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| Topic: Dating a Single Dad | |
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Well, yeah... that's another thing ... everyone here talking about how caring and loving they are... but most stories I hear is that divorced men often don't care about their kids at all.
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..... it must be hard on women.. the lady friends I have , are very understanding.. ... I let them know up front. not looking for a replacement mother for my boys.. they have a mother.... ... I will not talk to a woman on the phone in front of my boys.. . I do not have them to my house. . I will not even have green eggs and ham with them..lol.. .. and I'm very clear about the fact.. . that I'm not always available to my lady friend when she may need me... ..... the relationship I have with my son's is.... paramount... it doesn't mean I always put them first..... but it does mean if I have to pick between my date and my boys... .... that's a very easy decision. .... it's not a pleasant decision. .. but it is one I do not have to put a lot of thought into...... . but definitely not easy for a woman to date a single dad....  Yes exactly this is why I wouldn't date a single dad. I know you, phD, define and basically you talk about a 'lady friend' and a date, which is not the same as someone you're in love with, have a budding relationship with. My reply is to the latter situation. Many men apply these quoted date-rules to the new significant other in their life as well. Not acceptable to me. I'm with Teal on this. Yes, children should be number one, but children and a partner shouldn't be on the same scale. That's what makes it so bluddy difficult as a single parent, because you, and only you, will have to find that delicate balance between those two scales. Your children's needs should not interfere with your new budding relationship and partner and vice versa. Most single parents value their new partner & relationship less than their children, meaning their partner will suffer and children have full control. And plenty of children take advantage of this as well. I hate that chit. I will not become dependent for love and my relationship on some snotface. LOL And yes, I have been there myself as well, single mom with kids 11 and 9, so I know from experience it ain't easy. But if you aren't even willing to try and balance the two different scales, you should remain single. Or, like No1, simply date and have some fun, but nothing serious just yet, AND be totally honest and upfront about that. Having said that, if kids had ample time to recuperate after divorce, and are in their teen years, they can easily accommodate a new partner. They also should learn that they don't own their parent and he/she has the right to find love and happiness again. Respect, love and care is a two-way street, esp between parent and children. But me, I won't date a single man. What if I would fall in love with him? Sod that.. Had the step-family once, won't do it again. Plus, I am not going to give up on my freedom now that my kids have left the nest. Thank you Crystal. Were you reading my mind again? You expressed that very well.
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Edited by
Estelle79
on
Wed 03/18/15 02:21 PM
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Crystal-
True, my father being one of those, but then neither does my mother care for her kids after divorce. Hell I'm not sure if they even cared about their kids during the marriage come to think of it. Selfish people suck. Thank god I love my child, and I won't date a guy unless he wants to take on the role of father to her. At least as an adopted father. I like the idea of adopting a father for my daughter. He would be there to provide child support and more like a real dad, not like the one she already has. |
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My kids have moved out ... You could teach me rhythm, move me with your groove ... Why aren't you taller  * I like your new picture :) *   . . |
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Edited by
Estelle79
on
Wed 03/18/15 02:28 PM
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Why wouldn't a true single dad want a mother figure for his children? Isn't because he has issues, issues, issues with women?
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I don't remember the name of the song.. but it goes something like this..
and A one and A two and A.. she will be coming around the mountain when she comes when she comes.. she'll be coming around the mountain she'll be coming around the mountain.... when she come. she'll be driving six white horses when she comes when she comes.. ..lol.. I don't recall the rest.. |
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 .. wrong topic 
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That's just racist isn't it?
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My kids have moved out ... You could teach me rhythm, move me with your groove ... Why aren't you taller * I like your new picture :) * Haha, I think that would help a bit .. seeing we're the same height.
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Being single and a parent I think there comes a time in the child's development where a switch occurs. The children grow up and fly the nest so to speak so there of course is a shift in priorities.
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That's just racist isn't it? or none of the above perhaps..lol |
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Why wouldn't a true single dad want a mother figure for his children? Isn't because he has issues, issues, issues with women? It could be because they do not wish to put someone else into the position their birth mother is for the children. I may not like my ex wife but I don't dare disrespect her because that's like disrespecting my son. However having a different woman in my life is something important and its necessary to teach the young one that this new person is in no way a replacement but a different source of love all together. |
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I don't remember the name of the song.. but it goes something like this.. and A one and A two and A.. she will be coming around the mountain when she comes when she comes.. she'll be coming around the mountain she'll be coming around the mountain.... when she come. she'll be driving six white horses when she comes when she comes.. ..lol.. I don't recall the rest.. Oh dear that brings back memories... guitar lessons... think it was G7 and C chord. Or was it G ... dang ... now I gotta look that up! BTW she wasn't driving horses, but camels, well... in Dutch anyways, lol |
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My kids have moved out ... You could teach me rhythm, move me with your groove ... Why aren't you taller * I like your new picture :) * . . Problems, Tall One?  Drummer's got groove and rhythm... Surely you got some magick tricks as well? Don't tell me, don't tell me... my blood-pressure ... Oh dammit, too late.. DO tell me! |
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..... it must be hard on women.. the lady friends I have , are very understanding.. ... I let them know up front. not looking for a replacement mother for my boys.. they have a mother.... ... I will not talk to a woman on the phone in front of my boys.. . I do not have them to my house. . I will not even have green eggs and ham with them..lol.. .. and I'm very clear about the fact.. . that I'm not always available to my lady friend when she may need me... ..... the relationship I have with my son's is.... paramount... it doesn't mean I always put them first..... but it does mean if I have to pick between my date and my boys... .... that's a very easy decision. .... it's not a pleasant decision. .. but it is one I do not have to put a lot of thought into...... . but definitely not easy for a woman to date a single dad.... Yes exactly this is why I wouldn't date a single dad. I know you, phD, define and basically you talk about a 'lady friend' and a date, which is not the same as someone you're in love with, have a budding relationship with. My reply is to the latter situation. Many men apply these quoted date-rules to the new significant other in their life as well. Not acceptable to me. I'm with Teal on this. Yes, children should be number one, but children and a partner shouldn't be on the same scale. That's what makes it so bluddy difficult as a single parent, because you, and only you, will have to find that delicate balance between those two scales. Your children's needs should not interfere with your new budding relationship and partner and vice versa. Most single parents value their new partner & relationship less than their children, meaning their partner will suffer and children have full control. And plenty of children take advantage of this as well. I hate that chit. I will not become dependent for love and my relationship on some snotface. LOL And yes, I have been there myself as well, single mom with kids 11 and 9, so I know from experience it ain't easy. But if you aren't even willing to try and balance the two different scales, you should remain single. Or, like No1, simply date and have some fun, but nothing serious just yet, AND be totally honest and upfront about that. Having said that, if kids had ample time to recuperate after divorce, and are in their teen years, they can easily accommodate a new partner. They also should learn that they don't own their parent and he/she has the right to find love and happiness again. Respect, love and care is a two-way street, esp between parent and children. But me, I won't date a single man. What if I would fall in love with him? Sod that.. Had the step-family once, won't do it again. Plus, I am not going to give up on my freedom now that my kids have left the nest. Thank you Crystal. Were you reading my mind again? You expressed that very well. Thank you, Teal! And no,,, no mind reading this time, haha.
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I'm pretty much in agreement with Tea and Crystal on this one. If you are a single father with kids and your kids take precedence in everything in your life then you really aren't interested in a relationship. You/the single Dad, aren't looking for a relationship. You are looking for a FWB. If that works for the woman, then great for you and her. Otherwise, I'd steer clear.
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That's just racist isn't it? or none of the above perhaps..lol You mean racist like race horse??
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I am a single mother. I have a 4 year old daughter. I prefer single fathers over men who aren't dads because they are parents and they understand and can share that with me. But men who aren't Dada are okay as long as they accept that I'm a mother.
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Oh, I really like how they put in their profiles that a woman that they date will always be number 2 to their kids and never walk beside them. Lovely. In fairness, this requirement appears in the profiles of both genders. What's wrong with that? Peoples kids should come before anyone and everyone! I do not choose this rigid path. If we consider the relationship of a loving couple with children, there are always choices made by both parents regarding the welfare of the children. I believe that any married couple with children must also make sacrifices in favor of their children. That's why there are such services called 'respite care' for parents regardless of status. I believe this scenario would also be true for a new woman in a relationship with a single father. I would ask those who use the word 'interfere' in referring to the dynamic between the children and a new partner to avoid the pitfall of assigning a numeric priority to either. Why wouldn't a true single dad want a mother figure for his children? I would want my child to be able to see a healthy and loving relationship between myself and another woman. I want that relationship to be a positive role model for their future relationships. I would want her to be a 'mother' figure for my child. I would ask those that view the new woman as a replacement mother for the father's children to read my words in the previous paragraph carefully. |
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It may be a bit hypocritical of me as I am a single mother myself... but I do tend to take less chances with a single dad than with other men. I love children and am risking more hurt if I have fallen in love with him and his child/ren. Also just as I would never allow a man to dictate my parenting, I would not dictate his. I am leery of raising children together that may not fully understand why the different parenting styles at least for the time period it would take to mesh. It is a tremendous amount of work, love and patience. He would have to be very very worth it.
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