100% FREE ONLINE DATING
sponsored links
Previous
| Topic: Cushioning , Monkey Bar Dating, and Cheating | |
|---|---|
|
|
|
the term “Cushioning" in dating is defined as being in a relationship or seriously dating someone, yet also keeping around several "cushions"—aka people you text, flirt with, or even date—to cushion the blow if your main relationship doesn't last. “Monkey Bar Dating” defines the act of not letting go of your present relationship until you have successfully secured a new relationship . Question: 1. Do you think that “cushioning” and “monkey barring” are setting a precedence for cheating? 2. Do you think that relationships like open relationships/ marriages, swingers, and Friends with benefits, are a subtle way of institutionalising the act of cheating? Or is it an honest expression of what people consider to be natural animal instincts? 1. Yes, of course. If those who monkey-bar and cushion had no intentions of cheating they wouldn't do that. The very idea of a cushion suggests cheating. No need to have sex to cheat, a thought is enough because all actions are preceded with thought then intention. 2. All those are simply words to cover the stench of Lust, and that "lifestyle" talk is code word for degrading human beings down to the state of animals. A man is now a "male" and a Woman is now a "female". And they wonder what's wrong with our youths. Its a slippery slope indeed Rooster. I saw one of my friends do the monkey bar thing when he was leaning towards ending his relationship. He and I argued about it several times. He kept on justifying why it was okay for him to start the recruitment process for a new prospective mate , without ending the relationship with his girlfriend at the time. Im not gonna lie. I was mortified. It often shows not only a lack of character but also a very low self-esteem and, in some cases, a reticence to jump off that bridge marked by cowardice and dishonesty... everything our world seems to drown in nowadays. I understand the lack of character part Rooster. There's certainly nothing moral about such dishonesty, but how does low esteem factor in? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
1. Do you think that “cushioning” and “monkey barring” are setting a precedence for cheating? "Precedence?" No. Not really. They may be symptoms of certain personality characteristics which indicate a propensity for "cheating." Especially if there are attempts at actively hiding the "cushions" from the "main" partner, or having already decided the relationship is over but putting on a false face until you can "monkey bar" into a new relationship. Otherwise I think it's more setting a "precedence" for coddling and accepting insecurity. 2. Do you think that relationships like open relationships/ marriages, swingers, and Friends with benefits, are a subtle way of institutionalising the act of cheating? I think you really should have defined exactly what you consider "cheating." Other than that, no, I do not think that open relationships/marriages, swingers, and FWB are subtle ways of "institutionalizing" the act of "cheating," at least as I define "cheating." I do think these relationships "institutionalize" the idea that it's okay to separate sex from procreation. An attempt to normalize and idealize pursuit of sensual pleasure and validating entertainment without risk, cost, responsibility, or consequence. is it an honest expression of what people consider to be natural animal instincts? IMO people that consider "open relationships/marriage, swingers, and FWB," as fulfilling "natural animal instincts" are no different than 500 lb people saying parking their azz in front of an all you can eat buffet for 12 hours a day is an honest expression of what people consider to be the natural animal instinct to satiate hunger. Or guys stalking their ex girlfriends fulfilling the "natural animal instinct" to hunt. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
peggy122
on
Wed 07/05/17 06:08 PM
|
|
the term “Cushioning" in dating is defined as being in a relationship or seriously dating someone, yet also keeping around several "cushions"—aka people you text, flirt with, or even date—to cushion the blow if your main relationship doesn't last. “Monkey Bar Dating” defines the act of not letting go of your present relationship until you have successfully secured a new relationship . Question: 1. Do you think that “cushioning” and “monkey barring” are setting a precedence for cheating? Depends on what you mean by "setting a precedence." My answer to "do all people who make sure to "monkey bar" or "cushion" end up cheating, or intend to...is a flat no. There is no relationship between those two things and cheating. Some people who do those things ALSO cheat, some don't, and lots of people who don't do either one, cheat. The primary reason for "cushioning" and "monkeybarring," is some variation on insecurity. 2. Do you think that relationships like open relationships/ marriages, swingers, and Friends with benefits, are a subtle way of institutionalising the act of cheating? Or is it an honest expression of what people consider to be natural animal instincts? Technically, neither and both, and more. Believe it or not, it is possible for people on open marriages to cheat. Cheating is whenever you break your word to your official partner. If you are in an open marriage and you become emotionally committed to someone outside the marriage, that would be cheating. If you have any kind of relationship, and you agree not to play tiddly winks with anyone else and then you do, then you are cheating. I've seen lots of people who claimed to want one of those arrangements. Some of them were craftily lying, and were using the fancy names of those things to make themselves appear more interesting than the simple lust-mongers that they were. Lots (especially the younger ones) were actually self-deluded. They thought they wanted those things, but actually had no clue, and discovered only too late, that they didn't enjoy it at all when their partner enjoyed themselves with others. I saw several who really didn't love anyone, and chose those arrangements because they could pretend that they did. And I even ran across a few who really did want exactly what they set up. Well some people think that the act of cheating includes the act of pursuing other people when in a relationship, even if you dont sleep with them. By that definition , monkey barring is a form of cheating, but certainly people have different concepts of what constitutes cheating. With regard to open relatonships, I understand what you mean about peoples intentions being varied, but are the consequences that varied in your opinion? And if you think that the consequences generally lean towards cheating, then could it just be a giant loophole that people use to maķe cheating systematic? |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
1. Do you think that “cushioning” and “monkey barring” are setting a precedence for cheating? "Precedence?" No. Not really. They may be symptoms of certain personality characteristics which indicate a propensity for "cheating." Especially if there are attempts at actively hiding the "cushions" from the "main" partner, or having already decided the relationship is over but putting on a false face until you can "monkey bar" into a new relationship. Otherwise I think it's more setting a "precedence" for coddling and accepting insecurity. 2. Do you think that relationships like open relationships/ marriages, swingers, and Friends with benefits, are a subtle way of institutionalising the act of cheating? I think you really should have defined exactly what you consider "cheating." Other than that, no, I do not think that open relationships/marriages, swingers, and FWB are subtle ways of "institutionalizing" the act of "cheating," at least as I define "cheating." I do think these relationships "institutionalize" the idea that it's okay to separate sex from procreation. An attempt to normalize and idealize pursuit of sensual pleasure and validating entertainment without risk, cost, responsibility, or consequence. is it an honest expression of what people consider to be natural animal instincts? IMO people that consider "open relationships/marriage, swingers, and FWB," as fulfilling "natural animal instincts" are no different than 500 lb people saying parking their azz in front of an all you can eat buffet for 12 hours a day is an honest expression of what people consider to be the natural animal instinct to satiate hunger. Or guys stalking their ex girlfriends fulfilling the "natural animal instinct" to hunt. "IMO people that consider "open relationships/marriage, swingers, and FWB," as fulfilling "natural animal instincts" are no different than 500 lb people saying parking their azz in front of an all you can eat buffet for 12 hours a day is an honest expression of what people consider to be the natural animal instinct to satiate hunger." The people in FWBs etc might argue that they are satiating their natural sexual hunger/greed in a way that all the participants profit from. Few morbidly obese people on the other hand , can brag that their excess weight is profiting anyone ... not even themselves. But I agree with you on the point that people have varied perceptions of cheating, and that would indeed affect the answer to this question. I also like the following point you made "I do think these relationships "institutionalize" .... An attempt to normalize and idealize pursuit of sensual pleasure and validating entertainment without risk, cost, responsibility, or consequence. " Valid point Tom !  |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
peggy122
on
Wed 07/05/17 08:29 PM
|
|
the term “Cushioning" in dating is defined as being in a relationship or seriously dating someone, yet also keeping around several "cushions"—aka people you text, flirt with, or even date—to cushion the blow if your main relationship doesn't last. “Monkey Bar Dating” defines the act of not letting go of your present relationship until you have successfully secured a new relationship . Question: 1. Do you think that “cushioning” and “monkey barring” are setting a precedence for cheating? 2. Do you think that relationships like open relationships/ marriages, swingers, and Friends with benefits, are a subtle way of institutionalising the act of cheating? Or is it an honest expression of what people consider to be natural animal instincts? 1. Yes, of course. If those who monkey-bar and cushion had no intentions of cheating they wouldn't do that. The very idea of a cushion suggests cheating. No need to have sex to cheat, a thought is enough because all actions are preceded with thought then intention. 2. All those are simply words to cover the stench of Lust, and that "lifestyle" talk is code word for degrading human beings down to the state of animals. A man is now a "male" and a Woman is now a "female". And they wonder what's wrong with our youths. Its a slippery slope indeed Rooster. I saw one of my friends do the monkey bar thing when he was leaning towards ending his relationship. He and I argued about it several times. He kept on justifying why it was okay for him to start the recruitment process for a new prospective mate , without ending the relationship with his girlfriend at the time. Im not gonna lie. I was mortified.   I have no idea where these labels originated, but people are more than capable of accepting or rejecting any label that is applied to them without an advocate. As for the issue of being judgmental,everyone makes judgments /assessments based on the information that is given to them . People do it here on the forum all the time. But my definition of being judgmental, (And I know there are several definitions ) is making a final judgments/conclusion about people or situations without any real evidence and without asking probing questions. My friend came to me and voiced his intentions , and after asking dozens of questions, it wasn't difficult for me to come to the conclusion that he was deceiving his girlfriend, which he eventually admitted to by the way. But I can totally understand how easy it was for you to jump to your own conclusions about me , with the limited details I offered in the OP. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I've never been good at the monkey bars and my cushions always get turned over when looking for loose change.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hi dear
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Hi dear
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
the term “Cushioning" in dating is defined as being in a relationship or seriously dating someone, yet also keeping around several "cushions"—aka people you text, flirt with, or even date—to cushion the blow if your main relationship doesn't last. “Monkey Bar Dating” defines the act of not letting go of your present relationship until you have successfully secured a new relationship . Question: 1. Do you think that “cushioning” and “monkey barring” are setting a precedence for cheating? 2. Do you think that relationships like open relationships/ marriages, swingers, and Friends with benefits, are a subtle way of institutionalising the act of cheating? Or is it an honest expression of what people consider to be natural animal instincts? In my eyes "cushioning" is a vivid example of average dating websites users. Serious or not, chatting, messaging, keeping few doors open, hoping for the unexpected. Now Monkey Barring, coward way for a coward person to get out of a relationship. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Edited by
peggy122
on
Wed 07/05/17 09:53 PM
|
|
the term “Cushioning" in dating is defined as being in a relationship or seriously dating someone, yet also keeping around several "cushions"—aka people you text, flirt with, or even date—to cushion the blow if your main relationship doesn't last. “Monkey Bar Dating” defines the act of not letting go of your present relationship until you have successfully secured a new relationship . Question: 1. Do you think that “cushioning” and “monkey barring” are setting a precedence for cheating? 2. Do you think that relationships like open relationships/ marriages, swingers, and Friends with benefits, are a subtle way of institutionalising the act of cheating? Or is it an honest expression of what people consider to be natural animal instincts? 1. Yes, of course. If those who monkey-bar and cushion had no intentions of cheating they wouldn't do that. The very idea of a cushion suggests cheating. No need to have sex to cheat, a thought is enough because all actions are preceded with thought then intention. 2. All those are simply words to cover the stench of Lust, and that "lifestyle" talk is code word for degrading human beings down to the state of animals. A man is now a "male" and a Woman is now a "female". And they wonder what's wrong with our youths. Its a slippery slope indeed Rooster. I saw one of my friends do the monkey bar thing when he was leaning towards ending his relationship. He and I argued about it several times. He kept on justifying why it was okay for him to start the recruitment process for a new prospective mate , without ending the relationship with his girlfriend at the time. Im not gonna lie. I was mortified. I have no idea where these labels come from, but people are more than capable of accepting or rejecting any label that is applied to them without an advocate. As for the issue of being judgmental,everyone makes judgments /assessments based on the information that is given to them . People do it here on the forum all the time. But my definition of being judgmental, (And I know there are several definitions ) is making a final judgments/conclusion about people or situations without any real evidence and without asking probing questions. My friend came to me and voiced his intentions , and after asking dozens of questions, it wasn't difficult for me to come to the conclusion that he was deceiving his girlfriend, which he eventually admitted to by the way. But I can easily understand how easy ot was for you to jump to your own conclusions about me , with the limited details I offered.  The term "mortified " is what I felt at the thought of my friend making a conscious decision to deceive his girlfriend. I would be just as mortified if you or anybody else was doing the deceiving or if anyone is being deceived. My friend understood my mortification because he himself admitted he was doing something wrong. We have the kind of friendship where he also voices his mortification with me if he thinks I am wrong . And I don't think his girlfriend was impacted negatively by my mortification over her boyfriend's deception. Bottom line, is that as little as you think I know about their situation, you know even less about them than I do, and all that matters at the end of the day, is that no one was damaged by my mortification over his deception. Everyone is fine :) |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
peggy if two people were truly in love they wouldn't be dating other people right ? they are already in a secure and committed relationship something thats truly hard to find. the monkey cushioning thingy should never be an issue under those circumstances right? maybe they were not truly in love?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
if the other person doesn't love the other and cannot commit then we cant blame the other person if they date other people if exclusivity was never there?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
peggy if two people were truly in love they wouldn't be dating other people right ? they are already in a secure and committed relationship something thats truly hard to find. the monkey cushioning thingy should never be an issue under those circumstances right? maybe they were not truly in love? Hi skeptical  The information I got from my friend was that he was very unhappy with the relationship for a long time. I had encouraged him for months to fight for his relationship in whatever way he could manage because he said he was not ready to let her go. Then at some point he started telling me about the new women he was testing the waters with, and it was at that point it came out that he was doing the monkey bar thing. In the end he admitted that he didnt love her anymore , and it was time for him to move on . I didn't have an issue with that. People do need to move on sometmes, but it really bothered me that he was setting up a new romantic situation for himself elsewhere , while leaving his girlfriend in the dark about his plan. |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
peggy if two people were truly in love they wouldn't be dating other people right ? they are already in a secure and committed relationship something thats truly hard to find. the monkey cushioning thingy should never be an issue under those circumstances right? maybe they were not truly in love? Hi skeptical The information I got from my friend was that he was very unhappy with the relationship for a long time. I had encouraged him for months to fight for his relationship in whatever way he could manage because he said he was not ready to let her go. Then at some point he started telling me about the new women he was testing the waters with, and it was at that point it came out that he was doing the monkey bar thing. In the end he admitted that he didnt love her anymore , and it was time for him to move on . I didn't have an issue with that. People do need to move on sometmes, but it really bothered me that he was setting up a new romantic situation for himself elsewhere , while leaving his girlfriend in the dark about his plan. he lead her on  not good. no love there i can see that now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
I hope your friend does not mind being discussed on the world wide community  And I hope everyone is concerned about their friends the way you are about mine
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
the term “Cushioning" in dating is defined as being in a relationship or seriously dating someone, yet also keeping around several "cushions"—aka people you text, flirt with, or even date—to cushion the blow if your main relationship doesn't last. “Monkey Bar Dating” defines the act of not letting go of your present relationship until you have successfully secured a new relationship . Question: 1. Do you think that “cushioning” and “monkey barring” are setting a precedence for cheating? 2. Do you think that relationships like open relationships/ marriages, swingers, and Friends with benefits, are a subtle way of institutionalising the act of cheating? Or is it an honest expression of what people consider to be natural animal instincts? Some couples can swing with no effect, both being into it and treating it purely at sex games. The monkey with a cushion is different, he may just be tired and using it to lay his head on No, I think it's a really selfish act, keeping someone on a string until something else comes along! Perhaps the thing that separates the cushioning/monkey bar from the swinging/FWB etc is that the latter is honest and transparent, but the first involves a layer of deception? Dont get me wrong. I fight for people's right to live their lives as they choose, even if I disagree with it (which I often do ) But I stop endorsing people's free choices when it involves any form of dishonesty or infringing upon anybody else's rights, including the right to full disclosure of relationship intentions and rules of engagement You, disagree? Never I don't think swinging starts that way. It a decision between a playful couple, the monkey thing however does involve deception to start with. The reason for my  is I thought you'd left me out Nope . I very seldom ignore people in threads lol. It just takes a while to respond to everyone. :) If the premise of the monkey bar is that you are attempting to start a new relationship without informing your current mate of this intention, dont you consider that deception by ommission mikey? Yes, I did say 'the monkey thing 'involves deception  Sorry mikey. I tgought you had used the word "didnt" Thats why I was confused . Sorry. The words on this phone are so darn tiny! :( I should think so too Yes so tiny |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note to self,
Furniture store to pick up new cushions, Green grocers to pick up some bananas for the monkey
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note to self, Furniture store to pick up new cushions, Green grocers to pick up some bananas for the monkey from the monkey himself lol
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note to self, Furniture store to pick up new cushions, Green grocers to pick up some bananas for the monkey from the monkey himself lol  thank you, you have such a sweet way with words My afib friend, although I nearly wasn't yesterday, over did it a bit  Note to self, slow down a bit, if it doesn't get done today it will get done tomorrow
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Note to self, Furniture store to pick up new cushions, Green grocers to pick up some bananas for the monkey from the monkey himself lol thank you, you have such a sweet way with words My afib friend, although I nearly wasn't yesterday, over did it a bit Note to self, slow down a bit, if it doesn't get done today it will get done tomorrow monkey bars are not good for afib monkeys pls remember that mikey...take care
|
|
|
|
|
