2 Next
Topic: Getting over Exs
PunkRockGamer's photo
Tue 04/25/17 07:31 AM
What I want to know is if there is a way to get over somebody while still staying in contact with them?

Sure.
I don't know if there is a way for you to get over somebody while still staying in contact with them, though. I don't know what kind of person you are, your character strength, your focus, your abilities, whatever.

Relationships (as it relates here) are just your brain building memories and associating emotions with those memories.

Memories are extremely pliable and unreliable. Ask any witness to a crime, or a cop regarding eye witnesses.

What are your strongest, most emotionally laden, memories of the person you are not "over."

Recreate those memories with something/someone else. Preferably with similar or greater emotional (more recent) attachment.
Or with multiple people to a lesser emotional degree.

IOW pay attention to the sayings "to get over someone old, get under someone new."
Or alcoholics that turn to AA, overeating, smoking and/or religion tend to be more successful than those that don't find a more healthy or less harmful addiction.
Or look at heroin addicts, given methodone in the detoxifying process, before adding programs and goals to their life, creating absolute boundaries of "no more heroin."

Use the same process, let the process become your life rather than a liferaft to escape your life.

The biggest factor is if you can actually set boundaries and then stick to them, if you can set goals to replace whatever your "friend" fulfills with other things.

we've been friends for a long time

Not really.
Only in the sense that "friend" is a vague relationship label that can mean anything you want.
It only offers generally positive connotations that you can hide behind.
Relationships have boundaries. The boundaries with your "friend" seem to be arbitrary based on immediate emotional/social/physical needs.
IMO a better descriptor of your relationship would be convenient user/dealer security blanket, where you both fulfill that role for each other and pay for it through shallow emotional attachment, possibly to avoid a more scary world.


I can agree to that. I've always been shy or socially awkward. So talking to other people, especially a lady I find attractive, is scary I guess? it's hard to explain, but you're right she is my security blanket.

Dazzling_RooJ's photo
Tue 04/25/17 10:54 AM
Well, this is a pretty complicated case. Getting over and staying in contact; doesn't go parallel. Either you quit or you go with the flow. I think, just go with the flow and see how it goes, and don't over-think!!

Dazzling_RooJ's photo
Tue 04/25/17 10:54 AM
Well, this is a pretty complicated case. Getting over and staying in contact; doesn't go parallel. Either you quit or you go with the flow. I think, just go with the flow and see how it goes, and don't over-think!!

no photo
Tue 04/25/17 11:06 AM
Edited by Unknow on Tue 04/25/17 11:06 AM
I don't know why people are thinking this is complicated. Doesn't seem complicated at all. Time to move on. End the status quo. If you don't you ARE an obsessed weirdo. What the f@ck are you waiting for? You think she's going to change her mind?

ETA: She's your security blanket? How old are you? Time to grow a set, pal.

Toodygirl5's photo
Tue 04/25/17 11:43 AM
Keeping contact as just friends would be uncomfortable for most , after being in a relationship first! Most people go separate ways, whenever their relationship ends!

RustyKitty's photo
Tue 04/25/17 12:11 PM
Find yourself another girlfriend ...sounds like you two are just fckbuddies ..
Perhaps if you bring another girlfriend into the picture maybe she will see you in another light and change her feelings to being jealous... then you've opened up another can of worms...

no1phD's photo
Tue 04/25/17 12:21 PM

I dated this girl back in highschool. she was my first real girlfriend. She wanted to cut things off and be just friends, and although it pained me greatly I agreed. we've kept in touch and we've hung out together plenty of times. What I want to know is if there is a way to get over somebody while still staying in contact with them?
.. my advice would . Be that you both sit down together like adults and decide if the relationship has a shot or not and if not go your Separate Ways... if you find yourself together at some other point then commit to each other then.. if not go your Separate Ways..... sounds like you're just using each other for a back-up plan

no photo
Tue 04/25/17 12:21 PM

Find yourself another girlfriend ...sounds like you two are just fckbuddies ..
Perhaps if you bring another girlfriend into the picture maybe she will see you in another light and change her feelings to being jealous... then you've opened up another can of worms...




This $hit would be somewhat understandable if they were fckbuddies. He said she claims to be asexual which would lead me to believe there ain't no sex involved.

8SharpShooter8's photo
Fri 04/28/17 07:44 PM
Thanks for letting me know!

2 Next