I dated this girl back in highschool. she was my first real girlfriend. She wanted to cut things off and be just friends, and although it pained me greatly I agreed. we've kept in touch and we've hung out together plenty of times. What I want to know is if there is a way to get over somebody while still staying in contact with them?

this is interesting how is she coping? does she have a new boyfriend?

She is single this has been going on for years. when we're both single we just seem to gravitate towards each other, or at least that's how I see it. she has told me before that she wasn't ready for a relationship or that she is asexual, her words not mine, but we've kept in contact for over ten years now and I don't wanna keep going back when all that ever happens is we share some drinks and end up making out. I guess I just need an outside opinion.

hhhmmm ok lets wait for the opinions to come in ... welcome to mingle land

Thank you :) I haven't used a dating app before so this should be interesting.

Ohhhhh yeah Reminds me of a song. Crush -- Jennifer Page. 10 years is a long time though.

our age is showing lol

Be honest with yourself mate. You're hanging around hoping that she will see the error of her ways and start the romance up again.

Part of me is yes. I won't deny that, but there is a part of me that knows I need to move on. I just don't know how to.

I think you should be honest with her. Talk to her - ask her how she feels - ask her out. Life is too short for what ifs. Good luck

For me just go with the flow :)

U have to cut her out of Ur life. Or else U vll end up being sad. Keep Urself busy with other friends. Girls do understand if boys are trying to get rid off them. Be busy. Stay happy.

Getting over ex..
Ummm... You have to back up a little ways with your SUV . And take a good hard run.at.....her ...
That usually does the trick

Latching on to someone for ten years? Wow. Maybe you'd want to be totally honest with yourself and ask yourself why you are doing this. What are you afraid of when you let go of that obsession? What do you gain by latching on?
The answers to such questions are the way to get over it. And it's not getting over love, it's about getting over an obsession and latching on to someone. That has nothing to do with love.

Really a shame, as you could've been happy, either as a single man or in an adult more mature relationship. Now you're pining over puppy love, cos sorry to say, kiddie teenage love is puppy love.

********************************************

SURE...SEIZE THE MOMENT/S ..LOL

I have an ex highschool sweetheart from 50 years ago.
We were born in Eastern Europe, today she lives in Italy
and I live Down Under...

Last time we meet was in 1993 when my father died and I went
back home to his funeral.
She got married with my best friend after I left the country.
SO WHAT ??...I AM HAPPY 4 HER.

We chat on the phone even today, reminiscing the old days, etc.

WHAT'S TO BE AFRAID ??...LET IT GO and/or, GO WITH THE FLOW ...LOL

Hey ... don't waste your love n tears who don't deserve !

You're mixing up two things (which are very commonly mixed up):

Moving on from someone, and getting over them, are separate things entirely.

You need to do both, but you are having trouble because you REFUSE to do the first one.

Moving on from someone is a simple matter of discipline, very like exercising regularly, and every bit as obnoxious. You stop calling them. Stop asking them what's up. Most difficult, you stop yourself from thinking about them and imagining anything about them, the moment you realize you are doing so. If necessary, you delete all your addresses and phone numbers and Facebook links and so on from your life, so that you don't have any more constant reminders of them. And you start living a normal life without them.

Getting over them takes a varying amount of time, as you slowly work through all the psychology of YOURSELF as concerns them AND as concerns the idea of love. A great place to start, is to realize that you and she were never compatible to begin with, much less now. Remind yourself of that again and again, until you one day realize that it's really true, and you find that indeed, you are "over them."

Believe it or not, it is possible to do all that without overtly offending the other person. You can still take their calls, you just don't initiate any that you don't need to for other than romantic reasons. And while talking to them, you (again through discipline) don't ask about anything private or personal while chatting, and don't suggest any getting together stuff. That's how we divorced people with children to mind, manage to cooperate on the tasks of parenting, without touching on any areas of being mates.

Agree!

10 years is a long time to sit on a dead horse.

where did you get the idea that I'm obsessed with her? we've been friends for a long time. it's not an obsession.

Sure.
I don't know if there is a way for you to get over somebody while still staying in contact with them, though. I don't know what kind of person you are, your character strength, your focus, your abilities, whatever.

Relationships (as it relates here) are just your brain building memories and associating emotions with those memories.

Memories are extremely pliable and unreliable. Ask any witness to a crime, or a cop regarding eye witnesses.

What are your strongest, most emotionally laden, memories of the person you are not "over."

Recreate those memories with something/someone else. Preferably with similar or greater emotional (more recent) attachment.
Or with multiple people to a lesser emotional degree.

IOW pay attention to the sayings "to get over someone old, get under someone new."
Or alcoholics that turn to AA, overeating, smoking and/or religion tend to be more successful than those that don't find a more healthy or less harmful addiction.
Or look at heroin addicts, given methodone in the detoxifying process, before adding programs and goals to their life, creating absolute boundaries of "no more heroin."

Use the same process, let the process become your life rather than a liferaft to escape your life.

The biggest factor is if you can actually set boundaries and then stick to them, if you can set goals to replace whatever your "friend" fulfills with other things.


Not really.
Only in the sense that "friend" is a vague relationship label that can mean anything you want.
It only offers generally positive connotations that you can hide behind.
Relationships have boundaries. The boundaries with your "friend" seem to be arbitrary based on immediate emotional/social/physical needs.
IMO a better descriptor of your relationship would be convenient user/dealer security blanket, where you both fulfill that role for each other and pay for it through shallow emotional attachment, possibly to avoid a more scary world.