Why do so many nice guys feel that women should fall in love with them because they are NICE?

I have been nice all my life and it never once occurred to me that men should drop to their knees with desire for me because of my "niceness"

There are soooooo many other qualities and factors which impact upon our ability to attract or find a suitable partner. Sometimes there are other areas we have to work on , like conversational skills, or grooming, or confidence etc. Sometimes the nice guy "pity party " alone could repel women. Or sometimes it could just be an issue of timing or fate. Some people, despite their attractiveness, or intelligence or kindness, are only able to find their compatible partner later on in life.

So my question is this...

When nice guys complain about women rejecting them because they are "too nice", do you think their complaint is valid? Or do you think they are naive /clueless about the complexities of love and relationships?

ALL MOST ALL WOMEN ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A ''NICE GUY''. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A

''ALPHA MALE'' THEY CAN COUNT ON TO PROVIDE AND PROTECT..... THE RUB IS THEY

KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT EACH OTHER WHEN IT COMES TO THERE PHYSICAL AND

EMOTIONAL DIFFERENCES...AND IN THE WORLD TODAY THEY EXPECT NOT TO HAVE

FAULTS AND DISAGREEMENTS.....THEN ON TOP OF IT NEITHER KNOW EVERY LITTLE ABOUT

WHAT MOTIVATES THEMSELVES....THERE IS A LOT MORE TO THIS BUT I DO NOT HAVE THE

SPACE OR TIME TO EXPLAIN IT ALL HERE....START BY READING ''MEN ARE FROM

MARS-WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS BY JOHN GRAY.....GOOD LUCK.....

ALL MOST ALL WOMEN ARE NOT LOOKING FOR A ''NICE GUY''. THEY ARE LOOKING FOR A

''ALPHA MALE'' THEY CAN COUNT ON TO PROVIDE AND PROTECT..... THE RUB IS THEY

KNOW VERY LITTLE ABOUT EACH OTHER WHEN IT COMES TO THERE PHYSICAL AND

EMOTIONAL DIFFERENCES...AND IN THE WORLD TODAY THEY EXPECT NOT TO HAVE

FAULTS AND DISAGREEMENTS.....THEN ON TOP OF IT NEITHER KNOW EVERY LITTLE ABOUT

WHAT MOTIVATES THEMSELVES....THERE IS A LOT MORE TO THIS BUT I DO NOT HAVE THE

SPACE OR TIME TO EXPLAIN IT ALL HERE....START BY READING ''MEN ARE FROM

MARS-WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS BY JOHN GRAY.....GOOD LUCK.....P.S. HE ALSO HAS

OTHER GREAT BOOKS AND HE ALSO HAS SELF HELP VIDEO'S ON LINE.......

hmmmmm well let's flip the coin

what if this were females instead


all the nice, somewhat normal women of world with average looks


all coming online and b*tching and complaining about how we don't get responses from men


why? because they are too busy messaging the hot and young ones

I consider myself nice, normal and average - looking for a nice, normal, average guy.

Regardless, it's not easy to find a "match" ... I don't really think it has anything to do with being nice.

So - No, being nice does not get the guy/girl ... I don't think being mean does either.

It's luck, timing, willingness to compromise and be realistic. And a whole lot of patience. :)

My two cents ;-)

Why do so many nice guys feel that women should fall in love with them because they are NICE?


Preach Sister Preach !



Oh Lord !

Being nice works!

There's something else going on with those guys who "pity party"

Hi Peggy

It's nice to be nice and it's nice not to have expectations from people or to expect something in return. It's free and you have it in you. It won't cost a thing. This is just my opinion.

Another example would be this:
Ask people how they are doing. Take the time to ask someone how things are going in their lives, without being nosy or intrusive. If they seem resistant to talking, don't push them to say more than they feel like saying.

Thank you, Peggy.

I totally agree with your logic here.
However, I will throw out something for you to ponder. You asked the question, "Why do so many nice guys feel that women should fall in love with them because they are NICE?"
I certainly don't expect women to automatically fall in love with me just because I'm told by them all the time what a "nice guy" I am, but I sure wouldn't complain if some of these same women would at least give me a shot. Particularly given how many women state that that is what they're looking for. (Here's a suggestion: If you haven't done so before, look through some of the profiles on this site and see how often you see that theme repeated.)
See my point? Women tell me all the time how nice I am, while stating that they just "can't find a nice guy anywhere." Yet, if I begin to flirt with them, they run away.
Granted, I'm NOT much to look at, but still...

So, yeah. Not expecting instant love for being nice, just asking for the opportunity to earn the love.

I also think, for some, they see men and women saying they want to meet someone nice, then ending up with someone who treats them poorly, and they become the whiner.

It's pretty easy to see why a nice man or woman would wonder about something like that.

I'm simply realistic. Most guys my age want to date younger and prettier girls than me - it doesn't matter how nice I am, or if they say they want to meet a "nice girl" - that alone does not matter.



I totally agree with lu_rosemary --- if you want to be a nice person, just do it - and never expect anything in return.

Because it is lonely at the finish line when one comes in last.

I think they can be either/or


sometimes guys confuse 'nice' with quiet, shy, or introverted


I think women can often be more easily drawn to the 'hunter' type male, who shows swag(confidence, assertiveness, passion)


many 'nice' guys don't possess those qualities and constantly feel overlooked for those who do

unfortunately many of those who do possess the more desirable qualities also happen to end up being quite inconsiderate and selfish and self absorbed,,,,the opposite of 'nice'

I think way too many ppl get fixated on things that other people whine about.
The answer is not to be found there, but in learning and understanding how men and women are different.
Fixating on the whinging whiners will only get you sidetracked from finding love and a healthy relationship, and could even make you awkward about the whole dating & meeting someone yourself.
Some ppl will simply continue to whinge because they lack the ability to grow, learn and change. Those aren't the right ones for you if you do have those abilities.
You just neglect them and focus on the wheat, not the chaff. And of course, your 'chaff' can be somebody else's wheat.

To be honest, it's a waste of time to think about why they demand this that and the other. Who cares? Let them sort themselves out. The internet available to everyone with tons of free info. If they choose to remain bitter and not get anywhere in life, let them. They're not the right ones for you anyways.
Focus and look for people who have a healthy outlook and healthy expectations that matches yours.

A lot of great opinions here, so I'm throwing mine in.

Just based on my own personal experience and observations. Women don't want a "nice guy." They want a "bad-boy," that they can turn into a nice guy.

Nice guys are boring. Anyone can get one of those.

Of course, it is just a generalization and does not apply to EVERY woman.

Lewis, I think that is the popular opinion for men and women.

You hear it from both sides.

It seems the girls want a good bad guy just like the guy's want a good bad girl

They say that the squeaky wheel gets the oil. Is the wheel that's rusted motionless... incapable of a noisy roll, any less deserving of a few drops of lube?

As msharmony astutely suggested, sometimes introverts, and those who are shy or socially awkward mischaracterize themselves simply as being 'nice'. I don't think that 'nice guys/gals' expect someone to fall in love with them by virtue of their niceness. Mostly I think they want to be acknowledged, and to connect with someone who looks deeply enough to see, and appreciate their qualities. Long term loneliness due to feeling socially incompetent, understandably, can cause a persons spirit to plummet into a period of self-pity.

how ridiculous to make this kind of generalization

perhaps it needs to be defined

what is a "bad boy" anyhow?


for me it does not bring to mind someone I would want to know

more like

criminal

cruel

manipulative

user

bum

loser

Any one who calls himself a nice guy has something else going on IMHO.
I think some of these self proclaimed nice guy gentleman types are different behind closed doors.

Good guys finish last is perhaps the most stupid statement ever.
Shouldn't others decide if your nice or not.