new love!"

A lot comes down to inner strength and working on yourself. Learning why relationships go wrong.
I think for men it almost always is not having worked through a past relationship, usually the one with their ex-wife. They hop from one relationship to the next after that, but never really dare commit anymore. That's why many men stab themselves in the back because that way they don't find what they crave deep down by their own behaviour.

Gave up on looking?
NO
Gave up on stressing out about it all?
YES

My confidence and self-esteem are at a lifetime high for me right now.
I stopped being concerned with others expectations of me and started living my own life.
While I do watch for that someone special, I realize that she may not come into my life.
I can sit and worry about it or I can just live as I can and be content.
I choose contentment over frustration and worry.

There are more things in this world that I can't control than those that I can control.
I control that which is in my power and let the other things be as they may be.

Some people are happy alone! I'm active online and off! Been to three luncheon parties already and had one nice date! I've been asked out again! I'm into dating nice gentlemen. Maybe one will be life partner.

I don't see it as being alone. I have friends, family, and women who are special.

I think some people put too much pressure on themselves to have a constant mate and thus feel empty without one.

For me, if it happens fine.. if not, well then o.k.

Not really.
Mostly because I've never put a "real effort into finding a life partner."
At least in comparison to what I have put a "real effort" into.

I mean I spent k-12 putting a "real effort" into showing up to school for 7-8 hours a day for about 12 years, plus home work.
Then I put in a "real effort" in college where I'd spend 4-6 hours a day in classes, then spent another 2-8+ hours a day putting "real effort" into papers, research, studying, memorizing, completing projects, for several years.

I put "real effort" into finding job(s). Going out and finding out who was hiring. Filling in applications, or writing a resume tailored to the position. Sometimes studying the company. Setting up interviews. Shopping for appropriate business clothes.

I put "real effort" into my job(s) since I was a teenager. Putting in 20-40 hours a week while in school. And after leaving college putting in 40-60+ hours a week into the job(s).

Compared to that, going out looking for a date was never really all that much "real effort" and entailed mostly finding dates while seeking entertainment and distraction.

Compared to school and work, learning to communicate in a relationship, making it work, when both of us wanted it to continue, wanted us to succeed, wanted to learn each other, where we weren't competing for positions or raises or grades, both having a desire to collaborate, a vested interest in each other, wasn't really much "real effort" necessary. By comparison.


That's not really putting in any "real effort," IMO.
It's like asking "Have you stopped putting real effort into nutrition? You don't go out to McDonald's, or the vending machines...you don't join the cheeto's lovers clubs..."


There is no good approach. There's only the approach you choose to follow.
Good and bad judgments of your approach only arise when your expectations aren't realistic to what you're doing, or they're fulfilled serendipitously.


It can. Depends on the person. Sometimes the delusion of being happy alone, believing they don't really need anyone in their life, is just a symptom of the choice to close off the possibility of actually meeting someone.

Some (many) times it's just a game, pushing people away trying to get people to chase them harder.
Their life isn't that fulfilling and increasingly less so since they get used to being alone, so they need overcompensating validation, and more extreme communication of the chase otherwise they can't really understand they're being chased.

You reap what you sow

To the OP, stop moping around. It's just been a few weeks since your breakup. Give yourself a breather. A few weeks alone won't kill ya... well, you're not dead yet, right?

Merry Christmas!

.. and a happy new year....


Too cheerful? sorry

Haven't given up, but its to the point I seriously don't think it will happen here.

haven't given up but have been here like 2 months now and haven't met anyone

There is always Hope & Faith. Which I have Both.

I have tried numerous time and gave my ultimate support to succeed at all time but still am single.
so yes! better be alone and happy then wasting my time looking for Mr Right.
I will now let Destiny decide my status ...

I gave up on most of the things you list, a very long time ago. Mainly, because I became convinced that doing things I don't normally do (out in bars) isn't a logical way to meet people who like what I DO like.

On the emotional end of this, I've done as I think many have, and alternatively "give up in frustration," and then realize I do still want someone, so I "un-give up" again.

Changing your strategy, isn't the same as ending the quest.

Can't say I have gave up nor can I say I'm looking... Being alone is not a bad thing to me I tend to like my solitude...

If it happens that I meet someone then I would welcome it but not into spending my time looking for someone else.. I would rather enjoy my time doing other things...

Sometimes you have to change your routine so you meet others that you normally do not....

Such a simple and accurate assessment.
But...your wisdom often shines brightly.

At this point I’m enjoying being alone and rediscovering who I am and want to be. I think I need to do this for a long time before I even seriously think about a relationship. And to be honest I don’t think I care if one ever comes along. I’ve spent my whole life being someone’s Daughter, Mother or “Wife” and at 51 I need to make it about me, for now anyway

Sounds good ,how are you doing there

I haven't completely given up but not really looking at this time.

Well thank you for your kind words...