so I just ended a bad relationship and found out that the father of my little girl has another daughter by a different women. this hurt me alot and I really want to know is it wrong for me to keep her away from her half-sister and father or should I let them grow close?

Thats a tough one, I can understand your hurt and dislike of your EX and that pain wont go away easy. My late wife was in a similar situation with her EX and as her girls got older they hated there father more and more on there own without us having to tell them what an idiot he was but the relationship with his other 2 children was actually decent until recently.
Supervised visits is a must in this situation particularly if they are young.

children don't learn from mistakes their parents make, they learn from the example their parents set. would you want to grow up knowing your half-sibling or have it all come out during an airing of dirty laundry?

i guarantee i guarantee your daughter will let you know if there is anything wrong with her making a relationship with her father and/or a half-sibling. give her the opportunity, but be attentive to her and answer any questions (age appropriate) that she may have. she doesn't need to know the sex was bad, but she does need to know how a woman doesn't need to stay in an emotionally bad relationship.

there is really no perfect answer to your situation, so be open to what your daughter is telling you. no need to interrogate her when she comes back from a visit, but be alert to any signs of trouble she may be having and reluctant to tell (kids don't want mommy or daddy to get in trouble).

in some cases, the example of the noncustodial parent may be best kept from a small child, until the the child is old enough to know the behavior is unacceptable. godspeed, bulldog

(bulldog double guarantee - patent pending)

if she is not in physical or emotional harm,,,,,yes!... if you get in the way she will most likely be pissed at you later...children need exposer to different personalities so they can learn different ways to deal with life and others....do not get into his crap in front of her.....children should not have to deal with adult issues!!!! i know your hurting and it will not be easy....be a good example of what a woman is to her...when a adult can't control there emotions the child becomes scared and insecure....our children need healthy examples of how to be..........i know you can do it...........

thank for the advice it is going to be really hard for me to let her go but I will hes only met her twice and she is under a year old so do I send someone else with her(I dont think I could go there and not fight with him) or should I "man up" and go with her. or because shes so young does it really matter?

Situation isn't clear to me. Who is under a year, your daughter or the other girl?
Your ex has only seen your daughter twice or the other girl?

All in all I wouldn't let my little girl go on her own if I wasn't comfortable with the situation, by which I mean concern about your DAUGHTER's well-being, not your own comfort.
As a parent you gotta learn to separate those two. There will be plenty more situations where you'd rather not go or be in, but will have to for you girl's well-being. That's more important than your own comfort.
So do you want to leave your girl on her own and hope for the best, as young as she is, cos you can't control yourself around your ex ? Or do you want (and need) to be there for your girl to make sure she's okay?
What you think is more important?

both girls are under a year old they are only a month apart

Why should a little girl be deprived of her sibling because of a mistake that their mothers made?

Agreed

My ex is the one who made a mistake neither me or the other girls mother knew that he was seeing someone else so is my mistake being naive or having to much trust in the relationship?

I don't think its wise to keep children from a parent unless the parent is abusing the child,,,,

plenty of awful spouses are still great parents,, and vice versa

lousy parents can be great spouses,,,,


let the relationships be separate, give them their own separate status ,,,,,and if the father child relationship becomes a harm to the child than and only then do I think it makes sense to protect the child from that parent

I was abused in this relationship but I dont think he would hurt her. safe or not safe to let her go?

Unless the child is in danger or being harmed or neglected, then she should see her dad.

I know you are hurt but the kids shouldn't be put in the middle of problems the adults have

To keep peace for her sake...let someone else drop her off in neutral territory

Do you have to let her go on her own? Isn't it possible for you to be there too? Don't know what the arrangement is, is she supposed to go to her dad for an afternoon, a day, a week, a weekend???
You don't give enough info to be able to give advice / opinion.

If he's only seen his daughter twice, I would not feel okay about leaving my baby with him for longer than an afternoon at first and once she's comfy with him, build it up. It's not like you can communicate with the child, she's too young. If she doesn't know her father well, she might not feel safe with a 'strange' man without her mummy there.
That doesn't mean you should keep her away from him, but simply not let her stay with him for too long, not yet.
Question is, does your ex want to see your daughter and how long for? What are his wishes and what are you obliged to do by law?

Again, depends on the situation, which is not clear to me.

As for her 'sibling': if your ex lives with this woman and the other baby, your baby will automatically see her. If your ex doesn't live with this other woman & baby, there's no need to get the two baby's together at this point.
Also not sure whether you can prevent it, as your ex has his wishes too and if he wants his two daughters to be together when they're at his place ...

Can he even take care of a young child? (feeding, bathing, diapers etc) or is this completely new to him?

Also, if you don't trust it and cannot deal with your ex yourself, and are obliged to let your daughter go, can't you get someone from child services in to supervise the visits? Just till the dust settles.

Lot of "ifs", if you really want sound advice, you gotta give more info.

Everyone is giving you good advice, but the truth is only you know the "right" answer because you are the one with all the necessary information...If you base you decision "solely" on the best interest of your daughter you will be making the right choice.....Regardless of what you decide, your baby is too young to spend a substantial amount of time away from you with your ex in an unsupervised setting...If you come to the conclusion father and daughter should begin to build a relationship, you must grow up, put your personal feelings about her father aside, and do what ever is necessary to facilitate the relationship.....

PS:...One thing at a time....Forget about introducing your daughter to her half sister, there will be time enough for that later.....

As Leigh said, only you know all of the circumstances. At your baby's age and given that you said there was some abuse to you, well I'd say NEVER TAKE THE CHANCE that he could cross the line. Supervised visitation only. Maybe you have a close trusted relative to you that will allow him to visit at their house? Being older now I'm glad that my oldest son (from my first marriage) has a good relationship with his half siblings. His biological father died sooo many years ago (my son had just graduated from highschool), and his biological father had no other children. One day when I am gone I know that my son has his siblings to rely on because nobody else will be there. Cousins are nice, but you don't know where anyone will end up as the world is getting smaller and jobs can take you across the country easily now a days. Friends are WONDERFUL but... family is family. Over the years if your EX is bad to the bone... well children grow up, they see and can make decisions on their own. But if you've tried and they know it, it can never come back to haunt you. Best wishes for you and your little one

it's not really your call... just because you have issues, they shouldn't reflect on your children or their siblings...

Wait a minute, why isn't it her call?...She said she ended a bad relationship, not marriage...She said her baby is under a year old, she indicates she has custody...Who's call is it then?...

marriage has nothing to do with it... only if the father signed the paper saying the baby wasn't his...

unless the courts decide that the father can have no contact, she has no right to keep the baby from him... my ex has full custody, but the courts gave me every other weekend and 2 weeks in the summer... he is still her father, and the mother cannot take that away...

So who's decision is it if the "courts" have not been involved?....I know marriage doesn't have anything to do with it, I was referring to a divorce agreement...If she never married, she wouldn't have one, right?...And if the father did not take her to court and win visitation rights she could prevent him from seeing his daughter, couldn't she?....And last, but not least, don't civil laws differ from state to state?...