hi

I like to read single-word jokes ...

I went the Zoo a few days ago and saw a baguette in a cage, the zoo keeper said it was bread in captivity.

a guy decides to bring his new philipino girlfriend to a football game. after the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.
she replies: "oh it was great, i loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing i don't understand."
"what did you not understand ?"
and the philipino says: "well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. so i thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

Thinking of taking the family to Hawaii for a holiday.

It has everything, nice beaches for the kids, sunshine for the Mrs, Sharks for the mother in law.

I understand ... the lady loves the shark meat.

A good friend of mine drowned after falling overboard from a ship.
I got him a wreath in the shape of a life jacket.

Well it’s what he would have wanted.

They get more silly the older I get.

Did I tell you I failed an exam because I didn’t know what Armageddon means.
But hey, it’s not the end of the world.

I understand you have made a will and have fulfilled this will. /// But very interesting. did not ask for help. wreath wanted. ??? /// This is a preference.

Two cows are talking in a field when one says to the other ‘do you ever worry about mad cow disease’

He looks up at his friend and says ‘why should I worry about that, I’m a helicopter’

Hi

I know a joke about transgender surgery, but I haven’t got the balls to tell it.

I’ve been reading a book about the guy who invented glue, I couldn’t put it down.

English, irish and scotsman on a building site.
Lunch time,
Englishman says, if I have cheese sandwiches tomorrow I'm gonna jump off the scaffolding I'm so fed up with the same thing every day.
Scotsman, says the sam, as does the irishmam,
Next day arrives and as expected they all had the same sandwiches again so they all jumped.
At the funeral all 3 wives were chatting, englishmans wife says, if I'd of known John didn't like cheese I'd of made him something different, the scotsmans wife said the same.
The irishmans wife said, I don't understand it, paddy made his own sandwiches!

I’ve always wondered why Mr Universe is only ever won by people from Earth.

You only have to look at David for the answer

Hhhhmmm

that's some funny *** **** right there