What do you think causes it? I read today one aspect could be that it is a fear of being left by that person ... abandonment.

What else do you think causes it?

Abandonment
Commitment
Dedication
Menopause
Maxipause (men's midlife crisis?)
Confusion

And men having this innate fear of giving up their freedom.

Or thinking they maybe can do better.

It not matching with their own inner blueprint for life. That is a real mother to deal with:
men have this blueprint of "now is time to build my career, then I want a family, then I want this and that." and a relationship is somewhere down the line too. Yet, if a woman appears during the 'career phase', he is not really open for a relationship because it doesn't match his blueprint. And he will let go, even if it is the best woman for him ever.
Women are different that way. We also have such a blueprint, but we are far more flexible.
I think this has to do with man's tendency to compartmentalize.

I think this goes both ways now to a certain extent. More women are career orientated so having a family later in life.
Fear of commitment could be a result of past relationship if they have been hurt.
Plus it's more acceptable for people to live together rather than years ago when it was frowned upon. Problem is that it must feel easier for them to break free.

Maybe, but I think it's a rare woman who will let go of a man who's totally right for her because she's in her 'career phase'. Women have the ability to multi-task, juggle more than one thing at the same time.
Maybe she won't want the family yet, but she will go for the guy if he's right for her. A woman who doesn't would have to be very masculine energy driven.
This blueprint thing men have is different, and such an obstacle in love that there even are workshops on how to circumvent it

Brilliant answer. Women have the same fear too.

Hmm, interesting answer. I get that no drama is better, than the drama a wrong, new relationship brings. Surely two mature adults can actually communicate to stop the unnecessary drama?

Yep, all the above

It goes back to the hunter gathers and that didn't really start to change until after ww2 when men were in short supply!

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Takes 2 to start the tango and 1 not so mature
decision to finish the dance.

.. a blueprint really!!!..lol..
And i like the way it's just men that have the fear of commitment...lmao.....

Wait a minute!!!.. I got to go ....I can hear commitment coming...lol.

Loss of freedom

I'm in agreement

Fear is just part of a value system for reward and punishment, risk and consequence promoting self protection, safety and security.

Fear is just setting a threshold whereby something has to provide enough of an incentive to face and/or overcome the risk/consequence that it represents.

If there's no real reason, purpose, or subjectively (or socially) valued reward high enough to face the fear, then people simply won't do it.

The threshold level is subjectively determined; socially, individually, and biologically.


Most sane human beings do.
Civil and world wars were fought, millions marched to kill others, atomic bombs developed, for the sake of preserving an identity and sense of freedom.
Isn't feminism and suffrage and burning bras and all that about establishing and maintaining freedom for women?

People tend to give up their freedom for safety and security.
What was that thread about women dating multiple men until 1 man commits? That's little different than "Don't give up your sense of freedom, until you get a guarantee that a guy has given up his for you."

In how it works now, who generally proposes marriage? Men or women? Who gets to choose compared to commit? The man generally has to commit wholeheartedly (emotionally, financially, socially, etc.), and then give the woman the choice.

People have an innate fear of giving up their freedom. Watch an episode of COPS.
Men generally (or traditionally) give up theirs first without any guarantee in order to offer a guarantee to entice women to chose to reciprocate.

Men generally (or traditionally) have to look internally to determine if the choice to give up their freedom is warranted.
Women first seek out and/or are given guarantees before they get to choose to or not. External, social, cues.


That's simply weighing the risk and rewards, and internally phishing for purpose.

Every human being does an internal ROI on pretty much everything they do. Sometimes consciously, mostly nonconsciously.
Relationships, jobs, school, family, social groups, what to eat for lunch.


That's a socially trained blueprint.
A man's "blueprint" is more "I need to provide social relevancy, something to the group, I need to be able to provide for myself since I'm generally superfluous to any group since I can't get pregnant, only get a girl pregnant which keeps her from getting pregnant by the alpha leader, so I can be ostracized at any time. I need to be able to protect what's mine (family, property, emotions, whatever). What's mine is me and needs to be preserved and perpetuated. I'm a man."
The blueprint you describe is more of a roadmap or parts list on how best to fulfill that blueprint.

And your blueprint/roadmap/parts list is mostly being transferred to women, anymore, especially through centralized education, government subsidizing of the model weighing towards women, and pushing equal means the same.
With your blueprint being imprinted on women, that is becoming the woman's role in society.
If men want to be seen as men, safe to fulfill their biological purpose as men, they can't follow the same blueprint that more and more women are following.

Men may have followed your blueprint, but that is changing.
Some men are identifying less as men, some men are simply shunning the blueprint, not building an education, not building a career, not building a family.
Since women are becoming men via your "blueprint," and there is less of a clear path for men to follow, less clear or desirable path on how to fulfill their actual internal atavistic organic blueprint, a lot of men are simply reverting or perpetuating childhood. The last role that was clear to them, that validated them as who they are, gave them social relevancy for being what they naturally are.

Others are simply becoming more feminine to live up to the expectations of the new blueprint because they simply can't figure out what else to do. Going along to get along without it being fulfilling to their identity, leading to frustration, stress, anxiety, insecurity, and greater facade building to maintain the status quo.

If a man is not a man then he's pointless.
If a man is just another human being, one of billions, then what's the point, he will always be superfluous to the group.
Dating then becomes solely about validating ego and identity, vanity, and protection from the group. All of which is transitory, constantly changing.


That has more to do with the social programming.
How many times have you read on forums, advice to men and women, "you're still young, you don't have to worry about those things yet. Focus on your career, focus on finishing school, have fun, you have plenty of time to settle down later?"

Personally, anecdotally, the men in my family only ever advised me how to act on dates.
My mother, aunts, and a grandmother were the ones that kept telling me "you shouldn't date until after college. You need to get a job before you start dating. You need to make something of yourself so you have something to offer a woman. A woman doesn't want to support a man, a man needs to provide."

I have heard/read innumerable women say something similar to that.
That the man has to have something to offer a woman. Bring something "to the table" before he should try and date/marry her.

I have also read constantly things like "ugh! Men just want sex! They're so shallow! They need to get to know me first! Personality is more important than looks! Looks fade! Get to know me! Friends first!"

Where is it clear cut and known that what a man has done is "good enough" for women?
What exact and precise knowledge does he have to know before he is no longer "shallow" in wanting to sleep with her and has gotten to "know her" to her satisfaction?
At exactly what point in his job has it become an established career where he's done "enough" to be able to provide exactly what she wants him to provide?
What guarantees are there that if he commits romantically that the relationships will magically transform from "friends first" into something more?


Everyone compartmentalizes.
The difference is IMO women tend put emotional/feeling/judgmental walkways between compartments they use for convenience which also help blur the edges so she doesn't have to take responsibility, thereby avoid social judgment.

More and more often I am reminded of that "As Good As It Gets" quote. "How do you write women so well? I think of a man, then I take away reason and accountability."
It keeps being proven.


Multi tasking is a myth.
People don't multi task. They shift focus from one thing to another.
The more things or times they shift focus, the lower their accuracy, precision, and reliability become on any one thing.
At best people rationalize they are good at multitasking, and gloss over how their performance decreases.

At best performance decreases less quickly for women (in general, some women are worse, some are better) the greater number of tasks performed, up to a certain point.
So focus on two things, performance drops from 100% to 90% in women, 100% to 87% in men. Focus on three things, 90% to 75$ in woman, 87% to 73% in men, focus on 4 or more things, it all turns to crap for everyone, practically speaking, as mistakes start outweighing benefits.

You can not train yourself to become better at multitasking, and any training does not really improve the rate of decline. At best you simply get better at not seeing the mistakes you're making (partly because you're too busy shifting focus to something else, haha).

There are a lot of research studies on this out there.
Hell, try an experiment. Smoke a cigarette, eat a burrito, text your friends, listen to the radio and sing along to a new song, all while driving a car.


IMO when you say women are better at multitasking what you are most likely referring to is an increased reliance upon shortcut communication. At best something to facilitate your time jumping focus from one thing to another.

Whereas you've said men compartmentalize; things are what they are and they need what they need, without shortcut. So put things off until they can be given exactly what they need and he has the ability and resources to give it what it needs.

IMO women (when "multitasking") start relying more on indirect communication and emotional interpretation rather than direct communication and linear rational thought processes.
Compartmentalization; things are what they are, and they need what they need...but, they understand what I'm saying, they know what I'm trying to say, they can get the hint and message, and that's good enough for now, I'll (over)compensate later and we'll have "the talk" and I think it should balance out in the long run.

It's not really multitasking so much as constant damage control and creating "drama," IMO.


That's a catch-22.
People have to learn how to communicate in a relationship.
Compatibility can facilitate ease of communication learning in a relationship.
The "drama" may itself be attempts at communication.
The "drama" may be necessary to highlight any actual compatibility that isn't shallow in nature.

Commitment to what ..are we talking marriage..who said we have to be married.Marriage does not make commitment. The way I feel about commitment is if I'm with someone for how ever long that time is there's my commitment,
and being faithful and trustworthy well that just comes with the tombs territory..its how I roll ..but none of these things will be guaranteed by marrying someone ..and we all know that.

Things are going to turn out the way they will and a piece of paper wont change that and no one knows what their future holds..and with as many things that are afforded life partners ..whats the point of marriage..most of the times it turns out to be a lie made in the eyes of their God,because most people wind up getting a divorced.and hating each other..lol

So commitment yea I don't think so..but ifn ya want to hang out together and enjoy each others company lets say for the next fifty years well..let's see how that goes ..and I'm not making any promises ..we'll just see how it goes .. I don't have to be married to be committed..my actions will show that.. commitment .lol.. who makes up this stuff..

I don't know. I'd really hate to commit myself to an answer about this subject right now. If I did, I'm afraid most of my friends would abandon me. And I don't feel like dedicating my time to pondering about it. Besides, I have a sports car I need to wax, and silk undies I need to wash before I go to the club and try to pick up a good looking girl thirty years younger than me.

I'm just happy being ignored

That wasn't commitment, it was my my right clog wooshing through the air to give you a good kick in the butt, lol.
I never said it was just men, did I???

Fear of not being able to what they want whenever the f@ck they want.