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| Topic: Are you for... or are you against? | |
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I still say that it's a bit much to expect everybody on a dating site to want to go on the forums and it's silly to suppose that just because they can't be bothered with this they are only looking for casual sex. This thread is about how arguments and disagreements can break out in a situation like this and some people just don't want to get involved with that. The internet is the devil. People will say things to you when they are hiding behind a computer that they would never say to your face and although you could say that people feel more relaxed doing this, you are going to be mixing with a lot of people that you would have very little in common with and probably not want to hang about with in the real world. It can be a teritorial thing. Fights break out and you get the sort of rubbish that Facebook is notorious for with people trolling each other instead of just minding their own business and getting on with their own lives. Okay, I can see where that might be true in some cases, like for overly shy people or something. But you don't believe that anything I've said to you would have been any differently had we been sitting in a cafe out for a tea, do you? Really?  No, I don't think that you personally have said anything to me that you wouldn't say to my face. It happens though and I will give you an example. I have an uncle and he also has sight problems. He has been using a computer for a lot longer than I have but the software that he uses is rather outdated and when he started using a computer that was the sort of thing that they recommended but the thinking on that has changed now and the software that I use is far more suitable and easier to use. We got into a discussion about it and he told me not to lecture him about computers because of all of the experience that he had with them and how he had held down a job for many years in government. He was very patronising about it and because he is a born again christian I replied saying that pride is supposed to be a sin. I really don't think that we would have had an argument like that if it had not been on the internet and I have seen him in person since and we talked about it and he was far more reasonable. I get it. There is definitely a psychological factor in face to face confrontation that is lacking online. I think when we SEE how our words affect others, we are less likely to continue an argument. I have a mirror behind my desk to evoke a similar effect on people who enter my office angry. People notice the anger on their own face and cool down a notch so we can have a constructive conversation instead of trying to pick a shouting match with me. It’s proven very effective.  |
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Face-to-face changes everything. You can do and say and feel whatever you want in the safe anonymity of online interactions, but that changes drastically when you meet a person. The whole visual portrait of the other person (how they look, their expressions, sound of their voice, etc.) can change everything about how you perceive them.
I know, because I've had this happen many times. I'm sure others have, too. You develop a sense of a person from the online meeting and when you actually see that person your whole perception can be altered. Sometimes it alters for the good, sometimes it doesn't. We are visual creatures and no matter what we say in the end it all boils down to what you see and it can change how you interact with the other person once you're face-to-face with them. |
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Not knowing you there would be no way of knowing if this were true or not, which is what I think he meant. I'm only on here because I do my work from a computer and coming here gives me a break, but I can understand if people don't want to use the forum. There comes a time when you want to walk away from the drama and the people who create it and this happens regularly on forums. The only reason I questioned his meaning is that Tawt actually knows me quite well. I'm curious if he notices me being more outspoken in the forums than what he knows me to be privately. Or if he thinks I would be more reserved in person than I am in correspondence. I aks because maybe we wouldn't necessarily notice this about ourselves.  Well, actually when I read your post above saying that I thought that you might have been talking about me. |
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Not knowing you there would be no way of knowing if this were true or not, which is what I think he meant. I'm only on here because I do my work from a computer and coming here gives me a break, but I can understand if people don't want to use the forum. There comes a time when you want to walk away from the drama and the people who create it and this happens regularly on forums. The only reason I questioned his meaning is that Tawt actually knows me quite well. I'm curious if he notices me being more outspoken in the forums than what he knows me to be privately. Or if he thinks I would be more reserved in person than I am in correspondence. I aks because maybe we wouldn't necessarily notice this about ourselves. Well, actually when I read your post above saying that I thought that you might have been talking about me. You're no different in the forums than in private correspondence.
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Not knowing you there would be no way of knowing if this were true or not, which is what I think he meant. I'm only on here because I do my work from a computer and coming here gives me a break, but I can understand if people don't want to use the forum. There comes a time when you want to walk away from the drama and the people who create it and this happens regularly on forums. The only reason I questioned his meaning is that Tawt actually knows me quite well. I'm curious if he notices me being more outspoken in the forums than what he knows me to be privately. Or if he thinks I would be more reserved in person than I am in correspondence. I aks because maybe we wouldn't necessarily notice this about ourselves. Well, actually when I read your post above saying that I thought that you might have been talking about me. You're no different in the forums than in private correspondence.
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I decided I am against being for.  you can't stop there hippie.. c'mon now.. splain plzzz...  It is perfectly logical in a fuzzy hippie brain. and now I don't see the fuzzy logical in hippie's brain either, so, plz splain again, mistro... 
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There are long-term regulars on the forums that we get to know through our daily conversations. Sometimes controversial subjects come up, and tensions mount while diverse ideas are bantered about. It’s during these intense discussions that we can learn even more about each other as we let our critical thinking sides show. If you are attracted to another member and have been interacting to get to know them better before reaching out to make a personal connection, can what you learn about their views, and how they handle themselves on the boards, turn you off from getting any closer? Or do you remain determined to make your move because even if their particular views may be outside the box, they turn you on no matter what? I do feel I get to know people better when I see them interacting with the diverse array of people on the wide range of subject matter the threads offer. I tend to care more about the way someone handles themselves and treats others than what their actual views are. I believe two people in a couple can have vastly different views if they have a certain level of respect for the other’s feelings and beliefs. Not always, but I have seen it work. Yes, I could easily lose interest in someone, I otherwise liked, if I see them being disrespectful or derogatory toward others in the forums. If they are better behaved when messaging one on one with me, then what I’m probably seeing are only issues we agree on or his best foot is forward. Sooo much more is said in these forums than relate to any given thread topic. I totally agree, the way in which words are presented matters more than their eloquence to me too... 
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I decided I am against being for. you can't stop there hippie.. c'mon now.. splain plzzz... It is perfectly logical in a fuzzy hippie brain. and now I don't see the fuzzy logical in hippie's brain either, so, plz splain again, mistro... All I can do is an example. For strife in marriage, I'm against strife. |
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Unfortunately, most of what I read in the forums is a massive turn-off; I am sure my views piss people off as well. A couple of times, I have found an even-headed person, even after I have tried to goad them, and I have gone out with all two of them and they are great friends. That's good to know... thank you for sharing.. I would like to clarify a bit- opposing ideas that are intelligently argued are actually a turn-on; however, the "medium is the message", in that there is a difference between having baggage and "uh oh, here comes the crazy". You most often see this when a comment is taken personally, as if one knew a certain detail of another person's life that one could not possibly know. Or if one person suddenly knows all about the other from a discussion on one topic. And if a hot button topic is posted, woo boy, the fireworks start. |
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Edited by
sweetestgirl11
on
Fri 03/22/13 07:19 PM
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I still say that it's a bit much to expect everybody on a dating site to want to go on the forums and it's silly to suppose that just because they can't be bothered with this they are only looking for casual sex. This thread is about how arguments and disagreements can break out in a situation like this and some people just don't want to get involved with that. The internet is the devil. People will say things to you when they are hiding behind a computer that they would never say to your face and although you could say that people feel more relaxed doing this, you are going to be mixing with a lot of people that you would have very little in common with and probably not want to hang about with in the real world. It can be a teritorial thing. Fights break out and you get the sort of rubbish that Facebook is notorious for with people trolling each other instead of just minding their own business and getting on with their own lives. since I raised this point i will assume you are criticizing me and those who agree with my point. I think if you go back and read you will see that I said a "trend" meaning that this has tended to be true but it is not absolute. I do not think my comments are at all silly. I think it is presumptuous to criticize me without knowing what my expereince has been. I've been on the net for a long, long time. And in my considerable experience the men who message are often interested in casual sex both from the boards and from the searches (not the boards). But the men from the boards are a different cut of cloth, in my expereince, almost completely so. Not that they don't like sex or even casual sex but they are more interested in conversation and kibbutzing, so to speak. I hope that clarifies things a little |
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Unfortunately, most of what I read in the forums is a massive turn-off; I am sure my views piss people off as well. A couple of times, I have found an even-headed person, even after I have tried to goad them, and I have gone out with all two of them and they are great friends. That's good to know... thank you for sharing.. I would like to clarify a bit- opposing ideas that are intelligently argued are actually a turn-on; however, the "medium is the message", in that there is a difference between having baggage and "uh oh, here comes the crazy". You most often see this when a comment is taken personally, as if one knew a certain detail of another person's life that one could not possibly know. Or if one person suddenly knows all about the other from a discussion on one topic. And if a hot button topic is posted, woo boy, the fireworks start. well this is where the atmosphere of mutual respect comes in. Above where Tawt is saying he thinks my idea is "silly"...I think it is possible to question what I said without that type of a statement. I did find that a little disrespectful but I don't take it personally as I doubt he meant it personally. But sometimes we all go there and say something that sounds other than what we mean. Perception is everything. the nice thing about the threads is that there is the chance to clarify and move on |
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Unfortunately, most of what I read in the forums is a massive turn-off; I am sure my views piss people off as well. A couple of times, I have found an even-headed person, even after I have tried to goad them, and I have gone out with all two of them and they are great friends. That's good to know... thank you for sharing.. I would like to clarify a bit- opposing ideas that are intelligently argued are actually a turn-on; however, the "medium is the message", in that there is a difference between having baggage and "uh oh, here comes the crazy". You most often see this when a comment is taken personally, as if one knew a certain detail of another person's life that one could not possibly know. Or if one person suddenly knows all about the other from a discussion on one topic. And if a hot button topic is posted, woo boy, the fireworks start. well this is where the atmosphere of mutual respect comes in. Above where Tawt is saying he thinks my idea is "silly"...I think it is possible to question what I said without that type of a statement. I did find that a little disrespectful but I don't take it personally as I doubt he meant it personally. But sometimes we all go there and say something that sounds other than what we mean. Perception is everything. the nice thing about the threads is that there is the chance to clarify and move on Okay, sorry for putting it that way. Obviously you would know more about what men on dating sites are like than I would. Wouldn't it just be the case though that if someone already knows you from somewhere it is like you are already friends and it's like the difference between adding someone on Facebook that you already know or a complete stranger that you know nothing about and don't really know what to say to? A discussion like this came up on another site that I go on that has chat channels as well as forums and the funny thing is that most of the people that go on chat don't really go on the forums and there are people that post regularly on the forums that never go on chat and don't like it because they say that they are introverts and they say that chat just isn't for them. Also, the people that go on chat that don't like the forums complain that they don't like them for the reasons discussed above. Also, some of them just can't be bothered with the forums because they think that the threads are jjust too spammy. Anyway, I think that this is just the same old complaint that there are a large number of men spamming women with vulgar or uninteresting messages on these sites and it seems likely to me that considering how many people are on this site and how few actually go on the forums there are probably more that don't go on the forums that aren't just looking for sex and it is just that there are also more that don't go on the forums that are just after that too. |
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I decided I am against being for. you can't stop there hippie.. c'mon now.. splain plzzz... It is perfectly logical in a fuzzy hippie brain. and now I don't see the fuzzy logical in hippie's brain either, so, plz splain again, mistro... All I can do is an example. For strife in marriage, I'm against strife. finally, the light goes on, and Athena is happy.. no strife for me either... thanx for splaining, hippie... |
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Unfortunately, most of what I read in the forums is a massive turn-off; I am sure my views piss people off as well. A couple of times, I have found an even-headed person, even after I have tried to goad them, and I have gone out with all two of them and they are great friends. That's good to know... thank you for sharing.. I would like to clarify a bit- opposing ideas that are intelligently argued are actually a turn-on; however, the "medium is the message", in that there is a difference between having baggage and "uh oh, here comes the crazy". You most often see this when a comment is taken personally, as if one knew a certain detail of another person's life that one could not possibly know. Or if one person suddenly knows all about the other from a discussion on one topic. And if a hot button topic is posted, woo boy, the fireworks start. yes, fireworks.. I really like all the different flashing colors...
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its so boring here......someone cares for a chat??
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Unfortunately, most of what I read in the forums is a massive turn-off; I am sure my views piss people off as well. A couple of times, I have found an even-headed person, even after I have tried to goad them, and I have gone out with all two of them and they are great friends. That's good to know... thank you for sharing.. I would like to clarify a bit- opposing ideas that are intelligently argued are actually a turn-on; however, the "medium is the message", in that there is a difference between having baggage and "uh oh, here comes the crazy". You most often see this when a comment is taken personally, as if one knew a certain detail of another person's life that one could not possibly know. Or if one person suddenly knows all about the other from a discussion on one topic. And if a hot button topic is posted, woo boy, the fireworks start. So true! I cant count the number of times an OP requests 'what do you think when:....etc.' And when I share my thinking of the proposed idea, which comes along with my personal life experiences of course, which we all have, Ive gotten people angry with me for judging THEM, as if I know anything about their life at all. I can only describe my thoughts on something to contribute to the many perspectives shared as requested by the OP. Baffling. 
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Edited by
Toodygirl5
on
Sat 03/23/13 03:41 PM
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I can understand if people don't want to use the forum. There comes a time when you want to walk away from the drama and the people who create it and this happens regularly on forums. True
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If you are attracted to another member and have been interacting to get to know them better before reaching out to make a personal connection, can what you learn about their views, and how they handle themselves on the boards, turn you off from getting any closer? I wonder how men and women in these forums find themselves in a close enough area to begin a relationship. I've never seen anyone on here near the thriving metropolis of Elkhart, Indiana. Having said that, some lady may pop up and prove me wrong  . Such is life.
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If you are attracted to another member and have been interacting to get to know them better before reaching out to make a personal connection, can what you learn about their views, and how they handle themselves on the boards, turn you off from getting any closer? I wonder how men and women in these forums find themselves in a close enough area to begin a relationship. I've never seen anyone on here near the thriving metropolis of Elkhart, Indiana. Having said that, some lady may pop up and prove me wrong . Such is life. That's a good question... and I wonder if the people who live close by use the forums to find people they can hookup with once or twice before moving on to the next hookup? |
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Edited by
dmckinnon
on
Sun 03/24/13 01:37 AM
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Like with the last dating site I was with I contacted a bunch of women I found in my own area on here and haven't heard back from any of them. It makes me wonder what they're up to. Maybe they want to find someone outside of this town or they want to have an excuse to get out of this town themselves.
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