I think that it can come across as being a control freak when a guy doesn't just play it cool and declares undying love like that.

I've done the love poem thing myself. Not after one date though and certainly not just after one kiss.

Wanting a serious relationship is all very well but there's such a thing as being too serious. Perhaps you should try to lighten up a little. It doesn't mean having to become a "bad boy". I remember a woman telling me once how there was this guy that she had only had a few drinks with sending her flowers and telling her how much his kids were going to like her. That's assuming too much, or acting like it's a done deal because you have those feelings and demonstrated them. Tell her that she's your girl and make all the romantic gestures when she is your girl and most women will want that sort of romance. They don't really want some guy that's getting ahead of himself though because I'm sorry to say it but it does come across as if you have a screw loose to most women "these days" if you act like you read about romance in old books and saw it in old movies and are now trying to be "romantic".

Well anyway, my opinion is that being a "gentleman" only gets you so far and you also have to be a fun guy. It can be a turn off for a woman if a guy takes himself or her too seriously. It doesn't matter if you're just trying to get a date, or sex, or a relationship. Don't be pushy and don't go sending flowers or poems without having a good think about it first because sometimes it's appropriate and sometimes it's just not.

Thank you that is definitely a good affirmation for me. Makes me feel a heck of a lot more comfortable. I definitely appreciate the kind words as well.

Then explain thousands of soldiers coming home with PTSD.

It must be a fake condition, all those people need to do, is exercise a little "control".

I dunno about this thread. To me being a gentleman is just something you are. Its not something that needs an attaboy pat on the back. Its like giving a divorced dad a pat on the back for paying his child support. Being a gentleman isn't something we do for the thanks we get. We are the way we are because we believe it is the right thing to do.

Thanks for the compliment. I just do what my pops told me and think before I open my effing mouth.

Thats pretty damn awesome in itself though.

and the reverse is also true. Certain individuals who are able to overcome incredible odds to become pretty well adjusted, successful people. It happens. (most likely with folk who are raised by parents who teach them to take responsibility for their behavior).

The converse is also true. Some folk with good parents and from a good home turn out to be bad apples...it happens.

Others can & do affect decisions we make and things we do. Things that happen to us definitely help frame who we are, but we are still responsible for our choices in life. Part of maturity is the realization that, regardless, we are responsible for our own behaviors and actions. That is why, for example, juveniles are tried separately.

So while we weigh the info we receive from others we are ultimately responsible for the chosen course of action. In most day to day situations we encounter...

I am not talking about things like extreme hardships of war, or those who are mentally ill in a clinical sense (that's why they are in the clinic....that very same lack of ability to understand and accept responsibility for one's actions is a clinical factor. It is seen in those incarcerated for violent crimes. I watch for it in the men I date and stay away if it's observed).

But yes, things that happen affect us. They are not excuses for bad behavior tho

I'm Jeffery Dahmer. Charlie Manson and I approved this ad.

For me; personally, I could care less if you are a gentleman or not. I just wish guys would be themselves instead of putting on phony acts to impress a woman.

Yeah but it is kinda hard when you have to act like you aren't who you are just to make em happy honestly that is the gist I am getting at the moment. Its kind of a two way street in some cases you need to accept them for who they are instead of judging them for the fact you think they are acting to get something in return. Maybe we are sincere and that is our natural demeanor. Time will tell I guarantee you that. A true gentleman's demeanor will not fade with time as most little boys do.

Try thinking about it from that point of view for a minute, we do exist and I promise you that ;) may be few and far between but we are out there going through hell trying to fit in with all the love for the bad boys lol.

Not to mention in all reality it seems to have the opposite effect at times now more so upsetting women than impressing them from my experience.

Charles Manson is not coherent enough to have a conversation with

I speak for myself only; but I don't like bad boys or momma's boys. My point is that a man shouldn't hold open a door for me because its expected but if he does; I will thank him. If you normally don't do it; then don't. Once the "honeymoon phase" wears off the guy won't open the door. For me; I have met lots of guys that put on that gentleman act when I meet them but change after they are comfortable with me; so it's hard to believe a guy is a gentleman even if he is sincere. That is why I say; I just accept guys as they are whether they are gentleman or not. On a side note; I have always been uncomfortable accepting gifts, flowers, or poems from guys.

Not according to his 25 year old fiance "Star".

Sometimes we can't see the trees for the forest being in the way. I don't comment often... people make fun of me, but I will say this: If I found the perfect gentlemen, which I do look for ... but there was something about him which deep inside troubled me (reflecting on a past experience) such has the way he drive the car(because I was in a bad crash) or he talks way too much, I would not continue the relationship. Better to leave one early than much further down the road. You may have not done anything wrong, but in her eyes you were not meant for her.

That's it nothing more.

True that I would second that in a lot of cases. That's where patience is something I am glad I have too though helps me to look past peoples faults and communicate through them and get to know why they have them. If they are beyond working out then I let it be but I always resort to attempting to solve the problem first.

It's lame to complain about women prefering "bad boys", or anything else that you suppose that you're not. That can't be the reason anyway.

Here's a newsflash for you but anyone can open doors for women and all of that other stuff that you seem to think makes you a good catch. I don't know any woman that apreciates rudeness, or being treated badly but they will often stay with jerks after they have found out what jerks they can be.

I think that it all just goes back to not being creepy. Not being a total jerk is part of that but so is not being a total lickspittle. There's got to be some sort of balance you can strike between being a decent sort of person and just being normal. I think that it would do a lot of women's heads in if you were always running around doing your gentleman thing and trying to please them that way. It's a bit too much and yes, most women "these days" just want to be treated with respect and as equals, rather than being put up on a pedestal, or treated like they can't or shouldn't have to do certain things for themselves.

I too have been plagued by what I call "the nice guy response". I have been turned down too many times to count because I take my hat off upon entering a room, or holding a door for a lady. I blame the degradation of society. The rock stars and the media telling girls/ women that men should treat them badly. I say shame on them. We as society need men like us to show young ladies how to respect themselves so we can have an example of how they should be treated....rambles on aimlessley...