Community > General Discussion

Topic: Why don’t we want to be open about ourselves?
krupa Joined Thu 07/03/08 Posts: 18651	Tue 02/26/13 12:10 PM
Let's face it...a lot of these kids are mingling from a room in their parents house wearing sweat pants and Top Ramen stained t-shirts...3 days from their last shower. Why would they be honest? Right now...they are Feng Shui masters of politics,religion,love and anything else you don't agree with them about...they are invisible internet God's/goddesses...who ain't figured out how to operate a bar of soap or how to post their actual photo .....though they got schittloads of excuses why they don't. Realistically speaking....their best shot of scoring some poor unsuspecting sucker into loving them...is through deception. (If you are offended by this statement....then yes....I am probably talking about you.......now go post about why you don't show your actual pics in the other thread)

MetalShadow6 Joined Thu 02/14/13 Posts: 924	Tue 02/26/13 12:36 PM
In order to honestly get to know someone, or for them to get to know us, we have to be open about ourselves… so why, when we respond to others interest in us, do we sometimes refuse to be direct, preferring instead to beat around the bush… are we trying to hide from others what we don’t like to admit about ourselves? Sometimes it is fear of being hurt or rejection from others. Hearts have been broken in the past, things we may have done that we may not be proud of. We often will open up once we feel the person cares and is willing to accept and understand you. Some peoples personilty can be extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. so fear is what keeps us hiding from each other... It does for some. Fear is a powerful thing. Take a co-worker of mine; she has a fear of spiders. So strong that when she was driving and one came across the dashboard, she was trying to get into the back sit and out the passenger door. Fear is irrational emotion yet can be even more powerful then love.

josie68 Joined Mon 11/22/10 Posts: 6270	Tue 02/26/13 12:48 PM
I think it's just who people are, some people like me, reveal almost everything, others are cautious and more reserved, slower to let people in and trust. I guess things that happen to people through their lives can make it hard to be open and trust enough to just say who they are. Neither is actually wrong just different, it's easier to get to know peole who are very open, but it's interesting to get to know someone slowly who needs time to let you in. But thats part of getting to know someone, when you meet people offline it is the same. having self confidence then is the key to being more open? if we don't care how others judge us because we're happy with ourselves, and don't have anything to prove or gain by being open, then we don't sweat their opinions... cool... thanks for giving my brain a new wave... josie... I don't know if it's self confidence, but it is definately not caring about others opinions of you. I am who I am, if people don't like it then I cannot change that. I would never do anything to hurt or make people uncomfortable but there is no point not showing who I am, after all if they liked me, thats who they would be stuck with.

josie68 Joined Mon 11/22/10 Posts: 6270	Tue 02/26/13 12:50 PM
Let's face it...a lot of these kids are mingling from a room in their parents house wearing sweat pants and Top Ramen stained t-shirts...3 days from their last shower. Why would they be honest? Right now...they are Feng Shui masters of politics,religion,love and anything else you don't agree with them about...they are invisible internet God's/goddesses...who ain't figured out how to operate a bar of soap or how to post their actual photo .....though they got schittloads of excuses why they don't. Realistically speaking....their best shot of scoring some poor unsuspecting sucker into loving them...is through deception. (If you are offended by this statement....then yes....I am probably talking about you.......now go post about why you don't show your actual pics in the other thread)

navygirl Joined Sat 06/02/07 Posts: 8118	Tue 02/26/13 12:51 PM
I am not trying to hide anything, but I am a private person and I also don't trust others right away. I do have things I'd prefer to keep to myself or private. I think anyone should have that choice. I am careful, especially on here (the internet) but it doesn't mean that I do not enjoy the friends I have made here. I do, very much. I am like you that I am a private person and no matter who I am with; they will never know every little thing about me as there are things I will take to my grave as 1) it's none of their business unless it somehow affects the relationship, and 2) I have been sworn to protect some secrets whether it's mine, a friend, a family member, or the military.

Rawrr_Girl Joined Sun 10/04/09 Posts: 4431	Tue 02/26/13 12:57 PM
There was a guy I was with, until I found he was lying. I found out from his friends. We were out with his friends, and one of them asked him why he wasn't offering or smoking any cigarettes, as he usually did. This was news to me. I started asking why he bothered lying about it on his profile. He mentioned that I seemed a tad unnattainable (thought that was only celebrities). He said he felt he had to lie about a few things, to win me over. I warned him that maybe he should date someone who matches his own preferences, rather than change himself to suit my ones. There was other stuff he lied about, too. I think I was well rid of him. Whoever isn't being themselves are just creating dating site suicide for themselves. You can always find out if their lying, if you ask their friends and family about them. .

MetalShadow6 Joined Thu 02/14/13 Posts: 924	Tue 02/26/13 01:03 PM
I think it's just who people are, some people like me, reveal almost everything, others are cautious and more reserved, slower to let people in and trust. I guess things that happen to people through their lives can make it hard to be open and trust enough to just say who they are. Neither is actually wrong just different, it's easier to get to know peole who are very open, but it's interesting to get to know someone slowly who needs time to let you in. But thats part of getting to know someone, when you meet people offline it is the same. having self confidence then is the key to being more open? if we don't care how others judge us because we're happy with ourselves, and don't have anything to prove or gain by being open, then we don't sweat their opinions... cool... thanks for giving my brain a new wave... josie... I don't know if it's self confidence, but it is definately not caring about others opinions of you. I am who I am, if people don't like it then I cannot change that. I would never do anything to hurt or make people uncomfortable but there is no point not showing who I am, after all if they liked me, thats who they would be stuck with. It is easier from some not caring and harder for others, and it varies. There are some things it is easier to be open about and other things we find to be difficult.People are as different as the flavors of ice cream.

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Tue 02/26/13 01:09 PM
Let's face it...a lot of these kids are mingling from a room in their parents house wearing sweat pants and Top Ramen stained t-shirts...3 days from their last shower. Why would they be honest? Right now...they are Feng Shui masters of politics,religion,love and anything else you don't agree with them about...they are invisible internet God's/goddesses...who ain't figured out how to operate a bar of soap or how to post their actual photo .....though they got schittloads of excuses why they don't. Realistically speaking....their best shot of scoring some poor unsuspecting sucker into loving them...is through deception. (If you are offended by this statement....then yes....I am probably talking about you.......now go post about why you don't show your actual pics in the other thread) excellent points...

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Tue 02/26/13 01:10 PM
In order to honestly get to know someone, or for them to get to know us, we have to be open about ourselves… so why, when we respond to others interest in us, do we sometimes refuse to be direct, preferring instead to beat around the bush… are we trying to hide from others what we don’t like to admit about ourselves? Sometimes it is fear of being hurt or rejection from others. Hearts have been broken in the past, things we may have done that we may not be proud of. We often will open up once we feel the person cares and is willing to accept and understand you. Some peoples personilty can be extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. so fear is what keeps us hiding from each other... It does for some. Fear is a powerful thing. Take a co-worker of mine; she has a fear of spiders. So strong that when she was driving and one came across the dashboard, she was trying to get into the back sit and out the passenger door. Fear is irrational emotion yet can be even more powerful then love. I never gave fear so much notice over love until this moment... thank you for giving my eyes new vision...

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Tue 02/26/13 01:12 PM
I think it's just who people are, some people like me, reveal almost everything, others are cautious and more reserved, slower to let people in and trust. I guess things that happen to people through their lives can make it hard to be open and trust enough to just say who they are. Neither is actually wrong just different, it's easier to get to know peole who are very open, but it's interesting to get to know someone slowly who needs time to let you in. But thats part of getting to know someone, when you meet people offline it is the same. having self confidence then is the key to being more open? if we don't care how others judge us because we're happy with ourselves, and don't have anything to prove or gain by being open, then we don't sweat their opinions... cool... thanks for giving my brain a new wave... josie... I don't know if it's self confidence, but it is definately not caring about others opinions of you. I am who I am, if people don't like it then I cannot change that. I would never do anything to hurt or make people uncomfortable but there is no point not showing who I am, after all if they liked me, thats who they would be stuck with. you're right... and it's better to know to what extent ASAP, imho...

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Tue 02/26/13 01:14 PM
I am not trying to hide anything, but I am a private person and I also don't trust others right away. I do have things I'd prefer to keep to myself or private. I think anyone should have that choice. I am careful, especially on here (the internet) but it doesn't mean that I do not enjoy the friends I have made here. I do, very much. I am like you that I am a private person and no matter who I am with; they will never know every little thing about me as there are things I will take to my grave as 1) it's none of their business unless it somehow affects the relationship, and 2) I have been sworn to protect some secrets whether it's mine, a friend, a family member, or the military.

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Tue 02/26/13 01:18 PM
There was a guy I was with, until I found he was lying. I found out from his friends. We were out with his friends, and one of them asked him why he wasn't offering or smoking any cigarettes, as he usually did. This was news to me. I started asking why he bothered lying about it on his profile. He mentioned that I seemed a tad unnattainable (thought that was only celebrities). He said he felt he had to lie about a few things, to win me over. I warned him that maybe he should date someone who matches his own preferences, rather than change himself to suit my ones. There was other stuff he lied about, too. I think I was well rid of him. Whoever isn't being themselves are just creating dating site suicide for themselves. You can always find out if their lying, if you ask their friends and family about them. . very good example of the importance to be honorable up front, and even better advice about finding out if we aren't...

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Tue 02/26/13 01:25 PM
I think it's just who people are, some people like me, reveal almost everything, others are cautious and more reserved, slower to let people in and trust. I guess things that happen to people through their lives can make it hard to be open and trust enough to just say who they are. Neither is actually wrong just different, it's easier to get to know peole who are very open, but it's interesting to get to know someone slowly who needs time to let you in. But thats part of getting to know someone, when you meet people offline it is the same. having self confidence then is the key to being more open? if we don't care how others judge us because we're happy with ourselves, and don't have anything to prove or gain by being open, then we don't sweat their opinions... cool... thanks for giving my brain a new wave... josie... I don't know if it's self confidence, but it is definately not caring about others opinions of you. I am who I am, if people don't like it then I cannot change that. I would never do anything to hurt or make people uncomfortable but there is no point not showing who I am, after all if they liked me, thats who they would be stuck with. It is easier from some not caring and harder for others, and it varies. There are some things it is easier to be open about and other things we find to be difficult.People are as different as the flavors of ice cream. I agree...

MetalShadow6 Joined Thu 02/14/13 Posts: 924	Tue 02/26/13 02:15 PM
In order to honestly get to know someone, or for them to get to know us, we have to be open about ourselves… so why, when we respond to others interest in us, do we sometimes refuse to be direct, preferring instead to beat around the bush… are we trying to hide from others what we don’t like to admit about ourselves? Sometimes it is fear of being hurt or rejection from others. Hearts have been broken in the past, things we may have done that we may not be proud of. We often will open up once we feel the person cares and is willing to accept and understand you. Some peoples personilty can be extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. so fear is what keeps us hiding from each other... It does for some. Fear is a powerful thing. Take a co-worker of mine; she has a fear of spiders. So strong that when she was driving and one came across the dashboard, she was trying to get into the back sit and out the passenger door. Fear is irrational emotion yet can be even more powerful then love. I never gave fear so much notice over love until this moment... thank you for giving my eyes new vision... You’re welcome. After all, the forums are for people to learn about different views on a subject.

AthenaRose2 Joined Fri 11/09/12 Posts: 6972	Tue 02/26/13 02:20 PM
In order to honestly get to know someone, or for them to get to know us, we have to be open about ourselves… so why, when we respond to others interest in us, do we sometimes refuse to be direct, preferring instead to beat around the bush… are we trying to hide from others what we don’t like to admit about ourselves? Sometimes it is fear of being hurt or rejection from others. Hearts have been broken in the past, things we may have done that we may not be proud of. We often will open up once we feel the person cares and is willing to accept and understand you. Some peoples personilty can be extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them rather self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. so fear is what keeps us hiding from each other... It does for some. Fear is a powerful thing. Take a co-worker of mine; she has a fear of spiders. So strong that when she was driving and one came across the dashboard, she was trying to get into the back sit and out the passenger door. Fear is irrational emotion yet can be even more powerful then love. I never gave fear so much notice over love until this moment... thank you for giving my eyes new vision... You’re welcome. After all, the forums are for people to learn about different views on a subject.

FearandLoathing Joined Fri 12/28/07 Posts: 30121	Tue 02/26/13 04:55 PM
Because that is when they all run.

Dodo_David Joined Fri 08/13/10 Posts: 48950	Tue 02/26/13 05:20 PM
… are we trying to hide from others what we don’t like to admit about ourselves? You mean like a woman refusing to reveal her true weight?

MetalShadow6 Joined Thu 02/14/13 Posts: 924	Tue 02/26/13 06:09 PM
… are we trying to hide from others what we don’t like to admit about ourselves? You mean like a woman refusing to reveal her true weight? If you want to keep on living, avoid such topics.

oldhippie1952 Joined Mon 03/14/11 Posts: 22693	Tue 02/26/13 06:33 PM
I just let it all hang out. Either you like me or you don't. Boo. hoo.

sweetestgirl11 Joined Fri 09/12/08 Posts: 30087	Tue 02/26/13 06:46 PM
I am not trying to hide anything, but I am a private person and I also don't trust others right away. I do have things I'd prefer to keep to myself or private. I think anyone should have that choice. I am careful, especially on here (the internet) but it doesn't mean that I do not enjoy the friends I have made here. I do, very much. I'm beginning to understand the value of being more discreet with what I choose to disclose too.. because I'm seeing more and more everyday, especially on another site I'm also a member of, just how cruel and down right vulgar people will be when they don't like you... and they don't have a problem with airing their opinions on the boards in public... it's more like a game to them to try to tear down others... and the more aggressive and ignorant they can be the bigger the crowd they gather around themselves to join in their sick form of self entertainment at others expense.. and they call it a dating site... but who in their right mind would want to hook up with people that have already shown themselves to be heartless? Yes, I think I need a drink now too... SMALL people need to put others down, to make themselves feel big. ALWAYS consider the source of such comments & see thru them. I agree