Oh the subject has probably been thrashed, yet I really want to hear your experience

Can trust be rebuilt?

If you mean with the same person who broke your trust, I would say that it depends entirely upon the circumstances under which the trust was broken, also if it has happened more than once.

I think that question has a different answer from one case to another, depending on the individuals involved.

I would ask the same as " delightfulillusion "

No matter what situation, it depends entirely on whether you love yourself and have solid boundaries that you really stand by.
You can never truly trust another when you don't even trust yourself, for which you need love of self and rock solid boundaries. These two will allow you to remain open, and that is the only way trust with another can bloom again.
But as long as you are afraid, insecure, doubting (= lack of trusting yourself and your boundaries, not enough love of self) you cannot come to trust again. You'll trample it as soon as the still delicate bud will show itself.

My insecurities they're ruining my marriage. I see it. ****ing going through phones. I feel really crazy.
I don't want to be that way. I want be carefree and loving. I don't see myself at all anymore. I don't know who I am. How do I love myself when i have no idea who I am anymore? I don even know where to begin to fix it. I push everyone away. My husband maybe he won't want to wait around for me to find myself. Maybe he will forget what ever it was he saw in me and he will go?

The thing about trust is, once you have lost it,
tis usually for a very good reason.

Rebuilding would call for a lapse of what you learned
that made you lose the trust in the first place.

Probably too smart for that.

I believe time can help us overcome just about anything when it comes to true love.

I think my answer is "sort of, sometimes."

What is Trust, really? I think it's more than one thing, complicated. In a lot of situations, what feels like 'trust,' is mostly 'expectations.'

I "expect' that my personal property will be respected, and dealt with as being mine, for example.

And trust can be a sort of relative thing, that has a time component to it. I expect that a new person in my life will deal with me positively, but I might also allow for the possibility that they will need to learn what my expectations are. The most times I can think of, where I regained my trust about someone, were those kinds of situations. A new person can fail to fulfill my hopes and expectations at first, but if I realize that it's due to their misunderstanding of my boundaries, rather than to their being callous about them, then we can develop trust, through communication and mutual agreements.

Another aspect of trust, is that especially in the more serious and painful situations, the breach of trust causes permanent changes in us. There is no way to restore trust, in the sense of returning to feeling the same way we each did before it happened. Even if whatever it was was a mistake, or was due to a misunderstanding since cleared up, the fact that it did happen, will always be true. And if it was something that caused emotional injury, that injury will remain in the form of "scars," just as many physical injuries do, no matter how long one heals.

I've had experiences where I could forgive the other person, truly and completely, and yet I could never again myself, be involved with them in the way that I had previously hoped I would be. I might again believe that they would never do such a thing as they did to me, to someone else; I could 'trust' them in that way. But because they HAD done it to me, I could never be the person in their life again, who they needed to have that kind of trust in them. Cheating is like that for me. I can come to the point where I do know and believe that the cheater has made the change in themselves, that means that they will never cheat on someone again; but the fact that they did it to me, forever means that it can't be me, that they devote their life to, and have me devote mine to them, in turn.

Complicated.

*******************************************

Yes, TRUST can be complicated to define.

Many times I think and try to compare " TRUST ",
with " Having FAITH " or even " BELIEVING Again "??

I could be wrong, but who is right these days??

Trust me when I say don't trust anyone..lol

Trust in Uncle Sam your government
Trust in your politicians..
Trust in the big corporations..
Trust in the oil barons..
Trust in your bank....

All the above have screwed you all over constantly... but somehow you still trust them.....

But yet someone you love someone you're close to betrays your trust and you say you're unwilling to forgive them... give them a second shot...wow... I would sooner give someone I loved a second chance...
Put behind my mistrust in them...
Because if I can't do it for someone I love..

Well.. it seems a bit weird that I'm willing to..
Trust all the above mentioned before I even retrust someone I loved..once..
Think about it..lol

^^ This makes sense.
The thing about trust is that it is meant to protect us.

We exist in a Universe of chaotic events.
Things do happen that are beyond our control.
A violation of trust, in the OP sense of the word, usually requires forgiveness to be revitalized.

This is usually not a big problem as long as the trust is not violated again.

There is no such thing as 'forgive and forget' and there shouldn't be.
There can be a condition of 'forgive and move on', which implies that the trust will not be broken again.

However, in the relationship sense, the violation of trust usually stems from a deeper problem in the relationship that will cause more trust issues if the problem is not sorted and repaired.

Broken trusts do not always lead to failed relationships. We set the importance of 'trusts' according to our own personal values.
This is why it is important to understand the values of the person you are in a relationship with. Trust is built on the sharing of those values.

One of the biggest problems I see in relationships (from analyzing my own failed relationships) is that people do not fully understand the others that they enter into a relationship with.
They mis-prioritize the other's values based on their own desires and expectations.
Then, when trust becomes an issue, they fail to understand the deeper meaning and act according to their instinct.

yes,of course it can... if the other person wants it...not easily done and it takes time, but i know it can be...

What's the use in being with someone if you can't trust them.And if they broke someone's trust what would make them think they could trust that person to tell the truth when they say they won't do it again.To me it would always be there in the back of my mind and I don't want to live like that,so for me the answer would be NO..

it's correct! ms harmony!

Sometimes! Depends on what the man did in the relationship!!

Sure.

It just takes a lot of time, (mental/emotional/thoughtful) effort, and an actual desire to rebuild it.

Either by the person that "lost" their trust for another/something, or (more ideally) by both the trustor and trustee working together.

Usually if attempted solely by the person who "lost" their trust in/for another/something, it's identifying limiting conditions, factors or variables for trust, and adapting for greater situational awareness.

If attempted together it usually requires deeper communication, learning new patterns of behavior, consistency with commitment, and mutual support. At least IMO/IME.


Other than that, what a lot of people erroneously treat as "trust" is simply "taking for granted" and "assumptions" and "expectations."
I mean everyone has cognitive bias, feel a false consensus effect.

So many times someone may feel they've lost "trust" when in actually all that's happened is the other person is acting true to themselves.
They've simply shown they are different.

How many times have you read in a profile or on the forums people looking for someone they have a connection with, things in common.

It's inherent to the human brain that people (in general) look for those similar to themselves, or how they truly see themselves (independent, self sufficient, strong, whatever).

It's inherent to the human brain that when people (in general) see others similar to themselves (oh, they like long walks on the beach too, oh they have pets too, oh they have kids too) they tend to believe the other people have similar beliefs, abilities, intelligence, similar motives and experiences leading to liking the same things, similar emotional experiences felt or gained from the same things, as well.

People mistake their assumptions and subsequent expectations as "trust."

IMO a lot of that has to do with people abrogating basic social responsibility.
"Oh, it's not me that had a false idea of who you are because I had no desire to question my own biases. I work for a living, who has time. Nope...uh...it's your fault for doing something untrustworthy! Yeah, that's it!"