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| Topic: The Death of Conversation | |
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Now that I am single again (at 52) I have come to realize that what is sadly lacking in a lot of people's lives is good old conversation. The majority of conversations I do have with the people in my life have about as much substance as an empty paper bag. Like anything else conversation is an art form, just like basket weaving or playing the violin. But sadly conversation seems to be slowly disappearing from our social structure. It is a personal pandemic and not one that I see an immediate cure for. So what could be done? I suppose the most likely place to start would be with yourself. How do you communicate with others? Is it simply a brief empty snippet or do you actually try to engage people? I know because of our busy, hectic lives many people don't have the time or even the energy to create a epic flow of dialogue. But what if we make the time? In my last few relationships there was zero communication, unless I count in the arguments, which interestingly enough is about the only conversation they wanted to engage in. I was seeing a woman recently, but she's about the same; hectic life, too busy, cold and rarely communicates. It's a sad state of affairs that these days the best conversations I've had are with the walls in my room. Im very capable of communicating, I just find small talk tedious, so my verbal communicating is mostly restricted to pleasantries with strangers or talking with loved ones about plans or joking around with loved ones about everyday th ings,,,,,, |
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Edited by
imdwonb4u
on
Tue 03/19/13 09:26 PM
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Finding someone you can have a conversation with is as difficult as finding the right person to be with..because the two go hand-in-hand. You have to be on the same mental level, political outlook, financial level etc, to exchange ideas..for example on person would say( ask) " "Wouldnt it be cool if dolphins could talk..?"...,the other person would respond with something like.."Yes it would, then they could say how cool it is to be a dolphin..",..this is an example of a conversation. Obviously you wouldnt attempt to have this conversation with a dolphin hater, but you get the point. There is no competition involved in conversation. When you have an exchange of opinions, invariably one intends to persuade the other to join their perspective, or privately disagrees and that is the precursor to an argument. Like I said finding the right person to talk with is what determines conversation..the wrong person anf the same talk becomes argument.
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I think arguments are a valid form of communication. It allows you and them to keep your own separate opinions. Of course, there are those rare times when two people can agree on something. Which is why I kindheartedly agree that to agree to disagree is acceptable.  The important thing I have learned from my last relationship is to keep one's own place of residence. It helps to keep relationships uncomplicated. It really helps the communication because at least one of you is listening.
Yes..I wish you the peaceful life you deserve rainbow..you wont find it arguing |
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Edited by
Duttoneer
on
Wed 03/20/13 03:32 AM
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Ladies have the art of conversation perfected, they can talk the hind legs off a donkey, you see them everywhere chatting, in supermarkets, outside schools when the kids are due out, in the street, everywhere. They are the ultimate conversationalists, they can talk about anything and everything, and they do. To prove this, all you have to do is turn off the TV, and they are away ten to the dozen, you will not get a word in edgeways believe me. This is the reason a very large number of married guys have either a worksop in the garage, a garden shed, or a hobby room in the attic, to get away from the masters of conversation. Peace be with you all.
Your profile says you are 65. You are close to reaching the age where you will probably start talking to anyone who will listen. My experience is when a man, who has been quiet all of his life, finally starts to talk, its hard to get them to shut up. 
Well, I don.t want to go on, but ... After a lot of investigation and collaboration between the FBI, CIA, MI5, MI6, (MI7 was even slightly involved) it was established beyond reasonable doubt, that the fastest means of communication was not by telegram, telephone, or even television, it was by tell-a-woman. Quicker than you can say, "I did not have sex with that woman",when the ladies talk word travels across towns, cities, state lines, international borders and Continents, such is the extent of the chattering networks. Guys can talk, but they cannot hold a candle to the ladies when it comes to conversations, they are in a league of their own.
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Finding someone you can have a conversation with is as difficult as finding the right person to be with..because the two go hand-in-hand. You have to be on the same mental level, political outlook, financial level etc, to exchange ideas..for example on person would say( ask) " "Wouldnt it be cool if dolphins could talk..?"...,the other person would respond with something like.."Yes it would, then they could say how cool it is to be a dolphin..",..this is an example of a conversation. Obviously you wouldnt attempt to have this conversation with a dolphin hater, but you get the point. There is no competition involved in conversation. When you have an exchange of opinions, invariably one intends to persuade the other to join their perspective, or privately disagrees and that is the precursor to an argument. Like I said finding the right person to talk with is what determines conversation..the wrong person anf the same talk becomes argument. I Agree! 
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Your profile says you are 65. You are close to reaching the age where you will probably start talking to anyone who will listen. My experience is when a man, who has been quiet all of his life, finally starts to talk, its hard to get them to shut up. I'm 52, not 65. |
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I like the picture you have in your profile, but to be honest, my first impression is that I wonder if it is really a picture of you. If it is, it shows you in a very thoughtful pose. -- It's really a picture of me. The thoughtful pose was intentional. So what kind of conversation do you want? Superficial, polite? Deeply honest? Political? Philosophical? Spiritual? Current events? -- The type of conversation doesn't matter as long as it's more engaging than "How's the weather?" |
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I've been musing on this very topic recently and was intrigued by the thread.
did anyone stop to think about the very medium that we are all using to have this debate/conversation? When I was a kid, winter evening were spent around the kitchen table, and summer evenings were spent outdoors at the picnic table. We were all talking, laughing, joking, crying, arguing, and every other 'ing' you could think of. The younger kids would be balanced on knees, or under the table and the older kids would be at the counter washing dishes. Or in the summer, all the kids would be playing tag as the sun went behind the hills, perking up their ears when the adults would roar into laughter. There would be beer or tea, depending on the season, and a wife's butt wasn't safe from her husband's pinch as she walked by. the uncles would be discussing the latest hockey game in detail and the older folks would rehash the evening news and flip through the obituaries, searching their memories to see if they knew the people who had passed away..."That was Johnny's great uncle on his wife's side, wairnt it?". Do you remember those days? I do. Just last week I went to a friend's home for a dinner party. There were eight of us and we are all close friends. Halfway through the night there was a moment when I realized that each and every one of us had a phone or crackberry or some other device, and were texting or on Facebook, or tweeting. We're all twits. *getting off the computer so I can go call a friend and actually have a real conversation* |
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Ha! Go, Ruth! I remember those days. We used to go camping a lot and I recall fires and marshmallows and hot dogs and running around with my cousins while the grownups sat in lawn chairs and socialized. It would be interesting to see what people would do if you took all their computers and digital devices away.
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Ha! Go, Ruth! I remember those days. We used to go camping a lot and I recall fires and marshmallows and hot dogs and running around with my cousins while the grownups sat in lawn chairs and socialized. It would be interesting to see what people would do if you took all their computers and digital devices away. I get that when I go camping. It's nice. Campfire, face-to-face conversation, socializing. It's lovely. |
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Ha! Go, Ruth! I remember those days. We used to go camping a lot and I recall fires and marshmallows and hot dogs and running around with my cousins while the grownups sat in lawn chairs and socialized. It would be interesting to see what people would do if you took all their computers and digital devices away. I get that when I go camping. It's nice. Campfire, face-to-face conversation, socializing. It's lovely. Ah, camping. The hard ground to sleep on, the bugs, going behind a tree to (um), hoping that the leaves you just used weren't poison ivy. Rain when there wasn't any in the forecast. Good times. Good times. |
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I like the picture you have in your profile, but to be honest, my first impression is that I wonder if it is really a picture of you. If it is, it shows you in a very thoughtful pose. -- It's really a picture of me. The thoughtful pose was intentional. So what kind of conversation do you want? Superficial, polite? Deeply honest? Political? Philosophical? Spiritual? Current events? -- The type of conversation doesn't matter as long as it's more engaging than "How's the weather?" you look like a young Tom Hanks. That would be a compliment. A sincere one 
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you look like a young Tom Hanks. That would be a compliment. A sincere one Awww, how sweet. Must be why that's your nickname, eh? :) |
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Edited by
ViaMusica
on
Thu 03/21/13 07:45 PM
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Ha! Go, Ruth! I remember those days. We used to go camping a lot and I recall fires and marshmallows and hot dogs and running around with my cousins while the grownups sat in lawn chairs and socialized. It would be interesting to see what people would do if you took all their computers and digital devices away. I get that when I go camping. It's nice. Campfire, face-to-face conversation, socializing. It's lovely. Ah, camping. The hard ground to sleep on, the bugs, going behind a tree to (um), hoping that the leaves you just used weren't poison ivy. Rain when there wasn't any in the forecast. Good times. Good times. Heheh... some of my camping trips are that primitive, but you should see the other camping event I attend. For that one, I have a palatial canvas tent with carpets on the floor, a real bed, and generally fabulous surroundings.
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Thu 03/21/13 08:10 PM
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camping at the Hilton? I'll take a room by the pool
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Now that I am single again (at 52) I have come to realize that what is sadly lacking in a lot of people's lives is good old conversation. The majority of conversations I do have with the people in my life have about as much substance as an empty paper bag. Like anything else conversation is an art form, just like basket weaving or playing the violin. But sadly conversation seems to be slowly disappearing from our social structure. It is a personal pandemic and not one that I see an immediate cure for. So what could be done? I suppose the most likely place to start would be with yourself. How do you communicate with others? Is it simply a brief empty snippet or do you actually try to engage people? I know because of our busy, hectic lives many people don't have the time or even the energy to create a epic flow of dialogue. But what if we make the time? In my last few relationships there was zero communication, unless I count in the arguments, which interestingly enough is about the only conversation they wanted to engage in. I was seeing a woman recently, but she's about the same; hectic life, too busy, cold and rarely communicates. It's a sad state of affairs that these days the best conversations I've had are with the walls in my room. I just opened four one word messages from men who didn't spare many more words than that in their entire profiles, so am in a mood to be in total agreement with you just now. I have a few people here that I have serious conversations with, as well as several in my two legged life. I have to admit that I would be reluctant to attempt a real conversation with a one word massager though. I’m just not THAT adventurous. As far as relationships go, communication is a must have. If I can’t carry on a decent conversation with a man by our third date, I figure we simply aren’t compatible in that arena. When there’s no sync there, it kind of rules out exploring any other arena for me. I figure I need to be able to have at least as good a conversation with a boyfriend as I do with my platonic friends, if not better. I have to admit that those really great talks are sometimes one of the things I miss the longest when I’ve split paths with old boyfriends. We usually end up talking on the phone for a while after we part...well, until they start seeing someone new and then calling just to talk would likely be uncomfortable for everyone. |
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A nice thread dm
Isn't it great to converse? That was a statement. "talk the hind legs off a donkey" think I had a pecan go down the wind pipe sideways when I saw that Not saying it's true but the pictorial was hilarious. |
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Cynderelly...I know just what you mean!
I appreciate men taking the effort to contact me....but when I open my inbox and see the one word messages, I scritch my head and wonder how on earth to respond! 
I just sigh and close it back up... |
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I just opened four one word messages from men who didn't spare many more words than that in their entire profiles, so am in a mood to be in total agreement with you just now. I have to admit that it comes easy for me to communicate, even with a few words, because I've always been creative. Like one time my ex said, "You have the most beautiful eyes" to which I replied "They're only beautiful because you're in them." I've even had guys come up and ask me to write something on their sweethearts Valentine's cards, because they don't know what to say. I feel bad for the guys who don't know what to say and the only advice I can give them is "let your heart do the talking for you." That's what I do. Of course, I've always been a romantic at heart so I guess it just come naturally. |
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Edited by
1Cynderella
on
Fri 03/22/13 09:18 AM
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I just opened four one word messages from men who didn't spare many more words than that in their entire profiles, so am in a mood to be in total agreement with you just now. I have to admit that it comes easy for me to communicate, even with a few words, because I've always been creative. Like one time my ex said, "You have the most beautiful eyes" to which I replied "They're only beautiful because you're in them." I've even had guys come up and ask me to write something on their sweethearts Valentine's cards, because they don't know what to say. I feel bad for the guys who don't know what to say and the only advice I can give them is "let your heart do the talking for you." That's what I do. Of course, I've always been a romantic at heart so I guess it just come naturally. Good for you, because romantics are a dying breed.
As nice as it can be to hear a compliment or well phrased sentiment, when men talk about a woman’s undying beauty in a first or second message on a dating site, it can come off a bit creepy...especially if it’s all the message contains. Coming from someone you don’t know the first thing about, there is no way to gauge his sincerity or purpose. I think for most people, there is an introductory small talk bridge, that many neglect to cross, before heavy compliments are acceptable and certainly before deep conversation about highly personal matters are appropriate. I suppose gauging the comfort zone of the person you’re communicating with is an important skill to hone when engaging in the ART of Conversation. Few people (especially in this venue) consider the need for this particular skill, fewer practice it and fewer still possess any real talent for it. 
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