Maybe it's because you want them. Works better if they want you.

Here is some cheese to go with this thread.

Well thanks for the responses from everyone. But no one really understood the situation. Let me re explain. When I say "nice guy" Im not talking the typical kiss *** or someone who doesnt know how to communicate with women. I simply meant to ask why do girls want that "jerk" type attitude at the start of a relationship but sometime in the middle of that relationship they automatically want their men to switch to a nice guy. ?? And as far as my own personal communication skills I have been told by all of them Im very good at talking someone they can speak to for hours and I do it in a very unique way. More like someone they would rather keep as a friend because its not worth losing over a relationship type? So what I stated earlier has nothing to do with someone putting me down over communication skills. I guess through my words I can only say so much and people will only understand so much. But thanks for reading. Keep sharing your responses. :)

Not to be a jerk, but this sounds like a typical 'nice guy' response, and also it sounds like a VERY familiar 'nice guy' let down by the girl. The "oh, you're such a good a friend, i don't want to ruin it" translation "I'm not interested in you, for reason, a,b,c"
The difference, is the 'nice guy' sticks around and listens for hours(acting more like one of her girlfriends...i'm sure she will find that hot) in hopes that she will 'eventually' be interested(very, VERY slim chance of that happening), the 'nice guy' then tells her he 'understands' and he 'doesn't want to lose the friendship either' when if he was being honest that would be total bull#$% and he really likes her but doesn't say(or do) anything about it.

The "jerk" simply tells her that he likes her, and if she isn't interested he moves on, dates one of her friends, and her friend tells her that he is 'this way' or 'that way' and she wonders if maybe she should have been interested.....and if her friend breaks up with him, good chance she'll hook up with him too....(may not let her friend know though) now this 'jerk' is now seen as a 'player' and someone who isn't nice to women by the nice-guy, when in all reality, he just had the confidence to A. Say what he wanted, and B. If what he wanted wasn't available to walk away.

'nice guys' are liars, and the people they lie to most are themselves,

They lie about what they truly want,
They lie about who they truly are,
and most 'nice guys' have more skeletons in their closet than 90% of the 'jerks'

They are so concerned about their image of being a 'nice guy' that they bury things in hopes that no one will ever discover them.

As a former 'nice-guy' that is my opinion.

I do agree with alot of what you say..I once dated what most people would call a nice guy...at first yes..until all the skeletins came out. He was psychotic..his true colors came out when we moved in together. Beware of the super nice guy that gives in to everything..says yes to everything..hes a creep waiting to escape...sorry I had to say that

To be fair, sometimes relationships just go wrong and when a woman starts treating you like crap, it's no more mister nice guy. I'm not saying that it's necessarily all one sided though. Relationships can just be difficult. I had a woman once saying to me that she wondered what she had done to me because I had changed from the happy, healthy, clean living guy that she met to whatever you want to call it. Of course, I tried to tell her that it wasn't her and that it was me because I didn't want to lose her.

It wlrks both ways..after a person gets crapped on a few times, they change..they are on their guard..they don't fall head over heels so fast and realize its just not worth being so nice at first..they become the jerk who becomes nice once they trust..I get that cuz I do it. I have been decieved a few times..I don't like jerks but I can understand why some are.

I think that's rather simplistic. The first time that it happened I was really upset and then she just showed up at my door the next day and gave me a hug and told me to just ignore her when she was being a stupid cow. She's not a crappy person. She's just a moody person and she had issues at the time that I still don't really understand.

I was clean and sober when I met her but she wanted to party and we did. I keep attracting women like that and I've never met a woman yet that didn't get all weird on me when she's stoned.

I say you are a dream come true for your average women. I was married to a bad boy for 26 years. He got worse by the day. He didn't start out being a total "Jerk" and for some reason he felt it necessary to be more of one. I never gave him a reason to be a jerk, maybe I was too nice and forgiving. The sad part is I thought he would change. Of course he didn't.
For me, you need to move to Florida...lol! No seriously. Nice guys are few and far between here. I imagine it is like that everywhere though. My advise to you is do not change. You are who you are for a reason. You just have to be patient and keep looking for that sentitive woman that loves you the way you are.
Good Luck!

Um, yeah. This.

I really agree about sticking around and remaining her friend after she says she's not interested in a relationship. When someone says they're not interested, that's your clue to leave and find someone who is, not stick around, continuing "to be there for her" and "her shoulder to cry on" blah blah, and constantly in the Friend Zone. For every girl who rejects you as relationship material, there has to be at least one who will be into you that way. But you're wasting time on the ***** who only wants you as a friend....

And as a former "nice girl" that is my opinion.

I really don't think it's as black and white as that. He may have a personality trait that she feels drawn to. Anyone can get attracted to anyone. Anyone can talk like a gentleman, but it doesn't mean I'll fall for him. I may even think he's over-acting, if he talks that way. It depends on what attracted her to him. We can't just say he was good or bad. There has to be more to it than that.

Not to be a jerk, but this sounds like a typical 'nice guy' response, and also it sounds like a VERY familiar 'nice guy' let down by the girl. The "oh, you're such a good a friend, i don't want to ruin it" translation "I'm not interested in you, for reason, a,b,c"
The difference, is the 'nice guy' sticks around and listens for hours(acting more like one of her girlfriends...i'm sure she will find that hot) in hopes that she will 'eventually' be interested(very, VERY slim chance of that happening), the 'nice guy' then tells her he 'understands' and he 'doesn't want to lose the friendship either' when if he was being honest that would be total bull#$% and he really likes her but doesn't say(or do) anything about it.

The "jerk" simply tells her that he likes her, and if she isn't interested he moves on, dates one of her friends, and her friend tells her that he is 'this way' or 'that way' and she wonders if maybe she should have been interested.....and if her friend breaks up with him, good chance she'll hook up with him too....(may not let her friend know though) now this 'jerk' is now seen as a 'player' and someone who isn't nice to women by the nice-guy, when in all reality, he just had the confidence to A. Say what he wanted, and B. If what he wanted wasn't available to walk away.

'nice guys' are liars, and the people they lie to most are themselves,

They lie about what they truly want,
They lie about who they truly are,
and most 'nice guys' have more skeletons in their closet than 90% of the 'jerks'

They are so concerned about their image of being a 'nice guy' that they bury things in hopes that no one will ever discover them.

As a former 'nice-guy' that is my opinion.


That was hilarious Good point. I can talk to anyone at any time, so heaven knows why I'd want a guy who acts like a chick. . I already have female friends, so I hear you on that. . Not to be a jerk, but if a guy can't just tell it like it is, or get busy with the fizzy, he might aswell go home crying to his mum. All that waiting around for years seems pointless.

When someone says they're not interested, that's your clue to leave and find someone who is, not stick around, continuing "to be there for her" and "her shoulder to cry on" blah blah, and constantly in the Friend Zone. For every girl who rejects you as relationship material, there has to be at least one who will be into you that way. But you're wasting time on the ***** who only wants you as a friend.


Exactly ;) It's even creepier when they still stick around when you're in a relationship. They can't take the rejection. They end up becoming mentally jaded.

Its the thrill of the chase. If you want a guy to like you act like you dont like him. Its the same with women

This.

One thing should be clear.. not everyone looks for the "jerk" type, same as not all guys prefer the "sexiest prettiest girls". If some may do like those, maybe its because they're looking for a challenge, or maybe they think they're pretty much the same (as te saying birds of the same feathers flock togther) or they're looking for the tragic lovestory hoping to change the other person to be better then they will live happily ever aftrt just like what media is injecting us. But as I said, not everyone looks for those. As a defense for those with "bad image" they may have a story behind why they are like that and some people are drawn to that I guess.:)

I don't think that I'm a bad person, or disrespectful to women but I get on with people that I can be myself with and that means that I don't want to be worrying that they're going to think that I'm crass or uncouth or some sort of deviant. When I was taking my dog out for a walk yesterday a neighbor said hello to me and we had a chat. She's a nice lady and attractive enough but it was just polite conversation and that's not my idea of flirting.

If you can't just relax with someone and let your hair down there's no spark. That's my opinion about it. You may think that he's a nice guy or a nice girl but what's sexy about just being nice and respectful? The problem with polite people is that they make other people uncomfortable because you worry that you're going to offend them by not matching up to their moral standards.

It's not really like that. They pick me and all I'm doing is putting myself out there and seeing who I click with.

I'll put up with a certain amount of crap from women but there's a limit and I finished that relationship when she went beyond what I could tolerate. I've had girlfriends since then and they weren't perfect either. With the first one that I met after my ex I tried to reason with her when she started to give me crap. That worked for a while but I eventually had to tell her that I didn't think that it was going to workk because she was giving me the same shite that my ex did and that was that. The last girlfriend that I had totally messed me around but the girl had some serious issues and I was making allowances for that.

It would be absolutely super if I could meet someone that it would be all plain sailing with but I'm not holding my breath and I happen to prefer having a girlfriend to not having one, even if she's not all sweetness and light and is a pain in the backside sometimes and doesn't always treat me like I would want to be treated. Calling someone a crappy person just because they act like a jerk sometimes is really judgmental. I don't know anyone that is just nice all the time and doesn't sometimes take their bad moods out on other people.

. hmmmm