note:
this story is widespread in some Kurdish towns.
and it is mentioned that this happened.
- only a small Kurdish neighborhood. -
*** I guess I have to go out, then I try to tell. ***

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face.

^^^^^
I see now Joe, you have an obsession

Joke*****************************

And the award for best neckwear goes to...

Well, would you look at that!.. It's a tie!

Could not help myself

- I'd like to thank the girl with no sports bra who ran with me through the last few miles of yesterday's marathon. Your lack of support got me through.

- The other day, I saw the headline: 'Woman beats off rapist' and I thought... "That seems like a reasonable compromise."

I said above, I said.
telling it with google translation will make me very tough.
I do not know, keep it for now.

teacher in the history lesson questions the student: who burned roma with fire?
* student not studying *
student: god witness me, I did not burn roma

the irish man walked out of the pub

You are goood human being

Yes, maybe

One day a perfect man and a perfect woman went out on a date. They had planned a perfect evening.

They wore their perfect clothes and drove a perfect car, and after a while they passed a stranger in distress.

The stranger turned out to be Santa Claus, stranded with a bag of toys. They offered him a lift and started driving again.

Soon the weather got bad, driving conditions got nasty, and they had a bad accident. Only one of them survived.

Who was it?

It was the perfect woman. Everybody knows that Santa Claus and a perfect man are just imaginary creations that don’t exit.

(Women, stop reading now. Men, keep reading.)

If the perfect man and Santa Claus don’t exist, then the woman must have been driving. This explains the accident.

(Men, keep reading.)

If you’re a woman and still reading this, it only proves another point: Women never listen!

^^^^

What's ugly, fat and white?

Enjoy these one liners from the mayb vault --

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can't buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where you
Left them to where you can't find them.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody
appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as warning to others.

Ray's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It's easy to
criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren't sucked into jet engines.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried
before.

Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

Here is one: A lady is shopping for shoes. She knows she wants Alligator shoes. After looking at the prices she says, "They're all too expensive!" She leaves the shoe store. Later, the male clerk sees the lady with a shotgun in her hand. He notices a dead alligator a few feet from her. Another alligator starts to approach her. She shoots it dead. "These aren't wearing any shoes either."

Here is another: a blind man walked into a small store with his seeing eye dog. The clerk asked, "May I help you, sir?" "Not at the moment", said the blind man. Then, he proceeded to swing his dog in the air in front of him. The clerk asked, "what are you doing?" The blind man said, "I'm looking around!"

THINGS THAT SOUND DIRTY AT THANKSGIVING, BUT AREN'T...
"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!"
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open & stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at
once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
"How many are coming?"
"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"Just lay back & take it easy...I'll do the rest."

An Amish family takes a trip to the mall for the very 1st time. They are mesmerized by all the sights & sounds & people going to & fro. The father & son are particularly interested in the shiny doors that keep opening & shutting. Lights flash....bells sound....and the doors open. Lights flash.....bells sound.....and the doors close again. "What is that?" the boys asks his father. "I'm not sure." the father answers. (They had NEVER seen an elevator before.)

Lights flash.....bells sound....the doors opened.....and an 80 year old lady gets on the elevator. Lights flash.....bells sound....and the doors close. 30 seconds later the lights flash....bells sound....the doors open.....and a gorgeous 25 year old blond steps off the elevator.

"What is that?" the boys asks again. "I still don't know." says the father......"But GO GET YOUR MOTHER !!!!!"

SIGNS and MORE SIGNS...enjoy

Plumbing Truck:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one Weak."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

Door of a plastic surgeons office:
"Hello, can we pick your nose?"

Sign at the psychic's Hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

At a Towing Company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road and stop reading these signs."

On an Electricians truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:
"If we see smoking we will assume you are on fire and take
appropriate action."

On Maternity Room Door:
"Push, Push, Push."

At an Optometrists Office
"If you don't see what your looking for you've come to the right
place."

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."

In a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."

On a fence:
"Salesmen Welcome, Dog food is expensive."

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary, we'll hear you coming."

In a Veterinarians waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes, Sit! Stay!"

Inside a Bowling Alley:
"Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop."

In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

In a counselors office:
"Growing old is mandatory, growing wise is optional."

what do u call an octopus who laughs?