Is there such a thing any more?

My ex couldn't cook a lick. I did the cooking. She knew nothing of rotating sponges....GROSS!

I can turn a wrench and do "some" household repairs. She could rebuild an engine. I guess more shop classes than home-ec. She still could light up a room in pumps and smart black cocktail dress. She would at times get over emotional during stressful times, and I the calm problem solver.

It was all inter-mingled (shall we say).

Are there gender roles anymore? Are there the "traditional" ones that you'd like to see maintained?

I'm still going to stand when a lady approaches the table and open every door I can.

I think all knowledge is power

the more 'capabilities' one has the better, because not everyone will be in a relationship everyday of their lives

for this reason, I do believe all adults should have the capability of basic skills to meet basic needs like cooking, cleaning, working,,,paying bills


however, I do believe when it comes to behaviors, there is masculine behavior and feminine behavior

I expect females to be more naturally 'nurturing', but only on average and not as an absolute

I expect males to be more naturally 'protective' and more of a 'hunter and provider', but only on average and not an absolute


when two become one, in a marriage/family, however, I do think gender roles are important as a way to delegate the responsibilities and keep some type of stability and dependability and structure

traditionally, a mother should be caring for home and taking care of emotional needs , in my opinion,, but if a woman is choosing to work outside the home instead,, than the other partner needs to be the one who is at home

a father should be caring for the finances and protecting his family, but if a man choosed to stay home, the woman should have the responsibility to provide the finance and protect


now , with modern free for all type of individualism, it doesn't really matter the gender,, but I still feel there should be 'roles' that those in a family agree to to keep the home running smoothly


its a working unit, and each person should have their part, and no part should be a 24/7 task , but instead be designated based upon need


once the income earning partner comes back from their 'job' everyday, they become a part of the working unit at home and should contribute there as well

Well, if HE doesn't do the asking out, there won't be any.
Keeping that one :-)

I read a joke somewhere in facebook. It talked about the guy asking the girl if she knows how to cook, take care of house, husband and kids and she asked him if he can hunt and build a house from scratch. I thought that was funny and also meaningful. The world changed and so did our roles and expectations.

I agree the world has changed. We had to change up what our role models taught from their time.

My mom and dad told me to be independant, that, "You don't need a man.". Sheesh. They were married for 54 years. When dad died, I had to teach her how to use a drill and cut the lawn with dad's beauty of a rider. We read the manual together. My grand father taught me how to change the oil, my dad taught me how to change a tire, and my brother taught me how to repack the wheel bearings and take apart computers. My ex taught me construction. You sometimes didn't learn these things in high school when you didn't take automotive or shop beyond 7th grade.

I come close to my mothers from scratch cooking. And hey, I don't cook the liver like dried up shoe leather like she did. Sometimes the bread falls though.

I'm a perfectionist, and I think it runs in the family.

Culture is a funny thing with region.

well, in terms of what we must do to meet those roles, things have changed


men had to build houses and hunt to provide for and feed their families

now they still must provide for and feed their families, they just access different resources to do it

much like women are no longer having to gut and bleed out the animals brought home from a hunt,, but they still basically can take the responsibility to prepare meals and take care of home,,,

In all the wordiness (my own included) THIS is our lot..Eeeh?

I suppose regardless of HOW incredibly independent and accomplished a woman is (or even in other sexual orientations)....it is up to an Alpha Male (or Female) to step up and....Say, "Hi"?

I'm glad you started this thread Beachfarmer. This is a topic I've considered bringing up.

It's no longer necessary for males to be limited to being aggressive club wielding protector/providers. Neither is it necessary for females to be limited to an existence of subservience, child bearing and nurturing.

I think that too many lifestyle elements have gotten pulled into the perceptions of masculine and feminine. For example the cultural view that it's masculine to be skilled with carpentry tools and feminine to be skilled with cooking tools. Or that it's always the masculine duty of the male to pursue the female.

I believe that humanity has collectively chosen an evolutionary path toward oneness. Meaning that both male and female will exhibit the non-gender specific strengths of masculine and feminine traits. While maintaining the separation of traits that make us wanna bang each other.

"make us want to bang each other"

Touche' Tech <-----Yah, that's a flower and not a drinker!

I'm comfortable with it Bro! LMAO!

I agree with this. A residual blessing of the feminist movement is the abandonment of gender roles based on "That's Just How it Is" and a better understanding that within a coupling, there are certain day-to-day tasks which must be done. There's working (to pay bills), cooking (to feed bodies), shopping (to replenish supplies), taking trash out, maintaining vehicles, etc. Without gender roles, the relationship-sustaining tasks can be completed by the person who most enjoys the task/is most capable to perform them.

In all of my relationships, both of us have worked. In all of them, I've done the majority of the cleaning...not because I'm the female, but because I enjoy it...it's when I do most of my thinking, the type of thinking others find themselves doing when woodworking, sewing, painting, etc. In all of my relationships, I've done most of the shopping...not because I'm the female OR because I enjoy it...it's because I have a talent for finding the best deals and saving money. In all of them, he's maintained the vehicles...not because he's the man, but because he's either enjoyed it or been more knowledgeable about it. We BOTH took the trash out, depending on who noticed it was full and needed emptying. We BOTH raised the children, because we were BOTH equally adept, interested, AND good at it.

We're teammates afterall, working towards the same end-goal...one which is NOT determined by a weekly match-up timed by an hour-long play clock to see who 'wins'.

yep, for some of us, it is important to show that strength and ability to 'go get' ,,,,,its a good indicator of future behavior,, when seeking that job, or protecting the home, etc,,,

I completely agree, and I also think that this shows in what/who women are attracted to, granted it may be left over from earlier cave men days, but if you think of it as that than other things seem to make sense.


For example, every woman I have talked to always says that they want a man 'with confidence' they look at me funny when I ask why

Confidence can be derived from all sorts of internal and external features i.e physical strength, overcoming past obstacles in ones life, having a position of power at work, etc....

But confidence isn't really necessary for a man to make a good significant other, he could be a shy skinny nerd, nicest and most loyal guy you could find, but MOST women wouldn't be attracted to him.

Personally I think that is because the idea of 'confidence' instills an air that the guy is able to protect(although not necessary in today's society, but very necessary in hunter/gatherer days) so I think women are still drawn to that.

But that protection thing I think is also the same reason many women are drawn to men in uniform, whether Police, Military, Firefighters, it is an outward showing that they guy won't normally run from danger, and instead will protect.
But I also think this can be done at the subconscious level, and that many don't even realize why they are attracted to certain individuals.

So back on topic, I think our society has changed in what is expected of gender-roles but I'm not sure our body-mechanics has caught up yet, as can be shown by the slew of 'nice guy threads' and why women 'want bad boys' But it's still changing so maybe in another thousand years it will catch up.

I think you hit on something

I think we have an implicit gender association with behaviors and attitudes

that is why some are born male and FEEL like a female,,to the point of changing their appearance to look like one


something in our brain associates something somehow with what a 'female' is


whether it is nature or nurture , will probably never be adequately determined,,,

I wonder if a Father to a "daddy's girl" in any less adequate at being nurturing......not for lack of available gentleness or desire to be so....but for just not having the same "natural" capacity?

I've recommended these two books before, and I'll continue to recommend them, because they have shown me some things that I never thought of before,

But if you're interested you should check out,

"no more Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover.

and also "The Married Man's Sex Life Primer" by Athol Kay.

Both are very good reads, and hit on some things that i never thought to look at. "nice guy" focuses more on nurturing, while Athol Kay's book focuses more on biology, granted they are intended for a male audience, but some of my female friends said they learned a lot too and things make sense now.

Gender rolls? Well I say that everyone should play to their strengths. If he is better at cooking, let him. ( In my book he should also shop and menu plan. LOL) If she is better at fixing a leaking faucet, let her.

There is evidence to support that both nature and nurture have an effect on gender roles. there have been multiple cases where a slight alteration in the hormones while the child is in the womb, will have an effect on gender identity in the future.

On the other hand there is evidence to support that in some cases of psychological trauma a person will identify with with the opposite sex, or just want to change to be someone different.

So the question on whether it is nature or nurture, is more of a moot discussion. As the evidence supports both cases, the issue is more of a case by case basis.

there are no absolutes,,

just averages and statistics,,lol

the details will always be important to add context and real meaning,,,

I don't know.
Today, the weather is crap, so I'm baking pies, apple fritters, etc.
Tomorrow, I'm pulling the head off a loader tractor engine.
Does that make me bisexual?????

Is it a John Deere? It matters!