Now that I am single again (at 52) I have come to realize that what is sadly lacking in a lot of people's lives is good old conversation. The majority of conversations I do have with the people in my life have about as much substance as an empty paper bag.

Like anything else conversation is an art form, just like basket weaving or playing the violin. But sadly conversation seems to be slowly disappearing from our social structure. It is a personal pandemic and not one that I see an immediate cure for.

So what could be done? I suppose the most likely place to start would be with yourself. How do you communicate with others? Is it simply a brief empty snippet or do you actually try to engage people? I know because of our busy, hectic lives many people don't have the time or even the energy to create a epic flow of dialogue. But what if we make the time?

In my last few relationships there was zero communication, unless I count in the arguments, which interestingly enough is about the only conversation they wanted to engage in. I was seeing a woman recently, but she's about the same; hectic life, too busy, cold and rarely communicates.

It's a sad state of affairs that these days the best conversations I've had are with the walls in my room.

conversation comes easily to me and those close to me. My sons and I have been kicked out of restaurants because we sit talking for so long. Cinversation is much of how we spend our time together and some brilliant ideas have some from it.

But I agree, very few really seem to have any real interest in that. Outside of my family and a few friends on here I really seldom talk eith anyone longer than a moment. Part of that is the nature of my work - it is really not feasible then. Outside of work, I really don't know anyone around here where I am living ATM.

Funny this makes me think of a recent 4 day holiday I took to spend time with family and when I returned to work my first few days were frustrating as I had just spent the previous 4 with compatible people. it was hard to readjust.

don't get me wrong I like most folks where I work but I am fairly new here

Dmckinnon, you have just described my most recent relationship. Not a whole lot of communication. When we DID talk, it was fun and interesting, but he was just too quiet for me, and I rarely knew what was on his mind. I find that unsettling.

My marriage was similar. Oh, we could have a great conversation about sports or politics, theater or music or even food, but the kind of communication necessary to the maintenance of relationship machinery was a real problem. It's sad, but there it is.

A lot of the guys I meet only seem to want to discuss sports or cars or some show on television that I never watch. I would love to find a man who will eloquently and enthusiastically engage me in conversation that isn't superficial. One who'll talk about his life and aspirations, his beliefs and passions, and who will listen and engage with me when I talk about my own. And yes, I enjoy talking about politics, society, theater, music, cooking and food, books... I'll even talk sports to a limited extent (other than baseball, I don't really follow most sports closely). Quiet, uncommunicative people make me uncomfortable.

And in a relationship, it's also important for both people to communicate their actual needs. For heaven's sake, I need a man who understands that, rather than expecting me to read his mind.

I can't stand sports of any kind and so I don't usually fit in with guys who do. Maybe this is why I have so few guy friends. I can get into hockey sometimes (Red Wings), but that's only if someone else is into it, too. These days I hate doing anything, because it reminds me that I'm alone.

And yes, a healthy relationship needs conversation from both sides. In this last relationship I had she rarely said anything of any substance, except to say, "Did you know I was feeling that way?" I was like, "Um...no." "Well, why not?" Sorry, hon, I have a lot of talents, but ESP isn't one of them."

And women wonder why some men are they way they are, lol.

I think arguments are a valid form of communication. It allows you and them to keep your own separate opinions. Of course, there are those rare times when two people can agree on something. Which is why I kindheartedly agree that to agree to disagree is acceptable. The important thing I have learned from my last relationship is to keep one's own place of residence. It helps to keep relationships uncomplicated. It really helps the communication because at least one of you is listening.

I definitely agree. I think it's better someone thinking about how comfortable they are, when with someone. Best to be with someone who you are comfortable telling EVERYTHING to, and I mean everything.

I had that with my ex and then with this gal I was just with and now they're both gone. So that doesn't apply to everyone.

Ladies have the art of conversation perfected, they can talk the hind legs off a donkey, you see them everywhere chatting, in supermarkets, outside schools when the kids are due out, in the street, everywhere. They are the ultimate conversationalists, they can talk about anything and everything, and they do. To prove this, all you have to do is turn off the TV, and they are away ten to the dozen, you will not get a word in edgeways believe me. This is the reason a very large number of married guys have either a worksop in the garage, a garden shed, or a hobby room in the attic, to get away from the masters of conversation. Peace be with you all.

LOL...I had a workshop once, but it wasn't to get away from a blathering woman; is what to give me something to do because she wouldn't blather with me.

For some reason, you act as if only women like to talk. I think it would be very weird to be in a relationship with a guy who wasn't a good conversationalist. I know there are guys who often say they just don't know what to talk about. But, there are definitely men out there who can old their own in a conversation. That's definitely a good thing.

Well, some of us (and by that I mean me) have absolutely no conversations skills and never had. Oh, we are good at listening, and take quite a bit of what is said to us to heart. It just that the art of keeping a conversation flowing seems to escape our grasp.

Oh, we might try to interject ourselves into conversation, but having no skills makes us a master of saying the completely wrong thing. If left with an awkward silence, our minds race to grasp at a topic, but without effect, as that which we grab hold of tends to be boring or uninteresting.

No, conversation is an art form, where the easel is the mind and the tongue the brush. There are those with immense talent, and others who merely doodle.

Well, He did say talk the legs off a donkey, so maybe he's a bit stubborn or set in his ways...Then again, maybe just the stereotype he's getting at...

It's not our houses, more our hearts a thousand miles apart.

Duttoneer does tend to stereotype about women quite a bit here, so I'm guessing that's it. Though, from what he says a lot, he seems to be attracted to quieter, old fashioned women. There's nothing wrong with that.

Not at all. We are who, we are. He has his own perspective and experience to go on. Our ideals are all much different, from one another...I do give room for that, says the jackass...

I am not a good communicator. I am great at the social niceties and do well when things go general (weather, books, politics, etc.). I am very poor at communicating personal interests, commitments, desires, etc. On the flip side, I'm a really good listener. I would love to improve my communications skills, but it took me forever just to get the hang of the "social chat". I am just prone to quiet, I don't like discord, and if I don't agree with someone I drop the subject before things can get heated.

You'd be the kind of woman for men like duttoneer, who like quieter women.

I concur.. it IS a sad state of affairs that communication is breaking down.. I for one believe it paramount in ANY relationship..
I'm all for full disclosure although I have been told a few times I talk TOO much.. really? perhaps if they had just engaged.. it could have worked out differently..

I've nothing to hide and speaking my thoughts are, I feel, a good way to build stronger ties.. after all.. I feel our partner should be our BEST friend and if that is true then, they should know more about us than anyone ELSE.. besides.. there's soo many interesting topics to discuss.. how could one NOT know what to say.. or maybe.. just maybe.. they don't know where to begin...

Zoe, I totally agree. Some of my friends feel I shouldn't be telling potential prospects about certain things, but then I see it differently. I feel the only way to know for sure the true character of someone I'm interested in is to tell them the truth about myself. If they don't leave after I tell them, then that would be cool. Sadly though I've never had that happen, but then I'm better off without women like that.

I like how you squished my name together to get Zoe.. cool IF that was the intention.. we'll run with that either way k?


back on topic..
I have a few friends that say the same.. mind you.. they're not CLOSE friends

but you're totally right.. be yourself.. if they can't hack that then wasting time and energy on them, good to know from the get go, is not likely to happen..
to me, (harsh but true imo) a person is self absorbed if they can't get past anothers failings.. we ALL have them as no one is perfect.. and the only way, as you've said, to better know who a person is.. is to be up front and see how they react..

I do tend to scare many off myself with my forwardness though..

Good Communication is the key to any successful "relationship" lasting. In my relationship a few years ago, we were on different pages and so I just went my way even though he kept calling and tring to keep it up. This new friendship now, we communicate very well and when we differ we both agree to disagree! A good man is hard to find.