I have finally entered the dating world again but need some advice on the best way to handle my situation. I live in a small city that doesnt have much racial diversity. My ex husband was black. I have three beautiful brown skinned daughters. I never expected it to be a problem untill i started dating. I have went on many dates and have been asked out to see them again but as soon as i show them pictures of my girls they disappear. It breaks my heart to know that guys can be so ignorant to the fact that they are missing out without even meeting them. Anyways my question is when should i bring up this issue? Before our first date or after there is a connection?

Before your first date. No point in getting your hopes up if this happens to you alot.

Honesty and sometimes bluntness goes a long way. Just explain what has been going on or simple explain that people bypass you when they are informed that your children are milato "sorry if I butchered that". Explain, we are all adults and that your children are you focus so take all or none.

First off.. THANK GOD, those crum bums disappeared! I'd hate to think of beautiful little girls subjected to some Azzholes bigotry!
Second... I'm concerned you have to " break it to" someone that YOUR babies are interracial!
Third, Get to know the guy. Racists or intolerance rears its ugly head quickly in my opinion. See, what he as to say about biracial couples....

Me personally, would go ballistic if someone judged my babies for being culturally rounded! Screw them... You wouldn't want that guys genes anywhere near your beautiful girls!

Thank you. I have always looked at people for who they are and not the colour of their skin. I had no idea it would even be an issue until i started dating. Thats why i never felt it important to mention it to them. Im almost embarrassed for the men in my area. I agree with u any man who doesnt accept my family as a whole isnt worth my time.

Ps. The very crum bums who disappear because your babies are biracial.. Are the very same ones.. who send me winks and nudges!

They dislike biracial but quick to make their own biracial babies!
Azzholes!

I wouldn't do it before the first date (why blow the chance for night out and a bit of pampering?)

but I would do it before any deep connection developed, perhaps work race or biracial relationships into some of the more mature conversations you have to see how they feel,,,,

I'd be inclined to go with the "scr** you" attitude, but I think MsHarmony's advice is a bit more sound.

If you are anything like I am, you do not bring men around your children until you know it is going somewhere. It is really none of their business about your children unless you think it is going to be a committed relationship.
IF they can not accept your children for something so small as the color of their skin, do you really want them any way? There are a lot of people that are still stuck back in the days when racism was still going strong. You can not change people so you just have to keep dating until you find the right person that will love you and your children.
NEVER allow anyone to treat your children different just because they are a different race. One of my good friends has a daughter and she is also bi-racial, my boys always told her how beautiful her tan was. Finally my friend asked me when am I going to tell them that she is a different color, I said never..why should I. My kids do not judge people for the color of their skin, they like people for the way they treat them.
I actually told Rose that if she wanted them to know that she would be the one telling them. So we all sit down and she explained that her daughter's Dad was a black man and that was why she was tan. My boys said OH ok can we go play now. I do think that the parents make a bigger deal out of it then the kids do. Children are willing to accept others by the way they treat them, IF they are taught the right way.
Good Luck and I hope you figure out how you want to handle things. I myself would wait until I thought we were going to be a serious couple. You have to use your own judgement.

Tell it before the first date. if he disappears its good ridance to rubbish. it serve you all the drama of having him around your children and making them feel like 2nd class citizens.

Yeah, before the first date, show the man photos of your kids, and then what how he responds.

well personally I don't think it's. Any of their damn business i don't show any guy picture's of my kids till I'm ready you have to take me as I am and that includes my family if you don't like it kick rocks

Honestly should it really matter? They can't help who they are and if a guy doesn't want to be with you because of the race of your children then would you be interested in having a relationship with him anyways?

To address your question, I'd say: Yes, definitely be honest about it either before or during the first date. Be blunt and say "You don't think that's a problem do you?" If they do, "Check please" That's what I'd do.

Ive thought about this more, and honestly speaking, I have never even considered the need to talk about my kids race,,,,


but my first child is African American as one would expect to be the natural race of my child, whatever race my date

however, being that my second child is biracial, I think if I dated someone I still wouldn't think it was relevant enough to bring up,,,


its an interesting consideration,,,,,,

Exactly, I mean obviously whoever she (or you) are going on a date with is going to know what race you are, and unless you've adopted then they should have at least enough common sense to know that your children are at least what you are (whether bi or total).

Honestly if a guy doesn't want to date a person different from there race, I don't see why they'd even send you a message asking to get to know you more. I wouldn't. Be cautious as it may be a catfish faking dude, either that or some douchebag who just wants to get in your pants.

How do you know it's because of the color of their skin? If they actually say that, then you don't want to be around someone like that anyway.

As for when to bring it up ? Never ? It's 2013...why is this even an issue ?

Hi
My advice is be very careful who you date when you have kids and check that they actually like kids at all as there is little point if you want a long term relationship. I wouldn't show them pics early on first date is too soon and maybe try to date more diverse tolerant multi cultural Aware /modern thinking cool type guys. I think is important to ask them questions so you can see their views and attitude. I think there are lots of different types dating websites also and this may help. Good luck hope it helps.

Moving around many times as I raised my multi racial/multi cultural family as a single mom I had to do this from scratch many times. To some degree I still do. I found a picture was worth a thousand words.

I was a fairly public figure when my kids were young so wasn't like it was a big secret but I just habitually carried a key ring with a photo of my kids on my purse. Now days you can put your family pic on the screensaver of your phone or computer but back before all the technology I did I the old fashioned way and did business cards. Then I pretty much avoided the whole conversation which often insults the very people who would not make it an issue.

People can debate all day long the pro's and cons of putting up a family pic on your profile but unless you live in the middle of totally isolated nowhere your kids picture is being taken every day and broadcast so why not use a photo that says conservatively you have kids that are maybe different than what they expect. .

My feeling has always been if someone is going to have a problem with it get it out there so they delete me before I even know they exist because I just don't have the time to waste on creepizoids.

My dating life is not where I want to be and advocate for any of the issues/facts in my life. A guy reads my profile and my posts there is very little mystery as to what they are getting into. Which works for me because as much as I like to give and opinion in forums I am not that wild about doing it in the personal social setting. to me that is like teaching, advocacy, and social work and I am retired from that gig.

So a little dishonesty goes a long way, why would I expect anything different?

there is nothing dishonest about finding appropriate times for appropriate conversation,,,,

or should people expect others to include EVERY FACT About themselves from their time of birth, to every scar or mark on their body, to the race of their children, the ancestry of their grandparents,,

all before even learning each others full names or interests?

don't expect anything different than some logic and reality,,