The guy and the girl are kissing on the couch.
She is:
- Do you want me to include music for sex?
- Come on!
Rises and includes the march of Mendelssohn

When there is nothing left to do during the New Year's weekend:
1. Take the water gun.
2. Pour the whiskey into it.
3. Shoot yourself in the mouth.

A man calls his son and says:
- Listen to the son, I'll tell you what kind of **** are in women: first they are like apples. Hard elastic. Then as pears. And then like an onion.
The son asks:
"Why like an onion?"
- Because you look and you want to cry.
Wife heard - calls his daughter and says:
- SchA I'll tell you what a member of a peasant is. First it's like an oak tree. Hard not bend. Then like a birch tree. It seems worth it but bends .... And then as a Christmas tree.
The daughter asks:
- Why a Christmas tree?
"Because the tree died long ago." And balls for decoration hang.

Long time to be silent at me it turns out badly. Even with a closed mouth I start to make some gurgling sounds.

They say you can’t get a decent job without education. But look at Albert Einstein – he was a drop-out and still ended up being the first man on the moon

snakes were asked:
my friend, how is life going.
serpent: do not ask it, I crawl my friend in this life.

Q. Why did the bomb get so angry?
A. Because it had a short fuse

Q. Why did the bomb get so angry?
A. Because it had a short fuse

Q. What did the horse say when he fell?
A. Help I've fallen and can't giddy up

Q. What's the best thing about dating a homeless woman?
A. When the dates over, you can drop them off anywhere

After a night of drinking, the cowboy woke up and found in his bed a woman more terrible than he had ever met in his entire life. He looked at her and said: - Who are you, damn you ?! "I do not know who I am right now, but all night long you called me the Yellow Rose of Texas ..."

In one Texas town, novosel asks the cowboy: - You have a wonderful climate, and probably everyone has excellent health? - Oh yeah! For example, we recently opened a new cemetery, and we had to shoot several people to fill it ...

Two cowboys are riding along the prairie ... Suddenly they hear: a woman's voice is calling for help. They drive up, they see a beautiful girl tied to a cactus and says: "Guys, unfasten, huh?" - And what will you pay? "In kind ..." "Jo, do you need a nature?" - Nope. - Well, then we'll go on ... After some time. "Look, Bill, what kind of" nature "is that? - **** knows ... - We will return, we will ask? Some time later. - Listen, girl, but what kind of nature is that? - Well, you unloose me, we go for a cactus. I take off my bra, panties. "Jo, do you need a bra?"

A refined Frenchwoman, 3 months after the wedding, tells her husband - a Texas cowboy: - Sam, when you kiss me and do not take the cud, I tolerate it. When we have sex, and you do not unfasten your Colt, I accepted it. But, please, when we do 69, please take the cigar out of your mouth!

A visiting man in the Wild West went into the saloon, ordered a whiskey with a soda, sits drinking. Suddenly he hears on the street screams, shots. He asks the cowboy at a nearby table: "What is it?" "This Elusive Joe is indulging," he says lazily. - And why is it elusive? Gather everything and catch. - But who needs it?

The cowboy on the bank of Amazon undresses to bathe. — The sir, don't bathe here — the Indian says to him. — Here it is full of crocodiles. — And where they are absent? There is a strong wish to bathe. — There are no crocodiles closer to the ocean. — And it precisely? — Precisely, precisely. They are afraid of sharks.

The cowboy shouts: — You know that to me the fastest hand in the Wild West. — And I prefer the woman — another has quietly answered.

The cowboy approaches another cowboy and asks: "Listen, Bill, you say you've studied three classes at school, so explain to me, to the ignorant, what is the cycle of substances in nature?" "Oh, it's very simple!" Suppose they kill you in a shootout tomorrow. We'll bury you. On your grave the grass will grow. This herb is eaten by my horse and will put a bunch after that. I'll go up to this pile, kick it with my boot and say: - Hello, Jack, you're still the same!

He's riding a cowboy along the prairie. Looks, lies a delightful woman, completely naked. Cowboy closed his intimate place with his hat and drove on. Two more cowboys arrive, they stop. One jumps off the horse and goes to the woman, the second to him after: - Where are you, see how someone lingered!

Legless