Those of us who've loved, left and/or lost tend to look for something different than we had the first time that afforded us the opportunity of learning from our mistakes.

Originally we "may" have chosen a partner for some level of security and co-dependence. Then when the coupling of feelings and assets no longer allowed us to feel appreciated and/or wanted we mutually moved on.

The next time around if we don't need emotional or fiscal security we "may" decide to wait until someone comfortably fits within the world we've created for ourselves before making a commitment to become exclusive.

What if anything would you desire from your second partner and/or relationship that may have been lacking or needed tweaking in the first union?

Not to ditch me!!!!!

In two of my three previous marriages I was expected to give more of myself to the comfort and satisfaction of my partners than they thought they should give to me.

My first husband who was 12 years my senior was the only one who still respected the old fashioned standards when men were the provider/protectors and women stayed at home doing the housework and keeping the bills paid with the money he made.

While the other two, one 3 years younger, and the other my same age thought that I owed them their happiness and comfort simply because I'm female.

In some weird twist of roles that occurred when I obviously wasn't looking, men of this newer generation believe the women in their lives should take care of themselves while also being the stronger partner to take care of them as if women are now expected to play the dual roles of loving mother as well as provider and protector types.

Well... excuse the f**K out of me if I prefer to still feel and act like a female, woman, and a lady who wants a strong man that I can lean on for moral support when I need too.

A man who doesn't look to me to take care of his every sexual need as if its expected of me while he doesn't even bother to remember my birthday, take time to buy me something thoughtful at Christmas rather than scavenging the mostly empty store shelves on Christmas Eve, or he doesn't care to celebrate our anniversaries.

I swear, men of this modernized society in which we women are expected to fend for ourselves for the most part have taken all the romance and male roles out of the couples equation and make a relationship with them not even worth the effort.

After all, women like to be and feel like women! Not the male versions of themselves in terms of handling all the responsibility while getting nothing in return other than continual expectations to always be on top of everything, including them!

If it sounds like I'm complaining about the raw deal I think I'm getting from 2/3 of the male population it's because the shoe fits and it's too tight and uncomfortable.

So, it looks like I'll probably be single until there's another revolution and more men come to realize they actually do have roles within a relationship that some of us women would still like to see them carry out effectively.

Wow that is crazy . I just want someone who is my best friend and has my back as well as i do hers .. No problem with the protecting or providing part . That"s a mans job . If he cant do that . Then he is a boy not a man . Jus say n

No... its standard operating procedure round these parts...

And believe me, I have definitely learned how to say NO even if it means I'll always be ALONE...

I agree, there are still men that know how to be men and fit nicely within the role God created them to master since the Garden of Eden. And most ideal men are already spoken for or have their own set of standards they also prefer to live by that don't include a woman like me.

On the other hand, because my psyche was designed during the fading part of the last era that distinguished between male and female gender roles and what was expected of us in each category it wasn't built into my nature to take on the hunter/suitor type male role.

Needless to say, as a woman I don't feel comfortable actively and openly pursuing a man in order to extend an invitation to join me in whatever personal interaction I may be interested in if one that attracts my notice and attention appeals to me.

To top that, at my age and with limitations I didn't have in my youth the men that do appeal to me no longer find me appealing to them.

So... alone is where I find myself, and happy is how I intend to be with plenty of good and not so good memories of how it used to be.

Accepting that life and its prime opportunities have already passed me by makes it easier to live simply with what is.

I don't see it as my job to provide for a woman. I'm generous with gifts and stuff and will always be there for my woman if I can but if she wants a guy for his money she can go and find somebody else. Actually, that was a problem that I did have with one girlfriend. She expected me to pay for everything and she was totally taking advantage of my generosity. Don't see why I should pay her to turn my batchelor pad into a poof's palace either.

As far as the protecting thing goes, sure, I'll walk her to her door or the bus stop or whatever but the last time I said to a lady friend that I felt that I should do that because there was some weird guy at the bus stop the time before she just said that she had traveled around the world and could take care of herself.

I don't see it as a single man's position to provide for a single woman whose able to work and take care of herself either.

On the other hand, if the two singles get together and become intimate I still believe it's the man's place to take care of his own.

Not that she has to stop working and contributing, but that he should take up the slack if she wants or needs something he can afford as the bigger bread winner and she deserves it because she also dotes on him too.

And especially NOT like this modern group think that the man can have his cake, eat it too, and still expect the woman to pull her own weight as if she's still single and the man does nothing to add to her upkeep. That's BS!!!

Humm not actually looking per say but always open if I happen to run into one.... They must live within my area and more or less just trying to find someone I click with as well as they click with me..... they must have a sense of humor or it is a no go..... just looking for that connection that makes me smile when I think about them...

Not really any different then I have looked for in the past.....

I like that... I can picture you happily thinking about that special person that makes your face light up... love the new profile pic inside the tent... you look like you're having a lot of fun...

Thank you I had a blast it was a heck of a weekend met lots of awesome people....

I adapted this to moi

I've had a best friend and a great lover, amongst other great qualities.. just wasn't all in the same person.. what I'm waiting for is the guy that has it all.. mind you.. he DOES have to be my best friend.. decent lover.. and he needs to be funny and easy going.. all in all.. I'm looking for a guy JUST like me.. which seems to be quite a tall order so in the meantime.. I'm traveling my path, watching the scenery and hoping ONE day.. I'll find him.. if not? life goes on.. however.. I'm STILL having fun

I actually like your adapted version better... and love the profile picture too... a guy that has it all... yeah I can picture that too...

thank you Rose my grand son and I have a BLAST together.. he's SUCH a hoot.. so if I can't find a mate that's right for me? I'm at LEAST surrounding myself with loving friends and family.. staying true to who I am.. and experiencing many joys of life none the less

Just a teeny, weeny bit of sanity.
Even just a smidgen, would be nice.

I would need more than a bit of intimacy before I would feel any duty to supplement a woman's income. My ex girlfriend was used to being independant and bringing her daughter up on her own. If I had tried to give her money she wouldn't have accepted it but looking back on it now, if I had done things like taking her on nice holidays it might have gone better and we might have become more serious. About the closest I got to being a family man there was giving the daughter pocket money when the girlfriend couldn't really afford to. Of course, that got the kid out from under our feet and let us have time alone together when I went round to her place, so it was just something that I wanted to do and didn't feel obliged to.

For me a guy that sees me for who I am and appreciates and respects me for it. Had that in my first relationship, but he didn't really have his own thing, his life evolved around me, which is great at first, but very confining and irritating after a while.
My second partner was different in that sense, but being a narcissist, he never appreciated me nor respected me.

Currently in touch with a man who told me that I was so different from other women he'd spoken to, and he was pleasantly surprised, and intrigued.
If things work out, we're going to meet tomorrow. But the fact that he said that, that he sees me for what and who I am, AND likes it, wow!

As for the money thing, I agree with what Athena said. If the guy makes the most, then if a couple gets close, I think it's logical that he contributes most as well, even if that means he pays for part/all of the woman's costs.
If not, then it could mean you can't be together. And if you're not willing to commit, then don't try to get involved in the first place.

In my case, I have a benefit, which I will lose if I was to move in with a man. That's not my fault, that's the system. So if the guy wouldn't be willing to pay and share, that would be the end of it. Very sore spot for me, cos I got a lot of abuse in that sense from my ex. Same thing, he had an unemployment benefit after losing his job and an inheritance, that was so high that it meant I couldn't get my own benefit. He paid for my keep, but was very angry about it, he didn't like it, by law he had to though. And paying for my keep (food, health insurance) was about it, and gave me a lot of abuse and manipulation. I had literally nothing to spend. Not a single effing euro. My mum helped me with buying clothes, as he didn't and I had nothing. He gave me a lot of shite instead, while it was because of his benefit and inheritance that I couldn't get my own money. So I had to suffer and get all that abuse, while he was the cause of it to begin with. Great!

I will never ever put myself in that position again, so if I even sense a guy isn't willing to look after me WITHOUT any BS if need be, that's it. I would look after my man too if it was the other way round (and yes, I have been there as well, and I didn't give a toss about it. I just paid for stuff, including clothes, nice dinners, going out etc. Who cares? You love, commit and share or you don't).

It just wasn't an issue with my ex girlfriend because she lived within walking distance and she didn't want us to live together anyway. She did feel more comfortable coming to my place though because of her daughter. With that sort of relationship there's really nothing stopping you from being together and you just aren't living in each other's pockets.

When I was seeing this one that I met on here that was from Glasgow I didn't have a problem with helping her with traveling expenses because it was easier for her to come here than it would have been for me to go there and she was pleading poverty and to start off with I was alright about that and taking her out to nice places and stuff but it irked me a bit that she was expecting me to do that and she wasn't even buying her own cigarettes when she was telling me that she didn't want a serious relationship and she was treating me like a mug by not just spending her money on necessities and not just saving some cash for our weekends together. I know that she felt a bit guilty about that and I was starting to resent it and it was the principle of the thing and I don't like money to become an issue in romantic relationships, between family members, or with friends.

I suppose that I just see it as a cross that bridge when I come to it sort of thing. Nobody is going to want to just move in with me and although I wouldn't rule out the idea of relocating within the UK at least if I met someone that wasn't local, or maybe them relocating to be with me, I really can't see it happening and I don't really bother checking out profiles if they live more than a taxi ride away.

Just a teeny bit of sanity so you're able to cope with a whole lot of crazy then... wow... you definitely ARE a keeper...