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| Topic: Do You Believe in.Romantic Deadlines? | |
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Are you publicly terminating our impending engagement 2em? 
I.also know couples like the one you described but I also know of more couples where one person has more feelings than the other or they are not feeling similar feelings at the same time , leading to an awkward impasse between them. What are your thoughts about that? Maybe.... maybe not...
Someone once told me that you might find the right partner for you at the right time but you might not be the right partner for them at that time... So have patience and enjoy your friendships and if one of them blooms into something more, enjoy that as well... 
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Someone once told me that you might find the right partner for you at the right time but you might not be the right partner for them at that time...
Very true words, take heed. |
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indeed
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I too have friends that were just friends for years, each had relationships with other people, then one day "poof" they connected one night and now they are engaged. If it's meant to be, then love finds away. 
Thats a great friendship/love story Flint. Its really reassuring to know that it can all work out in the end 
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I avoid people who have agendas for relationships. Thats a good point motown but I wonder if its possible for people to deepen their ties with others without having an agenda at some point , even if the agenda is for them to remain warm acquaintances . I wonder if people just choose not to vocalise their agendas. (Playing the devil"s advocate here) 
Of course. All relationships start out as casual acquaintances then move on to friendships and then maybe even deeper friendships. Most people don't vocalize their relationship agendas. And some, I suppose, aren't even aware they have them, or will flatly deny that they do. But spend some time with them and a person can usually figure it out. I agree with everything you said Motown:) |
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... sure why can't two friends fall in love... a lot of times it's just a matter of looking at each other through different glasses so to speak... We normally don't look at or friends in a romantic sexual way... But if you do that and you do find yourself falling in love with them then great... Love Is Love no matter where you find it So I guess you dont beliefe there is a limited window of time for that magical transition of friendship to romance? |
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Time's a tickin! behold! The deadline approacheth ...
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If neither person in a friendship makes the first move to forge a romantic bond with each other withiñ a certain time frame, do you think the people are forever confined to the friend zone? Or do you think that once both frirnds remain single, there is always possibility for romance between.them? #1 - I don't think there is a time frame for people to fall in love. Sometimes though, one falls in love before the other realizes it and would not say anything afraid of jeopardizing the friendship. And once they are both on the same page BOOM. That's why I won't fall for guys whose best friend is a woman.. that could happen. #2 - my dear Peggy, there is always a possibility for romance. 
My longest friendship with a male spanned 25 years Rosie and I never had romantic feelings for him once during that entire time. But he developed feelingsfor me and ultimately he ended the friendship because of it. I do believe that love is unpredictable and can find you in the strangest of circumstance , but situatioons like the one I mentioned remind me that the friendship/romantic connection can be a super bumpy road . Your optimism is infectious though Rosie!
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If neither person in a friendship makes the first move to forge a romantic bond with each other withiñ a certain time frame, do you think the people are forever confined to the friend zone?
Yes and no and maybe. The more you enjoy the "friend zone" the more momentum it has to remain so. The amount of energy and relearning a new relationship and therefore new relationship communication skills will make it 10,000 times harder to try and "turn" a long term "friendship" into an actual romantically bonded relationship in comparison with someone new. Like when a kids parents divorce and one moves out, or a single parent gets remarried and the kid has to switch from seeing them as "mom's friend bob" to "dad bob." At some point alternatives are a more attractive and viable option than the effort to try to change the relationship. There's a biological process involved from first attraction to romantic pair bonded love. If you deny it, veto it, stop it from forming as it's naturally trying to go forward you have to work harder to keep it from influencing your behavior, thoughts, and emotions. That means developing kinda negative and controlling emotional associations to offset the positive and accepting associations, cancel positive with negative to remain neutral. And at some point negative will outweigh the positive. After puberty it's part of the biological imperative to go forth and mate. Negative emotions against the status quo are to motivate you to move on and find someone that you will choose. "Familiarity breeds contempt." People tend to swallow that down behind their social facade, in order to be a "good friend," and can end up compartmentalizing their relationship to avoid looking at what's really motivating them. "Friend" is such a vague way to describe a relationship it can encompass a wide range of emotional attachment. Lots of people play the "friends first" game when it is really "I don't want to deal with the scary adult emotions and conversations. So my conscious self is going to deal with the 'friendship' relationship, keep it at a distance, keep it on the surface and relatively shallow and knowable, while more deep down emotionally and subconsciously it's going to progress normally along the lines of a romantic relationship, and I'm going to react more emotionally and rationalize logically, and ultimately back my way into a romantic relationship, and when it becomes obvious I can say it's my decision and feel in control." So yes, no, and maybe. Depends on the people involved, depends on why they're getting into a "friendship" and what they get out of the "friendship." do you think that once both frirnds remain single, there is always possibility for romance between.them?
"Romance" and "love" can occur between any two people with any sexual attraction. The longer you're single the better seeming the ones you've already eliminated. that transition can get complicated for sure ciretom. Motives and personalies, comfort levels and the unique chemistry of any given frienship all conspire to impact the transition of friendship to romance. You-re right. timing is not the only influence. 
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Was kinda waiting till a few more people commented. I guess I can add my 2 cents. If I enter into a friendship with the intention of an intimate relationship then yes, there is a deadline. If we become friends and our relationship grows to a point where we want to be intimate then no, there is no deadline. I think it all depends upon the intentions from the beginning. Thats a very valid point Tom4uhere.Its like what Motown was saying about agendas, and although it doesnt sound politically correct to say so, many people do have a romantic or sexual agenda when they take on a new friendship , and it does impact the romantic deadline as you pointed out :) |
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If neither person in a friendship makes the first move to forge a romantic bond with each other withiñ a certain time frame, do you think the people are forever confined to the friend zone? Or do you think that once both frirnds remain single, there is always possibility for romance between.them? A Reread of the OP makes me think I didn't address the intended questions well enough. Ah, more thought needed. If neither person in a friendship makes the first move to forge a romantic bond with each other withiñ a certain time frame, do you think the people are forever confined to the friend zone?
No. I don't believe there is a time frame to establishing love. Thats pretty shallow isn't it? The only way that could play a part is if one is horny and the other isn't. One may keep a friendship with the hope of intimacy eventually but as time goes on that friendship will be tested with desire. So is it really friendship? Or do you think that once both frirnds remain single, there is always possibility for romance between.them?
Assuming that the friendship is not enduring as a chance for intimacy a lasting friendship can certainly become intimate. Nobody likes to be manipulated. However, as the frienship relationship grows in familiarity intimacy can grow. Things like this can not be quantified into a rule of life. Perhaps living n the moment and learning to accept others as they are to you can help with clarification. Sometimes we fail to see what is right in front of us. Thanks for giving this so much thought Tom.
Sometimes I wonder if gender has some level of influence in the friendship/ romance dynamic I personally have seen over the years that alot of women can be in a longterm friendship with a man without once having romantic or sexual feelings/hope or who can somehow manage to swallow their romantic feelings when their male friend doesnt requite them so that the friendship remains in tact. With alot of guys on the other hand, I get the feeling s that even in a longterm friendship , they often believe they have a romantic shot even when the woman demonstrates nothing but friendly gestures towards them for a decade or more. Can you see how that can impact that friendship/romantic dynamic heavily? And by the way , I know there are women who harbor romantic hope in friendships where the feelings are not requited as well, or who can become possessive and difficult if they develop feelings for their friend, but I feel sometimes that this scenario happens more frequently to men for some reason. I also think that if only one person develops romantic feelings and an agenda at some point in a longterm friendship, it doesnt mean that the person is guilty of an ulterir motive for the entire span of the friendship. Im not sure if you were implying that earlier. I might have misinterpreted what you said.
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Are you publicly terminating our impending engagement 2em?
I.also know couples like the one you described but I also know of more couples where one person has more feelings than the other or they are not feeling similar feelings at the same time , leading to an awkward impasse between them. What are your thoughts about that? Maybe.... maybe not...
Someone once told me that you might find the right partner for you at the right time but you might not be the right partner for them at that time... So have patience and enjoy your friendships and if one of them blooms into something more, enjoy that as well...
Timing can really be a biotch sometimes but I think your approach is a healthy one . Take thinks as they comes and enjoy it or endure it to the best of your ability
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indeed Thanks for your contribution jr and welcome to the forum! |
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I also think that if only one person develops romantic feelings and an agenda at some point in a longterm friendship, it doesnt mean that the person is guilty of an ulterir motive for the entire span of the friendship.
I agree. I know a few childhood friendships that resulted in marriage. I know work friendships that resulted in marriage and a few that resulted in hanky panky and went back to friendships. It depends on the integrity of the people involved. I have also seen friendships fail like this. |
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I don't believe in romantic deadlines. I feel that love can bloom whenever.
As others have said, timing can be a difference maker. |
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I believe, from experience, once you have a long established friendship with someone it becomes very awkward to pursue anything more unless you both have long unspoken feelings for each other. Even in that instance, unless the timing has always been off, I believe it is still weird. Two people who've had feelings for each other for years or decades and haven't acted on the feelings? There is social dysfunction going on in that scenario...
However, normally, it is one or the other that is harboring romantic illusions about the other. |
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If neither person in a friendship makes the first move to forge a romantic bond with each other withiñ a certain time frame, do you think the people are forever confined to the friend zone? Or do you think that once both frirnds remain single, there is always possibility for romance between.them? 1...you must like them or you would not be asking ... I say if you are interested in more then friendship ... talk to them for get the friend zone ... 2... do you think that once both friends remain single... communication is what you both need ... don't be afraid to ask or talk to them ... becouse this is what your relationship is with them and you can not walk on eggs your whole relationship ... if this is something you would like ...your wasting time ... when you both could be romantically involved... |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Sat 03/18/17 04:58 PM
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If neither person in a friendship makes the first move to forge a romantic bond with each other withiñ a certain time frame, do you think the people are forever confined to the friend zone? Or do you think that once both frirnds remain single, there is always possibility for romance between.them? I don't see how you would want to forge a romantic something with a friend? Whenever I get involved with someone, it's clear from the word go that it isn't a friend, but a new budding romance/relationship. Maybe sometimes a friendship blossoms into more, but generally speaking it doesn't work that way around. You meet someone, you feel something, a buzz, butterflies in your gut, your heart is racing, your knees get weak. There's something that tells you there's a connection that isn't friendship. If I don't feel that with someone, there's not going to be anything more either. I don't believe in friendship and then trying to wring something more out of it. It's there or it isn't. And if it's there, it's there from the word go. There's the exception to the rule, but that's exactly that: an exception. |
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I also think that if only one person develops romantic feelings and an agenda at some point in a longterm friendship, it doesnt mean that the person is guilty of an ulterir motive for the entire span of the friendship.
I agree. I know a few childhood friendships that resulted in marriage. I know work friendships that resulted in marriage and a few that resulted in hanky panky and went back to friendships. It depends on the integrity of the people involved. I have also seen friendships fail like this. I totally agree. Integrity and maturity levels deeply impact that romance/friendship dynamic :) |
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I don't believe in romantic deadlines. I feel that love can bloom whenever.
As others have said, timing can be a difference maker. Well said Scoob !
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