So I've been talking to this girl named Heather, she's been damaged from past relationships. Well for a month now we've been "friends with benefits". There was a brief time (a few days) where she was OK with dating. Then out of the blue she said she didn't want to date anymore, But she wanted to keep sleeping with me. I stayed over at her house all last weekend, mowed the lawn, did housework etc. etc. We haven't seen each other all week because I had to go job hunting so I went home. Now the weekends here and shes avoiding me.

I've done every classic "romantic" thing I can think of but to no avail. She continues to astound me. Oh yeah, she happened to say she loved me twice. But does it count if its during sex? Anyway, I was just wondering. I'm a really nice guy. I always listen to others problems in a relationship/courting and I am sympathetic, offering opinions and assistance if needed. But in the end it always ends the same. Are women allergic to the good guys or is it just me?

I saw this study, it said men were more likely
to vocalize that they 'loved' their partner
during sex, hormones or something.
Women were less likely to.

In my opinion, saying it during sex does not
count, people will say anything during that
kind of interlude.

She seems to have you on the back burner (read,
back-up until something better comes along.)

Personally, I would be less available, to test
the water as it were.
See if she can commit to whatever it is she
thinks she wants.

Lots of people need their lawns mowed :-)

it could be just HER..

I won't second guess whats going through her head but.. maybe calling her or going over to talk things through might be a better way to know for sure.. lay out how you feel about her and ask her for honesty.. that's the best I can come up with at the moment.. good luck!

Gee pard ....are you BRAGGING or complaining ?
HAHAHA !
Welcome to the world of "I just want your bone"
Best of luck !


KiK

{I'm just OLD i guess}

I just want your bone..

Haha. I'm not really into that kind of thing. She seems to be though.


Anyway soufie, I guess you could be right. I've been getting that feeling lately. Side note: She did say she has a Borderline Personality Disorder. Haven't really read up on it but I think that may be a good idea.

Its just really weird. She'll go a day or two not talking to me, then she calls late at night talking in a soft baby voice. You know, that cooing "I miss you" voice, then the next day she's back in "*****-mode". My head is spinning thinking about it, I really do like the girl. I hate to admit it but I think I've fallen for her. Why can't life be as simple as it was in black and white movies? You meet a girl, you court her. Meet the parents, ask for her hand and you live a long life together.

The world has changed for the worse I'm afraid.

Well for one it sounds like your trying to hard, I think thats nice to mow the lawn
but the house work? She"s not ready and your freaking her out, she may still be
In love with the other guy.
wait it out and let her figure it out, if she wants to contine then just take baby
steps, dont be so eager or you may send her back
She probably misses saying "I love you,as this may be a form of roll playing,
makes her feel like she's makeing love to someone she's in love with

I've had that happen three times in the last 7or 8 years
and they where just hook ups, and I said it back
because for a moment I could pretend I was in a meaningful
Relationship.

I say enjoy what you have while you have it, cuz you never know what tomorrow will bring. Put everything out on the table & say hey, take it or leave it...

I like that. You're probably right. Although the "other guy" thing doesn't stand true. Her ex beat her and currently has her kid (whom they share joint custody over) and is keeping her from her mother. It is a tough situation, and what I meant when I said I offered assistance. I don't think it's a role play thing because she brought it up after sex.

Also we met 10 years ago. Maybe it's moving a little fast IDK. But I think I will try backpedaling a little and see what it gets me. I think she's mostly afraid of a relationship because the three guys she has dated consist of two crazy people who beat her and used her and one guy who blew his brains out. She's a mess. I feel more sympathetic than ever. I just don't know wether I can completely back out as a lover and remain a friend. I suppose I could give it a try.

It sounds to me like you're trying too hard for a girl who is just not that into you. Remember, not all women are alike, so this doesn't have anything to do with other women. It has to do with the specific woman you're talking about. My suggestion is to stop trying so hard. If she's not into you, move on and find someone else who is.

She's emotionally unavailable right now it sounds like "come here, come here, go away! Sounds like she
Needs pro help, & your entering in to a wold of pain.
She cant be there for you, she wants you when she wants you....so how will you ever be satisfied?

Do you no why buddy blew is head off???????

You need to read up on borderline personality disorder. Things will make sense after you do.

I am addressing your post title, not the story that goes with it.

You are nice looking and if she has not fallen for you yet, then maybe its what happens in the bedroom that is lacking.

So many men think they are good in bed. The ones who are KNOW THEY ARE. The ones who aren't, THINK THEY ARE.

Obviously jst hanging around till she finds sumone she falls in love with! Did same fin once to a real 9ce guy I regret it thou. Bt dats jst the way it is, regardless of how hurt a person has been in the past, the love bug cud bite @ anytime.if its nat u now, can't be u

You have to be one strong or cold man to take a woman on like her and function on a daily basis , I would
Never try it again,

It only works if you dont let yourself have feelings for her.

So thats where the cold part comes in

She's got a ton of baggage dude.

Dump her, stay in the friend zone, or be prepared to pick up all that weight and carry it for her.

send her a bill for mowing the lawn. Add a note that since you're out of work you're starting your own business.

(P.S. she may be concerned that you're looking for someone to support you...not that you are, but finding a job- any job- pronto - will prolly help).

It sounds to me like you're trying too hard for a girl who is just not that into you. Remember, not all women are alike, so this doesn't have anything to do with other women. It has to do with the specific woman you're talking about. My suggestion is to stop trying so hard. If she's not into you, move on and find someone else who is.


Good advice. I'm still baffled by the late night "miss you" calls. Shes on and off again.

wow i love this site already..

ride.. you're right, i dont feel like i have that coldness in me. everytime I try to turn off the old emotion switch, something happens. like today she called and said she has a stomach bug, immediately i want to comfort her.

motown.. LOTS of baggage. but in that sense I've found myself to be incredibly strong. I once dated a girl with five kids. wasn't easy. her jealousy issues eventually cracked us up though.

sweetestgirl.. awesome idea. maybe i could do that. although its kind of her moms land and I couldnt do that to her mom. shes a sweet lady.

queen_bee.. maybe. id say most likely not because she tells me she has too much going on for a relationship. then she gets jealous when i say things like "well i suppose i should leave my options open and look for opportunities elsewhere". because honestly i want a real woman in my life whos going to want and give support.

jeannie.. thanks for the compliment. the bedroom really is where we click best. and believe me, i KNOW i'm good in the bedroom. i'm a people pleaser at heart, and it echoes loudly in the bedroom.

i just dont know how to handle the situation. im not at the point where i want to give up, but i am. does that make sense?

she told me the guy killed himself because he asked her to marry him and she moved back to virginia. (he lived in oklahoma) shes crushed by this and i think it may be the key to why shes so emotionally screwballed.

darynbinney - I think I get what you're feeling. I used to attract people that needed fixing and strength because that's what they needed. In turn, I felt needed! MMmmmm!

My suggestion is to find yourself a "good" woman. You're a "good" man, so you deserve a "good" woman. She will bring more amazing things to your life than your being stuck in a fix-it mode for how many years!

Seriously, think about it! I know you want to help but, what do YOU deserve?