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| Topic: Why don’t we want to be open about ourselves? | |
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Tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth??? Well, I would like to paint myself in somewhat of a good light. I mean, I've done some pretty stupid stuff in my day, and I see no good reason to advertise that. I don't think that revealing all our foibles is what is important to establishing and growing a relationship either... but if asked a direct question, like, "do we use ketchup for our fries" and we say yes just because our date does, only to admit at a later time after being served fries with ketchup again that we can't stand this combination, why would we choose to be misleading at all, only for the truth to have to eventually be known or we'd be stuck eating something we hated for as long as the relationship lasts. And plz know this is just an example I'm using to illustrate the absurdity of not being ourselves from the start... If a person can't be truthfull about minor things; as per the example; there is a HIDDEN AGENDA, that is their actual goal. well like a scammer maybe. That is a good example of the need to be careful on here. Also once an individual has been hurt in a relationship whether friendship or romance, I think it takes a bit longer to make a new connection subsequently....a little longer each time I can't imagine being untruthful about ketchup, but sounds easily forgivable... I think I understand... we learn more rapidly from our newer mistakes and use a heavier dose of caution when mingling, because of the familiarity in such tight quarters... 
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I am not trying to hide anything, but I am a private person and I also don't trust others right away. I do have things I'd prefer to keep to myself or private. I think anyone should have that choice. I am careful, especially on here (the internet)  but it doesn't mean that I do not enjoy the friends I have made here. I do, very much.
I'm beginning to understand the value of being more discreet with what I choose to disclose too.. because I'm seeing more and more everyday, especially on another site I'm also a member of, just how cruel and down right vulgar people will be when they don't like you... and they don't have a problem with airing their opinions on the boards in public... it's more like a game to them to try to tear down others... and the more aggressive and ignorant they can be the bigger the crowd they gather around themselves to join in their sick form of self entertainment at others expense.. and they call it a dating site... but who in their right mind would want to hook up with people that have already shown themselves to be heartless? Yes, I think I need a drink now too... 
some good and valid points - I agree internet bullting has become a crime but I am not sure of the particulars ATM. I have no sympathy for those who behave as such when it is intentional and persistent, particularly. For example, I am worried about singmesweet right now because she was being stalked and now she's gone. People like that need to remember that these posts are mostly a permanent record. I look at the forums like a conversation with a group...pretty much anything I'd say here can be repeated anywhere & I would not feel betrayed. PM is akin to a 1 - 1 convo where more private information can be shared, but it should not (IMO) be repeated elsewhere lest one become a gossip.
What amazes me is the blatant bullying that people get away with... and why would they want people to know they are of such a bad character... with their ugly ways being permanently displayed in cyberspace...which tells me that they are using fake profiles and feel safe to harm others from behind the masks they use to create havoc online... that really angers me about singmesweet, because I read her plea for help on that subject, but I'm going through the same ill treatment and couldn't offer her my own assistance, as I can't stop the bullies from attacking me either... but, I refuse to let them run me off.. and I hope that sms is just taking a time out for now, if she has really left the forums... |
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Myself I'm a pretty open person to those I'm involved with... If they can not handle the reality of things then they don't need to be around me... I have no big secerets in my past nor do I have so much baggage that it weighs me down...
But now as far as being totally open online I'm only that way with ones I have come to know.... Many things regardless how one may say they are one never knows till they are able to spend time with that person and really get to know them... 
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If, upon meeting or emailing you for the first couple times, I tell you my life story, you may run away screaming.
Poco a poco is best, IMO. |
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I am not trying to hide anything, but I am a private person and I also don't trust others right away. I do have things I'd prefer to keep to myself or private. I think anyone should have that choice. I am careful, especially on here (the internet) but it doesn't mean that I do not enjoy the friends I have made here. I do, very much.
I'm beginning to understand the value of being more discreet with what I choose to disclose too.. because I'm seeing more and more everyday, especially on another site I'm also a member of, just how cruel and down right vulgar people will be when they don't like you... and they don't have a problem with airing their opinions on the boards in public... it's more like a game to them to try to tear down others... and the more aggressive and ignorant they can be the bigger the crowd they gather around themselves to join in their sick form of self entertainment at others expense.. and they call it a dating site... but who in their right mind would want to hook up with people that have already shown themselves to be heartless? Yes, I think I need a drink now too...
SMALL people need to put others down, to make themselves feel big. ALWAYS consider the source of such comments & see thru them. yes, I understand the dichotomy at play here... but it doesn't lessen the sting of knowing the extent of the hatred that others have that makes them feel free to attack without mercy... |
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There nothing wrong with being cautious. Revealing your inner self to the wrong person is a very frustrating and humbling experience. Because maybe they could use what we disclose to hurt us in some way? Perhaps. You also wonder how much they are truly being open with you. Once a relationship matures beyond a reasonable point beyond a mere casual one I can see more openness. But I can't see revealing your innermost troubles, challenges, foibles, to someone that you are only in a casual relationship with. You have to know who to trust with your issues before you share them. You also hit on another point. There are sometimes we have not come into truthful admission with ourselves with things that potentially affect positive relationships, both with ourselves and with others. thank you for sharing your thoughts, toxicpoizon... and I can't help but wonder that if we aren't honest about ourselves even in the casual phase of a relationship, what kind of substance will it really possess as it grows... or, could it be that our refusal to be honest about who/what we are truly about up front, is what causes relationships to fail so quickly, because after spending time together and we let our guards down to reveal our true natures to others, they then decide that what they see isn't what they bargained for when they got into the relationship.. much like a bait and switch type thing? I learned time and place. There is a time and place for all things. If we are just going to the movies or dinner you don't need to know my favorite sex position for example. In fact that makes me very uncomfortable. But if we been chatting for awhile and we are both feeling each other, the door may eventually open to that conversation and I have no issues sharing then. I think relationships fail so quickly because we want so many different things out of a relationship. In that I believe you must be open about up front and right away and if it chases him or her off, oh well. that's what I think too... honesty is the best policy when it comes to issues that can quickly freeze a lover's heat... |
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I am not trying to hide anything, but I am a private person and I also don't trust others right away. I do have things I'd prefer to keep to myself or private. I think anyone should have that choice. I am careful, especially on here (the internet) but it doesn't mean that I do not enjoy the friends I have made here. I do, very much.
I'm beginning to understand the value of being more discreet with what I choose to disclose too.. because I'm seeing more and more everyday, especially on another site I'm also a member of, just how cruel and down right vulgar people will be when they don't like you... and they don't have a problem with airing their opinions on the boards in public... it's more like a game to them to try to tear down others... and the more aggressive and ignorant they can be the bigger the crowd they gather around themselves to join in their sick form of self entertainment at others expense.. and they call it a dating site... but who in their right mind would want to hook up with people that have already shown themselves to be heartless? Yes, I think I need a drink now too...
What amazes me more about sites that people are like that it just lets me know the ones I don't want to have anything to do with outside of the internet.. Matter of fact a few years ago I went to one of those type sites did not stay but a month or so... I have no need for those that tend to try to take others down... It just shows they have more issues then I would want to deal with... I was raised you treat others as you would like to be treated... kindness goes a long way.... 
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Myself I'm a pretty open person to those I'm involved with... If they can not handle the reality of things then they don't need to be around me... I have no big secerets in my past nor do I have so much baggage that it weighs me down... But now as far as being totally open online I'm only that way with ones I have come to know.... Many things regardless how one may say they are one never knows till they are able to spend time with that person and really get to know them...
I agree
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If, upon meeting or emailing you for the first couple times, I tell you my life story, you may run away screaming. Poco a poco is best, IMO. yes I agree willing2, some more frightening life journeys are best digested over time, as biting off more than we can chew too soon, can cause immediate regurgitation... 
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We seem to have forgotten some of the BEST "OLD SAYINGS". Why do the younger generations seem to want to avoid the advice of their elders?
Think it was P. T. Barnum said: There is a SUCKER born every minute & TWO to TAKE THEM." With the population explosion, means ALOT of "TAKERS" out there. THINK ABOUT IT! |
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I am not trying to hide anything, but I am a private person and I also don't trust others right away. I do have things I'd prefer to keep to myself or private. I think anyone should have that choice. I am careful, especially on here (the internet) but it doesn't mean that I do not enjoy the friends I have made here. I do, very much.
I'm beginning to understand the value of being more discreet with what I choose to disclose too.. because I'm seeing more and more everyday, especially on another site I'm also a member of, just how cruel and down right vulgar people will be when they don't like you... and they don't have a problem with airing their opinions on the boards in public... it's more like a game to them to try to tear down others... and the more aggressive and ignorant they can be the bigger the crowd they gather around themselves to join in their sick form of self entertainment at others expense.. and they call it a dating site... but who in their right mind would want to hook up with people that have already shown themselves to be heartless? Yes, I think I need a drink now too...
What amazes me more about sites that people are like that it just lets me know the ones I don't want to have anything to do with outside of the internet.. Matter of fact a few years ago I went to one of those type sites did not stay but a month or so... I have no need for those that tend to try to take others down... It just shows they have more issues then I would want to deal with... I was raised you treat others as you would like to be treated... kindness goes a long way....
yes, I agree... as we say in these here parts... we can attract more bees with honey then with vinegar... but I've also found that the same people that feign to like us one day are the very ones turning the crowds against us the next... and that's why I disclose most about me on the boards so everyone sees the same me, and if they want to use anything I've said against me, well, they won't be revealing anything I haven't already revealed myself... as I have no secrets that would adversely affect me given that I am an open book... sure, this free spirited attitude does put me at greater risk to be attacked by people that don't like the real me... but I'd rather people make up their minds quickly if they want to associate themselves with me or not... as childish games are tedious and really do bore me...
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We seem to have forgotten some of the BEST "OLD SAYINGS". Why do the younger generations seem to want to avoid the advice of their elders? Think it was P. T. Barnum said: There is a SUCKER born every minute & TWO to TAKE THEM." With the population explosion, means ALOT of "TAKERS" out there. THINK ABOUT IT! "Takers" are nothing but fakers and heart breakers... |
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Could not agree with you more.. I'm one that if I say it I'm not afraid to say it to your face...
 Life is so much easier that way.. And I try very hard not to judge others I'm not perfect nor will I ever be...
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Could not agree with you more.. I'm one that if I say it I'm not afraid to say it to your face... Life is so much easier that way.. And I try very hard not to judge others I'm not perfect nor will I ever be...
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I am direct, I do not beat around the bush with any Man. I am interested in meeting inperson so I am very upfront in communicating. I have even scared men off from ever meeting in person and that is Ok.
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Edited by
MetalShadow6
on
Tue 02/26/13 11:33 AM
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In order to honestly get to know someone, or for them to get to know us, we have to be open about ourselves… so why, when we respond to others interest in us, do we sometimes refuse to be direct, preferring instead to beat around the bush… are we trying to hide from others what we don’t like to admit about ourselves? Some peoples personilty can be extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. |
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Edited by
josie68
on
Tue 02/26/13 11:28 AM
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I think it's just who people are, some people like me, reveal almost everything, others are cautious and more reserved, slower to let people in and trust.
I guess things that happen to people through their lives can make it hard to be open and trust enough to just say who they are. Neither is actually wrong just different, it's easier to get to know peole who are very open, but it's interesting to get to know someone slowly who needs time to let you in. But thats part of getting to know someone, when you meet people offline it is the same. |
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I am direct, I do not beat around the bush with any Man. I am interested in meeting inperson so I am very upfront in communicating. I have even scared men off from ever meeting in person and that is Ok.
I think I've already managed to do that with everything I post because there's no mystery about me left to uncover... so hey, what you see is what you get, and if we're too much woman for you, it's your loss... not ours... right, toody?
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In order to honestly get to know someone, or for them to get to know us, we have to be open about ourselves… so why, when we respond to others interest in us, do we sometimes refuse to be direct, preferring instead to beat around the bush… are we trying to hide from others what we don’t like to admit about ourselves? Some peoples personilty can be extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. so fear is what keeps us hiding from each other... |
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I think it's just who people are, some people like me, reveal almost everything, others are cautious and more reserved, slower to let people in and trust. I guess things that happen to people through their lives can make it hard to be open and trust enough to just say who they are. Neither is actually wrong just different, it's easier to get to know peole who are very open, but it's interesting to get to know someone slowly who needs time to let you in. But thats part of getting to know someone, when you meet people offline it is the same. having self confidence then is the key to being more open? if we don't care how others judge us because we're happy with ourselves, and don't have anything to prove or gain by being open, then we don't sweat their opinions... cool... thanks for giving my brain a new wave... josie...
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