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| Topic: What do you consider a match? | |
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Edited by
Funzy65
on
Wed 03/15/17 09:28 AM
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Topic: What do you consider a match? Specifically, what do you consider to be a match with someone? I know matching can be complex or simple. Desperation can reduce the match qualification over time. Loneliness can open matches that were never before considered. If you were to narrow down the qualifications for a match with you what would be the most important qualities that must be met? I'm a visual person so he has to be the most handsome guy TO ME.. what is attractive to me, may not be attractive to others. Attractiveness is subjective. We must be able to meet in person to see if we have chemistry. He could have all the attributes of a good match on paper but if there is no chemistry between us when we meet then there would be no second date. Sense of humour is important to me.. I don't want someone who is always serious but I also don't want someone who is clownish. Our sense of humour should be on the same page. I'm comfortable, happy and content living alone with my cat Pumpkin.. so I have the luxury of waiting for the perfect guy.. he might not be perfect for everyone but he would be FOR ME. I know and I know you know and even my cat and my neighbour's dog know that I am not getting any younger but until I find my perfect guy, I'll wait. He could just be lost somewhere. Hey you, I'm here!!!! Best wishes to all you wonderful Minglers   ********************************************** Wow...Thank you for the wishes for all...I do mean it. I hear you I REALLY DO...Honestly, I am in the same shoes when it comes to choice and options. Well it shows that I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE. Not too worry, I know that you know and we all know that we are not getting any younger also. I also see that you, like ways as me, have the luxury to feel the Comfort, Serenity, Sanity and Content patiently waiting for the BEST TO COME and BE...I am patient too. Like-Ways,..My sincere & best wishes to you also. I hope he will open your door with a bunch of Pink Roses one sunny Canadian day  , 12 must be the number of roses   Ps:..Just curious...Is Pumpkin a MAN killer ?  ((( H-U-G-S ))) |
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I knew it, that blah blah blah eventually it will arrive, it will happen, and I will see it or read it..Awww ...L.M.B.O WELCOME PROFESSOR ...Of what ?..Blah blah blah   sometimes he does make sense... I used to be in awe.. how clever I thought. Now, about those penguins.. lemme think about it.  ************************************************* Sometimes, RARELY..Mostly a LOTS OF NEGATIVE/OPPOSITE league of OWN  Okay, now about those penguins...YES, they do have knees, I have seen the x-rays at one of our rescue shelters in Sydney I volunteer sometimes at our Far Out West Country wild animals rescue shelter Cute Thread-Hijacking Have you seen Farce of the Penguins? - Watch it with mood enhancement for the best results.  Directed by Bod Saget and Stars the voices of Abe Vigoda, Alyson Hannigan, Bob Saget, Brie Larson, Carlos Mencia, Christina Applegate, Cliff Dorfman, Damon Wayans, Dane Cook, Dave Coulier, David Koechner, David Michie, Drea de Matteo, Gilbert Gottfried, Harvey Fierstein, James Belushi, Jamie Kennedy, Jason Alexander, Jason Biggs, Jodie Sweetin, John Stamos, Jon Lovitz, Jonathan Katz, Jonathan Silverman, Lewis Black, Lori Loughlin, Mario Cantone, Mo'Nique, Norm Crosby, Norm MacDonald, Samuel L Jackson, Scott Weinger, Tracy Morgan, Vanessa Lee Evigan & Whoopi Goldberg. ************************************************* I HAVE WATCHED some TRAILERS...HILARIOUS but a bit too many Rude ( Words ) specially for kids. |
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Edited by
peggy122
on
Wed 03/15/17 09:59 AM
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Hmmmm.. A match for me would be a scenaio where there iis
1. mutuality in trust , respect and humor 2. compatabiliy in values, goals 3. and where there is strong emotional, intellectual and sexual chemistry I wish I could narrow it down more but I honestly dont know if a relationship can fully thrive without any one of these elements |
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Hmmmm.. A match for me would be a scenaio where there iis 1. mutuality in trust , respect and humor 2. compatabiliy in values, goals 3. and where there is strong emotional, intellectual and sexual chemistry I wish I could narrow it down more but I honestly dont know if a relationship can fully thrive without any one of these elements Nice addition, Thanx! |
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Ps:..Just curious...Is Pumpkin a MAN killer ? YES 
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Edited by
PacificStar48
on
Wed 03/15/17 12:51 PM
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Great topic. I often wish I could narrow it down; even define it. Never been a fan of the whole selection process because I find it kind of cruel.
My patience does run thin when I make the effort to put the ballpark boundaries out there; especially if I get "lip" about it. While I think there is someone for everyone I have been through enough to know I am not just anybody's cup of tea and there I'd a lot poison being packaged as romantic ellixer. Several of the posts have mention my Biggie's. Chemistry, communication, and a sense of well being when you ate in the other's presence. Those seem to stay on the drawing board. I think some of my musts have changed over the years. Obviously the empty nest means the consideration is more about just us than the family. I "love" my dog so that is a consideration bit now it would be down to "us" I find myself thinking am I really going to want this person to be the majority holder of my attention. With age and the reality of that partnerships can become very one sided I want to be sure I am not spending the last good years with a mistake that would be a lot harder to recover from so risk analysis rears it's ugly head. While most at my age have past,maybe several, relationships I sure don't want to live as a replacement or paying for the sins of another. I will say while physical perfection and performance standards "adjust" that they don't go away because they have been on reserve awhile. I still want and agree to the dating process and just because the internet has made something's convenient I don't consider typing on your phone on your underwear a date. I am not taking anyone too serious that can't get it into the real world relm after a few polite inquires. If someone od do emotionally or financially destitute or get real inaccessible my life is too short to entertain them. |
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Edited by
PacificStar48
on
Wed 03/15/17 01:15 PM
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Loops double post. Sorry for the type o's . I care that you get the gist of what I contributed not that this small screen post I'd literary masterpiece. Again good thread OP.
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Wed 03/15/17 01:26 PM
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In short: an empowered masculine energy man - same age - max 5 yrs older - no young kids (up to 18 yrs = absolute no go) - Taller than me - gotten over past relationships and chit - able and willing to work through (past) chit if it comes up - able to communicate in healthy way - able and willing to commit - not religious - open minded (as in, eager to learn new things, not (too) judgemental) - not a dare-devil / major risk-taker - has something going for himself in life - has male friends - employed - healthy view regarding men & women - healthy sex drive - Not fat (sorry, just don't do it for me) - No mustache or beard - stronger than me otherwise I walk all over him cos I'm strong myself  If I can't look up to a man, we got a problem... - matching sense of humour - creative in some sense or other (creative ppl have a typical mindset, I need that) - energetically a tad more calm/tranquil than me otherwise we be bouncing off the walls 24/7 Great List and thanx for participating! I know you have found your match because you have said so before. Here is an example of a woman that understands herself and set her standards then recognized the right one when he came along. I ask: Is there one or two items on your list that you feel have the most importance? What was it that initially allowed you to make your choice to find out if more of those matches were evident? Edit to add: If you care to share that insight? Hmmm... difficult because for me these points actually are the very basics of what I really do need in order to be happy with a man. It took me quite some time to make this list. The only ones I would possibly make an exception if the click was really good, is the mustache and maybe the age. Although age within reason, I don't like too big of an age gap. The job thing is mostly related to "empowered man". I know job, status, etc is very important for a man, directly related to his sense of self-worth and so on, and having a job or not says a lot about a guy. Okay, one could've had a stroke of bad luck, I know. But an empowered man would do everything he could to get back on track again. Oh, to add to it: I made this list BEFORE I met him... and no, I didn't have to compromise on anything. . . . |
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Edited by
Funzy65
on
Wed 03/15/17 07:29 PM
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Ps:..Just curious...Is Pumpkin a MAN killer ? YES ************************************** LOL.. Pumpkin, did you see what they make of you ?? Poor Pumpkin he is sooo cute I can eat him Ouch, I'm not afraid of it, ( This maebe my ancestor, you know, the one who played with our DNA some 18 thousands years ago or more  ) But I think I must act careful |
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Edited by
Funzy65
on
Sat 03/18/17 05:07 PM
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In short: an empowered masculine energy man - same age - max 5 yrs older - no young kids (up to 18 yrs = absolute no go) - Taller than me - gotten over past relationships and chit - able and willing to work through (past) chit if it comes up - able to communicate in healthy way - able and willing to commit - not religious - open minded (as in, eager to learn new things, not (too) judgemental) - not a dare-devil / major risk-taker - has something going for himself in life - has male friends - employed - healthy view regarding men & women - healthy sex drive - Not fat (sorry, just don't do it for me) - No mustache or beard - stronger than me otherwise I walk all over him cos I'm strong myself If I can't look up to a man, we got a problem... - matching sense of humour - creative in some sense or other (creative ppl have a typical mindset, I need that) - energetically a tad more calm/tranquil than me otherwise we be bouncing off the walls 24/7 Great List and thanx for participating! I know you have found your match because you have said so before. Here is an example of a woman that understands herself and set her standards then recognized the right one when he came along. I ask: Is there one or two items on your list that you feel have the most importance? What was it that initially allowed you to make your choice to find out if more of those matches were evident? Edit to add: If you care to share that insight? Hmmm... difficult because for me these points actually are the very basics of what I really do need in order to be happy with a man. It took me quite some time to make this list. The only ones I would possibly make an exception if the click was really good, is the mustache and maybe the age. Although age within reason, I don't like too big of an age gap. The job thing is mostly related to "empowered man". I know job, status, etc is very important for a man, directly related to his sense of self-worth and so on, and having a job or not says a lot about a guy. Okay, one could've had a stroke of bad luck, I know. But an empowered man would do everything he could to get back on track again. Oh, to add to it: I made this list BEFORE I met him... and no, I didn't have to compromise on anything. . . . ***************************************************** Wow ..That's a full hand list  By looking at your list 20, 15, EVEN 10 YEARS AGO, I could have matched all the lines. EXCEPT, .. " - Taller than me "  Today my list is bigger then yours and is a 2 hands not just one full. I'M NOT FUSSY, just CAREFUL and PRACTICAL. LOL... |
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In short: an empowered masculine energy man - same age - max 5 yrs older - no young kids (up to 18 yrs = absolute no go) - Taller than me - gotten over past relationships and chit - able and willing to work through (past) chit if it comes up - able to communicate in healthy way - able and willing to commit - not religious - open minded (as in, eager to learn new things, not (too) judgemental) - not a dare-devil / major risk-taker - has something going for himself in life - has male friends - employed - healthy view regarding men & women - healthy sex drive - Not fat (sorry, just don't do it for me) - No mustache or beard - stronger than me otherwise I walk all over him cos I'm strong myself If I can't look up to a man, we got a problem... - matching sense of humour - creative in some sense or other (creative ppl have a typical mindset, I need that) - energetically a tad more calm/tranquil than me otherwise we be bouncing off the walls 24/7 Great List and thanx for participating! I know you have found your match because you have said so before. Here is an example of a woman that understands herself and set her standards then recognized the right one when he came along. I ask: Is there one or two items on your list that you feel have the most importance? What was it that initially allowed you to make your choice to find out if more of those matches were evident? Edit to add: If you care to share that insight? Hmmm... difficult because for me these points actually are the very basics of what I really do need in order to be happy with a man. It took me quite some time to make this list. The only ones I would possibly make an exception if the click was really good, is the mustache and maybe the age. Although age within reason, I don't like too big of an age gap. The job thing is mostly related to "empowered man". I know job, status, etc is very important for a man, directly related to his sense of self-worth and so on, and having a job or not says a lot about a guy. Okay, one could've had a stroke of bad luck, I know. But an empowered man would do everything he could to get back on track again. Oh, to add to it: I made this list BEFORE I met him... and no, I didn't have to compromise on anything. . . . ***************************************************** Wow ..That's a full hand list By looking at your list 20, 15, EVEN 10 YEARS AGO, I could have matched all the lines. EXCEPT, .. " - Taller than me " Today my list is bigger then yours and is a 2 hands not just one full. I'M NOT FUSSY, just CAREFUL and PRACTICAL. LOL... There's a big difference between being fussy and knowing what you need to be happy. Fussy is "must have this type of car, make that much a month, love my children as if he was their father, must have blue eyes, must be muscular and have wide shoulders and bladiblarbar" Then it wouldn't say "creative" but "Must paint like Van Gogh." If I don't get what's on that list, I'm not going to be happy because the relationship wouldn't be balanced nor nourishing. Then why would I want to be in a relationship? Trust me, it wasn't as easy as you may think to make this list. Took serious thinking and insight. If more people took the time to think about what they really needed -by which I mean their core needs, not fussy demands- fewer would be single and/or miserable in relationships. Once I knew what I needed, I also ended up dating better quality men, men that could be a good match for me where the ones I dated before were a far cry from it. And very soon after I met him 
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For me the best matches were with women who understood me and my ways And understand that I don't waver from them... meaning my core values.
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match for me
hmmmmm yes I do have opinions but do not expect him to agree he is entitled to his own yes my children are important to me so I expect he would also have to be a parent looks? well uh he should have some I mean a great personality only goes so far but ..if he has a great smile that lights up his eyes and a good sense of humor? this would only add to his attractiveness he can't be a pushover..no " yes dear" types or I will lose all respect for him |
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In short: an empowered masculine energy man - same age - max 5 yrs older - no young kids (up to 18 yrs = absolute no go) - Taller than me - gotten over past relationships and chit - able and willing to work through (past) chit if it comes up - able to communicate in healthy way - able and willing to commit - not religious - open minded (as in, eager to learn new things, not (too) judgemental) - not a dare-devil / major risk-taker - has something going for himself in life - has male friends - employed - healthy view regarding men & women - healthy sex drive - Not fat (sorry, just don't do it for me) - No mustache or beard - stronger than me otherwise I walk all over him cos I'm strong myself If I can't look up to a man, we got a problem... - matching sense of humour - creative in some sense or other (creative ppl have a typical mindset, I need that) - energetically a tad more calm/tranquil than me otherwise we be bouncing off the walls 24/7 Great List and thanx for participating! I know you have found your match because you have said so before. Here is an example of a woman that understands herself and set her standards then recognized the right one when he came along. I ask: Is there one or two items on your list that you feel have the most importance? What was it that initially allowed you to make your choice to find out if more of those matches were evident? Edit to add: If you care to share that insight? Hmmm... difficult because for me these points actually are the very basics of what I really do need in order to be happy with a man. It took me quite some time to make this list. The only ones I would possibly make an exception if the click was really good, is the mustache and maybe the age. Although age within reason, I don't like too big of an age gap. The job thing is mostly related to "empowered man". I know job, status, etc is very important for a man, directly related to his sense of self-worth and so on, and having a job or not says a lot about a guy. Okay, one could've had a stroke of bad luck, I know. But an empowered man would do everything he could to get back on track again. Oh, to add to it: I made this list BEFORE I met him... and no, I didn't have to compromise on anything. . . . ***************************************************** Wow ..That's a full hand list By looking at your list 20, 15, EVEN 10 YEARS AGO, I could have matched all the lines. EXCEPT, .. " - Taller than me " Today my list is bigger then yours and is a 2 hands not just one full. I'M NOT FUSSY, just CAREFUL and PRACTICAL. LOL... There's a big difference between being fussy and knowing what you need to be happy. Fussy is "must have this type of car, make that much a month, love my children as if he was their father, must have blue eyes, must be muscular and have wide shoulders and bladiblarbar" Then it wouldn't say "creative" but "Must paint like Van Gogh." If I don't get what's on that list, I'm not going to be happy because the relationship wouldn't be balanced nor nourishing. Then why would I want to be in a relationship? Trust me, it wasn't as easy as you may think to make this list. Took serious thinking and insight. If more people took the time to think about what they really needed -by which I mean their core needs, not fussy demands- fewer would be single and/or miserable in relationships. Once I knew what I needed, I also ended up dating better quality men, men that could be a good match for me where the ones I dated before were a far cry from it. And very soon after I met him ********************************************* Yup, I'm with you on that. That's why I also wrote ..." I'M NOT FUSSY, just CAREFUL and PRACTICAL. " whoa Hang tight to what you have now.
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What do I consider a match?
Someone I can have a conversation with without effort. Someone I share common interests with. Someone at the same point in their life that I am, ready for commitment. Someone who knows how to have fun and laugh. Someone with compassion. Someone who is confident and has his act together. Someone who enhances my life and makes me smile. |
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When one sock is identical to the other.
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In short: an empowered masculine energy man - same age - max 5 yrs older - no young kids (up to 18 yrs = absolute no go) - Taller than me - gotten over past relationships and chit - able and willing to work through (past) chit if it comes up - able to communicate in healthy way - able and willing to commit - not religious - open minded (as in, eager to learn new things, not (too) judgemental) - not a dare-devil / major risk-taker - has something going for himself in life - has male friends - employed - healthy view regarding men & women - healthy sex drive - Not fat (sorry, just don't do it for me) - No mustache or beard - stronger than me otherwise I walk all over him cos I'm strong myself If I can't look up to a man, we got a problem... - matching sense of humour - creative in some sense or other (creative ppl have a typical mindset, I need that) - energetically a tad more calm/tranquil than me otherwise we be bouncing off the walls 24/7 Great List and thanx for participating! I know you have found your match because you have said so before. Here is an example of a woman that understands herself and set her standards then recognized the right one when he came along. I ask: Is there one or two items on your list that you feel have the most importance? What was it that initially allowed you to make your choice to find out if more of those matches were evident? Edit to add: If you care to share that insight? Hmmm... difficult because for me these points actually are the very basics of what I really do need in order to be happy with a man. It took me quite some time to make this list. The only ones I would possibly make an exception if the click was really good, is the mustache and maybe the age. Although age within reason, I don't like too big of an age gap. The job thing is mostly related to "empowered man". I know job, status, etc is very important for a man, directly related to his sense of self-worth and so on, and having a job or not says a lot about a guy. Okay, one could've had a stroke of bad luck, I know. But an empowered man would do everything he could to get back on track again. Oh, to add to it: I made this list BEFORE I met him... and no, I didn't have to compromise on anything. . . . ***************************************************** Wow ..That's a full hand list By looking at your list 20, 15, EVEN 10 YEARS AGO, I could have matched all the lines. EXCEPT, .. " - Taller than me " Today my list is bigger then yours and is a 2 hands not just one full. I'M NOT FUSSY, just CAREFUL and PRACTICAL. LOL... There's a big difference between being fussy and knowing what you need to be happy. Fussy is "must have this type of car, make that much a month, love my children as if he was their father, must have blue eyes, must be muscular and have wide shoulders and bladiblarbar" Then it wouldn't say "creative" but "Must paint like Van Gogh." If I don't get what's on that list, I'm not going to be happy because the relationship wouldn't be balanced nor nourishing. Then why would I want to be in a relationship? Trust me, it wasn't as easy as you may think to make this list. Took serious thinking and insight. If more people took the time to think about what they really needed -by which I mean their core needs, not fussy demands- fewer would be single and/or miserable in relationships. Once I knew what I needed, I also ended up dating better quality men, men that could be a good match for me where the ones I dated before were a far cry from it. And very soon after I met him ********************************************* Yup, I'm with you on that. That's why I also wrote ..." I'M NOT FUSSY, just CAREFUL and PRACTICAL. " whoa Hang tight to what you have now. I will, as long as he cherishes me, I will adore him |
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Specifically, what do you consider to be a match with someone? I know matching can be complex or simple. Desperation can reduce the match qualification over time. Loneliness can open matches that were never before considered. If you were to narrow down the qualifications for a match with you what would be the most important qualities that must be met? I know what I don't want in a partner, the list is not a long one but there is no room for compromise, apart from that I think I 'wing it', happy to date where there is a mutual attraction and see where it goes. You can only discover by dating and learning about each other over some time, weeks and months, if you are both 'singing from the same hymn sheet' and if there are enough mutual positives for it to work in the longer term. |
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If more people took the time to think about what they really needed -by which I mean their core needs, not fussy demands- fewer would be single and/or miserable in relationships. Its amazing how many people have no idea what it is they are exactly looking for in a match. On the exact opposite end of it they will not consider anyone a match that doesn't fit all their expectations. I have met women on either end of the example. they all seem to never be satisfied, no matter what I did. Its my opinion that most don't know themselves so can't recognize it when they do find who they match with. I know what I don't want in a partner, the list is not a long one but there is no room for compromise, apart from that I think I 'wing it', happy to date where there is a mutual attraction and see where it goes. You can only discover by dating and learning about each other over some time, weeks and months, if you are both 'singing from the same hymn sheet' and if there are enough mutual positives for it to work in the longer term. I tend to agree. The online match is only a precursor to the real matching. I have met many women online that match me only to find out we had no mutual attraction in real life. Matching is compatibility. Compatibility can only be examined over time and certainly not by script. While every phase of dating is a way of checking if there is a match, it is the unscripted natural moments that are shared that really determine if there is a match or not. |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Sun 03/19/17 11:25 AM
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If more people took the time to think about what they really needed -by which I mean their core needs, not fussy demands- fewer would be single and/or miserable in relationships. Its amazing how many people have no idea what it is they are exactly looking for in a match. On the exact opposite end of it they will not consider anyone a match that doesn't fit all their expectations. I have met women on either end of the example. they all seem to never be satisfied, no matter what I did. Its my opinion that most don't know themselves so can't recognize it when they do find who they match with. Yes, correct... most haven't a clue and cannot be bothered to get more pro-active and sort it out. Seems most rather just waste their time -and someone else's- by sodding around. Dating whomever, growing more desperate because nothing works. And then end up too demanding, thinking that that is the way to find the right one. When I realized 'just dating' doesn't work unless you really know what you need, I started working on it. Did a helluva lot of workshops from dating and relationship gurus, both males and a female, and that helped me so much! Not only to get clear what I need and how to go about getting it, but also to become more empowered in my feminine energy. Most women have a masculine energy approach to the whole thing -and in the way they treat a man- and don't even realize it. That usually doesn't work out so well, unless you want to wear the pants in a relationship, which I do not. And sure it takes time to learn and grow as an individual to work out what you do 'wrong', what the better approach would be etc. But I regarded that as an investment in my future, and a future relationship. So to me it was time well spent, very much worth it. And it's still a work in progress, you're never done learning, but that's all right too. I know what I don't want in a partner, the list is not a long one but there is no room for compromise, apart from that I think I 'wing it', happy to date where there is a mutual attraction and see where it goes. You can only discover by dating and learning about each other over some time, weeks and months, if you are both 'singing from the same hymn sheet' and if there are enough mutual positives for it to work in the longer term. I tend to agree. The online match is only a precursor to the real matching. I have met many women online that match me only to find out we had no mutual attraction in real life. Matching is compatibility. Compatibility can only be examined over time and certainly not by script. While every phase of dating is a way of checking if there is a match, it is the unscripted natural moments that are shared that really determine if there is a match or not. |
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