Bottom line, no, the idea that "if you miss your opportune moment, the magic fails and love is not possible" is a MYTH. It's one of a huge pastiche of silly ideas that have infested life on this dusty little rock since the first corpuscle was able to blurt out the dread words "friend zone."

HOWEVER. People who put other people into "not interested" categories, usually do so for reasons OTHER than "it's not the right time for love." Since most people who are "friendzoned" are put there because their "jailer" flat out isn't attracted to them, and not because of "timing," unless that person goes through changes that alters their sense of what is attractive, the "zone" is likely to remain in place.

Short version:

"No, but sometimes it can sure seem that way."

yep. makw a move immediately or it will never happen

I agree with everything you said Igor, and I will add one more angle.


It might be rare, but I know of situations where the guy convinces his gal pal to give him a romantic shot, after she discloses her lack of attraction towards him. But its a crappy situation to set up because, the woman is expected to fall in love with this guy to the distracting noise of a ticking clock, and the man is at the edge of his seat , praying for lady luck plop into his lap.

Ive heard many guys wistfully yearn for their friend to just give them a chance, but when she does , and if her friendliness doesnt morph into attraction in a month or less, the guy turns ice cold.

I totally get why the man would be impatient and hurt , but Im saying that it was a crappy situation for the man to invite the friend into in the first place, because its almost wired for both parties to get screwed... but not in the good kind of way.

Do you believe in romantic deadlines?


Well if we can touch on the subject of..
When two lovers fall apart from each other... a certain amount of time apart is required... to reassess and reevaluate the relationship..
But there should be a time limit a deadline put on the amount of time that takes...... nobody wants to be waiting around for over a month for somebody to figure out what they feel.. and how they feel about the other person.... two or three days to figure this out should be plenty...
More time than that you're just...
Hurting the other person will they wait.. for you to decide their fate as well.... that is a cruel thing to do to a person... keep them waiting longer than need be for your answer...

For some friendship dynamics, that seems to be the case SDCF2 :)

It is a very logical and reasonable thing that you are asking for but feelings are not logical. and they dont have set timelines either.

A couple has to carefully, honestly and kindly negotiate terms like that.

In a relationship, you might need her to give you an answer about where her heart is at in 3 days or a week, and she shouldnt criticise you for that. A need is a need.

But her need (although inconvenient to YOU) is every bit as legitimate as your need, and she may need a month to sort out her feelings .... depending on the rate at which her brain/heart processes things , and the rate at which other overwhelming stresses are comimg at her in her life at that time.ie work, kids, parent's health issues etc,

I dont think its appropriate for either person to criticise each other's needs, BUT they both have the right to attempt a compromise in negotiating a time frame , maybe cut it by a half if its at all feasible, or respectfully concede (without tantrums, guilt trips or condemnation)that you are both unwilling or unable to meet each other's needs.

Isn't that what all breakups are about at their core?

Either one person or both people are not willing or able to meet each others needs or to compromise . It's very traumatic but there is no way around it.

its the fact of life babe. chicks want the guy to move fast and move first.

..yes. I understand your point and outside stresses can play in the amount of time you have to yourself to think things over..But. if it takes you a month to figure out if you want to be with somebody or care for them..
Then.. thanks but no thanks..
If you can't figure out how you feel within a few days then I really don't want to spend a month waiting for you to figure it out.. just to have you say at the end of the month that you want to break up... this isn't rocket science... after a week.. you are basically just keeping the person in a holding pattern.. well you check out of the relationship while still in the relationship.. not cool..at all..

once in the friend zone.. thats where you stay..

Bob Marley once said that everyone is gonna hurt you at some point in your life, and that you just have to decide who is worth the pain.

With that in mind ...

If I actually found a guy (who wasnt abusive ), and with whom I had that turbo tripple combo of physical, emotional, and intellectual chemistry , I would be willing to endure one month of uncertainty , if there was even a chance of making us work.

That rare kind of connection would be worth the risk for me.

That said, I totally understand why you and most people would reject that option. No one wants to wait that long for their romantic fate to be decided.

I like the guy to move first, but I dont need him to move fast. Clealy Im not the typical chic

Only 2 of my friends ever made it out of the friend zone, so Im inclined to believe, that you are right rustykitty. the transition does happen, but its rare :)

Just wanted to add my 2 cents here. I believe that romantic love exist any time.
I have met people at my local pub who have been going there for decades. A lady in her 80s, and a man in his late 80s got romantic after decades of seeing each other in the pub. Also another couple, now my friends, met each other years ago, liked each other, yet did nothing about it. After a couple of failed relationships they finally got to and now are engaged to be married.
So to answer your question about a deadline, no love happens when it happens.

There are definitely some exceptions to the rule that make it through the awkward transition and make it to the finishline seahawk. Cheers to them1

I don't think so

you aint. youre probably the only sincere chick on here. most guys are afraid of a bold smart confident chick.

Thanks for your contribution uzawaye. Welcome to the forum

Thanks for the high praise SDSCF2, but I promise you that there are other sincere chics on the forum , especially the regulars. :)

And I hope the guys who fear bold, smart and confident women , will discover that some of us know how to be vulnerable and flexible for the right man

don't lower your standards babe. as you've seen i only go out with certain chicks and i never settle for less.

Sorry but I was lost when neither made a first move which suggests neither have the maturity or social skills necessary to open the conversation to potential relationships and thus lose by social ineptitude and lack of courage with the necessary skills to simply share ones emotions honestly and directly...