The OP never asked you to label anything

My friend's actions just happened to line up with a particular definition in the OP in the same way that dozens of people here reference their friends, family and mates in definitions related to their particular OP.

But I celebrate your choice to do whatever suits you. I appreciate diversity of thought too :)

Yes . That would be one way to explain it :)

And who is the monkey in this scenario Mikey? :p

1 Not heard of these expressions before. Seems to me "Cushioning" is the what we use to call "Two-Timing" here in the UK. Dating more than one person at the same time. The "Monkey Bar Dating" is what we called, "Stringing them along". The Spin Doctors are at work here, trying to put a good new name on a bad practice in my opinion, but I believe most people will see a "Two Timer " for what they are, whatever name they choose to call it.

2 Most people are broad-minded and these are just the names of relationships that seem to be what some people want, or settle for, but they are in the minority in my opinion, and I don't believe they have popularised cheating, those that want to cheat will cheat.

Then clearly these are not viable dating options for you Ome, or me for that matter :)

Welcome to the forum Sabby :)

This is a great contribution Cheerioso.

There are definitely different ways of looking at "cushioning " , but many would argue that cushioning is actually what dating is about. ie exploring all your options until you decide if you wish to commit to one person or not.

The only issue I can see is that of transparency . If it has reached the point where someone is dating a person REGULARLY for months , and a strong connection has developed, it could be very easy for one person to assume that they are in an exclusive relationship.

In theory no one should assume any relationship is exclusive until it is discussed and mutually agreed upon, but can you understand how easy it is for someone to mistake the regularity of their dating and an intense bond for exclusive dating?

A person who hasnt agreed to exclusivity is not obligated to be transparent about pursuing other people , while dating one person regularly.

But perhaps there would be some who would be a lot less confused if people are explicit about their intentions after dating someone regularly for a few months.

Great point Skeptical, but it depends on how long you ve been dating as well.

There is no standard amount of time that a person should date before committing. But could you see that in some cases one of the individuals may be expecting a commitment too soon?

i definitely agree peggy

I agree Duttoneer. These are new terms for very old behaviours. There's nothing wrong with multi dating. It just requires honest communication of intentions , and you have a good point about cheaters. They will cheat regardless of the impetus is increased or not

I'd never hear of those terms.

1) not necessarily. Either can be done without ever cheating, depends on someone's norms and values whether they do I suppose.

2) No, as there is no cheating in open relationship / swinging as you both agree on it. FWB, would there be cheating as it's about sex only? Cheating has to do with a love relationship, in my view. FWB is an agreement to have sex. Love has nothing to do with it.

I don't necessarily see open relationships as an expression of animal instincts. I think it's part of getting to a society that's more based on love. A heart-based society. But many ppl still have things to work out concerning sexuality and freedom of choice. A natural process after a long time of suppression of both.
I think for many it will be a phase only.

I gave my opinion to your original post, "being in a relationship or seriously dating someone" I considered to imply exclusivity, when anyone tells me they are in a relationship or seriously dating someone I conclude like marriage it's exclusive, unless they tell me otherwise, because I believe most of them are.

The reasoning behind Multi dating puzzles me. I would certainly need to know why they wanted to date others at the same time, because it seems to me they are saying, "Well, you could be OK as a partner but I want better". or " Sorry, I don't want anything long term with you". Whatever the reason was, it would not be the type of dating I would enter in to.

Salute you Tom. You're a gentleman.

I should have explained in the OP that thare are not international terms. They are "street" terms and american ones at that ,that I myself only heard about in two American women talk shows.

I get what you are saying about cushioning not necessarily leading to cheating crystal, but in the case of monkey barring specifically , the person is in a formal relationship while scouting for new relationships/dating others without informing their partner, which I consider to be cheating.

But it does bring into question what people personally define for themselves as cheating.

There are some relationships that have broken up for example over the discovery of flirtatious texts on a partner's phone from someone else . No sex or even making out was involved but in one partner's mind , flirtatious texting is a form of cheating. Needless to say, many would disagree with that.

And even for those who dont consider that act as cheating, there are certain habits that can help create a climate for cheating to eventually take place . Many of us would agree that cheating doesnt happen over night . There is a general build up to it.

I remember one of my married friends used to interact on the phone with one of her work colleagues outside of business hours. the guy eventually admitted he had feelings for my friend , and started flirting with her repeaatedly. My friend chose not to end these interactions because she enjoyed his conversational skills he had that her husband lacked . The end result was that she decided to stop talking to them, but there are many people who would have continued. Can you see how that habit was setting up a ripe climate for an affair, even though it wasnt in a conscious plan ?


And that brings me to the issue of FWBs, swingers, etc.
I also am of the opinion that its not cheating , because full transparency is involved and its mutually consensual.

But what I was was trying to ask is if such relationships are easy portals to cheating because the lines in such relationships are prone to being blurry.

In an open marriage/relationship for example, I gather that there is one main person where a deep emotional bond is shared, and then the other sexual interactions are more or less casual.

But can you see how easy it is for someone develop a deeper bond with one of the casual lovers in the same way that people like my friend in an orthodox marriage , can easily indulge in habits that make the transition from flirting to affairs much easier.

My premise is more about the cheating climate that certain behaviors help create , and I do question if the potential is higher in relationships when the boundaries can be so blurry

I do think your theory about the open relationships etc being part of a movement toward a love based society questionable.

How does having several partners create a climate for love in your opinion?

Thats the thing Duttoneer.Many people view multi dating as a way of screening partners for the highest level of compatabily.You see it as they dont want a long term relationship with you. They sometimes see it as they are not yet sure if they feel the same way.

And things can get very sticky when one person develops an emotional bond in that multi dating screening process and it begins to feel like an exclusive relationship when the other person has not consented to it .

It can really become very confusing. And in the end I think for some, the wise thing to do is to do what you are doing. Move on to another situation where you can see that the person is sure that they want you as much as you want them :)

Yes he is Alepho, and welcome to the forum :)

So how long would you reasonably expect this Multi dating screening process to take? Would these people say to themselves, I shall Multi date for 3 months, 6 months, a year then settle for exclusively dating the one most compatible. Alternatively, would it mean dating me only as long as it took to find someone they felt was more compatible, then they would date them only as long until they found someone even more compatible, and so on for the next 3 months, 6 months, a year, before exclusively dating? Would you think me unreasonable if I decided not to take part, would you take part in such a process? Do you honestly believe many people would knowingly want to take part in this type of screening process, because I don't.

Multi dating probably has more success with those not wanting anything serious and long term in my opinion.

You might want to consider that people dont always commit for the most compatible reasons. A woman for example may accept the offer for exclusivity because her biological clock is ticking , and although the guy is not exactly what she desires , he is good enough to start a family ...Or she might accept the proposal of exclusivity because she had always dreamed of being married by a certain age . Or some do it because they are afraid of being alone.

But how fair is that to the other person who proposes exclusivity because they are confident that this is their "soulmate"

If a person commits to exclusivity faster but for incompatible reasons, it can turn out to be just as devastating as the torture of waiting for the other person to decide if you are a suitable match .

It comes right back down to compatability Duttoneer . A couple has to be on the same page in terms of when they require exclusivity from each other, as well as the extent to which they view each other as the most suitable match. Motives for exclusivity matter too.

That said,The reasonable deadlines for deciding exclusivity varies from individual to individual , and you are not unreasonable for declining a multi dating arrangement which can get very complicated as you so eloquently described .

If one person is ready for a commitment , and the other is not, or if one person sees the other person as their "ideal" , but the other person does not, then people have the option of moving on.

The scary part about monkey bar dating and cushioning, is that you are not given the option of declining, because its often happening behind the person's back

I have never heard any of those terms but...those that live that kind of lifestyle all I can say is more power to them.. Not something I would do but don't have a problem with those that do as long as they don't try to include me..