Okay lots of us have had this experience..
Someone messages you.. or you message them.. the conversation goes well it flows easy.. you get a good vibe from them even though you're texting them.. go figure that out..lol.. now I would assume you agree to meet this person to see if it's real ,the connection offline

now other people that you have conversations with.. maybe the vibe isn't too strong the conversation doesn't flow is easy.... do you go meet this person to see if the conversation or the vibe improves well meeting in person..
Or is it a matter of.. if you're not feeling it from the start then meeting them isn't going to change that..?

.. or have you had experiences where the vib wasn't great. Well texting them but when you met them it was great..?

I would never meet anyone before building up a
good letch for them first.

Lots of folks want to meet right away.
Not me..because there is not much a fellow could
do to impress me on a first date. They are awful.

Then one or the other of you feels compelled to
keep it going..just yuck.

But if you totally fall for who you think they are,
that is when I would meet.

Odds are higher than something casual.

It worked for us :-)

Yes.. absolutely good points


But some would say they don't want to have all the conversations over text messages... and I'm pretty sure I could think of several things to impress you with..lol

I haven't had a good feeling about anyone on here. I don't even want to text anyone.

.wow! Don't hold back let us know exactly how you feel..lol.. come on you'll find somebody stick in their.
You know what everybody says for every foot there is a shoe.. I should know.. I usually find them right up my ***

.wow!
So that's how you make it sound less aggressive.

I agree with you on the go figure that out.
I've got no answers for the other expenses.

Good topic Phd.
My criteria depends on the quality of the texting exchange. If it is interesting, funny and witty, then I would "assume" that the physical man i meet would also exude these qualities. However I do warn the person i am going to meet that I will be initially reserved and that the quality of my textmanship may not match instantly with the personality that has been coming across through texting. (and this works vice versa). Does this make sense?

As for how long it takes, well I prefer to get over the non-virtual aspect as quickly as possible. We are all beings of energy, so it is important to see how that energy or chemistry gels or doesn't. And if it doesn't, so be it. That's what dating is in the age of technology.

i have that experience where this guy online was really witty and gullible , conversation was like i dont want it to end, but when we decided to meet, awe man, he's boring af.. he's so shy.. yeah he's cute , but thats it. after that everything has changed. i stopped talkin to him..

Someone can be totally different when you meet. Even dating experts advice to meet fast and not spend weeks talking online or texting as the online thing can be deceiving.
Been there myself. Then met the guy, worst date ever. Very disappointing, as it had felt so good when we had chatted online. I actually thought I'd found the one for me, then he turned out to be an immature a-hole. You have to meet to find out what someone is really like.
But I wouldn't meet someone if there wasn't something that could be promising.

I think distance plays a part as well, if you are both in the same city I would be more likely to meet them sooner knowing less about them than someone living hundreds of miles away, where I would want to know more and the vibes would need to be stronger before meeting.

Due to I only date local only I'm one of those if I have chatted with them for a week all seems okay and a bit interested then yes I'm one that will say lets meet and see if it's friends, foe or run???

But then I have no problem telling them there is not a second date... Voicing my opinion is not one of my weaker points..


I don't do LDR's have in the past and talked to them for 2-6 months prior to meeting them.. It is harder when it is LDR and much more costly to meet for the first time..I have talked to some for 6 months or more met them and thought WTF... So it is hard to tell till you actually meet them in person at times..

It's hard to support any useful rules in all this dating and mating stuff. Always has been.

I suppose in a vague way, if you have the sense that you are prone to forming too complete a picture of someone based on text or even phone manner, then meeting up quickly when you think you are attracted is a good idea. But I don't think most people are so reliable, even to themselves. Sometimes we make great intuitive judgments, sometimes not.

Just like the "old fashioned" face to face world. We might have collected clues here and there, about how to tell a match from a mismatch, but we'll still find that someone seems great but isn't, or seems "off," but turn out to be "endearing."

It's tempting to make hard and fast rules for ourselves, because rules (and the foot stamping that goes with them) give the illusion of control to us, but it really is just the illusion of control, in the end.

For myself, even with getting a good vibe while messaging. Until I've had, say a phone conversation, or video chat via Google Hangouts or (Skype for other people) it's much too hard to tell if things should advance to a meet.

Now, say phone conversation/video chat goes well and there seems to be mutual attraction, and we're not more than 200 miles apart. I'd be up for meeting.

But I'm also one of those people that don't care for trying to carry on lengthy conversations via text messaging. I figure if we're going to have a conversation of that sorts, it's just easier to be able to call the person. Might be also because I can't text very fast, and hate when I'm being rushed for a response.

That's when I usually tell them that I'm not really feeling it, and ask them if they are and why, in some fashion.

Many times that has led to a reversal in "feeling it" as how they respond can help change my perspective.


If I'm attracted to them/their picture, they're local, and my negative "vibe" isn't based on something I would consider extreme, I would go meet them.

A bad date in the hand is worth twenty million online profiles in the bush.


To me it has nothing to do with "vibes.
There's no real downside for me meeting someone, and the risk is no greater than that of simply leaving my house every day.
It's less of a waste of time to meet someone than sitting online living in my own head/bubble texting or posting to forums.


Yes.
But that's not saying much.
Sometimes the improvement is due to finally getting caffeine, or away from the office.
There's daily baggage that influences mood that can easily be overlooked.

I would say if your both feeling it meet ... if so so I can say did not help to meet them ... just as they where over the phone ... dual I am not looking for that ... now don't get me wrong I am not looking for extreme ...just not dual ...

..yes.. I feel the same way if it's nice on the phone it's a bonus but sometimes people just have other things going on and can't make that connection... but I do look for a certain tone or certain words if they don't come my way then I start to think this person really is not going to be a match... like if you tell them something personal or intimate about yourself.. and their response is less than genuine.well.. I will think about that one for a little while.. and then probably cancel the meet and greet..
Because at the end of the day you need the words you need and you need to feel the feeling that you need to fill.. if it's not there from the start probably will never come your way

absolutely need to feel it ... this one guy before we met the first time spoke on the phone ...he was like well I could move in with you and get to my work ok ... I am like e WHAT! then he said I am rushing things a bit lmao ya think lol I meet him nice but not someone where I made a click with ... another one had to go read his paper and watch his show ... that should have been a warning flag... to much like my father in his ninety's... I met him nice but know click ... and one other one wow was he rude ... said ok no to this one ... it is very hard to find what you had ... dinner ...holding hands ...all the intimacy ... sounds like romantic love to me ... I have not found that yet ... but I do think it might be ...what every women dreams of ... your to damn sweet ... stop it ... know I love your humor ...

[I totally agree...if there's a mutual interest from both party, a meet up should be done at an early stage to find out if the picture you are creating in your mind about the person is right or just an illusion. After the first meet up, thats when you'll know if its worth the time and emotions that youre about to invest. Best wishes to us all!!!]
Someone can be totally different when you meet. Even dating experts advice to meet fast and not spend weeks talking online or texting as the online thing can be deceiving.
Been there myself. Then met the guy, worst date ever. Very disappointing, as it had felt so good when we had chatted online. I actually thought I'd found the one for me, then he turned out to be an immature a-hole. You have to meet to find out what someone is really like.
But I wouldn't meet someone if there wasn't something that could be promising.

I'm currently in this type of situation, kinda.
I'm seeing a woman that is 9 years my senior. 64 years old.

This woman has the most amazing personality. I like being in her company.
On our first meet, she showed extreme interest in me.
She accepts my health and my restrictions.
She hasn't said it but I think she wants to say those three words.

Her personal situation is less than desireable.
I have no sexual attraction to her even tho she acts like she wants to rip my clothes off anytime.

I like having her around me but I fear she wants more from me than I can give.
I don't want to hurt her.
I feel that if I tell her we can only be friends that she will end what relationship we have, I don't want that.

I know that she is not the one. She thinks I am the one.
The feelings are not mutual and I know I have to tell her.
Any suggestions?
I refuse to hurt her, she has had too much hurt in her life already.