There are long-term regulars on the forums that we get to know through our daily conversations. Sometimes controversial subjects come up, and tensions mount while diverse ideas are bantered about. It’s during these intense discussions that we can learn even more about each other as we let our critical thinking sides show.

If you are attracted to another member and have been interacting to get to know them better before reaching out to make a personal connection, can what you learn about their views, and how they handle themselves on the boards, turn you off from getting any closer? Or do you remain determined to make your move because even if their particular views may be outside the box, they turn you on no matter what?

Now for my reasoning in posting this.

When I first joined many moons ago I use to see people who I thought were maybe drifting off topic or joking when I didn't think they should (according to my world) or making points about things that I thought were offencive. I made my rules in my mind of how this thing worked and how I would get to know others. I thought I knew how to get to know people, but as time went on I started to see the madness in looking at this through my eyes. When I did see mingle through my eyes I would get arrrggg-ed (still do till I catch myself) at some of the not so much topics, but the way people came in and out of them. It took me a long time till I started seeing mingle as a big living room and while someone is having a say so with someone else others come and go throughout the room on their way to doing something different from what I am, but did want to take the time to drop by. In my living room when this happens some times the topic actually does change for a moment or may head in another direction till all of a sudden someone says "what is it we were talking about" and it gets right back on track. Also in my own living room it's nice if someone is getting a little intense to have someone crack a joke. Doesn't have to be a funny one (in my case rarely are), but just enough to shift gears up a little.

Off topic to me means a deliberate derailing and not so much someone stopping in to say hi or even add a twist. For example, look at what I just posted and see how it is really a part of the topic itself. Reactions on here and how people make them happen and react to them is very much on topic. By seeing different sides to the same person allows us to see deeper into who they really are and if we really are compatible with them. Doesn't have to be an answer on how we look at something, in fact I sometimes learn more about them by their mannerisms. For example again, I like a serious person but even more when that person can crack out with this sideways joke to lighten the mood. To me that says tons.

We are on the internet, but even on here it is easy to see someones personality when you are here a while and if that person writes from different angles or is more of a straight line. And I would say that we all change on mingle after a few months or years as to the way we let our hair down. These are the things I am attracted to at least as I interact, or should I say mingle. I find myself looking at when they joined and gauge that along with their comments.

just some thoughts while on the topic

I could just hug you {{{{mg}}}} this is so cool the way you illustrate it... I never thought of Mingle like this... and it actually helps me to see the bigger picture...

let me ask you this though... what if I threw a dinner party and one particular guest showed up knowing they weren't welcome at the table because we aren't on friendly terms... and then after crashing the party they stand in the middle of the room drawing attention to themselves while they berate me as their hostess... at this point I would ask them to please leave because they are not only disrespecting me, their behavior is offending my other guests who actually like me... but instead… they turn to me and say, "hell no I won't go… so take that!"… what should I do then?

Now for my reasoning in posting this.

When I first joined many moons ago I use to see people who I thought were maybe drifting off topic or joking when I didn't think they should (according to my world) or making points about things that I thought were offencive. I made my rules in my mind of how this thing worked and how I would get to know others. I thought I knew how to get to know people, but as time went on I started to see the madness in looking at this through my eyes. When I did see mingle through my eyes I would get arrrggg-ed (still do till I catch myself) at some of the not so much topics, but the way people came in and out of them. It took me a long time till I started seeing mingle as a big living room and while someone is having a say so with someone else others come and go throughout the room on their way to doing something different from what I am, but did want to take the time to drop by. In my living room when this happens some times the topic actually does change for a moment or may head in another direction till all of a sudden someone says "what is it we were talking about" and it gets right back on track. Also in my own living room it's nice if someone is getting a little intense to have someone crack a joke. Doesn't have to be a funny one (in my case rarely are), but just enough to shift gears up a little.

Off topic to me means a deliberate derailing and not so much someone stopping in to say hi or even add a twist. For example, look at what I just posted and see how it is really a part of the topic itself. Reactions on here and how people make them happen and react to them is very much on topic. By seeing different sides to the same person allows us to see deeper into who they really are and if we really are compatible with them. Doesn't have to be an answer on how we look at something, in fact I sometimes learn more about them by their mannerisms. For example again, I like a serious person but even more when that person can crack out with this sideways joke to lighten the mood. To me that says tons.

We are on the internet, but even on here it is easy to see someones personality when you are here a while and if that person writes from different angles or is more of a straight line. And I would say that we all change on mingle after a few months or years as to the way we let our hair down. These are the things I am attracted to at least as I interact, or should I say mingle. I find myself looking at when they joined and gauge that along with their comments.

just some thoughts while on the topic

The interesting thing about this is everyone has their own line of tolerance. It would be very hard for me to draw that line for someone else. Doing what I do, I run in to a lot of show boaters. Sometimes it's wisest to have them leave and sometimes it's more beneficial to let them show their own butt. If I'm confident in my postion sometimes it does more to let them run out of gas. On the other hand I do believe there are cases where you should keep harmony breakers away from your own personal harmony orbits.

I do think that it is all about learning and growing though and if they are doing this because they need help that's what I would get them if I could.

Yes, you're right, it is all about learning and growing... and being confident in our position, that really helps a lot...