Why do we always go for the order of men? Cant we get even..?

Are you implying you "go for the men in control?" Well, if a guy is in control how do you expect to have any democracy in said relationship? Independence is a harsh mistress. Freedom is a subjective ideal, and most relationships always seem to gravitate towards a central leader figure hence the "big strong man" ideal. That is the way of the sheep. The herd follows the Ram. But where the way of the wolf is different yes there is an Alpha Male but likewise there is an Alpha female and both split duties of leadership. Sometimes wolves will split into two groups to attack a prey animal from both sides and it usually falls on the male to keep the prey's attention while the female sneaks up from behind to attempt to disable the prey enough for the pack to make the kill. Where sheep put the defense of the flock up to one strong male the wolves have to depend on each other for support.

So wolf or sheep?

I walk the steps of the wolf myself.

I always get even. Cold day in hell that I ever would be submissive.

Women are always getting even or trying to.

Is because you use us men as shields. XD But being submissive does not mean being a slave. We all want some form of order and different couples handle it differently. Many see being a fallower easier then a leader. So you'll see relationship where either the man or woman in charge. It is alot more work when two people share in the leadership.

every body has a head,,,,

working units usually have an order of hierarchy, it doesnt have to be rigid, it can be implemented where each person can play to their own strengths,, but the buck has to stop SOMEWHERE with someone,,,thats the head

many women seek a man that can be the head, becuase its easier than continuing to do it all by themself,,,IF That man loves and respects them

we are even. don't you know this already?

I agree with the wolf analogy but I think what winlei was trying to get across is not how we go for men in control but the natural order of things that men have put in place such as the outdated statement that the man is the king of the castle or that the male head of the house is always the bread winner. In addition I think the statement of cant get even is not meant in a vindictive way but seen as equals. We want to be seen and treated with as much respect and consideration as men in the home and the workplace and get out of the dark ages where women went around barefoot and pregnant and lived to please the man. At least that's my impression of what she meant and that's how I choose to live. A man and women should have an equal partnership in any relationship where they act as one but have a 50/50 say in what happens

We are not yet even....maybe some but even then you will still be following what youre man tells you.... Many are still submissive...

50/50 is a myth

people, by nature, have different strengths and weaknesses and dont reach agreement until one concedes/compromises to the other,, unless they started out agreeing

its not a big deal to have a 'head' so long as that person can be trusted to be concerned with the best interest of their family's happiness, security, and health

In some relationships the woman is "even" stronger than the man, and she wears the pants in that kind of connection. They both discuss options, but ultimately, if she is the active Alpha then he respects her decisions because he trusts that she knows what she's doing, and her decisions are made to ensure both their happiness. Besides, like the old saying goes, behind every good man is an even better woman, this is an unspoken fact. And sometimes it's just a preferred state of being for the man to still be the head of his family when the wife doesn't work because she stays home to raise the kids... and... it can be a cultural thing when women are still under their man's control and must answer to him for their every action... especially if the man is financially supporting them 100%. A woman that wants equality has to earn it, and prove she's capable of handling the responsibilities...

If there is a man out there that can put me in my place... THAT is the man for me!

Im still mouthy and a bigger smart AZZ, I could not be...
so obviously, NO such man exists!

and if he does exist, teebee, you and me will have to fight over who gets him first... cuz I'm just slightly stuck in my ways too...

I wouldn't want to have a parent/child type of relationship with my spouse. YUK!...I don't want to be the boss or ultimate "top dog" and I wouldn't want to push my husband into the "top dog" or parent role either...When my husband was alive we both had a "hand" in everything and worked together to make decisions.

This is the ideal situation.

That is why your marriage worked. You treated each other with respect and as equals. Most people still don't get it which is why a lot of relationships fail. Eventually; one gets tired of being ordered around like a child and they leave.

I am opposite of thinking like this. Any man that would be dumb enough to try and put me in my place would have my size 10 military boot up his butt. Respect is important to me and I couldn't see myself as being anything less than his equal. If he wants that; then by all means he should just get himself a dog that he can order around. I would think that any intelligent being would want a say in the relationship and would want to contribute something. JMO

50/50 is not a myth it is a result. You get there by giving 100%. Each person in the relationship must give or be willing to give 100%. Each person has 100% veto power. And since you can not be giving while you are receiving nor receive while you are giving the result is 50/50.

After all the 50% you are willing to give may not be the exact 50% I want to receive.

I think it's "my job" to recognize and fix my problem areas...I'm suppose to be an adult and find ways to take care of myself. I don't want to come across as inept. Or come across as a "child" who needs someone to "discipline" me...I'm not looking for another "dad" or a "trainer!" And I don't want to play "mom" or "big bubba" to the man in my life either.