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| Topic: Why Divorce is so common in west | |
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really pal.. in a country where marriage = :-charging a hefty sale price of groom in name of dowry :-almost racial treatment to the bride in a large number of cases :- forcing the wife to forget about her career and think only about kids , cleaning and house work, :- attaching a taboo, stigma and a zillion more obstacles overthe women's desire to seperate from clutches of a barbaric husband :- making woman accept her pain,trauma and all hell broken upon her a god's will, destiny and some other ********.. DO YOU REALLY THINK WE CAN CALL INDIAN MARRIAGES AS A DECISION TO BE TOGETHER TIL THE VERY END. Don't make few incident reflect on the whole country and don't define Indian marriage with few bad cases in comparison to majority. Dowry is not good and times are changing traditions take time to erode having said that in most of the cases it is gift from parents to their daughter as in north east state the groom has to give dowry to bride family different place different tradition .If you think getting divorce for petty reason from the person with whom you have entered into marriage with full consent is good then go ahead it's ur life ur decision as per me i would wish to love my wife till my end and would be with her in joy and pain . |
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You hear about stories on the news here about families doing terrible things to women that are in those aranged marriages. They may not all be forced and I'm sure that some aranged marriages are as you say but it's just disingenuous to claim that all of them are free to marry or divorce as they please. In some cases women are even murdered by their own familys because they "bring shame" on them. Also, there's just more freedom for women to do what they want in western countries because of financial oppression in places like India where women are more dependant on men.  But still what you speak does happen but not so much the main reason behind it is dowry demand.But now days laws are very strict here and many a times are misused by women any way if such terrible things are done to women then she should first get all those people behind bar and second divorce nobody is stopping her. Regarding financial oppression times have changed today almost all women are working even my mom works and get a very large sum of salary almost equal to my dad. Those stories which you see on tv might be real but not so common hell domestic viloence happens everywhere it's just media which spice it up for trp. In the state i live in there are almost 11 million people but i think there had been anywhere around 8 to 10 rape since the last 20-25 years but still they portray india as a place of rape. I don't think that the media spice those stories up. They just give the facts. How can they be spicing it up when someone is beaten, murdered, or imprisoned by their own family? It isn't so simple for them to get their families prosecuted by the police and I've seen people talking about it on TV that had to conceal their identities because they are that scared. If it's an "honour killing" no law is going to stop them from doing it. It isn't off topic anyway. You just want to portray marriage in India as if it's better than it is in western countries by saying that there isn't as much divorce and that's rather simplistic. Sure, there are domestic violence cases everywhere but if you start from the idea that marriage is how you say that it should be, there's just more social pressure on people to stay in bad marriages. And even if there isn't any violence against people that try to get out of those marriages, there's still the stigma and then they are staying married for the wrong reason. |
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You hear about stories on the news here about families doing terrible things to women that are in those aranged marriages. They may not all be forced and I'm sure that some aranged marriages are as you say but it's just disingenuous to claim that all of them are free to marry or divorce as they please. In some cases women are even murdered by their own familys because they "bring shame" on them. Also, there's just more freedom for women to do what they want in western countries because of financial oppression in places like India where women are more dependant on men. But still what you speak does happen but not so much the main reason behind it is dowry demand.But now days laws are very strict here and many a times are misused by women any way if such terrible things are done to women then she should first get all those people behind bar and second divorce nobody is stopping her. Regarding financial oppression times have changed today almost all women are working even my mom works and get a very large sum of salary almost equal to my dad. Those stories which you see on tv might be real but not so common hell domestic viloence happens everywhere it's just media which spice it up for trp. In the state i live in there are almost 11 million people but i think there had been anywhere around 8 to 10 rape since the last 20-25 years but still they portray india as a place of rape. I don't think that the media spice those stories up. They just give the facts. How can they be spicing it up when someone is beaten, murdered, or imprisoned by their own family? It isn't so simple for them to get their families prosecuted by the police and I've seen people talking about it on TV that had to conceal their identities because they are that scared. If it's an "honour killing" no law is going to stop them from doing it. It isn't off topic anyway. You just want to portray marriage in India as if it's better than it is in western countries by saying that there isn't as much divorce and that's rather simplistic. Sure, there are domestic violence cases everywhere but if you start from the idea that marriage is how you say that it should be, there's just more social pressure on people to stay in bad marriages. And even if there isn't any violence against people that try to get out of those marriages, there's still the stigma and then they are staying married for the wrong reason. Buddy for you to truly understand indian family and marriage you have to come here and experience on ur own coz it is experiencing first hand and not explanation that would work. All those cases of violence abuse beating do happen but then we are a country of 1.27 billion people in relation to it they are only a minute fraction and u r painting whole india with same brush. Let's say for eg here we always get to know in news that in US THERE HAVE BEEN random shooting in which many people have died .Does it mean that every man who is out with a gun in us is out for killing?No same rule apply here also. And to tell u the real truth in indian family the female is most of the time dominant even when they are housewife.Basically women act as a head of the house even in remote villages at least as per my experiences. |
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I've not been to India but there's a large Pakistani community here in Scotland. I've known people from India because I used to do meditation with a group of people that had a guru in India. I've got nothing against your culture but there are traditions that you're mentioning that even you don't like.
You want to know why there's so much divorcing in the west and it probably does boil down to that. Traditions change. When my parents got married they made a lifelong commitment and my parents are quite old fashioned. My father isn't religious but he doesn't really aprove of sex before marriage. My uncle is on his third wife now and when he and the woman that he's married to now came to stay with us one time before they were married my dad made a big fuss about them sleeping together in his house. My parents are old fashioned and they didn't buy into all of that stuff with the sexual revolution. I come from a good family and this is a gross overgeneralisation perhaps but a lot of those broken homes and problem families are just people that live in rough neighborhoods where there are a lot of social problems like alcoholism and unemployment. I'm not a big fan of religion but we're now having to live in a world where God is dead and we just don't have the same values anymore. It's as simple as that. You may think that your culture is better and people in the west that are still devoutly religious may think that they have the right values but for people that don't have those values anymore marriage is becoming a bit of an outdated institution. People in the UK still get married in churches but a lot of them aren't religious at all and they don't see marriage as a sacred thing. If they stay together it isn't to keep their families happy and it isn't because they made a vow before God. You take God away and those values no longer have their foundation. We still have Christian morality but we're no longer Christians and now we try to justify morality in other ways. Britain is a utilitarian country. Utilitarians believe that happiness or pleasure is good and I suppose that it's just the case that if people here aren't happy they want out of a marriage. You're claiming I think that there are more happy marriages in India and I just don't know if that's the case or not. All that you're doing is giving your parents as an example and I could do the same. I think that there is more pressure in your culture on people to stay married come what may. You're pretty much saying the same thing yourself but the way that you're putting it, you just want to say that your people believe more in marriage. I'm sure that they do. That can be both a good or a bad thing. It may make people more commited to it but it also makes it harder to get out of it. |
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Hi in this forum most of the time i see western women are divorced and that to at pretty young age {nothing wrong if they want too} but i want to know why is this so common ?In my country India DIVORCE are rare when i see my parents both in love mutual admiration and respect i often wonder that it's not so hard to be married . Is it really very common in west to get divorced or it just some individuals . coz in our country once married u r expected to be pillar to each other till the end come. This answers question? http://www.firstpost.com/living/the-ugly-truth-about-indian-divorce-why-the-new-cabinet-law-is-important-253387.html In other words,Indian Women get a Raw Deal if they divorce! That article is not totally correct in real life in india woman enjoys monthly allowance and right to property of husband after divorce and many other right.{most of the law are more lenient towards women and biased towards male} Further it would have been a point when there would be many unhappy ,depressed couple who want to separate but can not due to society or tough law.Where as here i see most of the couple happily living and enjoying each other company for rest of their life respect and love is from both side contribution to relationship is equal from both ends.And where such things do not happen couple do take divorce but it's not so much. maybe, but it's not safe for her to take a bus...I'd clean the table before criticizing others if I were in your shoes |
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Sometimes I wonder if American men and women really know why their marriages fell apart.
One year after another and the original problem(s) are forgotten and it's always the other spouses fault. |
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You hear about stories on the news here about families doing terrible things to women that are in those aranged marriages. They may not all be forced and I'm sure that some aranged marriages are as you say but it's just disingenuous to claim that all of them are free to marry or divorce as they please. In some cases women are even murdered by their own familys because they "bring shame" on them. Also, there's just more freedom for women to do what they want in western countries because of financial oppression in places like India where women are more dependant on men. But still what you speak does happen but not so much the main reason behind it is dowry demand.But now days laws are very strict here and many a times are misused by women any way if such terrible things are done to women then she should first get all those people behind bar and second divorce nobody is stopping her. Regarding financial oppression times have changed today almost all women are working even my mom works and get a very large sum of salary almost equal to my dad. Those stories which you see on tv might be real but not so common hell domestic viloence happens everywhere it's just media which spice it up for trp. In the state i live in there are almost 11 million people but i think there had been anywhere around 8 to 10 rape since the last 20-25 years but still they portray india as a place of rape. I don't think that the media spice those stories up. They just give the facts. How can they be spicing it up when someone is beaten, murdered, or imprisoned by their own family? It isn't so simple for them to get their families prosecuted by the police and I've seen people talking about it on TV that had to conceal their identities because they are that scared. If it's an "honour killing" no law is going to stop them from doing it. It isn't off topic anyway. You just want to portray marriage in India as if it's better than it is in western countries by saying that there isn't as much divorce and that's rather simplistic. Sure, there are domestic violence cases everywhere but if you start from the idea that marriage is how you say that it should be, there's just more social pressure on people to stay in bad marriages. And even if there isn't any violence against people that try to get out of those marriages, there's still the stigma and then they are staying married for the wrong reason. Buddy for you to truly understand indian family and marriage you have to come here and experience on ur own coz it is experiencing first hand and not explanation that would work. All those cases of violence abuse beating do happen but then we are a country of 1.27 billion people in relation to it they are only a minute fraction and u r painting whole india with same brush. Let's say for eg here we always get to know in news that in US THERE HAVE BEEN random shooting in which many people have died .Does it mean that every man who is out with a gun in us is out for killing?No same rule apply here also. And to tell u the real truth in indian family the female is most of the time dominant even when they are housewife.Basically women act as a head of the house even in remote villages at least as per my experiences. nonetheless we do get frequent news and we have also heard a lot from Indians who live here now in the US. We are supposed to accept your word over news and research articles and stories of people we know in person? I don;t think so |
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Sometimes I wonder if American men and women really know why their marriages fell apart. One year after another and the original problem(s) are forgotten and it's always the other spouses fault. this is so true, and I think it reflects on a general immaturity that may be a byproduct of the instant gratification age. |
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Edited by
SparklingCrystal 💖💎
on
Wed 01/29/14 04:51 PM
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are you trying to say that's a good thing?? I mean if you are free to leave anyone,and get divorce ,how many times will you do that?? I'm saying things are changing. If you stick to old-fashioned beliefs that the only and/or best way for people to live is in families, as in married with children, then you won't have an open mind to other forms of family life, which could be as good or maybe even better. Is it wonderful to (have to) get married to someone you don't really love? I doubt it. Even in the best case scenario you're not with someone you really love. Is it wonderful to stay married to someone you don't love anymore? I think not. Everyone always start blablarring about children suffering, blablardiblarbla. Children suffer when their parents aren't happy (Kids are very sensitive and they KNOW). Children suffer when their parents argue lots because they don't love each other anymore. If parents deal with divorce as mature adults, there needn't be anything much wrong with. Better to have happy divorced parents than seriously unhappy married parents. I don't know anyone who has a really bad relationship with their ex to be honest. From what I understand in the US this is mostly the case? Sure it will happen here too, and sure it's not always hunky dory, but really don't know anyone who's got an unhealthy, rowdy relationship with their ex. Don't really like the suggestion that things are so much better in India and we in the West (which is not just the States btw, in case you don't know) f*** things up. Like I said before, look at the bigger picture of what's going on in the world and with mankind. That's where you'll find the answer to your original question, not at the individual level. |
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Hi in this forum most of the time i see western women are divorced and that to at pretty young age {nothing wrong if they want too} but i want to know why is this so common ?In my country India DIVORCE are rare when i see my parents both in love mutual admiration and respect i often wonder that it's not so hard to be married . Is it really very common in west to get divorced or it just some individuals . coz in our country once married u r expected to be pillar to each other till the end come. Not as many values I suppose. Or honesty. One of those. |
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Edited by
alok99
on
Thu 01/30/14 12:03 AM
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First let me clear something to you the purpose of this question was to shed light on the reasons of high rate of divorce in west.In no way it is meant to criticize or degrade western culture and to whom it may have hurt I APOLOGIZE it is not meant to do so.Now come to indian culture i am not saying it is perfect,flawless or even GREAT sure it has many flaws many problems just like everywhere and it would evolve with time.
Now here many people emphasize on personal freedom good one should always have his or her freedom but this does not mean one become self centered or selfish once a family you should act as one unit not different individuals.You should be able to find happiness in the happiness of ur partner isn't this a golden rule of love .It should not be about "me" but about "us" . Sure if there are "extreme" problem in marriage which has made living together impossible then i would be the first one to suggest to take divorce.But only in extreme cases not in case of minor issues.Marriage is a institution and just like any other it takes effort and adjustment from both side to make it work.It has it's good and difficult times but this is a rule of nature you should enjoy good time and withstand hard times "together" This is the whole point behind marriage. Now people say that woman have become more independent more freedom that's why but i am sure there would be a high number of divorce where men initiate divorce so we can't make this women centric . In the end i would like to say if you want to take divorce do take as it's ur life ur decision but do i like the thought of divorce? no I think before taking divorce everything which is possible to save the marriage should be done only then one should take such decision .With such high rate of divorce i am sure nobody want to say that all these couples faces "extreme" conditions which forces them to divorce .If divorce is so casual then why the hell marriage you can easily go for live in relationship . I would like to say with great "independence" comes great "responsibility" and marriage is all about "US' not "I,Me,Myself" . All of the above are my personal view you are free to agree or disagree again would repeat my intention is not to degrade any culture There are many "good" things in west which i wish we learn and implement from.And i am not claiming my "CULTURE" IS best it is riddled with many problems which we will overcome with time. Apologizes to anyone who is hurt as my intention is purely academical to through light on the reasons behind increase rate of divorce. And one last thing please don't make this sound as that all those who are married or are with the same person are due to fear of society or because they do not have the option as it is insulting to their"love and dedication" to each other.People do stay married because they want too not because of anything else . I for one do not believe in god but good deeds .I am quite modern and trust me there is no dearth of ladies but i strongly believe in the institution of marriage and once married i would remain loyal to my partner and my complete physical and emotional devotion to her and only her till end comes.(relations are not a gadget that once you get bored you move to the latest model)little understanding little adjustment will make the this trip known as life worth it . |
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Hi in this forum most of the time i see western women are divorced and that to at pretty young age {nothing wrong if they want too} but i want to know why is this so common ?In my country India DIVORCE are rare when i see my parents both in love mutual admiration and respect i often wonder that it's not so hard to be married . Is it really very common in west to get divorced or it just some individuals . coz in our country once married u r expected to be pillar to each other till the end come. We are free in the West to do as we please, that's why. The divorce rate isn't high at all and even if it were at least we have the freedom to divorce and lead a happy life rather than being dictaed too by leaders who shag anything that moves behind closed doors. You need to get your facts right. But you have got ur facts all wrong."we are free in west to do as we please" so what do you suggest "others are slave " everyone over here is also free to do as as he please till it is under law. Have you gone through whole thread ?I have repeatedly mention that divorce do happen in india but one should only opt for it when it is not possible to live together but in majority of cases people do have happy married life hence less divorce not that they want to but law does not permit. I could say more but then it would sound like lecture which i do not want. "AND PLEASE DON'T MAKE IT INDIA VS WEST "Just was curious to know the reason coz to live a happily married life with a same partner does not seem so difficult when you see here +it is not that those who remain married to the same person are unhappy or are doing not out of love but their compulsion. So these happy marriages you speak about, how many are arranged, and are they really happy or is it because they don't want to bring shame on their familys that they decide to stay together regardless. one of my good friends is from India and in an arranged marriage and absolutely hates it. But he won't divorce till his parents are gone, even tho he never sleeps there with her. He also takes very good care of his daughter as well. Yep, I had a an Indian co-worker who is also in an arranged marriage. He live in one apartment and she lives in another. So much for marriage eh? |
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Hi in this forum most of the time i see western women are divorced and that to at pretty young age {nothing wrong if they want too} but i want to know why is this so common ?In my country India DIVORCE are rare when i see my parents both in love mutual admiration and respect i often wonder that it's not so hard to be married . Is it really very common in west to get divorced or it just some individuals . coz in our country once married u r expected to be pillar to each other till the end come. We are free in the West to do as we please, that's why. The divorce rate isn't high at all and even if it were at least we have the freedom to divorce and lead a happy life rather than being dictaed too by leaders who shag anything that moves behind closed doors. You need to get your facts right. But you have got ur facts all wrong."we are free in west to do as we please" so what do you suggest "others are slave " everyone over here is also free to do as as he please till it is under law. Have you gone through whole thread ?I have repeatedly mention that divorce do happen in india but one should only opt for it when it is not possible to live together but in majority of cases people do have happy married life hence less divorce not that they want to but law does not permit. I could say more but then it would sound like lecture which i do not want. "AND PLEASE DON'T MAKE IT INDIA VS WEST "Just was curious to know the reason coz to live a happily married life with a same partner does not seem so difficult when you see here +it is not that those who remain married to the same person are unhappy or are doing not out of love but their compulsion. So these happy marriages you speak about, how many are arranged, and are they really happy or is it because they don't want to bring shame on their familys that they decide to stay together regardless. one of my good friends is from India and in an arranged marriage and absolutely hates it. But he won't divorce till his parents are gone, even tho he never sleeps there with her. He also takes very good care of his daughter as well. Yep, I had a an Indian co-worker who is also in an arranged marriage. He live in one apartment and she lives in another. So much for marriage eh? i'm not even sure i really know what marriage is supposed to mean anyway...i don't need a god to bind it, the government doesn't really need to care about who i love, so what is the real point of marriage? |
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There's divorce here because we get to pick em.
My pickin should only be used around my nasal area. My Mommy and Daddy didn't set me up and buy the gal. Also, we have divorce because it's illegal to behead them. |
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Most common in divorce is cheating I know of women looking for a fling because they can't get any at home this I know for a fact I had married some wanted sex I pushed them away.Not saying men don't do it cheat another reason is money every one fights over money there's also trust issues I can go on and on people go wild on the internet .I was dating a woman for years I discovered she was on a sex site collection of men's cell numbers from redlite 3d something like that so I told her that's it no more x3your out .
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nice quotes ...:-)
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There's that old chestnut of married people being unfaithful on dating site's. Some find out about their lover cheating, by going through their browsing history. Or sometime's, he/she suddenly gets a nasty text message/phone call, saying stuff like "Why are you sending text's to my man/my woman? Stay away". And kaboom, they get found out. The freedom of internet can be a bad thing. Bear in mind, it would happen less, if people weren't going on dating site's just for "a bit of fun".
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Just for the record, I admire certain trait's of people from the indian culture. They are hard worker's. Good grafter's. Always faithful to their jobs. And I'd like to add this, if it wasn't for the indian dr I went to as a child, I'd have never seen the day I got over a bad stomach illness. He always worked relentlessly with me, researching what he could next try, to help me. I think he was overwhelmed at the fact he cured me. I saw him trying not to cry with relief. God bless that dr. He deserve's a medal.
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Hi in this forum most of the time i see western women are divorced and that to at pretty young age {nothing wrong if they want too} but i want to know why is this so common ?In my country India DIVORCE are rare when i see my parents both in love mutual admiration and respect i often wonder that it's not so hard to be married . Is it really very common in west to get divorced or it just some individuals . coz in our country once married u r expected to be pillar to each other till the end come. This answers question? http://www.firstpost.com/living/the-ugly-truth-about-indian-divorce-why-the-new-cabinet-law-is-important-253387.html In other words,Indian Women get a Raw Deal if they divorce! That article is not totally correct in real life in india woman enjoys monthly allowance and right to property of husband after divorce and many other right.{most of the law are more lenient towards women and biased towards male} Further it would have been a point when there would be many unhappy ,depressed couple who want to separate but can not due to society or tough law.Where as here i see most of the couple happily living and enjoying each other company for rest of their life respect and love is from both side contribution to relationship is equal from both ends.And where such things do not happen couple do take divorce but it's not so much. |
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hi stop being hypocritical. in india most marriages are a kind of sociofinancial agreement. the women are mostly dependent on the men , though things are changing. like all marriages those in india also have their highs and lows. mostly women have to bear the lows becoz they have nowhere to go!!!!. western women are independent financially and socially. they do'nt take nonsense. wish it would be the same here. no point in going on with a relationship if it does'nt pleasure ypu!!!!!. the other thing is attitude to life. most indians get married, have kids, grow fat and lazy, start looking like something abnoxious and blame it on age. both men and women!and settle for what they have. lousy thinking! could write a book on the subject but suffice to say indian marriages stay on because indian minds are blocked soon after marriage
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